have a just turned 4 year old daughter We (me and her dad )are having a hard time with her and her behaviorSome background information we just brought a baby home 3 weeks ago. I need parenting ideas a couple things that are big issues. Bed time ( we could start as early as 730 and we still are fighting with her till 10 oclock at night ) she will legit scream for hours…Getting her to go to school( which im on maternity leave so i kinda understand that one …but i think the structure is so important routine of it and everytime ive let her stay home from school its just becomes worse the next time i send her) This is the biggest one she is super definat we can’t get her to do anything she doesn’t want to doI feel like im spending all of my time yelling at her and arguing with herWhat are some ideas cause my sweet angel has had me in tears latel
Well first off her whole life is changing bc of a new baby. Sounds like bedtime is something she is trying to exert control over since she doesn’t really have control over other things. Behavioral challenges happen when there’s big changes. She’s 4yo and doesn’t know how to handle the big emotions she’s feeling. Yelling at her isn’t going to change anything. It makes it worse and it just shows her you can’t handle big emotions either. Get on her level and start communicating with her. And if you don’t think it’s something you can handle then check in with her doctor and get her a counselor who can work with you to make a better situation.
Theres a lot of gentle parenting pages you can follow for ideas and tips on trying to understand what shes expressing and how to work on checking your own emotions to benefit her growing brain, and not get to those breaking points for everyone involved. Seeing my kids as innocent beings who rely on me and cannot regulate their emotions help put my view in those situations as a guide and caregiver, not a equal participant in the chaos. Its daily work but its helpful, especially now you have a newborn. The 4yr old doesn’t stop needing you wholeheartedly just because a new baby is there.
She’s acting out which is normal. I hated ages 3-5 so terrible. Give her extra attention and have her help with the baby so she feels included. It’ll pass and get better just be patient and only discipline for very bad things not little stuff.
My center is run on a slogan I adore. “Behavior is a language of NEEDS. What is your child’s behavior telling you they need today?”
She’s overwhelmed. Stressed. In need of her parents. Everything is a trigger because she feels like she’s lost control of her life with a new baby.
To you, this is troublesome, annoying, loud, and tiresome.
To her? It’s the biggest feelings she’s ever felt in her tiny human life and she doesn’t feel like she’s being supported.
You got this!!
First of all don’t yell at her. Sternly tell her what you want her to do. Get down on her level look her in the eyes. If she doesn’t listen to you after three times she goes in a time out. If she gets up she goes back down until she stays. This might take several tries to get her to stay but don’t let her get up. Once she stays make her sit for five minutes. When she gets up you hug her and tell her you love her and make her apologize and make sure she knows why she’s in time out.
This is called regression which is very normal. First off stop yelling at her and when she’s acting out you give her one warning and tell her if she doesn’t stop her behaviors she’ll go to time out and if the behavior continues you need to be consistent and put her in time out for her age limit which is 4 minutes and if she gets out of time out you place her back there without saying anything and you keep doing it until she stays in time out for the full 4 minutes and once she does you go to her eye level and explain why she was put in time out and to say sorry and give you a hug or kiss…
The school thing just put her clothes on her and if she refuses to get dressed take her in what she has on and if she refuses to put shoes or socks or coat on then you grab those things and put her in the vehicle and take her to school and give the teacher her stuff. Explain to the teacher(s) what’s going on etc and ask them to work with u on that stuff for she does get to school.
The screaming just let it happen just get earplugs cause she knows it bothers you both and knows it’ll get her what she wants when she wants which is why she’s doing it.
But consistency consistency is very important it’ll be hard but once she realizes that she isn’t getting what she wants or gets out of doing things like going to school or bedtime she’ll slow down with the behavior
Bedtime if you start it at 730 start your routine and if she gets out of bed don’t say nothing and take her back each time she gets out of bed even if she’s screaming etc. she’ll eventually fall asleep from screaming so much. But you need to take her back to her bed each time she gets out without saying anything to her.
My daughter will be 4 in May I had a baby Oct. She been horrible too lol 
they are my younger 2.
Puppy dogs and ice cream books has changed the climate in our house. It talks about feelings. There is an app as well that animates the books
Your child is acting out because she’s insecure about the baby. She needs reassurance and 1:1 time with each parent where possible.
Do you include her in the day to day tasks of the baby’s routine.
Do you allow her help change nappies, fetch a bottle etc lots and lots of praise when she does this. Reassure her how important and special her role as a big sister is.
Is the baby in your bedroom ?
Possibly why bed time is now a struggle.
Start by having a little mommy n me once a week out of the house and same with daddy. One one no baby. She is fighting for your love. Give her lots of hugs n love s. Maybe cuddle at bed time one night mom next night dad. Good luck
Stop yelling. (Our whole gen is working on this cause it’s what we were shown)
Use soft touch to get her attention and whisper instead of raise your voice.
Offer more physical affection.
Set aside time every day for just her.
Allow her to help with the baby so she feels more apart of it than excluded.
Just things people have offered me as advice
If it makes you feel any better I had a 13 yr gap between babies and the older one still lost his damn mind and regressed into being a little brat out of jealousy and just being a twat
You need to read the book
Love and Logic
It would help immensely
Have a daughter and Mom day; go get your nails done; go out to lunch. Let her know she’s still very important in your life. Tell her you will do daughter and Mom day once a month as long as she goes to bed and school. Also let her help with the baby. She might also need some daughter and Dad time.
Give her some time to adjust. You just brought home a baby, which threw a big wrench in her daily life. Not a bad thing, but that’s a huge thing to adjust to for anyone but especially a small kid. She is attention seeking more than likely because even if you don’t intend to, big kids tend to get shrugged off a little in the beginning because newborns are demanding, set aside some time every day to be with just her, have dad take over baby for awhile and be with your big kid.
You need to spend more one on one time with her, she feels like she just got replaced by the new baby
My 4year is exactly the same right now and I’m due a baby in 3weeks
Your sweet angels life has just been changed drastically. There’s a new person who gets to stay at home with mommy while she has to leave , this new person now requires mommy and daddy’s time. It’s a tough thing for them to process. Try doing something with just her , or letting her “help” with the baby.
Fiist , why are you yelling at a four year old, shame on you. Grow up, how about giving her some one one one attention. , She’s most likely a bit jealous of the baby, you need to include her in helping care for the baby , let her help, , you and dad need to both give her individual attention. Maybe have dad tend to baby while you play with her or read a book, o, let dad watch baby while you go to store with her.
Try involving her with the baby helping to bring things taking her to school without the baby if possible