What Should I Do About My Mom?

This question was submitted to our community via our Facebook page and/or our Answers forum. Responses are also taken from the community. If you have your own parenting or relationship question you would like answers to, submit on Facebook or Answers.


"My brother went to go visit my mom and found drugs in her apartment… he threw it away that day. Our mom confronted him and got upset explaining why she started using it. We told gave her an ultimatum us or drugs she basically said she’s her own person and she can do what she’s wants. So she’s not choosing on or the other but leaving the choice up to us because she said shes going to do what she wants. My brother and i have very little family. Her and an aunt is all we have so we don’t want to cut her off bc we don’t want to be so alone in life and obviously love her, but at the same time drug use like this is gross… i also have a 3yo she adores but i can’t let her go over there knowing this. I can’t articulate an exact reason why i don’t like her using drugs or why it’s bad… or why i don’t want my daughter to have anything to do with her now. I’m lost help"

RELATED: How Do I Tell a Woman I Don’t Know Her Husband Is Cheating… With My Mom?


The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"Maybe ask your mom why she’s using them and how can you help her stop? Care and compassion might go alot further then demands and ultimatums."

"If its weed leave her alone it’s not hurting anything. If its something else. Yeahhh don’t tolerate that."

"Hey, sounds like mom is at that time of life that she has aches and pains…some from birthing you. If grass, alot of older people smoke now…we came of age in the 60-70s for heaven’s sakes! I doubt small children notice or care, older kids know but their gonna do what they want too anyway. Enjoy your family and let everyone live their life as they chose. You can agree to disagree and let it go."

"She is an adult leave her alone to make her own choices. And dont leave your children alone with her depending on the drugs. It’s her life so it’s also her choices. If she is taking care of what she needs to then dont worry about it. She is a grown ass woman and can make her own choices"

"It really depends on the kind of drugs she’s using. If it’s weed, let it alone. Anything else, is cause for concern. However, you can’t give an addict an ultimatum. You can still be in her life and have her in yours, just don’t enable her."

"Okay so your brother shouldn’t be throwing away anything in your mom’s home. Drugs or not. You guys can decide you don’t want a relationship with her. That’s understandable. But maybe try to see why she’s turning to drugs? And set boundaries with her regarding your child and let her know that you don’t trust her judgment since you know she is using, therefore you can’t trust her with your child."

"It’s her life. Would you have even known if he didn’t find them? As long as she does it on her own time and don’t ask you for anything. Then so what?"

"What drug? And ultimatums never work with addicts if it’s hard drugs anyways."

"Sometimes you have to let them hit rock bottom in order for them to WANT to make a change. She has to want it, you can’t force it. Maybe stepping back and her realizing that she has somewhat lost you will make her want that change. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I went through it with my niece who I adore and she gave it up for herself and her kids but ultimately went back to it a couple years later and she lost her fight with drugs. Good luck"

"Cannabis? Let it go. Heroin etc? You don’t have to be involved or let your child go there. However you’re not going to make her stop unless she wants to. You can say I choose not to be involved with you if you do this. If you want me to help you get into rehab/recovery let me know. She’s an adult, that’s all you can do."

Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!