I need some advice & guidance please no judgement. I been with my husband for 5 years married for 3 years we have a 21 month old. I’m a stay at home mom and he works second shift. For the past year and half things have got bad between us we fight all the time every time I tell him how I feel he says I’m complaining and turns it around and starts a fight. I don’t care to take care of everything in the house because he is working and I’m not but I never get a break and it is overwhelming. The past few months he sits on his phone from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed he doesn’t spend anytime with me or our child I have tried to talk to him about it and he says he doesn’t want to watch cartoons so stays on his phone I know that ain’t a excuse but anyways he normally gets mad and starts a fight he has threw his phone when I have asked him to put it down and pay attention to us. He doesn’t touch me sexually anymore but always makes comments about how I don’t touch him when yes I have stopped because I don’t find it fair anytime we do anything it’s all about him and that’s it he doesn’t touch me love on me or nothing. He is constantly watching porn which bothers me but I have got better about it but it’s the fact that he doesn’t notice me at all I cut my hair off big change he didn’t even notice it until I said something a week later. Our child doesn’t want nothing to do with him because he doesn’t play or nothing and it breaks my heart. He don’t know nothing about our child bedtime routine, how much she eats or drinks in a day, her doctors appointments, clothing size or nothing he has never gave her a bath or put her to bed. He turns anything around and starts a fight when I try to talk to him about anything and I just am left feeling worse then I already did. I love him but I’m starting to fall out of love and I want to try to fix it but not for sure if it can be. If we was to split I would have to go back to work full time and I can’t afford child care and everything else by myself and I have no family that can watch her while I’m at work. Please help I need guidance and advice.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do?
He will either help or he won’t. I would not tolerate it, but everyone’s situation is different. I’ve been a stay at home Mom and a working Mom. However, we have always shared responsibilities. If I clean up dinner, he gives the bathes, he always gets up in the night even though I don’t work and he does. He knows how hard being a stay at home Mom is. Counseling could help. My husband does not know all the kids sizes, or their schedules, as they are older now. I handle most things. Its all about balance.
You love the idea of who he was or who you thought he was. He’s not that person. You need to move on. This isn’t good for you, but most importantly, it’s not good for the child.
So sad to me than women feel trapped in a marriage. I want to rescue them all.
Sounds like its over to me…not good for you or your child to stay…dont try to force him when hes clearly not interested.
If he cant help you with anything u just have a grown kid. you can do better honey. and there is a such thing as child support
For better or for worse. Sounds like this falls into that category… Maybe counseling? Maybe plan a family day? Maybe you guys don’t know each others love language as well as you thought? Sometimes we all get lost in our day to day routine. We forget what initially brought us to be in love with our partners. Sounds to me like you two need some alone time? Maybe see if a friend or family member can watch baby for a day? A couple hours? And plan something just for the two of you? Sounds to me like there’s tension and stress. Marriage is worth fighting for especially if its just cuz you guys are annoyed with each other. Lol. There were also a lot of “I” statements in this rant so it seems to me like you’re only looking from your perspective. Maybe try to see it from his as well? I do agree he should help with baby more though. Or at least acknowledge you guys, and put his phone down. If counseling/therapy cant help the situation improve don’t beat yourself up over it. Some people are too self centered. Im assuming he wasn’t like this when you married him so maybe something along the way changed or he got too comfortable.
Get out now. This will not change and please don’t have another child thinking it’ll help change it.
I feel it’s already over. Get yourself and your daughter to a women’s shelter and begin to build a good life for yourself and child. You are not alone there is help out there for you,but you must seek it. Best of luck.
I would suggest getting a job and start working towards getting out. Getting a job may turn his thinking around if he really loves you.
I don’t know your age
U have a huge problem boiling
Especially when there a virus you don’t need to b stressed and taken care of your child
He don’t spend time with his daughter cos he don’t want to watch cartoons
But he watches porn on his fine mmmm
And he don’t touch kiss you hold your hand or make luv to you
But he wants you to take his pecker n your mouth
Question when did all this start
Sweetheart go find love and happiness.Your schedules are hard. So he works 8-10 hrs a day and u work 24 minus ur sleep? Umm No u have baby while hes working then its family teamwork when hes off. Y dont u get off? Or hr lunch break? U matter also!Its teamwork when he’s home, food baths fun bed. SAHM NEED TO WAKE UP! U Work the same hrs. Ur SO puts in. The rest is shared. Its alot of work. Love makes it easier.Hell no he isnt going to watch that while ur home 24-7 as a sahm. Like what u and ur child ar playin in 1 room n hes in a corner playin w himself? Yea go find someone to smother u w appreciation for what u do repeat all day every day! Good luck
Alright. It sounds like both of your arguments are valid. He is upset that you don’t take care of the house while you’re home during the day and that you don’t initiate in the bedroom, which you admit. And you are upset because he is acting like a self absorbed D*** that couldn’t be bothered with your existence. I will start by saying NOTHING EXCUSES HIM IGNORING YOUR CHILD LIKE THAT OR YOU IN SUCH A DEGREE. Now, that being said: if you want to work this out, you need to break down each thing that’s occurred since just before this change in him occurred. Perhaps he is feeling the same way you are, but for his own reasons. Now I’m not saying that what you are upset about and what he is upset about are equal visually when layed out or that they merrit the same response, however each individual interprets and feels different about even the same exact situation. I am not sure what the condition of the house is when he gets home or other than the bedroom thing what else he could possibly be upset about. I’d say, take a moment to think. About everything. Lay out your options so you feel secure no matter what happens. 1) What would fixing it look like (talking, therapy, changes that need to be made on both sides, ect). 2) what if it doesn’t work ( where you’ll go, what you’ll do, ect). 3) What if you say nothing and just start to build you up and see where that goes (tap into your possible resources. I’m not sure what state you live in but I know there are programs out there that can aid in many ways to get on your feet as an individual. Look up what you have in your area. Figure out some aid for child care, find you a job, and start doing you.) On that last option, you may see differences while you’re under the same roof. Sometimes change or a different mindset changes the whole game. Even if your changes don’t make a difference between you and your spouse in the being together way, what you’ve now done is build yourself up and become self capable to make your move whichever way YOU decide. If he’s not changing with you, he doesn’t deserve you anyway. What a you need to do in order to get anywhere with him is talk. A legitimate talk. Not an argument, not a finger pointing session, not a rag on the other moment, a legitimate talk. One where you sit down and both can be engaged. You clarify in a GENERAL way to get a feel for where his at. ‘Look, im really feeling like a giant gap is between us and am having trouble coping. I’d really like to resolve this.’ How he reacts will give you everything you need to know… if he reacts poorly, you can attempt once more and go as far as saying ‘this is serious! I do not feel whole as a family and something needs to be done now’. If he still reacts poorly, I’d just stop there, and you have your answer. If it goes well, then talk it out as positively as you can. Because it sounds like it has gone on for a long time and you each seem set on your path right now, big changes will aid in fixing it if that’s possible. Just being different is much harder than it sounds when things in your lives stay the same exact way. It’s easier to go back to the same tendencies. In order to work through that you really do have to get to the gorey toxic center (darkest before the dawn). If none of that works than you will know in your heart you did what you could without doing it at your own expense. You should never have to lower yourself for someone else. Now, should you decide F all that . Let me just say, I’d COMPLETELY understand and support that decision as well. You and your child do NOT deserve to be treated like that no matter his ‘reasoning’ or what he’s upset about. You deserve to be happy and feel loved and your child does NOT deserve to be forced to grow up thinking that’s what a ‘dad’ does… the house is one thing, but he’s not even making you feel happy, confident, secure, and sexy which are vital for taking a stance in the bedroom. Especially if no part of the encounters you do have include you. I know I wouldn’t want a part of it if I didn’t feel I had a role in the moment either! Now is the time for you to make a decision on how you want the rest of your life and your child’s adolescent years to be. You make the best choices for you and your baby and know that you have support, all you gotta do is just reach out. On fb, in a mom’s group, at a park, a resource center. Surround yourself with positivity and build yourself a support network. You got this, good luck!
I’m gonna be blunt…Open up sexually with him. Humans are sexual creatures, men In general. Fuck him, suck him, play with him, do some fantasy shit, whatever it is just make it like a teenage dream for awhile. Watch porn WITH him maybe. . Idc how silly it sounds but if you don’t meet his needs how do you expect him to meet yours? Men tend to be very clouded when Thier built up down there lol…and Don’t get me wrong from what you’ve explained he is failing BIG time on his part, however, us woman have the hard (BUT REWARDING) job of rising above that and continuing the cycle of love. …if your married that means you both love eachother in some way. So don’t give up till you’ve really tried your all. Let him come home to a clean house, good food, sexual relief for at least a week then if still isn’t taking the time to listen to your needs, you can walk away knowing you gave your all for your marriage and family
He has fallen out of love with you. He has no interest in you or your child and that’s a good enough reason in itself to move on. It’s unacceptable. All of it… I’m sorry. I know it hurts and you probably won’t take this advice, but you CAN do it. There’s help out there. It’s hard but it can be done.
Get rid of him. He’s a loser.
He’s found someone else
I wish we could talk on the phone easier to explain to you
You know your answer already. He’s stop touching you he’s watching porn over being w you. He doesn’t pay attention to his child. It sounds like maybe he’s moved on. Idk. Put some money away each week and start looking for a place to go w your baby. Maybe go stay with family until you can get on your feet. There is plenty of help out there for you and your child. Good luck momma
He’s narcissistic. Look it up, then run far away.