So I need some advice or something, the father of my baby lives 5 hours away he treated me like crap the whole pregnancy, when our baby we couldn’t make a plan without the court so it’s not court ordered he comes the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of the month. Well he didn’t come for almost 3 months and then decided to move to us when baby is 9 months and as much as I don’t want him in our life I know it’s what best for baby, I was curious what custody agreement some other people have that work without going back to court
16 Likes
I share joint custody. It is great if you cannot figure things out and you’re both stable good parents. They spend a week with me, one with their dad. I miss them ALOT BUT it isnt about me, its about them. They deserve time with him. We were doing 3.5 days with him then 3.5 days with me due to my work schedule and it was great. Now due to my current schedule we had to swap to what we would do with both working normal business hours and so he gets them Friday to friday then I get them friday to friday. We can always keep them extra if theres something we wanna do with them and the other parent consents. Of course my kids are older so it’s easier BUT joint works for us.
Well ma’am if he couldn’t hold up his end of an agreement without court orders, My advice is GO TO COURT! They cant ARGUE with a Court order!
3 Likes
My advice is court order to protect u ND the baby ND can’t be a she said he said
1 Like
Plus u also gotta think how y’all gotta do it when the baby goes to school w the Father being 5 hrs away
Court orders help solve issues and arguments…
Mine gets every other weekend.
If he lives 5 hrs away I would do every other weekend and maybe during the summer months do every other week. That way when the child starts school you have a set schedule that will still work.
My friend shared custody of her son with his father, no court order. Worked out fine until the dad moved 1500 miles away with the boy without telling her. She’s been trying for over a year to get him back but is told no court order or custody arrangement means he hasn’t broken any laws.
Every other weekend and a day during the week
Get it done thru the court u protect kid urself against any b.s .
You have full custody. You claim him and he cant take off with him.
1 Like
I do Tuesdays and every other weekend. They usually spend the night on Tuesdays and get dropped off Wednesday morning before school or before he goes to work.
My x and I did where he had every other weekend and holidays were shared. I got him for Christmas thanksgiving day and usually day after then he went to his dads to finish the school break out. He also got him for the summer. He is an awesome dad always worked with me if something came up and I didn’t mind him having him extra days if he gave me some ahead noticed… then when my current husband and I moved out of state when he was 12 we gave him the option of coming or staying with his dad then we did it where I got him during the summer and when I went home to visit my parents would pick him up for the weekend.
We went through the court and he had every other weekend and every other holiday and 3 weeks out of the summer. I would go to court to make sure everything is clear
If he treated you like crap through the pregnancy and then didnt see his kid tell later on I would be a little worried about how he treats the child I’m not trying to say he would but you never know 
I’m just trying to protect baby just in case
1 Like
Always go through the courts if there are already issues! You never know what could happen. But in my opinion, if he didn’t see the baby for months, he doesn’t seem to concerned to begin with. As a mother, your first concern should be the safety, well being and best interest of your child. Take it through the courts and with him living that far away, I would do every other weekend and alternate weeks during summer.
i want to testify to the general public how my relationship was restored back by the great power’s of Dr Nathan after three months of loneliness, my ex-lover called me after my contact with Dr Nathan that he want us to come back and start a good home, now we are happily married with a kid. All thanks to Dr Nathan for his spiritual help. You can contact him on his email if you have similar problem, or any solution you may need, job, divorce, promotion in you place of work, healing,money spell, etc.you can Contact him via email: (Nathanayakasolutionhome@gmail. com) or you can also reach him directly on his cell phone number WhatsApp +2347019014544
My husband has full custody and mom has visitation. She gets every Thursday and every other weekend, as for holidays it’s every other holiday then next year is a switch.
GO TO COURT!! Protect yourself and the child. If he isn’t trustworthy (obvs) he could just up and leave with the child whenever and there’s nothing you could do. Always have a court order to protect your rights. I’ve seen it happen and know exactly how vindictive or downright un trustworthy exes can do…
You don’t have to go to court to get it legal. Family lawyer? I’m not sure exactly what kind of lawyer but a lawyer would help you draw up papers and get them legal so that he can’t argue with what is put on the paper. If he lives super close, maybe 2 or 3 days a week and one weekend a month? So then you still have the baby more than 50% of the time. Honestly every custody agreement will be good or bad depending on the situation. You need to look at the days during the week that would be best for him to be with the baby. Look at all the legalities and put in a custody agreement that states who gets the baby on what holidays or else that will be a big argument when the time comes.
Go thru a mediator or have an agreement signed by a notary. My arrangement was set up with the divorce. We have it set as every other weekend every other holiday 4 weeks during the summer a week each during Christmas vacation. Mostly I have my son his dad picks and chooses when he wants to be a dad and see him
Go through the courts. There’s no accountability & no recourse if you don’t. Whatever agreement you come up with make a clause that if he misses more than 3 visits a year he forfeits future visits by default. It’s best for a child to have 2 consistent parents. But growing up feeling he’s only wanted when convenient to his father is emotional abuse that can have lasting affects.
1 Like
My son is going through the same thing with his baby mama he wants to see his daughter but the mother will not let him see his daughter and she is almost four years old and I live around the corner from her and I can’t even see her so now my son got a lawyer and is fighting to get the weekend and holidays and he pays child support for the child I live in Florida where grandparents have no right to there grandchildren if the father wants to be in the child life let him cause it only hurts the kid in the long run
I have a 4 year old son. Father lived in SC and I moved to MO ( I have since moved back to SC). Father did virtual visitation 1 hour via video chat nightly and I took my son to see his father for 2 weeks every 6 months. Father paid weekly child support voluntarily. We never went to court. In South Carolina, if the father is on the birth certificate, he has just as much right to the child as the mother does, whether they were married or not.
Every child need both parents in their life, all arrangements are different, you have to do what is best for your circumstance, but never should two people be together because of a child. If you dont want him in your life dont have him in your life. Not necessary . Let the lawyers and courts decide if the two of you cant work out a good for the child plan.
Its always best to have a court agreement so your not switching things up all the time.The more consitancy the better so its easier for your child…Some people do 50/50 with no child support and equal decision making.If he or you not wanting that you could do every other weekend with you as the main decision maker and discuss some child support.It really depends on what you both want and how far he lives from you…Examples of what needs to be decided on parenting time,decision making,transportaion to and from the visits and where pick up and drop off is,child support,health insurence and medical bills if insurence isnt covering,child care exspenses,theres a bit more also but its best to go to court to have it ordered so both of you will be held responsible for what you will need to do.Going to court isnt bad and it doesnt mean you guys cant agree or fight its just to protect you both and do whats best for the child…If possible get an attorney thats huge
I know every circumstance is different but I filed for custody of my son. In the beginning we did not have a court order, he would get him every other weekend and split the holidays. Well it was brought to my attention by the police that if for what ever reason my ex didn’t want to give our son back there was nothing that the police could do. There needed to be a court hearing. Not saying your ex will go to that extreme but it’s always safe to have legal documentation in case it does happen. And I know every state is different. I’d look into it, dont wait Especially if you dont trust him and you guys had issues
In Ohio if u was never married to the baby’s father then the mother has full custody of the baby no matter what. My youngest daughter dad an I was never married our daughter lives with me and her father hasn’t seen her in two years now. I didn’t do a court order but anyway I have his other daughter too which is half sister to my youngest daughter so ( an he is in trouble with Children Services anyway ) so he will never be able to get custody of either one of his daughters again.
How does he treat your child, if he is good to them, then for sure he needs to be a part of their life, if not I would be concerned. Is he paying any support to raise the child. You should get this settled with the court.
It’s best to go through the court so everyone knows the rules and can’t change the rules on there own
1 Like
Get supervised visits and a custody agreement in place
1 Like
Do through courts its safer
1 Like
I highly recommend getting the courts involved because problem you’re going to run into is if there’s no custody order in place either parent can withhold the child from the other parent and there’s nothing police can do without a court order.
9 Likes
Your safer to go to court. It protects you and baby both. If he doesn’t follow guided lines or judges order then it’s his problem not yours. Kids can do very well with one parent if the other doesn’t follow thru. Just don’t say negatives things to your child. Let him form his opinion as he gets older.
6 Likes
Go to court. Get visitation set and get court ordered child support. If he wants to be a dad make him stand up and take on the responsibility. He shouldn’t be able to come and go from his child’s life as he sees fit. Not having this handled properly will allow him to do that.
7 Likes
Keep the courts out of it and figure it out together. If you cherish a fruitful future for your child’s growth. The moment you remove your emotion from this is the moment your child will have a chance of being loved. From my experience, I have tried both. It ruins the child when angry, greedy, narcissistic parents use the court system to leverage when the parent doesn’t get their way. You can see the comments below of the angry and self-entitled.
3 Likes
it is true that it is best to get the courts involved then get a lawyer or mediator because if he does get angry with you and he has to child he does not have to give him back then you would be forced to go to court either way. Get your custody in writing, get your child support , and be better off because if he decides he wants his child full-time and to leave with him there’s nothing stopping him
3 Likes
You definetly need a parenting plan. If you dont do through courts get it motorized for sure. Yes he needs to be involved in the child’s life start out with maybe three weekends a month and see how that goes then move on from there. Try to compartment as nice as possible it makes it so much easier. I have 4 kids and I make it work. Dont agree all the time but we work on it.
1 Like
It is best to go to the courts. Let him present what he wants to the mediator and you express your wants and concerns. When it all comes down to it they are going to recommend what is in the best Interest of the child and at their current age. When they are that small it is not good for them to be away from mom for too long so one or two days every weekend or every other weekend would probably be best at her age
I don’t know about the visitation part - but can advise you on the income tax part of this. With you both being the parents of the child, and living apart - there are certain tax rules that you can follow to make sure you each get the best benefits allowable by law - and you each get the largest refund to help cover the expenses of raising your child.
2 Likes
You really are better off getting a court order so child has established time with both parents unfortunately the way parents are now a days it can be a waste of time to get court involved or even come to a agreement its most the time not stuck to anyway
2 Likes
It depends, the post says he treated you like crap, I would be concerned about how the child would be treated, and then he didn’t come for 3 months, the courts in my opinion in this situation the courts need to be involved. He could take off with the child and you don’t have a say in it with no agreement, he could treat your child like crap, he doesn’t seem really reliable not coming for 3 months. Go to mediation with someone like this
1 Like
A lot depends on the state you live in , also if you were married or not if not & you don’t have court papers showing who has full custody he take your child leave the state it would be hard to do anything about it go to court get paper work if the child is in your custody full time he only had visitation you will be able to claim your child on your taxes especially if he doesn’t pay child support , have your back nobody can do it for you speaking from experience from years ago best of luck
1 Like
If you don’t have a court order, he can take your baby and the law can’t make him give your baby back because there is no custody agreement and he is the baby’s parent. You need to have something in writing and signed by both of you.
1 Like
Spell everything out and I mean Everything no pickups at your house or his always have someone with you recording at pickups don’t trust anything he says protect your child record what u send with child to him and what comes back keep a journal of all interactions with him and let him know you are recording everything everytime
Keep every last text he sends to you
Get an attorney.
If you meet to exchange the baby, do it in a public place.
If you dont have a court order he has just as much right to refuse to bring baby home and you will have to fight him in court anyway. Most times when a baby is so young, the judges dont let them go overnight especially if the baby is nursing. Get a notebook and write everything down. What time did he get the baby. Bring baby home. Was baby clean. Have a diaper rash or unexplained bruise? Keep notes. Also you have the right to am address of where the baby is residing while not with you and a phone number and alternate number. Been through this.
Get a legal agreement with at least standard every other week (whether it is through court of just an agreed upon legal document by a lawyer). If he turns out to be a great dad you can always allow more visitation in the future. My ex and I don’t even really go by visitation agreement. We just let the kid decide for the most part. If a disagreement comes up we decide on whatever the papers say.
1 Like
You don’t have to go to court to get a custody agreement in writing. You can go to a mediator and then they can submit it to the courts to make it legal. I have 50/50 with my kids and while they didn’t treat me the greatest, they are excellent fathers (2 different dads, my oldest is from a high school relationship).
With my oldest our 1st agreement was every other weekend over night and 2 nights a week for a couple of hours each night. When she started school she started staying the night those nights.
Not me but my son. About 4 hr drive. My son has full legal custody, mom has visitation. Once a month for 3 days. Schools almost always have a 3 day weekend. They both drive half way both dropping off and picking up. They rotate holidays. Mom gets him 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off during summer.
Definitely do a court order. If not and he takes off with the baby they can not do much to help. Also if you are meeting somewhere make it public. If he starts not showing up. Buy a drink or something when you first get there and something when you leave, and keep the recites. That way you can prove you were there for a certain amount of time
Check your states laws on custody. In some states if the parents aren’t married then the mother is the sole custodial parent. Find a good family law attorney. Make sure that any and all visitation is approved by the courts. May also want to include stipulations concerning future potential partners for the two of you i.e. overnight stays, traveling out of state to meet and other scenarios.
If for any reason you feel unsafe around him have a public place stipulated as the drop off pick up place. Never go alone always have a 3rd person with you. If ever you pick him up and see marks on your child take pictures first then call child welfare and then your lawyer. Be honest don’t blow stuff out of proportion and always be polite.
Our court is every other weekend Holliday’s we work out ourselves he normally does a week or day before or after big holiday cuz his job normally has him working holidays. We can’t live more than 100 miles apart. But he only comes when he can. I don’t complain it doesn’t hurt us. I assure he loves her just his job is crazy. But she does enjoy every moment she gets and that’s all that matters. Step mom is amazing and I enjoy that most. We all get along for the better of kids. Must say we’re blessed. Wishing you the best.
If u make a verbal agreement and write down concerns and make a contract u both agree it is like going to court. Keep documentation on visits and calls. Then if u need to go to court later u have evidence. Keep court out until needed. The father should get visits if he is stable and safe.
GO TO COURT!!! You should seek child support, and custody. He should get some time with the child(ren), and notify you if he can’t see the child on his time. You both need to decide what is best “for the child” as far as the actual raising of the child.
1 Like
Make sure you get custody and he gets visitation. He could walk off with your child and there would be nothing you could do about it.
Depending how far apart he is every other weekend and every other holiday two weeks in the summer if he’s able to fully take care of the child. And if you’re concerned about safety then it’s with restricted visitation
2 Likes
If it were me and my child I would let him have the boy every other weekend and then if it wasn’t interfering with something you had planned I’d let him have him any other time he wanted him. The boy is as much his as yours. If he is good to him I would let him be a father. Sounds like he is trying. I wouldn’t go through the courts unless he gives you a reason. You should both be able to work together for the boys sake.
1 Like
I went with 50/50, no child support, split additional agreed upon expenses. It worked out great. That way the child has equal access to both parents.
Any custody agreement should go through the court. A friend of mine’s ex took their baby out of the country and wouldn’t return him. With no court enforced custody agreement, there was nothing law enforcement could do.
1 Like
It must be a legal agreement!! Mine was every other weekend and Wednesday night dinners. We alternated Major holidays with even and odd years!! Make sure they are evenly distributed. He had 1 week, same week for vaca every summer. Any changes with schedule after this was negotiated between the two of us. My children were 6 and 14. By far the most painful part of my life. Get GOOD Legal Counsel!!!
get a court order . a person that is willing to go in and out of a child’s life is not good. What is best for the baby is a good stable life…not come and go parents.
Let the court deal with it. You will get child support. If he is living some where you will have maybe every other weekend custody. Don’t deal with him let the court handle it. Make sure he gives you a time of picking up and a time of dropping off. If he never shows don’t call him and don’t wait for him. If he doesn’t come home the time he is suppose to then call the police. Please go to court. Do not give him the child unless you go to court. He may take him and never come back. Good luck and please listen to everyone because we have all been through this. God bless. 
1 Like
The one that is best for kids is a good custody agreement.
The money you spend on the lawyer will help you retain your sanity. Have it in writing everything. If you don’t down the road it may go south and you will have nothing to fall back on.
Go through court system,legal contracts are binding and he can be held accountable for wrong doings
If you don’t have a court order, GET ONE ! I can’t begin to tell you the horrors you will encounter without one. We’re talking about until this child is at least 18. It’s difficult even with a court ordered arrangement but a nightmare without one.
Get custody in writing and visitation. Also keep a log on how many times he shows up and how many times he cancelled or was a no show
Have a court order…they are enforced. If not, every time he gets mad at you or ups and move, he’ll stop paying. Do it for the baby to ensure he makes his payment
Make an agreement in writing. Then have it notarized. And if that doesn’t work you may have to go through the court system
Get custody asap he can take off with your child if there isnt one, i went threw this with a sap sucker so watch out…
1 Like
If it were my child, I would go to court to have visitation set.
Our plan at that age was Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours and every other Friday night 6pm to Saturday 6pm. Now at 16m and 3 it’s every Wednesday he comes to visit for 2-3 hours and they go every other full weekend.
But the courts can give you what the plan is in your area
If he’s a good dad, then as much time as possible. Definitely court ordered though. Don’t want to mess around with not doing so.
I let my daughter go to her dads Tuesday Thursday and every other weekend. It’s 50/50.
1 Like
Oh and get cameras for your house that will record his actions with you. You dont have to tell him they are there. Just saying.
Highly recommend getting notarized schedule or at least establish in court once. It’s free if low income or really cheap. If you already have order set and it’s working then the judge will just sign off on it. But without the courts he could take that child and leave whenever he pleases
But back to your question, for last six years what has worked for my son who is school aged, he is with me Sunday night through Friday afternoon as he goes to school in our town. Then he goes to his dads for two nights. Keeps its simple and plenty of tome for both, and he’s not going back and fourth while during school!
Mondays and wednesdays with dad Tuesday and Thursdays with me and than every other weekend
That young I would say a couple hours with both of y’all at park or something couple times to get her use to him and maybe one night a week after that is baby breast fed
Is there a 5th weekend of the month…
1 Like
What’s wrong with every other weekend?
OK…let’s NOT make the baby as a excuse for HIM to move in…A wolf in sheep’s clothing …may be in your midst.Think wisely…Very wisely…
He has rights to access his child even if you go through court.
FIRST Google best Divorce Attorneys and look at ratings, or in reading this, already divorced ?. SECONDLY, Consider , if not already - requesting permanent custody, with visitation if he is interested. Check the calendar for holiday time, &/or other occasions to alternate if that is feasible. Definitely keep records, but don’t have someone around in your life or the childs that is not conducive nor healthy for all concenred. If he is not interested in being a father or supportive of the cause… Just a thought
You’re better to go to court. Sorry, but it’s the truth.
Court will better protect the validity of your agreement. Don’t go it alone.
Yes get it through the courts. Get child support.
Go to court. Be civil and be safe.
not always best for thebaby.
1 Like
Go to court…for your safety and your child’s
You will have nothing but problems without court order.
Get a custody order and quick
P.S. don’t make anymore babies with him
I agree take it to court on paper…
Every other day and every other weekend
If you can work it out, go online and print the forms for parenting plan yourself. It costs $250 to file for full divorce with parenting plan and child support in WA state. Worth every penny.
#1: go to court! #2 : see number 1
Stop being a whore and trying to rob someone legally.
I agree with Ashley Riley
Also keep track of everything child support , visitation if he shows or not if he pays or not it all adds up if responsible parent or not the courts will decide , keep records dates very important
1 Like