My husband got custody of his daughter when she was 7. I came into the picture when she was 8 and have raised her as my own since (She’s now 17) and we’ve always had a typical Mother/Daughter relationship, neither of us refer to the other as Step. Her Mother passed of a drug overdose so she gets Social Security deposited into a bank account with my husbands name to be used for her. In November of last year she began seeing a boy (18) that we really liked at first but we soon started noticing things such as him being very controlling, Wanting to know where she is all times and screaming at her if she didn’t text him back immediately. This past January we told her he wasn’t welcome at our house for a while because of his behavior and she flipped, yelling and screaming. She asked when she could move out and her Dad told her if she couldn’t follow rules and be respectful she could leave and he couldn’t stop her, She left with her boyfriend that night. She called wanting the bank card and my husband told her he wouldn’t give her the card because the account was in his name and couldn’t be turned over to her name until she turns 18 but that as long as she stays in school and maintains her grades (She was passing all of her classes at home) he would withdraw it every month for her but if doesn’t do her classes online (virtual school) or drops out the money gets put into savings every month and she gets it when she turns 18 this November. She attempted school for maybe a total of 2 weeks, She had well over 100 absences and her highest grade was a 15 before she dropped out in April so her money had been put into savings since then. Now she is threatening to take us to family court and her and her boyfriend are harassing us constantly. My Husband says he’s sticking to his guns, He told her what would happen if she quit and he meant it. At this point, I’m ready to draw it out for her to end the drama! What would y’all do??
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about my step daughter? - Mamas Uncut
Let your husband handle it he’s doing just fine
Seems to me that dad is doing his job just fine!
You two (husband) must stick together as a team, allow him to make the decision
Back your husband, a united front always stands stronger
I dont think anything would become of it, it probably wouldnt even make it to a court room bc its the law that she cant access til 18 & by the time she would make it to a court room, she would be 18. just brush it off & ignore it. but her boyfriend sounds abusive as hell & if she doesnt see all these red flags now, she will when he starts smacking her around. its only a matter of time. she may just need to learn the hard way🤷🏻♀️
Stick to what she was told!
Stick to your guns. A deal is a deal.
Let your husband handle it and if he doesn’t want to save it for her he doesn’t have to. That money goes for supporting her so if any of those months he was paying her bills or putting food on the table for her it counts. When she is 18 they will send paperwork for the school to fill out if she is going to school for the money to keep going until 19 however I wouldn’t do it. Let it end at 18 and be done.
It’s called tough love. Stick to it. She’s still a minor and if she tries to take you to family court they may just put her I’m a home.
Your husband is correct. I used to get those checks because my.mom died when I was a minor and as long as she is under 18 he is her payee and makes the decisions for that money, not her! She can try family court if she wants to waste her time but they won’t do anything.
Your husband is doing the right thing. Let him handle her.
Stand strong…for her sake
your husband is right. something has changed, if she’s missing school and her grades are dropping. he just might be saving her future.
Don’t back down, he’s doing right.
Stick to your guns. Make her wait longer. Likely he is the one that wants the money.
YOU 2 stand your ground and stick to your guns!! Tough love never hurt! She will finally see life when reality smacks her in the face!
Don’t give it to her…
Stick with ur husband hes doing the rite thing and it’ll wrk out these kids nowadays think they can do anything they want
Stay out of it. Hes got the lead on this one. You know what’s going to happen to that money the minute they get their hands on it. You do NOT want fingers pointing your direction when that happens.
It’s the boyfriend. She’s probably being pressured to cause such a huge deal over something that was so simple to follow as she had proven record of good grades. Stick to your guns and she’ll eventually work her way back home❤️ Your husband is doing the right thing. She needs tough love in order to see that what this boyfriend is doing is in fact not love.
Don’t give her shit. Stick to the plan. Nov. Is right around the corner. Block her number. Let dad finish handling it if its stressing u out.
Back your husband no matter how rough it is. Hes doing it for her own good.
First, the money was never meant to be given TO her. It was meant to HELP SUPPORT her.
Give it to her at 18.
She gives him any grief, he should cancel the account and hold it until she is 21
She needs to leave him my x was the same way than he started punching me leaving bruses etc get her out before she ends up hurt
Don’t give into her wait until she’s 18. Your husband is doing the right thing. Unfortunately I’ve been with a guy like that for 5 1/2 years they get in your head they make you think everyone is against you and that there the only one who has your back. It’s terrible.
Don’t do it . First that’s going to cause all kinds of drama between you and ur husband second she’s acting all wrong I think dad is right in this
Hold on stick to your guns she will respect that in the future and meanwhile she will think about it
Being that she’s under aged still and everything, the court can’t do shit about it. Keep sticking to your guns. Y’all got this
Seems to me the boyfriend wants the money just as much as she does . She can have it in 3 months . So if school isn’t important to her she can wait for it .
yu are the stepparent,tell yur hubby to stick to hia ground and dont give in,if she tryes to take him to court makesure yu have eveery message she sent and she be laughed out of court.its her boyfriend been the one to telling her what to do.
No, let him continue to put it in savings. What he is doing for her will help in the long run. Hopefully between now and then they’ll (the daughter and boyfriend) will separate and she can see what truly went down. Maybe talk to her in an attempt to get her to realize how her boyfriend is controlling her. Don’t bring it up, but ask small things about the relationship and just stick around a bit until she realizes what’s going on.
stand your ground and dont give her any money she might be dabbling in drugs or drinking her mother had a past and with her behavior changes she could be using
Hi, I receive survivor benefits for my minor child and I would not turn the money over to my child either. However, if she’s still 17 and not living at home, I would make her return home. If SSA finds out dad is collecting the benefits but the child is not living with him, they could order repayment.
Stick to you guns but the money will stop when she turns 18 unless she stays in school and proof of such not a good situation good luck
If you back down and give in your husband would be so pissed off with you, then it will course a drama with you both. Let your husband handle the daughter, he’s going to right way about it. She needs to know and learn you need respect.
So is survivor benefits not to help raise a child and the costs associated with that? The child gets the money to spend how they see fit?
I would not go against the father. A united front is best… Besides the fallout between you and your husband is not worth it. She’ll get her money soon enough.
Stick to what was said… especially since she’s not 18 yet
Her survivors benefit will stop when she turns 18 first of all
Your husband HAS all rights to how its spent
Family court will more than likely put a chins petition on her
I would contact police dept report her as a runaway
Stay strong
Stand with your Man and use Tough Love it’s hard but maybe she will wake up and leave the control freak she chose to leave with
You might want to consult with a lawyer. The money has guidelines according to SSA and it must be spent on them and no you cant put it in a savings account. Be mindful if u go to court it might not be in ur favor.
U can’t really do anything and she can take dad to court and she will most likely win bc it is her money and she’s at the age of making decisions in the courts eyes
You should call the police. Your underage child is being emotionally abused by her adult boyfriend and y’all are just letting it happen. 
Stick to your guns. They will eventually split then she will
Come crawling back. When she comes back you can lay rules down and she will know you are serious.
Stand your ground there is a reason minors have to have a payee on any social security income she isn’t responsible enough to stay in school then she isn’t responsible to handle any amount of money
Your husband is 100% correct
Your husband is responsible for how the money is spent. It should be reported to social security that she is no longer in the house tho. Just to save face with social security. When my son was under 18 and drawing social security that check was for rent and bills for him.
Stick to your guns and pray she will see your lone. Its hard love
Stick to your guns and pray they break up before November. But more than likely she will be back in Jan when the money is gone and he dumps her
Stay out of it,your husband is responsible if you get involved he will resent you especially if things go wrong,I know it’s hard but stay out of it
It would be nice if it could be out away till she was 25!
Stick to his guns! Do NOT give her that money.
The boyfriend is trying to get her to get it so he can trick her out of it. Stay strong don’t give it to her while he’s in the picture. My niece and nephew got money for their mom when she passed. It stopped when they turned 18 her might stop then too
Mind your dam. Business and let the husband be the father he is being…teaching his daughter respect, boundaries and consequences of her actions … Withdrawal would only cause more issues that you definitely don’t want coming your way. Remember this too…her ass will be crawling back soon when that boy is done destroying her. Let her ass figure out life… she chose to leave now handle that business
Stick to your guns… don’t give in…if you have other kids… they’re watching…
Let her take you to court!!
I’d stick to my guns…giving in is the easy thing to do and good parenting is anything but easy.
Head up! Keep strong! And pray!
Take her to the bank. Get her savings account, put 50% of her money in the new savings account. The rest will be under her dad’s account. She’s 17, soon to be 18. Let her be and stay out the way.
I agree with everyone don’t give in to her. Won’t the checks stop when she turns 18? So once he gives her the money what is she going to do then? Praying all goes well for you all.
Your husband is right. The boyfriend sounds abusive and controlling and I can honestly see this ending badly for your step daughter. She is not 18 yet so technically speaking she is still a child and still under care of her parents.
It sounds like the boyfriend is trying to use her for money. Stick with your husband because this looks like it’ll head south and you’ll regret if you gave into helping her abuser use her
Don’t give her nothing until she’s 18…she needs to have her but in a school
I would do same thing
Stand by your husband and stick to your guns. She will eventually realize it isn’t going to work and she’ll come crawling back. It’s a hard lesson to learn, we’ve all been there, but apparently she needs to learn the hard way.
If she goes to court to become an emancipated minor she might be able to get it. But to become emancipated she first prove she is capable of taking care of herself. Or. A job. Pay rent go to school. Doesn’t sound likes she’s ready to adult yet. So hold strong. At 18 give it to her and tell her enough enough.
So you’re just worried abt the money and not the CHILD being ABUSED by this ADULT?
Stand your grounds. Shes being an intitled brat.
stand by your husband
Hold your guns bcuz she’s still very young. She will blow it and he will be gone . She will thank you for it later
Stick to it and id suggest callingnpolice for a domestic issue between those kids. Hes toxic for sure
Your husband is doing the right thing in this situation don’t back down
Totally my opinion here but at the end of the day your just a step parent and what he says goes he’s her father. If you undermine him that makes you look bad. You need to stand behind Him regardless of your feelings
Don’t do it! Let him stick with it and stand by your husband. She don’t control anything. LEGALLY that’s his money to support her. She choose to leave 
it’s not rightfully hers. If the harassment continues file charges or block all contact. Seems like hubby has it under control
she only will get it til the age of 18 to start
So the money isn’t technically hers. It’s for the benefit of her. The money is your husbands. Sometimes they audit people receiving SSI in order to make sure the funds are being used to provide for the child. I’d personally just let her waste her time taking you to family court. You guys have done nothing wrong. My daughters money comes in each month into my account and then I send half to her savings. She’s only 8 but she won’t be touching any of that $ if she doesn’t finish school.
Back your husband. If you go against him it will only cause even more drama!
If she’s not in school, the money stops at 18 anyway. If she goes to college full time. It stops at 19. My daughter’s will stop this year at 18. I already got the letter from the SSA.
Must sick to your guns on this one…
Or possibly forever she’ll try to blackmail you if she knows she can manipulate.
IE: if she gets pregnant, she’ll use the baby to get her way… If she sees now Blackmail
(threatening with courts) don’t work on you two… Maybe she’ll wake up. Prayer’s
If it goes to court social security is gonna want that money back, she has to be in school over the age of 16 they will cut survivors benefits if they drop out
Don’t give in to her. I have been dealing with this but it is my son who is being controlled by a manipulative girl. I have been dealing with this for over two years now (his father passed away in 2018 and son is 17 almost 18). I have not gave him access to any money as I know that she will have him blow it all on her and then leave when the money is gone next year. He is still going to school but that is because he knows that he needs his diploma to get a job doing what he wants to.
Stick with him… she made decisions knowing the consequences…
I had a baby at 16 and my mom claimed my son on her taxes as well as my child’s dad. We (baby and I) lived with my mom so she had the right to claim him. It caused some issues but years later I’m happy she did what she did. Stick to your guns, someday she will thank you for doing it.
Back him up he is trying to stop her from ruining her life
Back your husband. That would be a huge slap in the face to him if you give in to her
she’s young and making stupid decisions, she will BLOW that money in a heartbeat. stick to what your husband is saying!
He’s doing more than I would do.
Back your husband lovely! Stay strong!
I am with dad. And if they are worried about money maybe he could get a job
You gotta back her dad on this one. The bf probably wants to run that money into drugs. Better that it happens when she is fully responsible for her actions in the eyes of the law, and not when you and your husband might be liable for them.
The dad’s right. Stand by your husband. She will realize what a fuck up she’s being and she’ll come around. Until than keep it in the savings. She’ll thank him when she grows up.
It is her money it’s not your husbands I get the same benefits for my dad who passed when I was 18 yu have to let your kid fall on their ass sometimes if she’s out the house give it to her when her benefits get cut off they are going to send a paper letting you guys know send her a picture end of discussion
Dnt know the hole story, bt I just say this him taking the money wrong she move out he should every month give to her she getting that money cuz her mother, it nt him or ur to hold on too bt again DNT know the hole story we only know what u say
When she turns 18 she will just blow it anyway. I would make sure to pay any bills that she made while there. I wouldn’t give it all to her. Also I would invest some of it for her. So when she finally gets her head out of her a** and becomes mature enough to get away from her idiot bf then she will have something to use.
Since she isn’t in school it stops the day she turns 18. Keep saving it she will come around. Not right away but hopefully she will. You need to be her parents not her friends. And for the love of the god’s, do not go over your husband head and do that.
Do not withdraw it whatever you do. Stick by ur husband and let him handle this situation as much as it hurts you. She needs to learn the hard way that she cannot just demand things and if her bf is possessive you know for sure it’s him asking for that money. I will pray for you and ur husband to find the strength to not give in. Good luck
Okay ima speak from my own personal situation… I would back ur husband up and just tell okay if u wanna go to court then go ahead and the reason I say this is this: when your young (ie. ur daughter) u dont think anything completely through you go off of emotions majority of the time. I came from an alcoholic and drug abusive house I’m 34 now but back when I was her age I thought I knew it all and had it all figured out I dated the wrong ppl I hung out all hours n never went to school(so bad an officer showed up to my house n drove me himself) my mom was hooked on drugs gave my sister up n I could have easily turned out just like her I had pushed my dad away to where he wouldn’t even take my calls bc I was 17-18 thinking I knew more then everyone. As I got older I had a son and then a few miscarriages but I finally got my shit together on my own BUT I feel like if my family (mainly my dad and stepmom) would have stuck to their gins n gave me “tough love” I feel as if I would have done way better early on then much later. Being a parent is hard at any age and I’m not one to tell someone how to live their life or by any means raise their children but I can say if I was in ur shoes I wouldn’t give in no matter how much u love her n wanna help she chose to leave probably due to thinking like a teen knowing everything and she needs to see wat life could be like a lil bit of tough love won’t hurt if not taken too far. I hope that u find peace and that she does realize that both of y’all r only doing wat ur doing bc u do love her. If u ever need to talk I’m just a message away 
Back him up!! your a team!
“strong front in front of your kids, Fight about it later!” my mom always told me that and now that I have kids I get what she meant!
He told her the consequences she didn’t believe him that’s on her. they can take y’all to family court but they won’t do anything until she’s 18. She will be thanking you later! Been there done that and I’m so thankful my parents never left my side! Don’t leave her even if she pushes y’all away to do so. Even if it means you take a step back for a while! Don’t leave her alone she will need y’all sooner or later
Stick to your guns. Her controlling boyfriend will use the money all up. I’ve been in a situation where I got a lot of money from a car accident lawsuit and my boyfriend & I spent every nickel like it was water. 35 years later I am kicking myself in the a$$