My soon-to-be ex-husband and I are divorcing. He wants to do joint custody but not the normal schedule. He wants to keep them for two weeks and then off two weeks. Everything would remain as is except where they stay for 2wks. Has anyone tried this kind of custody before? Looking for any advice on the matter.
I think it depends on their age and if they are in school. If they are, they need more stability than that.
How old are the children?
Most courts frown upon that long of a period of time without the other parent seeing the child unless there’s a day visit in between that two weeks. Most do 50/50 1 week on 1 week off. Why such a long time?
Mine is 1 week at each house. He did it for 6 months then stopped. I’ve had them full time for 9 years now. He sees them maybe 1 weekend every few months.
Is there a reason? Say his work roster!
My ex and I did 1 week on and off. But our daughter was a teenager
My niece & her ex did 1 week each & he paid the health insurance. No child support involved. Each parent supports the child/children the week they have them.
Look up custody X on Google. Has all kinds of schedules and the ages that are appropriate. It helped me pick a schedule
My boyfriend and his ex wife do every two weeks. He was letting her call them at least once during that time, but she’d never let him call them so eventually he stopped letting her call during his time. She also owes ALOT of back time . It can be a little complicated if one parent refuses to work with the other parent. Like she always ends up having them during their birthdays and refuses to let him have them so we have to wait to do parties till we get them back. Any time she gets a bur up her butt she keeps them from him. The only reason she hasn’t lately is because the judge FINALLY enforced the court order. At first it was a rocky start getting into the groove but now things run smoothly. Or so we thought. She’s insisting it’s not working for her anymore and is trying to get them almost full time with him only getting every other weekend. But we like the every two week schedule.
That’s what my ex and I do. At least for the time being. We broke up right before our son turned 2 and figured that was the easiest living 2 hours apart so that we weren’t driving to meet halfway every week. Once he’s in school I will have him full time and we will decide a schedule for when he will be with his dad.
As the child that went back and fourth, that is SO long for a kid. I would do every other weekend and a weekday and even that was soo long, I felt like it was forever until I saw my dad again. I would consider either every week on and off or something different.
As a Carer , for 30 years ,
2 weeks away from either parent and primary home , is wayyyyy too long , and detrimental to the children .
Surely a judge would disagree with his proposal
A judge denied that for us. We lived in different counties and the kids were in school. He wouldn’t be able to drive them on his days everyday. We did the standard plan.
My daughter’s dad wasn’t involved in my pregnancy at all beside when I went to the Dr to prove I was pregnant, when she was born he wanted a dna test done I agreed an he was in her life maybe the first 3 months then he never said a word or seen her for over two years, state jumped in for child support when my daughter turned 3 an then all of a sudden he demanded time with her, we did every other weekend for that year an then she turned 4 she went to me a week then him a week, it sucks an screws everything up, specially since he wasn’t in her life in the first place, my daughter still sometimes crys when her dad pulls up to get her for his week
I am liking our current plan. He has them Thurs after-school till Sat after dinner. Than they are with me. When they were little we did we’d night his house and every other weekend. Each schedule will have its pros and cons
It’s too long, one week only.
I don’t believe that a child who is with one parent in their home for the majority of their life should have to be ripped out of that comfortable home to go with the other parent for such a long period of time. It’s not healthy, it’s confusing, each parent has different schedules, each parent has different well EVERYTHING, no kid should have to navigate that. Some parents want that so they never have to pay any type of child support.
Sounds like a really long time for kids to be without one parent or the other. I think they would be the ones that suffer but that’s just my opinion.
That sounds like too long. My kids were 8 and 10 when I divorced and even a week on-week off for vacations felt too long. We did a 3-3-4-4 split and that has worked well for us until Covid hit and then we did week on-week off.
I do 1 week on 1 week off… that’s much more common and easier for kids to adapt too oppose to 2 weeks
Depends on your schedules!! 2 weeks for me is waaaayyyy too long without my kids!! I work night shift and we do joint so he has them every mon and tuesday and I every wed Thursday and we do every other weekend! The 5 day stretch is a long one for me on his weekend
Depends on child’s age…
At 3yrs old, a GAL n judge wouldn’t allow anything longer than 1 week away from either parent… Toddler a 3-4 schedule, and infant a 2-3 schedule
No body thinks about What is best for the kids. I hate that. Your divorcing each other not your kids. But still people make it the most difficult for the children. I will never understand how parents can be so selfish. Why not try letting the kids see the other parent every day. Especially if the parents still live near each other. Instead they make it as hard as they can for each other. So sad
We do every other week. 2 weeks is too long
Yup. I think it’s a great parenting plan.
How old are the kids. 2 weeks in one house would be confusing to small children. 2 weeks here getting use to one routine theme be up rooted then 2 weeks getting adjust the have to adjust and readjust.
My ex and I have a 2 week rotation. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Thursday and friday I have my kids one week and then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday the following week. We live close to each and if they want to see either one we do it.
Coming from divorce I think this is wayyyy too long for a child to go between seeing either parent and would be hard and traumatic on them. To be totally honest I grew up within a bad divorce and wanted to see my father more than I was allowed. It was supposed to be every other weekend but it wasn’t usually. As an adult I don’t want to go 2 weeks not seeing my spouse when I go to visit family 2 weeks is a LONG time and I get homesick and miss my husband. If that bothers an adult imagine a child stuck living with that every single month for years. Not a fan. I say around 5-8 days on and off at each home.
Its not about what he wants, it’s what’s best for the kids. Like stated above that’s a long time to be away from the other parent.
My youngest goes to his dad’s every other Friday to Wednesday untill my son starts school then it goes down to Friday after school to Sunday as my son’s dad chooses to live 4 hours away and then he gets 2 full weeks in july and a August
Too long. I have my kids weeks and ex has them weekends, works for us. I’d try get him to do week on week off not 2weeks
My ex and I used to do every other week.
Depends on the age of them and what they want and what is best for them
Depends how old the kids are…two weeks is a long time to go without a parent especially for littles
You be as unreasonable as possible and demand full custody, supervised visits once a month and child support.
Man, smarten up! Let him be there for his kids!! Ffs
My friend does this with his kid. Sometimes they have to modify it to one week because of activities but his kid is very well rounded, smart, a little wild but what little boy isn’t. It seems to be working out for them. I think they do 2 weeks because of the distance between them.
That was my rotation with my ex. But, we also saw them on our off weeks. Like i’d pick them up for school and he would pick them up after school. Or grab them one night for an ice cream or something. It worked really well for us. I wouldnt want to only see my kids on weekends or every other weekend and I didnt expect my ex to have to do that either.
I think that’s way to long I couldn’t do a week. We did a 2-2-3 rotation
We did every other week. Monday to Sunday him and then Monday through Sunday me. It worked.
I would say depending on the age of the children ask them what they want to happen… it does not hurt to try it, if it doesn’t seem to be working modify it here and there until it works for everyone!!
We have week on week off with our son and his mother and it works well we did the 2weeks on 2weeks off during pandemic it has always worked good for us
I have this plan. It’s hard not seeing my kiddos for two weeks at a time, it definitely took a good amount of thought, but they are old enough to voice their opinions and it’s the plan they wanted. They felt like weekends were over just as they got there. One week wasn’t long enough, but two weeks felt fair. But my kids are also 16 & almost 13. If they were any younger than 10, I think I would have a very difficult time with this schedule.
When my son was younger the ex and I did every other week. Now that he’s a little older and my ex and I have a better co-parent relationship, I’m okay with him being at his dad’s for longer periods.
We split our weeks in half. I have Sunday- Tuesday, he has Thursday-Saturday and we alternate Wednesday each week. So this week I got them Sunday through tonight he gets them Thursday to Sunday morning and next week i get them Sunday night to Wednesday morning he gets them Wednesday night through Saturday.
Sounds good to me…if you feel 2 weeks is too long then suggest every other week but the 2 weeks should work. Also, it’s not like you can’t see them at all during those 2 wks right?
My ex husband and I switch weekly. Monday to Monday. Luckily we still both live in the same school district. The summers we do 3 weeks. To help plan for vacations and such.
I did a week on and a week of with my ex. It’s great that you guys are communicating and trying to make this work.
We didn’t do 2weeks but we did a week on and a week off. We always went with what worked best for our kid
Do what works best for you guys. The whole situation will be difficult at first, because it is new. Talk to a child counselor maybe get their opinion on the matter, ultimately I don’t think it’s a bad thing if it works for your family. Good luck!
My ex and I switch off every couple of days. They’re with me for 3 days, 2 nights then with him the same. Except for weekends. We do every other weekend Friday-Monday. But my kids are young. 6 and 3. It definitely depends on age. Best of luck to you!
My ex and I do 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off for our son. He’s 2 right now so it works but when he starts school, he will be with me during the week and with his dad on the weekends and for school holidays
Me an my ex do it that way works fine
We do week o. And off. We tried the 2,2,3 but were experiencing weekly and monthly schedules changes with it. Then tried a 2,2,5,5. This seemed better but made things difficult for the kids after time. There were 3 exchanges q week and one the next with that schedule. Now that we have week on week off we do exchanges on the same day time and place each week. Much more predictable.
I know so.e one who does the week on and off during the school year and the two weeks on and Two weeks off during the summer.
I had a friend who did every other week and they liked it that way!!
Me I just don’t know if I could be away from my child for a week
My son was 3 when I moved out of his dad’s house. We did 1 week on, 1 week off and it was hard on everyone. His behavior was always less than ideal when he’d come back and we’d spend like 2 days getting back into the swing of things. It was difficult but that’s what we did until he started kindergarten(2nd grade currently) . Now that we’ve moved closer to his dad there isn’t really a schedule but it still works for us. Two weeks seems like an awfully long time for a kid though.
Thats not a bad idea, or a week at a time. That way the kid has some time to relax before they pack up and have to switch houses.
I wish my ex would split time. That sounds like a good plan to me. I would say dependent on their age and school schedule.
We did a week here and a week there. If it works for you and your baby then go ahead. I will say the end of the one week gets hard with missing them tho. I wouldn’t want to go two weeks without me kids😣 My sons is also ready to switch by the end of just one week as well.
2 weeks, with the kids visiting the other parent during the weekend. 50/50 custody is great for kids. My son thrived.
I do it like that and it’s been working since December. My son is 10
I currently have this exact arrangement, at first it was okay, a little over a year or two later, it’s absolutely horrible. My kids are 5 and 7.
It’s quite a long time to be away from mom for them.
Not sure how your ex is, but mine is very irresponsible. They have no sort of structure over at his house so when they come home they are off the walls. He doesn’t keep up with school work so it’s like I’m playing catch up every other 2 weeks.
I plan on taking him back to court to change it soon to at least every other week. Good luck on what you decide, different things work for different families!
I couldn’t be away from my son that long.
Gosh, that’s a long time. If I were to do 50/50, I guess I would want every other week. When I divorced my ex-husband (17 years ago) he got our son every other weekend.
If you can handle with out them for 2 weeks then do it. It’s a person to person thing. I mean we are doing something similar during Covid . But we wouldn’t normally do it . But you can always change it to every week instead of two weeks if you find they don’t adapt well. But you have to make that clear before you agree to two weeks .
How about the kids stay in the house and the parents move every 2 weeks? I’ve read about that. I personally think 2 weeks of no mom is too long.
No I could never be away from my son for 2 weeks at a time the longest he goes to dads is 5 days. We have a weird schedule because my ex husband works In a mill he has a weird schedule.
Thay sounds horrible for the child. Confusing and hard to adjust… when my kid is gone for a week it takes a week to get in routine.
If you guys are willing to co parent beautifully and keep the routine and rules the same throughout… itll be easier.
That’s a really long time away from one parent for younger kiddos. Maybe compromise and do a week.
The only issue I can see is depending on the child’s age. If they’re in school, and dad is not in the same district then that won’t really work well. Also, if you’re able you should listen to what the child would like. I personally think 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, is too long to be apart from either, confusing and would be very hard to adjust to unless everything(routine, schedule, rules, etc…) are the same in both places. Right now cause of school, my daughter’s father(more like gf and his mom) gets her Friday’s(3:30-8pm)and Sunday’s(1-7). Up until recently she was not comfortable sleeping over so everyone respected that. Now for the summer she’ll be spending 3-4 days with them, then 3-4 days with me alternating weekends.
The most important thing in co-parenting is the kids. How old are the kids? Are the kids old enough to actually tell you what they want? Personally, I believe 2 weeks is a long time for a kid to be away from a parent, meaning if you and Dad are both actively involved with the kids and active parents, 2 weeks might be to long to be away from one of you. Maybe do a week on and a week off. That gives both of you time to focus on yourselves but doesn’t keep either of you away from your kids for to long. Whatever y’all decide to do though, divorce on kids is hard enough, so be consistent. Sit down with Dad and agree to the terms and stick to them so that the kids have consistency. I don’t just mean switching them back and forth between homes every week or every other week either. I mean rules, punishments and guidelines also. That way they go to bed at the same time at both homes. They get up at the same time. They eat the same, have the same chores/expectations. That way literally the only thing changing is which bed they sleep in. You’ll also need to consider holidays. What if it’s dads week on Monthers Day? Or moms week on Fathers Day? What if they’re with one of you instead of the other on their birthday, Easter or Christmas. It’s so important to remember that the kids are the most important in all of this and after a divorce it’s so important to be on the same page and flexible when co-parenting. Good luck!
Need to be near where they attend school
We split the week, cause the kid was 2 at the time. Keep this in mind… Transition time. It will always take at least 1 day for the kid(s) to transition and get back into each homes groove in regards to rules, structure, and routine. The upcoming switch day to the other home can also present emotions and tantrums, fear of loss and such. So DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THE KID NOT FOR THE PARENT. they are the yo-yo in the divorce
That’s what I did with my parents and I absolutely loved it.
Week on week off is common but two weeks is a long time to not see mom and dad as a kid. Unless they are older preteens I can see it. Or if you guys are friends and if you randomly miss them you can come pick them up for dinner or something
If both parents are in the same school district that might work. Honestly I think it’s better than shuffling kids back and forth every couple of days.
Maybe y’all should ask the kids they are the one traveling all the time
I would say every other week, if it is 50 50. I would be heartbroken if I had to go 2 weeks at a time w/o seeing my kids
Kids need stability, and routine.
It’s better for them to have one home then go see him on the weekends or something
We do week on week off. My ex (or myself) drop off at school Monday morning then the other parent picks up Monday after school. That way him and I don’t have to meet up with one another.
I know ppl who have…hard on the children emotionally an psychologically… Being uprooted every two weeks…
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My ex an I do a week woth me and a week with him. We live 5 miles apart. We’re both active in her life and school, no child support. Everything is 50/50. Our daughter is 10 and we’ve been doing this since she was 2. It’s worked great for us
I’m not a fan of 50/50 split time in regards to kids. Shared placement is about fairness to parents and not always what is best for the kids.
If you’re going to do a 50/50 placement you both need to be in agreement about schedules, routine, rules. No matter what. You also need to live close enough to each other to make sure they can easily get to school without having to disrupt a schedule to do it.
My opinion, but too many separated and divorced parents don’t get along well enough to effectively co-parent the way kids need to them too in order to maintain the type of consistency they need. If you’ve got co-parenting down well then you can make it work
As someone who is currently doing 50/50 split time with my parents (week on, week off) I would hate going 2 weeks at a time. That’s such a long time and I know typically by the end of the week (at either home) I’m ready to go see the other parent/siblings/family in that side. Personally going 2 weeks without seeing my mom would be so hard on me mentally (because I’m closer to her than my dad)
I could not go 2weeks without seeing my child
Ef that … Maybe on summer break but not all year long
We did week on week off still took the boys a couple days to be back to my rules
Two.weeks is too long, week on week off at most.
We did the 2-2-3 and it was easier on our kids. Mon tues with Mom, wed thurs with dad then Friday sat sun with mom then the next week was switched. It worked for us. The kids GAL is the one who suggest the 2-2-3
Are you and the hubby coming and going and the kids stay with the house?
We do one week on one week off and have been doing this for almost 11 years works for us
Depending on the age of the child that is never beneficial. There a 223 schedule a 225 schedule and a week on week off schedule we do the 225 so I get my son 2 days ex gets him for 2 days then I get him for 5 days then he gets him for 5 days and we both get the child every other weekend so it works out for us. Personally I couldn’t go 2 weeks with out seeing my son. And study shows further apart from one parent makes it hard for the chiod and agreed to adjust you can always start out small days then work your way up to that if you want but I wouldn’t just jump straight into it.
I wouldn’t but that’s because of his work schedule he works everyday except Sundays and I work from home so if we split im not having his family watch my kid when I could…nope that would be a hell no they have random people getting high there and they just don’t need to be there if im not
Too hard on the child…
Maybe one week then switch but not 2 wks.
For his daughter my fiance does 3 days w/mom 4 days w/ Dad 4 days w/ mom 3 days w/ Dad.
depends on the age of the kids and who was the primary caretaker–if they are under 5 and they spent most of their time with you then it could be traumatic to spend two weeks away from you–and they could really miss their dad for that long–two weeks feels like forever to a young child. Do you live far from each other? In that case it often makes sense, but otherwise some kind of schedule where they can see both parents more often may be better for them. If the kids are older you need to get their input on this also–how does this affect their after school activities and spending time with their friends for example. Good that you are working together though!
Anything will work if you both agree, great to see parents working together to coparent
We do it alternating 1 week. It would be a hard change for the children and parents in my opinion for them to be gone 2 weeks at a time. Vacations are a different situation that can be talked about if needed longer than a week, but I would do 1 week personally for normal alternating.