I have been going through the process for divorce for 3 years. He left me financially in a hole after being a stay at home mom. He with held the car I used for our children. The remaining assets are a home and retirement. He is in a financial bind now because he falsely claimed the children on his taxes after being told not to. He tried to keep the stimulus. He has tried every way to make this harder. Now he wants to divide our 2 children up like assets because he is in a hole and wants to be off child support. I have been the sole caretaker their entire lives. We had an agreement and he backed out because he was being to generous. Now we have to go to mediation. Any advice would be much appreciated. TIA
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about this situation with my ex?
Let ur lawyer fight for you, don’t give in
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Do joint custody , (meaning he has visitation) but have placement with you( meaning the live with u) and absolutely no do not let him claim them if he does not help…. If it was 50/50 then yes split 1 and 1 on taxes
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Don’t split them up, he needs to pay child support. Just because he tried to cheat and got caught is not your fault. I would fight the whole way.
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My ex has financially fucked me in every which way possible on top of everything else he has done to me. I feel for you, one day at a time. I hope you can resolve it.
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Take n act for everything u can get
My advise. Pray about it and believe God will do what’s best for your children.
Don’t let him off shit let the lawyer fight. He made those kids he can help take care of them. But considering the bs he put u guys through AND ur the main caretaker, he doesn’t deserve ur leniency
Have a good lawyer. Good luck. 
Fight for what is best for the kids and as long as u keep that in the forefront it’ll all work out
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7yrs later I’m stilling fighting this fight…the divorced was finalized a very long time ago but we are still in court fighting about everything associated with the kids we havenone that aged out and is now almost 20 my ex doesnt talk to him at all now but is still fighting with me in court about the other 2 it’s been so so so exhausting and so much to deal with for me and the kids we have spent so much money on lawyers and gals and everything else it’s just crazy just crazy …my best advice get a fierce lawyer and they dont come cheap but if u want the control and crazyness to end at some point I’d get the fierce lawyer first!!!
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Nope tell him not your problem. Do not bend for one second. Remember the pain he caused you and your babies. Girl stand on the ground you have. Stop feeling sorry for that boy.
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Get a job/career. Make your own way and pay your own way, protect yourself and take half. Having children doesn’t give you license to expect to be a stay at home mom, living off child support, benefits, and spousal the rest of your life.
So effing weird how people don’t think their fathers have a right to have their children equally. Let’s hear the other side of the story 
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Don’t split them up.
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Do not divide up your kids for him. Stay strong and have a good lawyer. Best wishes.
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If you get the child support for both children, will it be used for the kids? If you divide the kids up financially so he doesn’t pay child support, will his portion be used on the kids? From the sounds of it, it would not. That money would be used for himself and not for the children. This is about them and doing what is best for them to ensure they have a home, food, clothing and can participate in school activities like other children and not go without. I’d go after the child support and not give him a break because this is about the kids, not him.
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Stand your ground…get a good lawyer…never settle out of court
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Be honest ! They’ll see right through him
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Get a good lawyer and nail him to the wall.
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Fight for your children. They shouldn’t be split up. Also, putting them in some age appropriate therapy because being used as property instead as human beings will be disorienting. Find a a great gamily lawyer nomatter the cost. No good judge in their right mind would split the kids up but you need someone to stand your ground. Don’t sign anything until it’s completely negotiated and best for the children because it sounds like the children are going to get the short end of the stick here. And work on yourself. Being a home provider does not render you useless in the work force. You can start with child care and go from there. You can do this all with out him. I’m a single mom of 6 living children. I barely get child support and I don’t rely on it. We aren’t rich but I love them more than anything in this world. You got this.
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No… kids shouldn’t be divided like that just to avoid child support
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Do not split anything especially children. He left you high and dry with nothing. Do not give into him for anything. He abandoned you and your children. Use an attorney do not do mediation. Court is always best with dead beat dad’s. Believe me been there do e that. Good luck and best wishes to you. All he sees is dollar signs with those children. Absolutely do not fall for his crap. Hugs
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Nope fight for them kids and sue him for all he’s going to have, including alimony, child support, and assets.
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No judge will split up children, he is being a dick, it will show in court and he will be laughed at
You won’t win full custody right off the bat with out serious cause like abandonment, provable abuse, ect but if you play like your being nice give him weekends side note who ever has the kids more gets the tax return but if he hasn’t had the kids for more then 6months a year he can not claim them … also if he hasn’t been suppling healthy insurance out of his pocket that’s needs to be address this is where parents can also get full custody and some time termination with adoption of another parent that’s been present threw the child’s life because you can not… but have health insurance big deal if you can provide dad hasn’t done it but say other half can but has no legal rights to child but can’t until adopted …. Honestly your best bet is to give weekends you keep school year because the children have always been with you as sole care provider school doctors apt Coucling a sporting events all of it make a good argument their about children’s mental health while maintaining relationships with dad on weekends as usual cause the least amount of stress on the kids you can then get child support worked out where when you have more time so he will sign an order agreeing to not take child take credit as a small credit towards lower child support amount since he won’t have them enought to claim but he will legally have a court order barring him from claiming kids been their life saver for stress see if you can a quite claim on the house and get him name off if you have the house loan in your name only that will give you full legal ownership mean judge is less likely to give him any assets out of it or entitlements that’s and try to get something showing how much you have paid on the house your self and him find every bank recite showing your payments and his to see who owns more equity talk to a lawyer or look up pro say self help Facebook groups their are a lot of people who have been here before and know how to help
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You let him reap what he sowed
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Did he feel bad leaving you in a financial hole when y’all split? My guess is no. His finances aren’t your problem. Your concern is the children. It doesn’t sound like he’s concerned with custody, just what comes with him having joint/sole custody.
If he moved out of the house when y’all split, you keep the house, let him keep his retirement. Request child support and spousal support. Then apply for any financial assistance you can get… food stamps, medical, child care etc. Don’t feel sorry for him. It doesn’t sound like he felt sorry for you or his children, when he left you with no means to support HIS children and then turned around and falsely claimed them on taxes and collected their stimulus.
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Hold his feet to the fire. Let your attorney fight for everything you can get. Don’t let him split the kids so he gets out of child support and who says that will relieve him of his responsibility?
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I can’t believe any judge would agree to splitting kids up. Depending what state you live in you may be entitled to half of everything. Depending how many years you’ve been married, you may also get maintenance payments from him.
Get a lawyer if you don’t have one yet.
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Well… it’s nice to see people being supportive and honest.
Are you asking more for legal advice though?
Start an affidavit…
-can you prove he agreed to you staying home WHILE together?
-can you prove he took YOUR money?
-is the vehicle in your name, or co-signed by you? And that it was to transport the children to school/doctors?
Do yourself a favour, contact legally aid b/c it sounds like you’d qualify.
Give them a list of things you are willing to compromise on, things you will not. (Share time/custody)
Educate yourself on items like section 7 & 9, because those tend to cause lots of fighting. You can look up child support online and it’ll give you a breakdown of how it’s split, and estimated amount.
Depending on age I would not split the children up by agree to shared custody, you as primary. You will still receive support and benefits, but does not take away from him as well. He is still the father and should have rights or a say in things like medical or schooling and time with his kids. Discuss with other families and a lawyer to figure out what you’d like, so split holidays, every second week or weekend providing both parties can arrange drop offs and pick ups.
And if your not already working, start looking. 1 you should for yourself and your kids anyways. Income and benefits, weather it be a medical emergency or simply to pay bills you need to be able to fight for yourself and show your kids to do the same. But refusing to work can also be used against you and they can put a income on you anyways in court. The minimum being 35k a year.
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When men act like this they’re trying to destroy you because of how they feel inside. He’s trying to take everything from you because he’s hurting inside. Go to mediation. Stand firm. Let it go to court if needed. They’ll see who he truly is. No court will divide kids like a record collection. Fight for child support and alimony. You’re entitled to it.
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DONT let him have custody!! He has caused you more then ENOUGH grief! Taking all the money & the car?! Wtf is he nuts?! In an emergency whatd did he think/expect you to do?! No he doesnt deserve anything! Even taking stimulus & claiming them on taxes when YOU should of rightfully got the $$!! Damn! I HOPE HOPE you have GOOD LAWYER that WONT let him get away w/ any other BS & get YOU the $& car you deserve & the house if you want it! If no agreement can be made the house will be sold & divided between you both. Hes put you & the kids thru ENOUGH! Forget his BS! Swing for the fences & get what you & kids deserve! Whatever trouble he got himself into is HIS OWN DOING/PROBLEM NOT yours!!The kids need you & to separate them just to appease/give him a way iut would be detrimental to kids well being! DONT separate them for their sake & yours! Keep them w/you & tough shit for him & if he dont like it etc You e been the caretaker NOT him & do you REALLY think hed pay attention or care for them?? Hes all about the MONEY he doesnt give a shit about taking care of them/their needs clearly! Everything hes done has been all about $$ for HIM & HIM ALONE! Good luck & hope your lawyer kicks ass for you!!
Those kids shouldn’t be divided and if he truly cared about THEIR best interest, he wouldn’t selfishly be doing that. If your kids are old enough, the judge will probably wanna hear what they want and I’m sure they won’t want separated
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I’ve never been in this situation so all I can say is don’t back down. Stand your ground for what you’re fighting for. He made it extremely difficult for you, why not return the favor a bit? Good luck!! 
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Get a good lawyer !!! Divorce is never fair
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I had My Ex’s Wages Garnished bcuz of this. Good luck. 
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I hope you have an attorney
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Don’t worry about his needs get what you snd your children need he wants you to feel bad for him so you go easy on him
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Get an attorney. Document everything he is doing
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Don’t divide your children’s money because of his immaturity and mismanagement.
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Take him to the cleaners if you can! He deserves it!
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Do not divide your children.
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Your getting a divorce but you been their care taker their own life but your a stay at home ???make sense before you post lies. You didn’t take care of the kids their own life by yourself the father was involved too 
Your full of shit and he deseves to see and be with his kids just like a mother does especially if he is a good father. A divorce don’t mean punish the kids because of it 
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Go to a good lawyer get custody of ur kids,but that he can see them every other weekend or talk to them during the week,he pays child support,to you ,you don’t have to take him to the cleaners,but you have will have to get a job,He pays for day care and housing,… try to get along with their Dad don’t talk bad about him in front of the kids,cause that will make you less in the kids eyes,it’s the kids that suffer in a Devorce
Don’t decide the children up that’s crazy
He completely screwed you over. So guess what he gets no leniency! None
Take him to the cleaners !!!
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Don’t split up the children.
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Get a good lawyer cuz I been through it and my ex winded up with the kids …don’t listen to what anyone says the judge don’t care what the children say…
How did you snag him for falsely claiming your children. My ex falsely claimed my son for a few years (I have proof) and idk where to report it too
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I hope you have a lawyer! No judge would split up young children!
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He’s in the hole. You aren’t. You don’t divide your children. They aren’t property. Your lawyer will get you what you deserve and the ex will have to pay
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That’s a hard no for me. He treated you and the kids like crap to advantage himself. I’m not sure what your thought process is right now. He has docked you at every corner and you want to think about accommodating him to help him. Sounds like that’s all he thinks about is him. So your kids need to you to be the logic here. Piss on him.
So he wants to divide the children, meaning he gets custody of one and you get custody of one? I don’t see that happening. Unless their is a need for the children to be separated, they’ll all be kept together. His financial hole, caused by him committing fraud, is not a valid reason. Get yourself a lawyer and let him keep digging himself into a bigger hole. I mean come on. He now wants custody of a/or child(ren) that he denied transportation to? A judge will see right through all of BS.
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Stand your ground!!! Divide the children up??? Like they’re objects??? Absolutely insane.
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Don’t go without an attorney!! Stand your ground and don’t try to be nice. Do what is best for your children!!
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Get a lawyer asap. Report him for the irs. Hopefully your agreement is in writing. Document everything and keep a copy in your email folder/ drive for safe keeping.
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Don’t back gown, don’t let him have the kids, he’s trying play poor,poor pitiful me.
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Never divide up your children. Get a lawyer. Let him figure out how to crawl out his hole.
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Don’t give him anything! He left you in a hole, it is not yours to care about his now. Go to mediation and get support. You don’t need a lawyer, get what they say he can financially give you, and the irs is his issue. Do not be “dumb” to many men like this. Take care of your babies and that’s it. The ones he didn’t care about when he took the car etc
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Only advice I have is stick to your guns. Don’t make any agreement that’s going to put you in a situation that leaves you struggling to take care of the kids. Period. He isn’t thinking about any of that, he’s thinking about himself. Think about yourself and the kids best interest. Stick to your guns and stay calm …
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Stand your ground and don’t try to split your kids up lol he dug the hole, he can live in it 
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Show that you have been sole care provider for the children and that it is in their best interest to be kept with you and TOGETHER
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Poor kids. Always in the middle of the adult messes.
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What he wants wont happen. Ur children will be with u i guarantee u that. Hes not a reliable parent
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If your children are under 16 they need their mother no matter what they think. They will want to go with the one with less rules. Ha don’t worry about it. Take them anyway they don’t know what they need. You are the boss.
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You are mom. You have been there when no one was. It’s not cruel to put yourself and children. He made that choice not you
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Don’t give up ur children. Let him figure it out he is the man an needs to accept his responsibilitys
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Lawyer up !!! You have to be firm , I do believe that children belong to both parents equally, and that they should spend the same amount of time with both when both parents are committed to them ( I will not mind not to get child support) if the father is equally present and responsible as I’m , but clearly this is not your case, he just wants the kid to save money and for me that is inexcusable.
If you are financially stable enough to negotiate a less amount, do it, but keeping the kids with you
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If he wants 50/50 custody then give it to him find a job and show him your no push over
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Stand your ground. If you have to go to real court it’s fine! Go to court. Don’t be scared. Don’t back down! He don’t get to divide kids!!!
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One more thing I want you to know legally. Even if you two do shared parenting you may still get child support. Ask for spousal support also. You may not get it because its been 3 years, but you might. Start asking for MORE!!! DEMAND TO BE THE RESIDENCIAL PARENT NO MATTER WHAT! why? Because you were always their main caregiver as you was the stay at home mom.
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Get a lawyer! And stay firm on what you want.
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How does that work…I going to feel unloved how do u pick witch one goes where…
Them kids need to be with mommy like they have been they are human not some kind of property …sad a daddy wants to do that
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When will people learn that divorce involving children is not about two grown adults who act like children, that it really is all about the children.
My heart is sad that the ex doesn’t think about what is best for his kids.
When you go back to mediation, please do not waver and fight for your children the hardest because in the end you will be okay but children being used as pawn will be scared for life.
Get yourself the best family lawyer you can and please get your babies into therapy.
Best of Luck to You!!
Blessings.
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Do not let him claim the kids. They’re with you the majority they are your deductions. The tax refund, stimulus, child tax are all money meant to improve their lives not for the parents. Take the money buy a car to transport them, use it to buy new furniture, pay bills off, put them in sports, music lessons etc. Use it in a way that will benefit them.
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Get you a good lawyer. Get child support, spousal support. Be ready to fight.
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He is purposely drawing the divorce longer so you can no longer afford it . I would put a stop to it now
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Lord have mercy. Children are not assets, or pawns, in a game of life.
Sister, get a lawyer. Do it for the future of your children.
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My son’s dad tried to divide our sons. The judge was not hearing any of it. He too was in a bind financially and dragged out court. I was ALWAYS our sons primary caretaker. No court is going to split up siblings except in extreme cases.
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Nope !!! The hole he dug is his own. Don’t you Dare bail him out !!! Yes, he must pay child support. Yes, he must pay you whatever he owes you !!! Don’t you give him any concessions!! This is called Karma. You can even enjoy it a little bit. Just tell him… sorry about your problems.
Get a lawyer that deals with family law and kids. ASAP
Make it it where he can only claim a kid if he’s up to date on CS. That’s the common way it’s done anyways.