My daughter’s father left when I was six weeks pregnant. I notified him of every appointment, and he never showed it to a single one. He asked to be at the hospital when she was born, though. I allowed him to be. He signed the birth certificate. Since birth, he has been inconsistent. He drinks every night and has had five girlfriends since she was born. She is two years old now, and she has no clue he’s her dad. He goes months at a time without seeing her or asking about her. I tell him to be in or out bc this isn’t healthy for her, and he threatens me with the court every time. Even though he has no care to see her now. I’ve invited him to her birthdays and holidays, which he hasn’t come to any. His family hasn’t seen her or asked about her since she was seven months old. When he texts me, it’s never about her, it’s about me and he makes inappropriate comments. When he has come to see her, he has also been very inappropriate, so I started having a family member present with me at all times to supervise. But my question is, do I let him continue to be in and out or just block him out and if he wants her he can prove it by taking me to court for custody. As she’s getting older and understanding who people are I don’t want her to be affected by her “dad” who decides to come see her every three months so he can just post his pictures of her on social media so he doesn’t look half bad. She doesn’t call him dad. He doesn’t ask her to. There’s no emotional connection between the two. He doesn’t miss her or care when’s she sick or ask how she’s doing. He’s like a friend stopping by and sits on his phone the whole time checking the time. I’ve tried everything to include him and to get him to be consistent but after two years now nothing has changed. I don’t want him to ever say I withheld her but there has to be some stopping point bc this isn’t fair to her. Any advice would be helpful. We are in Illinois so technically even if he signed the birth certificate he has no rights until he petitions for them. I have spoken to a lawyer. Just wanted to get some advice from people with personal experiences. I’m tired of him not thinking about her and thinking it’s ok to be so inconsistent.
I wouldn’t let him see her if it were me he needs to earn the right to be called dad it takes a hell of a lot more then making a baby to be a parent
Sounds like you’ve answered your own question in this post. You already know he’s no good. Thank him for the greatest gift he could’ve given you (daughter) and bid him farewell!!
If he doesn’t ask to see her or see her or anything for an entire year you can get him for abandonment and terminate his rights without his say
Im in same spot i tell him.not enough notice… reasured him id let her see him when shes old enough to want to and be curious…
Its terrible but a in a d out dad is bad too. Just pick careful words in case he decides to file .
Document everything he hasn’t done and next time he wants to see her tell him no take you too court I bet he never does! Don’t let him jerk your kid around your right it’s not healthy I doubt he has money to pay child support if he wants to take you to court say fine I’ll put you on child support while we are there!
You should never let him come to the hospital and definitely NOT sign the birth certificate. You should have learned that he was going to be an absentee father (remember he never showed up for any appointments). Cut him out if her life before she get old enough to realize her birth father is trash.
I went through something very similar with my daughter. She is now 8, and “met” her bio father for the first time about 2 years ago. He had seen her when she was a baby but she obviously didn’t remember that. He would randomly contact me and demand to see her and threaten court and then he would disappear again. I always stood my ground and wouldn’t let him see her unless he could prove he could be consistent. He never was consistent until she was 6, when I finally agreed to let him see her. Since then he has seen her irregularly and he continues to drop off when we he feels like it. At 8, she knows he is her “dad,” but she calls my husband her dad and tells everyone my husband is her dad. She does like her bio dad (he always has gifts or something for her) but she’s not bothered when he disappears. Honestly it’s more stressful for me. I do worry how she’ll be affected by it as time goes on, but I’ve allowed myself to not stress as much. He will never get himself together enough to take me to court, which was my greatest fear for so long. Do what feels right for you. Moms find a way to be whatever their children need. Good luck!
File for sole custody of your child don’t chase him if he doesn’t want to be in your child’s life his loss
Block him and cut him off.
You take initiative and take it to court. Document everything . Print out texts, and even have character witnesses. It’s just a threat at this point holding your daughter over your head. He probably won’t show up to court by the sounds of him not showing up for anything else. 
I mean, if there is no custody order for now, you are okay to keep her and have no consequences if you choose to do so. If he wants to be a part of her life he has every right to go through the court and make that possible. If that’s what he wants to do that’s his right and if he doesn’t then that’s his loss. Do what you think is best for her. Speaking from experience… my father chooses to be the same way. In and out. I’m 27 now and I can tell you it hurts me deeply and I try my best to get through all the heart break it can sometimes cause. If you see that it is causing more harm than good for him to be so in and out, put your foot down and fight for her. Protect her heart. Maybe if he did decide to go to the courts and have designated time, he would step up. If he chooses not to, then take him back to court. Prove that and gain full custody of her.
If he can’t step up he needs to step out. Make a calendar of all the times he has seen her and all the times he has contacted If he goes to court have all the documents to prove how little he has even tried and that will be good for your case.
Sounds like he is just using it as a scare tactic, if he isn’t making the effort now and goes to court and still doesn’t make the effort then the agreement should be terminated and he loses his rights 
Tell him to file. If he has no interest in seeing her now, he’s not gonna cough up court fees, and child support just to do it. Block him out. He’s not deserving of the title nor does she deserve to have a “dad” blatantly not care about her or you continuing to allow him to be a dad only when he chooses it’s convenient for him.
I have been and continue to deal with the same… Unfortunately our law is a bit different… If on birth certificate or in court. The brave me says make him take you to court. The causous me says lwt him be inconsistent she will learn soon enough. My oldest at 4.5 is realizing it all now. And I dont think it will be much longer before she advocates that she doesnt wish to see him any longer. At that point I will fight in court… Hoping they will listen to her.
I’d block him and he can take u to court for visits and then he can pay child support at the same time. Let him play games with the courts and not u and ur childs wellbeing.
Going through the same thing constantly. Take him to court for full custody with the option of supervised visits, and if he doesn’t consistently show up for these court mandated visits he’ll be stripped of them
Stop being the one pressing it. For his family too. If they dont have the sense to ask about her then quit pushing her on them. All of them. He wont take u to court. If he ever tried they will know right away he needs supervision for visitation. But i highly doubt he would persue it. Dont text, call, email. Nothing!
I’m currently going through the same thing with my daughter’s dad. But I’m so blessed that his family stays active more then he does. He moved back home to Texas when she was 1 after getting out of the military and thats where his family is… It sucks but I have always kept the communication open because regardless of how much he is involved, I want her to know she can call him and his family whenever she wants. She is now 7 and she is such a good kid. It hasn’t really affected her much yet. But she is seen by a psychiatrist for ADHD and she is so helpful. So if something would arise I can always put her in counseling and teach her how to handle her feelings and hard situations the healthy way. Do whats best for you and your situation though. Life is hard enough as it is.
Go to the courthouse and file for abandonment. Once his parental rights have been terminated he will be out of the picture for good.
I’d just stop responding to him, if he really wants to be apart of her life he can take you to court. Chances are he’ll also be told to pay child support if/when yall end up there. I wouldn’t allow him to be in and out whenever he decides its convenient.
I went to court, I didnt want to muck around after I wasn’t down, has worked out well, we no co parent and have boundaries and a parenting order
Next time, just tell him he needs to take you to court and leave it at that. I highly doubt he’ll do it.
Also in illinois he does have rights just as you do. He could call the cops and say he wants his child (again doubtful) But if he’s the “parent” you say he his he doesn’t even have a birth certificate to prove he’s the father so slim chance.
I would be saying bye. My Daughter Doesn’t know her father or any of his family… All down to them. I tired they aint inter
To me,he doesnt care, He’d be history, no child deserves a half time parent, father or mother, jmo
You need to be pro active. Make a parenting plan file it with the court that removes the threat. The day will come when your daughter has questions. You can tell her you did the best you could for him to be in her life. His presence or lack of was on him. Your plan can have supervised visits for him and I would choose that if he drinks everyday.
I’d take him to court. Since hes this inconsistent, he probably wouldn’t even show up to the hearing. Ontop of it all, you said he drinks and has multiple partners. That’s a toxic dynamic and could potentially cause harm to her physically and mentally. When she grows up, and asks about him, maybe consider letting supervised visits just so she knows who her dad is and is old enough that she can see why hes mainly out of the picture. I dont recommend hiding him away forever, but while shes young, it may be for the best in regards to overall safety.
And all of a sudden like 15 other comments disappear. Are you for real right now?
In addition to previous comments, keep every text message between you. Document EVERY time you contact him to arrange visitation and what goes on if he decides to visit. Should you go to court, request custody, child support and back child support for the two years he’s been in and out of her life. Don’t hold back. You have no reason to be nice anymore. Many children grow up without a second parent and turn out just fine.
Court now. Then its mandated. You can even start with supervised visit mandated by the court. Either do it now or you are allowing this to happen
Love, I am dealing with this kind of guy right now. I’m pregnant and he made it to every appointment until on his birthday I wished him happy birthday and he told me he wanted some birthday p*ssy. I told him no because we need to co parent. I asked him if he will be at the babys appointment on Friday and he said no. Him and I were together 3 years. I ended up pregnant the week we split. I have a 12 year old daughter and her dad was never around and never paid child support. Your best bet is to take it to court. There are abandonment laws. The court will set visitation and support payments and if he fucks up you can take his rights. I took my daughters dads rights 9 years ago. There is a lot to it and I gave him chance after chance and a lot of history as we were together 9 years before I got pregnant. Take HIM to court and fight for your child!!! My daughter deserved better so I gave it to her. This baby doesn’t deserve a father in and out of her life and I am ready to take on being a single mom of 2 because if my children are not being forgotten by the other parent, their life will be better. I wish you the best. Reach out to legal aid if you can not afford an attorney
You know this isn’t healthy for your daughter, block him out. If he wants to go to court then so be it. Your daughters health and wellbeing should come first.
You should call the lawyer back and start the process to legally terminate his rights. Take him to court and give him specific times he can see her in writing and keep a book of it that way you can prove you’re not keeping her from him and hes not making the effort. After he misses so many visits it shows he’s not stable and gives you more ammunition against him in court. Don’t let him scare you. It also gives you a way to not be around him so he can’t be inappropriate with you but he still has to bring her back at a specific time or the cops can go get her for you. Create the paper trail.
He can threaten u with court all he wants. all that’s going 2 do is force him 2 be apart of her life but ur right it’s not healthy 4 her. If u take him 2 court an get an agreement and he doesnt want 2 be an active parent he won’t take it seriously. For ur childs health I would seriously venture 2 say if u let him at all it would be with the stipulation he get help 4 his drinking and supervised visitation. My sisters dad was that way. Now that she’s older she understands y my mom was having such a hard time. Ur daughters young enough it isnt going 2 matter. Just because hes on the birth certificate means nothing except making him pay child support
I would block and ignore him, his family & anyone associated with him.
Keep all messages, don’t delete as they are evidence.
If he was serious about his child he will go to court & you have proof of his not being involved already.
No way would I offer court ordered time because some judge thinks blood makes it his right - Not until He took it that far.
Just because a man makes a baby doesn’t make him a dad. He is not a dad and needs to just get out the picture. It’s not fair to the child.
Cut him off. Keep your records of his inconsistencies and his inappropriateness ect, let him take you to court, itll probably take awhile to even get a court date, and with Covid going on, maybe even longer. And if he’s as inconsistent as you say he probably won’t even show up.
Sending prayers. Hopefully he man up real soon before she starts talking and asking where is he. That’s the hard part!
I chose no to inconsistency personally.
He will always be her father. Let him come n go. A bond will develop.
It’s your daughter’s right.
He can threaten you with courts all he wants, but if you’re keeping track of how completely disassociated he is from your child’s life I think he’ll find it’ll backfire pretty spectacularly on him.
Let him take you to court. The back and forth isn’t fair to her especially if he’s not even interested when he’s there.
I’d welcome a court date . Keep this loser outta her life ! It’s only going to mess with her emotionally and mentally !
I’ve been in your daughter’s shoes. It’s much easier for her for him to be out of her life than in it if that’s his attitude.
Take it to court yourself. Assuming you have records over the last 2 years
It’s time to put your foot down or you will be still dealing with it when your kids are 6 and 8 like I am. I’m getting the court threats right now. Once I heard that for the umpteenth time I said wtv and that’s that.
File abandonment and full custody
Keep record Have reliable proof and witnesses and let him take you to court
At least this way if he goes against anything the court orders even if it’s visitation then you have something more to fight with
Make him work for it, he wants to put in the effort to take you to court let him the court will make him work for time with her. If he can’t do that then the court isn’t going to allow him very much.
A year without contact holds grounds in court as child abandonment! He loses parental rights. Also, the threat of him saying he’d take you to court. That would backfire as I’m betting he isn’t paying any child support. Be there for your daughter, don’t stress your life on him…live your life and move on with your daughter
If he wants to take you to court let him.
Put court orders in place. He may come n go but that’s on him, she’ll know who’s there for her. It’s none of Ur business with the gfriends or how many.
dont take threats personally coz it’s manipulation.
U can’t tell if he’s missing her or cares for her on the basis of no communication alone.
Keep inviting him to things but have others present for proof of no contact n keep all correspondence via txt especially if nasty n just stick to talk bout the child.
If U haven’t got child support start the ball rolling now
I would say stop reaching out. You tried and that’s what counts! She is a little girl and you need to protect her from harm.
Being a dad means more than being a sperm donor. It’s about love and nurturing. I’d cut him out, go on without him. If he wants custody let him pay and fight for it. Get your ducks on a row. Hopefully you have other men in your life like a brother or your dad or something that can be a healthy male influence on her as she grows up.
Block him let him try to get a court order more then likely he wont go get it my daughter is 14 her dad sees her 2 maybe 3 times a year always threatens if I dont make her go hell get a court order I now tell him go ahead cause I no he wont she almost 15 now she can go tell judge what she wants copy all ur messages from him prive hes not in it for the baby the judge wont allow it
Same situation. Never went to an appt. Wasn’t at birth…there every 6 mo, just so I couldn’t file abandonment…tampered with a DNA test to attempt to get off child support…ghosted for 6 yrs popped up 1 day for 20 min then again a yr later but never followed through with seeing her…she knows he’s her dad but she knows he isn’t around. She’s 10 now and is perfectly fine without him and it’s always been her decision to see or communicate with him…my mom was kept from me and my dads relationship with me suffered because of it…and when u file abandonment u have to prove you can care for her without state assistance or have someone to adopt, if u wanna talk further u can always message me
I say block him. Coming from someone who’s dad was in and out of her life, I think it would have been easier for me to never know him.
Record everything and call his bluff- take his ass to court. If he wants to be in her life, great. A court can set a schedule and if he can’t stick to it, then he will have to be out. Kiddo comes first here.
This happened to my son years ago. His father left when he was 5 and never looked back. My son met him once for lunch when he was 17 and came home and told me he was “All set” I never said anything bad about his father in front of him ever. My son is now 32 and I never got a dime in child support because I never knew where he was. You do what you believe is best for her. If he says he is coming over don’t say anything to her until he walks in that door etc. You will be the one picking up the pieces when she is older if you let him come in and out. Good luck!!
Get full custody and block him out of her life until she is old enough to decide
Cut him off. So unhealthy for her . Let him take you to court, then he will have to pay support and medical expenses to be involved. Be sure you are documenting times and dates and conversations, phone calls, text messages, dr visits and appointments and bills. But i wouldn’t continue reaching out to him either… Just start documenting everything in case he does actually take you to court which sounds like he probably will not. He doesn’t sound like the type and his drinking seems to be more important. I wouldn’t sweat it momma. Protect your daughter and block him.
No more children need love not drama
Tell him that he should file with the courts so it can be on paper and be consistent. Doubtful that he will go forth with the efforts it would take. He knows his own track record would be exposed. He knows he would need to completely change and mature and that sounds like quite a task to him currently. Don’t entertain his talking about anything inappropriate. If he asks how the child is you can politely answer that but otherwise keep it short n sweet. If you aren’t the audience he wants, he will move on. Document the interaction dates, times, what he calls or texts about. Otherwise, he needs to take the initiative to move in the right direction to see his child consistently but under some court approved/ordered guidelines. You don’t owe him anything. Your child doesn’t need drama, inconsistency or so many women in and out of her life at such a young age. It is confusing and destructive.
Let him take you to court. He can have fun showing how much he’s been around. You can’t make someone be around if they don’t want to. My kids dad has absolutely nothing to do with my kids other than pay child support. It’s sad but they are better off without him.
Document everything! Save your texts. With enough proof and a good lawyer he can take you to court and get a visitation schedule, but you’ll most likely be granted full custody. Given his history, he won’t show to his scheduked visitations and then eventually after enough time you can have his visitation rights terminated.
Well hes not getting custody so you just let him play that one. The judge can set up visitation and make it supervised until he learns how to be a dad. If he doesnt take you, you take him and set up an actual schedule that involves him taking her on his own. That way there’s no drama about you.
Get him out of your lives!
I am a counselor and this is my advice. Let your daughter get to now her father on their terms. When she is old enough and her prefrontal context completely develops she will form her own opinion of him. If he is healthy enough to spend time with her in small increments then let that occur. Trust me she will understand one day that he is sick. The worst thing you can do is speak badly of him in front of her because she is half of him and will internalize every criticism you give of him. So if you think he is safe with her then let her get to know her dad for who he is. This is difficult as a mother because you want to protect her from the pain. But the reality is she needs to experience healthy pain to formulate her own opinion and trust me if you give it time she will formulate her own opinion. As a mom your job is to be there to pick up the pieces and reassure her you will always be consistent love and she will always seek your comfort. This is not a easy task but I have faith you are a strong woman who can endure the struggles to come so that your baby will always feel supported.
Let him take you to court. Save all your proof that’s he’s not fit to be a parent to even have right. Your child is better off without him and will confuse them for a long time if this continues. At some point you’ll need to explain to them but right now it’s best to get rid of him.
Block him I did that with mine after he dragged me to court just to not even show tf up a few times. Hes not on their birth certificate though and I had it so he is unable to ever try for custody or rights to them.
This sounds like my ex. We were married for 3 years before I got pregnant. He didn’t want the pregnancy, so asked me when I was getting the abortion. I told him we could divorced before we announced the pregnancy and not let him sign the birth certificate so he wouldn’t be on the hook for anything but that also meant we were gonna cut ties because I was gonna raise this baby. With or without him. After a lot of “thought” he decided to stay. Never went to one doctor’s appointment, was there for the birth, signed the birth certificate and the rest was history. He never raised her, played video games all the time, he was literally in the same house as her and wouldn’t see her for days. My mom would take care of her day and night while I worked a full time job.
Later on, he decided to move out (when she was about 1 or so) because he was tired of our constant fights. He would complain back and forth about how he hated living with his grandfather after he moved but didn’t want to make an effort with me but wanted his daughter. Wanted us (myself and my daughter) to live with him and his girlfriend so that he could see her everyday. But not take care of her. Absolutely not. Then would turn around the next day and say he hated the both of us. Would only show up once and in a while and would traumatize her by promising her he’d come back and not come back for months. His parents, real pieces of work that live in HI, would only reach out every 9 months or so, and met her twice. Didn’t make an effort otherwise.
When she was about 2ish-3ish, he started threatening me, telling me he was gonna kidnap our daughter and raise her himself. Give her a new mommy because I was “a bitch and that’s the reason she’s so anxious”. Asked my MIL to help me control him and she pretty much told me to pray about it. That’s when I cut him off. He said he would take me to court and make me pay child support and the whole nine.
The reason I go into so much detail is because we see the damage that goes on in our kid’s eyes. I watched my daughter cry and pace because he told her that I was horrible because I didn’t let her see him see her because he was sick. That I was holding him back. He always had an open invitation, always had hot food waiting for him (because we won’t deny food to anyone just because we dislike them, especially my mom), and he wouldn’t show. We wouldn’t let him take her outside the house because the one time he did, he didn’t feed her or change her and I found out he was using her as bait for women and absolutely fucking not.
So girl. Do it. If you feel it’s hurting your baby, do what you gotta do. We’ve moved on and right now, my daughter is mentally, emotionally and physically healthier than she was a year ago because of all his shit. And now his parents are fighting me because they want to have a huge role in her life when she doesnt even really know them. Sorry but, that’s allowing all that trauma from my ex to come back and I really don’t think so. I wish the absolute best for you and your baby.
I have a 10 yo who’s bio dad was like this. He is no longer a part of her life and she doesn’t want him to be. Keep records of every time you try to involve him texts instead of phone calls. I personally having been through this myself would cut him off and stop trying to involve him. But do not talk bad about him in front of or around your child(she’s half him too). As she gets older she will see what/who really mattered to him and come to her own conclusions.
I was told that texts aren’t admissible in court. Inform him that all further communication needs to be done via email. Email is admissible.
Just cut him off…he isnt going to court, all talk no action.
Cut him off if he cares so much he would fight. You can get records of texts through your phone service to show the court the inconsistentsy.
Keep track of everything he says you’ll need proof for court if you wanna get him out of the picture for good
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Save all texts. Keep a book of all interactions. Schedule supervised visits only and document when he is late or doesn’t show up.
This was my life with my daughter. We at least had his parents (who I love)on our side. He only saw her with them as supervisors as he also had a drinking problem. I requested legally that he was never alone with her (found out he was taking her to the bars). She was very smart about it at a very young age. I allowed her to make her own decisions when she wanted to call or see him at a very young age. I tried very hard to never bad mouth him around her. She needed to make her own feeling/decisions.
Fast forward to age 17/18 and he now wonders (whines about it) why she doesn’t have the time of day for him. She is more than honest with him about his absence from her life growing up all the things that came before her in his life. Sometimes to honest!
KARMA AT IT’S FINEST!!!
Start taking videos of events he attends and DOES NOT
What you said is so solid, he would have no chance in court! I dont think youre in the wrong by any means! You are thinking right by yours & your daughters sake! Its unfortunate for sure, be he seemed to make this choice on his own!!
My boys are 4 and 6 i left their dad when my 4 year old was 17 months he has seen them 4 times since I left him he doesn’t call check on them pay child support nothing. He is aloud supervised visits once a month and refuses to show up. We haven’t heard from him or seen him in over a year now. My kids do not know him nor do they ask about him. The last time he showed up my kids wouldn’t even go to him and kept asking who he was and what his name was… take him to court. Save all the messages and document every visit from the time he shows up to the time he leaves. Prayers momma its rough but you can’t force him to be a daddy.
Document, document, document! I can’t stress that enough, make sure things are time and date stamped for proof of inconsistency of care. He won’t get custody but if I were you I’d cut ties, I know you want her to have a father figure but he’s not showing that he’s up to par for the job. You’re right though she’s going to be confused and hurt when she realizes her father didn’t want to take time for her smh idk how parents do that to their kids
I would stop making the effort. I would document of when he does or doesn’t call/text/visit etc and I would take that to an attorney and file for full custody. If he truly cares he would make more of an effort. It’s not healthy for him to just come when it’s convenient for him. I would recommend speaking with a councilor to discuss how to handle the situation with her for when she does start asking about him eventually. You just have to do what’s best for your child. I would definitely get something done with the courts incase something was to happen to you.
I agree with the comment above about not cutting him out of her life, I was a psychology and social work major in college. It’s more healthy to have a part time dad than her not knowing her dad at all. You should look up the IL parenting time guidelines, it will give you helpful information about what you should do and what the court expects of you. I’m in a similar situation with my son’s father, we divorced 3 years ago, he’s had about 10 or so gfs and “friends” and has moved 7 or 8 times because he can never pay bills, almost never checks on our son and only sees him a few times a year on major holidays, he’s extremely verbally abusive and cusses me out all the time over having to pay child support. I completely understand how hard it is, I’ve even put “from dad” on Christmas presents for my son because he doesn’t always buy him any, as mom’s we have to do what’s best for our children, just keep loving her, doing what you need to do and let him be there whenever he’s willing, she’ll know who did what was right over what was easy when she’s older and who put her first.
You didn’t say anything about him helping with expenses… Next time… he threatens to take you to court… tell him “ that’s sounds good… I could use child support”… he’ll go away.
If he wants to be in her life as a father to help support her emotionally and financially proving it to you and her would just be natural to him. If you feel he is doing more harm than good to her as far as emotionally and what she’s learning/picking up on then make him take you to court to prove he is fit to have any of his paternal rights acknowledged or even considered.
Sounds like someone is jealous that he doesn’t put her first… choose better men
I wouldn’t cut him out but I wouldn’t invite him anymore either. It’s sad. I hope you can find someone who will love her like his own one day💕
Tell him no more ,when he threatens you with court tell him to do it cos its the only way he will get to see her.save all inappropriate text and if he takes you to court which is probably just an empty threat show the text and ask for a contact centre.If it gets that far he will probably show up a couple of times then stop.You will have total proof and court will be on your side.
Keep all communication as proof then take him to court for full custody
Document everything but do not cut him out of his daughters life. Period. It’s HIS relationship with HIS daughter, it really has nothing to do with you. Unless there is abuse you should never get in the way. Stop taking what HE is doing so personally, what HE is doing is his business, who he is dating and how often is HIS business. Sometimes men can take a while to grow up and realize some things. Remember it was YOUR choice to have a baby with him. Stop trying to control the situation because he isn’t doing what you think he should be doing. Just concentrate on being the best mom you can be, he will show his daughter his true colors. And you never know, he could change and they could have a really great relationship. If he’s being inappropriate with you find a mutal visitation place, record interactions, and have a witness.
Speaking from experience.
A little word of advice: don’t take him out of her life or she will resent the both of you, allow her to make that decision on her own; as far as the father goes, let him talk his smack Cuz that’s all he can do… or you can take him to court for supervised visits… if he doesn’t want to see her then that’s on him, there’s not much you can do, your job is to make sure she’s well taken care of. God bless you and I hope everything works out.
Personally id cut him off
Like you said, it’s not healthy for her. It’s all or nothing. Be a dad or don’t. I wanted my ex husband to be a dad so bad (mine was his 4th kid) but he was the same. I told him in or out and he chose to walk away. She’ll know him if she sees pictures but he hasn’t seen her or talked to me in almost a year 
. I don’t want my daughter thinking this behavior is ok or acceptable
Put him on child support& block his number