My brother went to go visit my mom and found drugs in her apartment… he threw it away that day. Our mom confronted him and got upset explaining why she started using it. We told gave her an ultimatum us or drugs she basically said she’s her own person and she can do what she’s wants. So she’s not choosing on or the other but leaving the choice up to us because she said shes going to do what she wants. My brother and i have very little family. Her and an aunt is all we have so we don’t want to cut her off bc we don’t want to be so alone in life and obviously love her, but at the same time drug use like this is gross… i also have a 3yo she adores but i can’t let her go over there knowing this. I can’t articulate an exact reason why i don’t like her using drugs or why it’s bad… or why i don’t want my daughter to have anything to do with her now. I’m lost help
what drugs is she using
What drugs is she using?
What kind of drugs before we give advice?
She better not be talking about weed 
Maybe ask your mom why she’s using them and how can you help her stop? Care and compassion might go alot further then demands and ultimatums.
Please don’t say she’s using marijuana lmaoooo
What is the drug that all makes a difference
If its weed leave her alone it’s not hurting anything. If its something else. Yeahhh don’t tolerate that.
Your brother was out of line throwing them.away.
If it’s marijuana let it fly. If it’s like something like meth or cocaine that’s totally differeny
Hey, sounds like mom is at that time of life that she has aches and pains…some from birthing you. If grass, alot of older people smoke now…we came of age in the 60-70s for heaven’s sakes! I doubt small children notice or care, older kids know but their gonna do what they want too anyway. Enjoy your family and let everyone live their life as they chose. You can agree to disagree and let it go.
If you can’t articulate how it makes you feel and how it’s not ok for your child to be around I’m concerned for YOUR adulting skills… I’d rather have my friends as my family than put up with toxic behavior from family.
If it’s pill abuse or hard narcotics then you do what’s right for your kid and to not get tied up in stuff you don’t want to be apart of. If it’s mj, as long as it’s not doctored up… you and your child are fine, ask for her not to partake in your presence and keep it locked away when you are there…
- Like everyone else… the answer depends on the kind of drugs. 2. Don’t throw away someone else’s drugs… regardless of what they are, if they’re found in the persons own home. It’s not yours, don’t touch it. 3. Listen to the why. Why is she using or getting from it? 4. It’s ok to have boundaries. You don’t want your kids around someone who does drugs, that’s your call, and probably a good one of the drugs were found out in the open…
But most importantly you can’t make her sober. It is her decision… but talk with her and explain your concerns and what your response will be if she chooses to use.
Girl you better not be talking about no damn weed smh
Honestly, it doesn’t matter what drug for all those asking. Even if it’s weed, if she doesn’t want her child around it, that her right. I would feel the same even about weed. If mom couldn’t respect that I don’t want that around my child, she wouldn’t be around my child nor my child around her. I would try to figure out why mom feels she needs to turn to drugs and help her seek assistance to get off the drugs. As stated tho, mom’s an adult and gonna do what she wants in her home. I would NOT do anything to enable her. Don’t give her any kind of monetary assistance, including items you would need money for. That would just allow her to depend on you so she can spend her money on the drugs. As a relative of an aaddiction, you can only help someone that wants help and in the end, you have to do what is right for you and your children. Even if that means cutting the addict off completely.
Always remember, you are allowed to love an addict. But you are also allowed to love that addict from afar, and be there when she needs emotional support possibly. But I’ve found the best way to deal with a sick person like this is to hold them at arms length and let them know that you will always love them and be there for them when they are ready to be clean.
It is no ones responsibility but hers to take charge of her life. If she wants your child to be in her life, she won’t make excuses for drug use, she’ll make a change for her family.
Love the addict, not the addiction. It’s okay to take a step away for the sake of love. Please keep this in mind. This is not your choice, but it is your choice on what you expose your kids to, and if that hurts her then so be it.
I surely hope it’s not weed your referring to because
If so leave her be ! Weed helps so many people with so many things!
Depending on what kind of drugs you are talking about all depends on reaction.
Marijuana is so common and used by majority of people. Personally not my thing, but if you want to do it just please respect me and not use around my kids. Other than that whatever.
She is an adult leave her alone to make her own choices. And dont leave your children alone with her depending on the drugs. It’s her life so it’s also her choices. If she is taking care of what she needs to then dont worry about it. She is a grown ass woman and can make her own choices
It really depends on the kind of drugs she’s using. If it’s weed, let it alone. Anything else, is cause for concern. However, you can’t give an addict an ultimatum. You can still be in her life and have her in yours, just don’t enable her.
Last time we all checked mom was grown prior to you and your brother!
Let her be.
She is GROWN.!
If she wants /needs help she’ll seek it.
*And let’s be honest , we all know it’s just pot.
for crying out loud:leaves:
If it’s just pot then y’all was wrong for throwing it away honestly cause pot actually
Helps a lot more than ppl think BUT if it’s something like meth or cocaine etc okay I understand the throwing it away thing but y’all still shouldn’t of done that cause it’s not your home and to be quite honest y’all shouldn’t be giving her an ultimatum.
Depends on the drug. Weed is helping with pain if that’s what she’s doing ? If it’s pills maybe they are prescribed. If it’s hard core drugs then talk to her and offer help but don’t take the child around her home. Still love her and invite her to your home only if she is sober. Love helps so many people. Don’t give up on her. She has deep problems or depression or she wouldn’t be doing drugs
If it’s marijuana leave her the fuck alone. Nothing at all wrong with that.
Okay so your brother shouldn’t be throwing away anything in your mom’s home. Drugs or not. You guys can decide you don’t want a relationship with her. That’s understandable. But maybe try to see why she’s turning to drugs? And set boundaries with her regarding your child and let her know that you don’t trust her judgment since you know she is using, therefore you can’t trust her with your child.
what kind of drug is this. is it weed and yall are just uptight about it or is she doing like Crack
It’s her life. Would you have even known if he didn’t find them? As long as she does it on her own time and don’t ask you for anything. Then so what?
Plot twist, it’s weed in a recreational state.
Yes if it’s bad shit throw it. Try toget her help. So much bad shit out there right now. If weed let her be. Fentanyl is in everything so yes throw it.
What drug? And ultimatums never work with addicts if it’s hard drugs anyways.
Sometimes you have to let them hit rock bottom in order for them to WANT to make a change. She has to want it, you can’t force it. Maybe stepping back and her realizing that she has somewhat lost you will make her want that change. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I went through it with my niece who I adore and she gave it up for herself and her kids but ultimately went back to it a couple years later and she lost her fight with drugs. Good luck
Are we talking marijuana or real drugs? Prescription or hard core? There’s DEFINITELY a difference
Tell your mom that she won’t be anywhere near your child if continue the drug use. That you will not, have it around you or your child. She wants to do drugs, she loses her daughter and grandchild. You need to protect your child. I know it’ll be hard cause your mom and your aunt are all you have, but you also have your brother. I lost my brother this year, and he was only 29 years old. So keep your brother close too. Good luck
Join Narc-Anon or Al-Anon to figure out the best ways to help your mom vis-a-vis your family. Also you get therapy to be able to stand up for yourself and your child. Also talk to your mom about WHY she has turned to drugs to help her cope. Get rid of the trigger and it’s easier to ditch the drugs. Maybe she needs therapy for depression or she has an abuser.
My mother is as toxic as it gets, she’s an alcohol abuser and goes through her stages of drug abuse as well. I’ve cut her off, I’ve rung the police, I’ve begged her, I’ve tried reasoning with her - even threatened to take my kids away…. But in the end, she’s gonna do what she’s gonna do, and I only get one mum, and through all of the bullshit, I do love her
I had to learn to let go for my own sake, they don’t care enough and unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do but be there
If it’s weed, please do not make a big deal about it. If you don’t want your daughter around her alone when she’s high smoking weed, I understand that. But she has every right to smoke weed if she wants to.
BUT if it’s an actual hard drug, you and your brother have every right to not want a relationship with someone who brings toxic negativity in your life.
Family or not, toxic is toxic. I went through/am going through the same thing with my twin sister. She has been a severe addict for about 9 years now. She’s overdosed in front of me more times than I could count. I’ve had to control her seizures from the drugs and call so many ambulances and stop her from jumping out of moving cars.
It’s very traumatic and scary. You HAVE to do what’s best for your daughter. If it affects you mentally to have a relationship with your mom, you need to be the best mom you can be. Good luck this is never easy. 
Why are you snooping in your mamas house? I would call the police on your brother for breaking and entering. Leave your mom alone. She raised you. Go live your own life.
So he went to visit her…. Looked through her things… and threw away something he didn’t pay for? Sounds like she should cut you guys out of her life IMO.
Cannabis? Let it go.
Heroine etc? You don’t have to be involved or let your child go there. However you’re not going to make her stop unless she wants to. You can say I choose not to be involved with you if you do this. If you want me to help you get into rehab/recovery let me know. She’s an adult, that’s all you can do.
If it’s cannabis, you owe her money. If it’s a prescription drug for a condition you don’t know about, you owe her money AND an apology. If it’s anything other than that, she is a grown woman and can suffer the consequences of her actions. You protect your baby.
Did she ever give up on you when you done something wrong in life 
What type of drugs does she take?
First of all, why are you going to your mother’s house, not your house, your MOTHERS house, snooping around in the first place? That wasn’t any of your business. Drugs are bad, mkay, we all know that… but what I do know is, you shouldn’t be going to your moms house snooping and then bringing shit up that isn’t your business and then throwing shade, saying you’re going to kick her out of your life. Why not get down to the root of the situation, figure out why she’s using, ask her if that’s what she wants for her life and future, and then figure out if she wants help or not? Because regardless of how you feel and your ultimatums, she will not get help unless she wants help. You’re her child, her damn child, so love her through it, don’t give her money or anything if she asks, but love her through it anyways. It’s a real problem, not something you can understand because you haven’t been there. Don’t give up on her and don’t make her lose her grandchild unless shes in immediate danger.
If it’s weed and someone threw it away AHHH hell no
Drugs are a cut off offense for me no matter who it is. I am a Nurse and if it were found in my car or home I could loose my license. I also have 2 boys and if my ex ever caught that I was around someone using he would fight me for my youngest so quick! Nothing comes between my boys and I doesn’t matter if I have Noone or not if that means keeping us safe and together!
You’re doing the right thing
Stick to what you said! Us or the drugs don’t double back.
Depends on what the drug is. If it’s something serious, I understand not wanting to bring your kid around. If it’s weed… 
I’m pissed for your mom that he threw it away and would cut him off for a while.
We ever going to get an update about what drugs??
My philosophy is “you do you” so long as it doesn’t negatively affect me and mine. Cut ties to keep your child safe. Supervised or not, a drug user is not someone you want around your child.
For me it don’t matter what drug it is… weed, heroin, crack, etc. drugs are drugs. If you feel that your child is not safe around your mother you have to do what is best for your child. Period!
What are the drugs? Because if you say marijuana 
Stick to how you feel. I don’t care what the drug is, these “ if you say weed” folks are morons because “just weed” can get you and your child fucked up and separated. If you feel your child isn’t safe that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t cut all ties but I’d make sure they knew why I was keeping my distance. I’d also make sure they knew to I was there to help when the time comes.
Her saying she’s not choosing one or the other IS choosing.
If you don’t want you or your child around that and you have made it clear then that is her choice. Stick to what you said. You’ll be better off.
Cannabis, let her be. Anything stronger don’t let kids be around her unsupervised.
Drugs are drugs. If the drugs are illegal in your state, that’s the bottom line. All it takes is one person informing dhs that your child was over there with drugs in the home, and/or your mom was using said substances in your child’s presence and that is grounds for your baby to be removed from your care. No. Way. In. Hell. Would I ever leave that to chance. If mom wants to continue to do drugs, she is allowed to decide that. However, in choosing that, she also choosing the consequences that follow. In this case, your child’s safety and overall wellbeing is more important than continuing your relationship with her, or your daughter’s relationship with her. If she chooses the drugs, she made her choice. Let her go and cut her off. Children should never be subjected to drug use, recreational or not. It never ends well.
Wow at the enablers on this post. Y’all mean to tell me you wouldn’t flush your mother’s meth if you found it? You wouldn’t at least try to save her? Just let her do her drugs so one of her children can find her OD’d one day? 🤦 it’s obvious so many of you have never watched an addict spiral out of control and hope to God they ask for help before they wind up dead. 🤦 the harsh fact is SHE is the one that has to ask for help, you can’t force it but, you bet your ass i’d be flushing her stash every chance I got!!
You are allowed to set boundaries and have your feelings. Do not allow someone’s choices to change you. Focus your energy on your child, that is who matters most.
Weed ? Or like hard core chemicals? Big difference… if it’s weed you need to grow up and get out more.
I know very many people who use a “drug” whether is he sex music alcohol or something somewho face plant and others who are very active members of society. It is not your place to judge other people. My opinion if she had never harmed you your child or your brother. Cares for her herself in a healthy manner for society the mind you own damm business
Unfortunately addicts have their heads so far up their asses they will betray ANYONE and RUIN their lives for their addiction. The only person who can convince her to get clean is herself. She needs to heal the traumas that are causing her to use, also.
I made my parents choose. I parent chose to clean up their act the other did not. I didn’t want my child growing up seeing their grandparents strung out, and no they weren’t doing weed.
You dont say what the drugs are… obviously you must do whats right for your family but your mom is an adult and must be allowed to make her own choices.
Throwing the drugs away was wrong and could have caused serious health problems for your mom…its not your decision to make
If she is an addict using hard drugs…let her know you love her and want to help when she’s ready to stop . You won’t visit with your child but you are at the end of a phone anytime she needs you
If its weed…she’s probably in pain or suffering anxiety and finds it helps. Ask her not to smoke when your child is there if it upsets you but so many people use it now its almost a normal everyday thing and harmless .
Its her home…her life…her choices.
Do not just straight up, cut her out of your life. She needs help
If your mom is addicted to hard drugs and someone throws them away? That’s dangerous! You don’t go into someone’s house, mother or not, and throw their stuff away. Sounds like you both didn’t think of what would happen if she doesn’t have those drugs.
I had a mom like this as well. I cut her off and told her Im here and she can come find me when she is clean again. Just tell her you love her. Try not to cut her off with too much anger. You never know if/when you may see her again. My mom sadly passed away shortly after I cut her off and I regret to this day how mean I was and wish at the very least I had told her I loved her.
1 not right on your brothers part to search her place.
2 she grown ass women and clearly she didn’t want none y’all to know because she’s probably been doing it way before you was born.
3 if your concern about your kid seeing it then don’t take your kid to see her or let her see him/her.
4 keep your nose and everything else out of her business.
Honestly asked on a recovery page. You’ll get much more Thorough advice from those in recovery. The reality is making someone in addiction make an instant choice between drugs and you will often result in the individual picking drugs ( maybe secretly) sometimes though we need to cut that person off for our well being. You need to ask yourself if you are ready and willing to have her Completely out of your life? Because that is a strong possibility to happen. If your not ready for that reality make sure you set hard boundaries and don’t waver on those. I hope your momma gets help. I feel for you 
Cut her off??!! Maybe offer to help her get into recovery and support her . She needs help! I just don’t think turning your back on her will help.
You didn’t specify the drug… if she’s an addict however… there’s plenty of reasons you can articulate.
Let her hit rock bottom and then take her to rehab no one but herself can convince her that she’s wrong
I feel like you guys have probably been making excuses for your mum most of your lives. She knows you don’t want to cut her off lovely, she’s counting on in it. Stick to your boundaries.
Because this is anonymous we can’t ask what drug. But with it being anonymous and you still not mentioning what drug I’m going to assume it’s weed. She even tried to tell you why she started using it, meaning it’s helping her with something she’s struggling with, sounds like weed. If it’s weed, like I think, your brother ows her some money and you and him need to grow up and resurch so you know how wrong you are. And why the hell is your brother going through her stuff in the 1st place? That’s rude and disrespectful.
Let your aunt know about your mother and than have an intervention. Maybe she’ll see the light maybe she won’t. Keeping your daughter safe is all you can do if she chooses the drugs
What kind of drugs? I guess this all depends on her behavior. If you don’t feel she’s safe with your child then don’t leave her with her. If she gets violent then I’d cut her off. She’s right. She’s an adult you can’t make decisions for her. You can make decisions for yourself based in her decisions.