Been with more when then you can poke a stick at.,
And used any means or promised anything to get what he wanted (his own words not mine) how can i know If his not using me ? And playing me like that. Because it’s seems strange that I even need to remind him to Love me
His really not an emotional person at all. Not a big talker and super private we are in our first year of marriage and I’m confused about that . He said I just have to remind him to show love and affection but I feel like I don’t really want to be reminding him to love me for the next 30 years. I stated that too him and he said oh it will probably be a less then that. Too me it just feel like he doesn’t love me. His longest relationship is (us) together 2 years married 1 year. And his 33 years old has been married and divorced.
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You guys may just have different love languages. You like physical touch & love and some people just aren’t like that & as a guy I’m sure there’s a little chance that he’ll know that and take action. It’s weird he said to remind him though?? Even doing the bare minimum of kissing hugging etc is normal for everyone especially in the first year of marriage. I feel like this situation is hard, you already talked to him about it so I feel like you just have to basically continue on & see what happens. Or go to couples therapy.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What does it mean when you’re husband says he doesn’t know or understand how to show love and that I need to remind him?
I don’t want to sound horrible, but if you have only been married a year and he is saying that, then maybe ask him why he married you in the first place. Could he be showing signs of depression, was he like this before you married? These are questions you need to ask yourself and get something sorted before you have years of misery as that sounds like what you are in at the moment. I hope all works out for you.
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Some men where never shown love the way women are shown love or how to express it. My brother for example was taught to be a man to grow up so in his relationship he treats women like shit because it’s what he was taught I have to remind myself that when raising my son he needs to be able to understand his own feelings to be able to reciprocate those feelings for someone else. He has to be shown love to be able to understand and reciprocate that love. Also ask him what does he think love is to him because maybe your love language is different while he sees it as providing for you. You see it as quality time spent or acts of service of visa versa it’s the thought that men are just suppose to know without be taught that drives me insane.
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He sounds tired asf lmfao
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Weird question, does he “love” anything. Is he emotionally attached to anything else, if the answer is no then I’d recommend a psychiatrist.
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If you have to remind someone to love, they do not love you or maybe they don’t have the capacity to love anyone other than themselves.
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So from another perspective, maybe he’s not asking you to remind him how to show you love. Maybe he’s asking you to remind him of how you feel loved, so he can do those things.
My husband of 10 years is similar. He shows love in a way I do not understand, or didn’t until like 7 years in. For example, he makes sure the cars have gas in them so I don’t have to. He is unopinionated about me re decorating the house, because he’s showing me he trusts and values my opinion. Several other reasons.
Individuals who cannot articulate their feelings correctly are often misunderstood. Not all, but it’s common.
I don’t think it’s wrong at all that you may have to remind him what makes you feel loved, appreciated, valued, cared for. You are an individual with specific needs. Loving someone for the rest of your life takes practice. Lots of it. And it’s one of the hardest damned things to ever do, especially when they don’t deserve it.
If he wasn’t like this before, find a doctor. Sounds depressed. 1st year of marriage is hard. For everyone.
I’ve heard good things about “Love Languages” books and information. People express love in different ways, you have to find what his are.
Could he be on the autism spectrum? Is he on medication that makes him apathetic? Does he get excited about anything at all?
Try marriage counseling. You may be interpreting one thing two different ways. Also maybe check with his doctor to see if there’s anything physically or mentally going on.
And maybe having only short-term relationships he just doesn’t know how to be affectionate and maintain a long-term relationship. Talk to each other about what you both want out of your relationship. Why did he propose (if it was him and not you)? What is he dreading and looking forward to? Sometimes religious institutions have questionnaires that can spark meaningful marriage discussions too.
Are you still having sex? Is it mutually enjoyable? I didn’t realize how much of an introvert and private person my husband was when we got married. Just holding hands in public gave him the heebie-jeebies. He loved me but got embarrassed saying much.
Wow!! Sounds like you should’ve run from that.
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Girl run! Before you get pregnant… he will still be like this at 53… and you don’t want one of the last things you hear from him after wasting years is… But I give you affection in the bedroom… ok old man… that only goes so far. This relationship will leave you lonelier than you have ever been…it will make you angry every time yall are watching tv or other people and they are showing normal affection and its a reminder of what you will never have with your relationship. It is soul sucking…and will leave you jaded… you can guarantee he was that way with his ex… and will be with anybody in the future. The fact he is 33 yrs old and a 2 year relationship is is longest… pretty good indication he is dysfunctional…then you had the rest in… and just be prepared when you leave…you will be labeled the monster… because he didn’t beat you, cuss you or call you names…he will be a saint. It passes. Get out before he helps YOU wreck your soul and mental health.
And you knew this all of this when you agreed to marry him? Why?
Having to remind your husband to show love to you is not ok. You deserve better than that.
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I don’t know and maybe I’m reading this differently than other commenters but I’m not hearing that he’s saying he doesn’t love her but that he doesn’t know how to SHOW her that he loves her.
I DO agree that maybe there’s some depression there but something else seems more likely to me. It sounds like he MIGHT be on the spectrum. Not that it needs to change anything but sometimes understanding something makes it easier to move forward.
Also it occurs to me that a LOT of people fall in love with each other but struggle with understanding their partner’s love language. This may sound very sexist but I think that more often than not, women are better able to identify their partner’s love language intuitively but men seem to struggle with it a little more.
The fact that OP’s husband is actually SAYING to her that he needs her to remind him how to show his love tells me that he cares enough to make sure she knows. He’s probably right that it most likely won’t need to be a constant for the rest of their lives together. It probably just needs to be enough to LEARN what she needs. If this was me- I would probably be upset at first but grateful that he WANTS to learn
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Hey I’m a female 40 n I honestly forget to show anyone love sometimes. It’s not that I don’t love them bcuz I absolutely do I’m jus not very good with feelings or emotions or showing any of that. Ya sometimes ppl need to tell me I’m being a bit cold or my fiancé may need to touch me now and again to get me to touch back. I think he’s jus asking that u tell him when u need those types of things not that I need to tell him to love u. Geeeesh!
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Has he always been like this? It sounds like he’s basically saying if you want love tell me when and I’ll do it otherwise I can’t be bothered. I can’t tell you if he is using you, maybe idk. It’s strange but if he’s been like this the whole time it’s expected I guess.
It sounds like he was never shown love growing up - so doesn’t know how to express his love. Help him, teach him.
Narcissistic personality disorder?
Men are wired different. Sadly, when he was growing up he probably didn’t get loved on or shown a love language that made him feel …well loved. Start by holding his hand. In the car, walking or just sitting in the couch. Go up behind him and give him a hug in the kitchen. Show him love how you would want him to show you. When he does something tell him you appreciate HIM. Guys don’t usually open up like that. Maybe he is not feeling like himself. Everyone needs to be reminded every once in a while how much you appreciate them. Remember a relationship isn’t always 50/50. Sometimes it’s 20/80 or 75/25.