My husband got custody of his daughter when she was 7. I came into the picture when she was 8 and have raised her as my own since (She’s now 17) and we’ve always had a typical Mother/Daughter relationship, neither of us refer to the other as Step. Her Mother passed of a drug overdose so she gets Social Security deposited into a bank account with my husbands name to be used for her. In November of last year she began seeing a boy (18) that we really liked at first but we soon started noticing things such as him being very controlling, Wanting to know where she is all times and screaming at her if she didn’t text him back immediately. This past January we told her he wasn’t welcome at our house for a while because of his behavior and she flipped, yelling and screaming. She asked when she could move out and her Dad told her if she couldn’t follow rules and be respectful she could leave and he couldn’t stop her, She left with her boyfriend that night. She called wanting the bank card and my husband told her he wouldn’t give her the card because the account was in his name and couldn’t be turned over to her name until she turns 18 but that as long as she stays in school and maintains her grades (She was passing all of her classes at home) he would withdraw it every month for her but if doesn’t do her classes online (virtual school) or drops out the money gets put into savings every month and she gets it when she turns 18 this November. She attempted school for maybe a total of 2 weeks, She had well over 100 absences and her highest grade was a 15 before she dropped out in April so her money had been put into savings since then. Now she is threatening to take us to family court and her and her boyfriend are harassing us constantly. My Husband says he’s sticking to his guns, He told her what would happen if she quit and he meant it. At this point, I’m ready to draw it out for her to end the drama! What would y’all do??
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about my step daughter?
Stick to your guns! Family court will side w you until shes 18!
Not your place. His daughter, let him parent as he sees fit. He will resent you
Stick to what your husband said to do
Stay strong! When shes 18, then she can have it.
I would not give in! That just lets her know that she can walk all over you both more then she already thinks she can!
Id stick to what was said. Support him, but remind him of what he said and how she will abuse the money. I wouldn’t even give her the money at 18, you all don’t even have to give it to her then. It was to raise her, not to save for her.
Definitely stick to your guns she sounds like a brat
Don’t give in and pray for her
Stick to it Papa Bear. It’s the right thing to do.
Don’t give in, when she turns 18 she can have it.
He made that choice. Hes the father. Respect his choice and dont undermined him.
No. You leave it right where it’s at. Don’t undermine him. Maybe by then she’ll have wised up a little. There’s nothing family court will do except scold her for being foolish and dropping out of school.
She is going to be 18 in months. You should not take out the money. Not okay for you to do that ever
I would turn that 18 year old man in. He has no business with a minor.
I agree with your husband.
Hes right for sticking to his guns. Don’t give in, she’ll then think she can always get her way. Family court would likely side with your husband anyway if she did try that. Which honestly, shes probably just using as a scare tactic thinking he’ll give in because of it.
Let her figure out how much family court will cost her.
I would do what tour husband is doing but I wouldn’t give it to her at 18, I would wait till she was 21 or even 24, when she has matured a little. SS will tell you that all you are required to give is $30 the rest is for your expenses raising her, he is generous to even give her what is saved up.
Do not give in, you are teaching her a very valuable lesson!
Don’t give it to her, she can have it when she turns 18.
I’m with pops on this one!
Be there for her as a support and when the rug inevitably gets pulled out from under her. Make sure she knows you love her. But don’t touch that money for her.
She’s gonna do what she’s going to do. Unfortunately. She has to make her own mistakes. I’d be more worried about the boyfriend then the money. If she blows the money? It’s gone. She will learn. It’s her money to do as she pleases (at 18). But that’s where y’all will be called to “save” her financially. And that’s where You now have control to teach her there’s consequences and stuff.
But again. Worry about the boyfriend.
No way stick with hubby
Stick to your guns 
Let her take your husband to court. Legally she is supposed to stay with your husband until she is 18. She will get herself in trouble
Sorry but not trying to be mean but you’re better off to step back and let husband deal with this.
Follow your husband’s lead
No good can come from her having the money. The boyfriend is also pulling the strings.
I would make getting her out of the abusive relationship a priority. If the account is in dad’s name she isn’t entitled to it.
If you give her the card she won’t see a dime her boy friend will keep it and buy shit with it . Don’t let her have it at all
The money is meant to be used on her, not given to her. It stops when she is 18 too. The court won’t order him to turn it over to her. It’s given to him as a kind of… guardian of it while she is a minor. He gets to decide what to do with it.
Technically it stops if they drop out of school
I agree with the rules; however it is a social security/survivors benefit law that you have to report if the child is not living with you or you may have to pay the money back. So I’d look into that before standing your ground
Be very careful. Families get killed over that nonsense in these days.
Don’t give it to her.
NO! Her Father has made it clear what the consequences would be. She’s got a RUDE awaking coming should she be able to retain an Attorney, He is her Father, she is STILL a minor under the LAW which means DAD has the final say! Been there done that, SUPPORT YOUR HUSBAND!
Well it doesn’t go directly to her just because she wants it. He’s absolutely right in what he is doing - you should stand behind him. If she wants to drag it through court let her. She will loose.
You’re already getting the same advice from everyone. She’s not 18 yet, so don’t just give in. He’s still his parent and controls the checks till she turns 18. But are you on the account, how would you be able to withdraw the money anyways? She wants to be grown, so let her. This boyfriend is the bad news… it seems, he may just take it all from her
Stand your ground! She will hopefully appreciate it later. 
Let your husband handle it. He is doing a good job.
Let her blow the money, big life lesson
I’d back up my husband and show her he meant what he said. Father knows best here.
Your husband is right. That money was to use for her expenses growing up… Her father was doing her a favor by saving for her future. If I was him I would Keep at least 1/2 of the money and when she turns 18 I would give her a CD with a 3 year deferred payout and if she cashed it in early she would pay the penalty.
Let her take you to family court. The judge will likely side with you.
Her boyfriend wants the money. Her dad is not required to give her one. red. cent. REGARDLESS of where it is, he is the parent and it’s under his control. He doesn’t have to give it to her when she turns 18 either. It was meant to be used for her care until she turns 18, then they cut her off anyhow. It’s his to use. Now, he “could” put it in a trust to be earned when she meets certain conditions. Make the condition college. Her boyfriend will not tolerate this and she will be back before you know it
Stick to the guns and don’t let them have it… I would’ve told her she couldn’t touch it till she was 21
Don’t enable her! You’re not her friend, you are her mother
Sadly, the money will probably be gone as soon as she gets it bc im sure the bf has plans. However, I would stand with your husband. You and him have her best interest.
Make her get her Ged then give her money but not until she do that GED then give her money then let it be until she come to her senses
That money is there for you to help raise her. Pay for her needs… anything she could have needed through the years, food, clothes, dr visits, school fees/supplies, gifts, hygiene items…… you guys paid for that. It’s your money now (reimbursement). If he is kind enough to save it for her, he can give it to her whenever he feels is appropriate
You leave that money in the bank!! Your husband is right on WAY TO GO DAD!! let her threaten and have her fits shes doing it to get to you dont let her get to you. Her threatening court lol the judge will shake dadxs hand and tell her to grow up
The drama won’t end when he withdraws the money. When that’s given to her and it’s gone, she’ll be back for more…… stick to your guns! Let them take you to court! What’s the worse that can happen…… you will have to give her the money!!!
Stick with what you say,may be she will be more responsible at 18.
I would stick with your husband and she’s lucky he has the money even put away for her into a account. Do you know how many parents spend the money that they receive from social security for one that passes or even if they get it because of a parent that can’t work? My friend gets social security for her son seeing his father passed and she uses it every month towards rent and other things.
Don’t give in to her the money would be gone in a heartbeat
Let ur husband handle it
Let it be between them 2
Stay out of it. She knew the consequences and chose to go against him. It’s called tough love
The worst thing you could do is give in to her. Let her throw temper tantrums all she wants. She obviously needs the money so that means she doesn’t have the money to take you to family court. She’s giving empty threats to try to get her way. I also agree with the people that are saying to not give it to her when she turns 18. She wants to make big girl decisions so she can get a big girl job. That’s the boyfriends money at this point… not hers.
Your hubby is right 100% you leave it alone trust me I was the same way and it didn’t end pretty it took me years to straighten out if you give in she’s just going to get worse
Stand your ground you are doing the right thing. If he was any man for your daughter she wouldn’t even need that money and he would make sure she in school and doing something with her life. Family curses are real and you need to help her before she falls in her mother’s footsteps.
Put the money into a trust fund and release it when she’s 21.
Give it back to Social Security, if you go to court they will want it back because she moved out anyways. Let her file for it for the past if she wants to fill out the paperwork. She needs tough love and her boyfriend may just take all of the money anyways. Stick with the hubby on this one.
The drama won’t end stick to your guns bad guys come n go parents are forever
Don’t give into her, if anything try and see if you can get it put into a trust fund for her with a monthly or biweekly disbursement. She will be upset but a few years form now she will realize y’all just wanted the best for her.
Stay united with your husband.
Dont take it out and here is why … so I am my sons Conservator over his social security until he is 18, with that being said if ever called upon from Social Security I could have to show how the money is being spent. It has to be in her dads name as Conservator because she is a minor. If you give her money all your doing is enabling him to control 1 other thing about her
Tell her take you both to court you will find she be to gutless as it’s her boyfriend that wants the money and I say for drugs . Tell her go for it
Stick to ur guns!! Don’t give in at all!!
Dad is doing the right thing for his daughter, stick to your guns
Agree with dad. And try and get her to come home.
It’s a scary world out there for a young person. Nothing good can be happening for her right now, find a way to get her home.
She needs you to get her out of that abusive relationship, he will probably take the money, she could end up on a slab in the mortuary…
Don’t just toss her aside because she’s not following rules, I’ve lived exactly this and it ruined my life and made me make even worse decisions in life, I cannot express just how much she needs you, she needs your support…
Don’t let her down x
Dont let her near the money x
I would say I agree with dad. Sounds like she’s taking a dangerous path right now and if she gets ahold of that $ all at once, she may end up just like bio mom did.
Stick to your guns and tell her to take her father to court. Then go from there.
I’m on the dad’s side! He’s completely right! She’s gotta learn some how
Support your husband. Get a restraining order against her.
Stick to his word and stand with him. He’s doing the right thing and she’s 100% in the wrong
Dont give Into her or her bf at all y’all r doing what is right and everything and if u guys do go to court they will see that she’s not in school no more cuz of ur bf and make sure y’all have Prof of what he’s been doing to y’all and her before she moved out
Stand your ground. It sounds like her bf is controlling her knowing that she has money and that’s why she is acting out because he is pushing for her to get the money for him. Honestly invite her back home to talk about it (without the boyfriend). Ask her why she wants the money, what will she use it for, why doesn’t she have a job if she needs money. Question her and than ask for 2 days to come to a decision. Let her know that the money that is in the account is money for emergencies in case anything happened to her or that it was money for her to go towards a house or a car and you hoped that she used it for that.
Technically if she quit school she is no longer eligible to receive those survivors benefits. It should be sent back so Social Security.
The drama won’t end. And she shouldn’t get the money until she actually graduates
I’d check into it he might get in trouble if he does just hand it all over but NEVER EVER give her bamk card to account in your name she’d overdraw it id also call social security when she’s 18 and cut it offake her re apply
I did this at 18 I did the same exact thing to my parents over a boy. Her relationship won’t work out and she’ll come back home within the next year it lasted 9 months for me believe me she will be back once the money completely stops because he will dump her. I honestly would just give it to her and watch how fast she comes home after the moneys gone
Put the money in a trust. Release the funds at 21. If she’s not in school, she has plenty of time to work.
In my opinion, Dad is right. If they continue to threaten legal action simply state, “GOOD LUCK” 
.
I wouldn’t give it to an 18 year old.
I’d wait until she’s at least 20-25.
That money would be blown otherwise.
Don’t give it to her, if it were me I’d stand by what my husband said
Stick to your guns and support your husband!!!
I agree with the Dad in this situation, that was and has been the agreement for a long time standing, she is being disrespectful and outright ( I’m sorry) stupid for her actions, it’s stated she was obviously doing well in school prior to this controlling insecure little boy entering her life, if she wants what was clearly thought out of love for her to do right by herself with a bit of a parenteral push per se, than she needs to work for it.
Let her bitch and complain but that girl will someday be SOO grateful for a father ( and please stick by him on this, as a stepchild, trust me on this) and stepmom that laid it down and didn’t back down, she will thank you someday.
It’s only going to make your daughter even more resentful if you guys keep the money. I’ve been there, I left home at 17 and my aunt was getting money for my legal father passing away as well. I didn’t get a single dime of it and I was still in school. It’s for her living expenses you might as well give it to her or send it back, you don’t want this coming and biting you in the ass later down the road. As for the boyfriend she’s gotta learn that on her own and realize it’s not a good relationship on her own time. Shes practically an adult now, you can’t control everything unfortunately.
Don’t break your husbands rules. Remember that’s his real kid.
Stick by your husband and his decision.
Absolutely not. No. Stand your ground mama. She doesn’t even know what she’s doing asking for that, or threatening what she has. She’s either influenced or blind, either way, don’t let a teenager tell you what’s right or wrong. You got this mama 
Stick with your husband.
Keep putting it in savings. I agree with your husband, he told her what would happen.
I hope she gets out of that relationship for her mental health
Give her the money and end the drama.
Don’t give into the emotional blackmail stick to your guns that’s what you have to do as a parent
Let your husband handle it the way he has been she’ll get the card soon enough and it’ll be over hopefully y’all can rebuild y’all’s relationship