Dad needs to right a note to the child’s teacher and explain about the days he has the child, and when mother has the child.
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You don’t do anything. You are right, you and dad have no say in what mom does on her time. And she does not have to let you have him on her days.
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Oh my! Who has the time and energy to read all that???
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How is he getting that much screen time if he’s at after school programs and things like that? That doesn’t make sense first of all. Second, the mom can’t be neglecting him and doing everything for him at the same time. Are you doing enough if he’s so independent at your house? It’s between his parents and not you. You don’t need to nit pick. Leave it alone and focus on your own children rather than trying to start drama and play who’s the better parent. Have you spoken to your partner about this or would he think you are in the wrong? What exactly do you want the outcome to be? Quit being nosey.
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I get how you feel
But this is between the child’s parents
And they have to work out what is best for their child
Not your place
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Cant you have him during the week and she have him on weekends ?
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Ok what I’m hearing here is that you were being used as day care while both parents were at work. She found an alternative. You’re mad because that’s taking time away from you. 1) You are not the parent. You are not entitled to time with the child at all. 2) he’s spending time with his grandparents. You think you come above his grandparents? 3) homework has been proven not be beneficial at all. Kids spend 7hours in school. They need that time after school to develop relationships, burn off steam, etc. You may focus on homework with your child. But this is not your child. Seems like his mom’s priorities are different than yours. Stop trying to force her to raise her child how you have chosen to raise yours. 4) stay in your lane.
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I’ll be dealing with this soon with my ex and his new gf. Stay out of their business. Let his parents figure it out. It has nothing to do with you.
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He is having tantrums with her because that is his way of getting her attention, even if it’s negative. I’m not sure what advice I can give you though, I’m sorry the child is going through this
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I’d be contacting the after school program and asking why homework is not being done. That is literally one of the things they are supposed to do.
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The single moms that hate their exs moving on can clearly be seen in this thread as they do not care about the child either just making sure this step mom knows her place 
you guys are a whole new level of pathetic for the record. You can learn to coparent with these people if you just reiterate it’s about the child and nothing more. Keep trying and don’t give up and if you are marrying his dad, you are now responsible for him too regardless of what these other salty single moms say. Keep fighting for him.
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#1 Rule as a step parent: You can’t care about anything more than the parents or you will drive yourself insane. I say this as a step who drove herself insane for a long time. You need to just focus on the time he’s at your house and that’s it. Have dad approach mom about the problem of him not getting the homework done on her time if that’s something causing problems with the child’s school. I get that it makes more sense to have a the child be at your house instead of an after school program, but it’s her right to make arrangements as she sees fit on her time. Learn to take a step back with this kinds of stuff or you’ll end up causing more problems by “trying to help”. It will only end up causing resentment and you’ll be the bad guy. It is not worth it.
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There’s a lot of different ways to raise children. It’s understandable that you and your partner have a different parenting style than your bonus child’s mother. That doesn’t make her wrong and it certainly doesn’t necessarily mean there is any neglect happening. Unless a child is in danger, it’s never your place to attempt to interfere with the mother and child. You don’t have to like it. Step parenting may be a tough job at times, but the quicker you understand the boundaries, the better off you’ll be.
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Does she pay no attention to him or do everything for him and baby him?
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What’s a bonus child?
Unfortunately you have no say but you could let the school know what is going on .they will step in either with cps,or administrative offices with the dept.of education.
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The first issue is you said "both parents arent interested " and “Im the only one who cares” . You cant say that and put all the blame on mom when you know he could be doing more but he’s not .
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Please stop calling him the ‘bonus child’ 
he’s obviously got a lot going on for his little life? Kids very initiative, listen to him
And find someone he can talk to (therapy evt)
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I just think that she should stay out of it. The child is fine. There’s no neglect or abuse going on. The mom set up arrangements to have the child taken care of. Leave it alone and focus on your own child or you’ll be miserable. This is beyond your control.
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Let me tell you that I definitely understand how you feel! The sad part is, depending on where you live, mom’s get away with ALL OF IT. it’s so sad. I think dad should step up some. Yes, you’ve accepted this child like your own & clearly very much care about him, but it shouldn’t just get shoved off onto you. Definitely talk to your partner about this & maybe convince him to go to court, but he definitely needs to be a bigger part of it than what he is currently.
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I think you need to stay in your lane. You are right, you are not the parent and you should just leave it to them.
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Pray for him is all you can do but you know Jesus can do all things Amen
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I’m confused u said she dose not communicate about anything relevent then said she messages for child to have a good day that’s relevent as it’s about the child and ovyasly she communicated about the car accident witch can’t of been as serious as I’m Shure if child was in hospital both parent would of been there so won’t serious so felt like she could have the convo in person so she is communicating about child and not just randomly asking about Ur personal life? U say they always relied on Ur partners parent so it not her parents it Ur husband’s mum and dad so mums also ensuring that child still having a good relashioship with ex family and also employs Ur husband ok with this as it’s his mum and dad he would of said something to them u want to pick Ur kids up fine well-done but he ovyasly not changed his and his ex parenting style that’s had no problem for 7 years because Ur picking Ur children up? By sounds of it Ur pushing his parents away saying u got an issue for Ur husband parent picking up there grand child with they done for how many year.i lost on what the issue is with after school club as child get to spend more time with friend befor getting picked up most do home work (for a 7 year old it’s not a lot of home work reading a book might be practicing some letter he 7) and grandparent pick him up after for tea to witch mum picks him up so don’t spend long at grandparents house until mom pick us and as a bonus he fed so mum get more time with him where u don’t know what his bed time rutin is they could have chance to do home work after bath and getting pj on unless u got a camera u don’t know what they do in this time and how do u not know if the home works getting done coz most school if they feel that way will have convo with who picks child up even after school club messages get passed on if not that way school ring up or they do it in the morning. Have you thinght mum feels more comfortable sending the 7 year old to after school club and then grand parent or 7 year old asked to go after school club to spend time with friends. I really want to know how u jump to conclusions mum pays no attention to child he has screen time 6-8 hours what in the 24 houre time fram have u got this information on have u put cameras in her house or woke up one day and decided this? Then in next breath even though mum has no time for him she treets him like a baby dose everything for him you can’t have it both way he 7 how independent are we talking coz so fare u been very flip-flops about mum never having time for him to he treated like a baby? How do u know he dose tantrums if you never seen him do a tantrum he 7 years old his personality don’t change depending on who he with it worrying u not seen a 7 year old have some sort of small tantrum at all my 7 year old had a small tantram because his cousin got a ball for his birthday kids are prone to have some sort of tantram how u handle them depends on the adult and Agen that comes down to u deciding if she don’te on him as a baby or don’t spend time with him? How do you know both parent don’t seam interested just because they don’t speak about it don’t mean there not interested in the child edicashion and if they not interested believe me school will put appropriate steps in place as they feel the child is being left be hind academically? How are you picking up the pieces the mum don’t rely on u Ur husband don’t rely on u when they need to the ask Ur husband’s mum and dad there way as ovyasly worked for last 7 years no problem but u feel u picking up piece of what? Every other parent send child to clubs no problem how do u not get the minimal homework a 7 year old get not done? The mum like to keep the child in a rutin the child feel comftably with help him make family bods and not exclud child other grand parent as here and ex no longer to gether the feather at work so he not bounding with child and he clearly happy his parents are spending time with the child so have you thought u feel left out or a bit upset coz befor u was working then decided to have a child now u want the child rutin changed awkwardnes between u and the mum and even open the door to argument between the parents co Ur bored at home and the baby not here and u no longer at work Ur own rutin so Ur putting Ur feeling on to the child? Cort won’t help as he not being neglected if he was edicashion the school would step in and put things in place so all his needs are meat from what u put there no real concern with child home life and rutin so where he being neglected Cort won’t do any think and like u said Ur partner don’t see an issue so he on same page as the mum witch mean both parents are co parent I get could be hormones but Ur whole rant breaks down in to one thought u want to spend more time with the child until Ur child is here coz u bored of being in its big change going from working to being at home and the baby not there yet to keep u buissy but that’s no reason to change the child routine expecialy when both parents are comftably with the arrangement speake to Ur husband tell home how you feel find things to do for Ur self until the baby arrived but don’t put Ur feeling on to a 7 year old that sounds like he got a formula good routin in place that when baby arrive will just change Agen pluse the co parting works for them don’t change something that’s not broken as u do it opens the door for argument that don’t benerfit any one patch stuff up with Ur husband’s family but don’t take there grand child away from them that’s not fare that might be there highlight of there whole day sorry if come across as I’m getting at you just trying to give u an out side opinion xx
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Eh. If he’s an angel at your place but feels comfortable melting down there, I have questions about how you “don’t baby” him. 
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Make the father Step Up
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I think you should stay out of it as much as possible while continuing to be their for the child. You can’t control what he does or where he goes when he’s not in your home. Does he enjoy the clubs? Are the clubs helping him socially? It doesn’t sound like the child is being neglected to me. Wishing her child good luck on the first day of school is relevant. Not everyone is passionate and supportive when it comes to education. The child is lucky he has you. I don’t understand how you say the mom pays no attention to her son yet babies him and does everything for him? That’s contradictory. Spending time with grandparents is also important.
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So let me get this straight. Mom works and pays for before and after school so she can WORK!!! And homework gets missed. Yeah I get it homework is important but I am only assuming she is single cause you didn’t mention her having a spouse anyways. Only assuming single working mom pays for after school care so she can work meaning she don’t get off til late and takes care of her entire household her self. Maybe while he is doing screen time she is cleaning and straightening up cause you know she works and gets off late and only has time to clean on her off days. I am not sure if your aware how hard it is to do everything yourself. And maybe the after school
Program is easier for her to get to him when she gets off instead of coming to Where y’all live. Stay out of her business. I am sorry just because your having a child with her ex gives you no right to worry about her child she carried in her body and birthed. Again I know homework is important but feeding and bathing him sometimes get priority over homework.
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What she does when it’s her time it’s really nun of anyone’s business. And when you have them it’s your business. If someone was in my business durring my time with my child I’d be pissed. Unless it’s a life threatening thing stay out of it. And the fact that you say bounus child inside of your child you have no right to say anything.
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Back off! You guys are recording things? Sounds like you plan to take the boy away from his mother? Working mom’s use before school care? Or after school care? We are away from our kids for 10yrs a day? So you’re a SAHM? You have time to do the things you do? His mother may not. You’re being judgmental and snippy! You can do a way better job raising him? Than his parents? You know it? You stated it! Without saying those exact words? I say good for you! But he has a mother! When he is in your care? You help him with his homework and you do all the wonderful things that you can do! But besides that? You need to back down let his mother be his mother. Worry about your other kids and stop worrying about saving him he doesn’t need you to save him from his mother.  he behaves well at your home? That’s great. Don’t worry about what happens in his mother’s home. It’s none of your business. I really hope you’re not trying to take this kid away from his mother. Because you don’t think she’s a good enough parent. You don’t know what she’s been doing her life. You don’t know what’s going on in her mind or home! 
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Ummm I use to send my 2 boys to b4 and aftershool care so I could work when I was single…the afterschool care can help him with his homework…obviously the mum does care about her son or uz would have him full time don’t ya rekon…sounds like the mum is doing what she can…u stay out of it…if the father has a problem he can say something
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Bonus child?? Lady find a hobby
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The mom, any partner she has, the dad and his partner should all be working together as a team for this child. Since the grand parents participate in caring for the child as well their cooperation is also essential. She is his step parent. She should have a voice, a right to an opinion. Bonus child is a positive way to describe a child that comes to you in a blended family situation as the word bonus shows it’s an extra you didn’t expect but appreciate and is much more positive sounded than step child or even worse my partner’s child which makes it sound like you have distanced yourself and don’t consider the child as family.
Communication is important. If homework is not getting done at the after school program or at the grandparents home and subsequently not at mom’s home then she and dad have a right to speak up. Maybe ask the program and the grandparents to ensure the homework is done before mom picks him up. Especially if she doesn’t have enough time between getting him home and getting him into bedtime routine.
If this child prefers to be at dad’s home after school on moms days to play with his friends that issue should be addressed as well. Especially if the poster has offered to drive him to mom’s on those days to accommodate him. No one is saying the grandparents shouldn’t get time with him but it is important to ensure the homework is done.
Dad and his partner are a family unit and should be respected as such. Just because she doesn’t have legal rights since she hasn’t adopted him doesn’t mean she should stay out of it. Blended families can’t work well when there is division like that. She is invested emotionally in this child too.
If the mom feels threatened by this she may need counselling to deal with it. While I don’t know her it’s an immature position to be dealing from.
I co facilitated Blended Family workshops for years as well as being part of a blended family. The 4 of us were a team, supported each other, communicated with each other and understood that we all loved this child. Same when dealing with my ex and his partners.
One of the main things we agreed on with all parents and step parents was that we are the example for our kids. We can’t tell our kids to not hold grudges, to learn to get along, to cooperate, to learn to compromise and be respectful of everyone regardless of how they got into your life if we as adults can’t do the same.
Was it hard sometimes to not feel frustrated or resentful especially when one or more people of the team chose to be selfish or immature or unreasonable? Of course, but we had to communicate, not show the negative, stay positive. We had to work with extended family members from all main persons as well. We usually had only one birthday party and all relevant persons from all sides came, costs were shared as was the planning
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I really find this hard to read.
There is so much contradiction it’s sad.
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Does this child’s mom work? How far did she go in school? These questions I have. If she works and didn’t go far in school, then the after school program may help with HW. If she works alot of hours, and child is with his father more, yes she is going to allow child do what he wants because she feels guilty. I say, mind your own and don’t tread on hers.
I think this whole family needs help
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I feel your pain. I went through the same thing with my bonus son. It’s heartbreaking but it’s nothing you can really do but be there for him while he’s in your care. The end result will not be pretty when he becomes of age unless he has the mindset to straighten out. My bonus son is 25 now & has done absolutely nothing with his life. He knows the basics & how to cook because of me. He has no work ethics or anything else. Everything is handed to him just so he wouldn’t be a bother or the parents wanted to one up each other. They are still handing things to him like money, car, etc. He’s been in trouble with the law and can’t hold down a job. He did say to me that he appreciates everything I tried to teach him that I was the only one who cared.
I didn’t read the whole thing because I don’t need to, I would request full custody and get a guardian ad litem to talk to the child. Let the child have a voice through the guardian ad litem. Also in the state of Nebraska the parent that doesn’t have custody of the child at that time and gets what’s called the first right of refusal meaning that if the parent can’t watch them then the other parent gets the chance to watch them before they give them to a daycare or even a grandparent.
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I helped at an after school program years ago and they had an area for the kids to do their homework. They had a long table set up and there would always be a ton of kids doing their work and very very quickly so they could go play. Maybe speaking to a counselor at the after school program and the child could help? The kids had so much fun there. They played basketball and tag and got to make lots of friends. That’s probably the best place to get the homework done. Their is the incentive of play after and then everyone still gets to spend their time with him.
Can you call a family conference??? Maybe someplace neutral?? Even the school can help. Talk to the school counselor. Let the counselor know what’s going on. Bring in the othermother and Grandparents. Then sit down and talk. I hope it helps.
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Don’t take it personally. She may be doing the best she can.
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Definitely has you in the middle, which doesn’t have to be bad. It’s clear based on your post that you care about the child. Wish I had some advice that would help, the best thing I know to do right now is to keep a journal. Write down everything, dates, times, school events missed or not, conferences with teacher, grades, etc. There can not be enough documented. A family member here did this and the judge and her attorney told her that was the smartest thing she could have done for their situation. It made the judges job much easier when he saw the journal, the copies she made and kept of any conversation between the father and her. Wishing you all the best, sure have never understood why one or both parents not together don’t take the child into consideration first before their juvenile feelings towards each other.