I need some advice & guidance please no judgement. I been with my husband for 5 years married for 3 years we have a 21 month old. I’m a stay at home mom and he works second shift. For the past year and half things have got bad between us we fight all the time every time I tell him how I feel he says I’m complaining and turns it around and starts a fight. I don’t care to take care of everything in the house because he is working and I’m not but I never get a break and it is overwhelming. The past few months he sits on his phone from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed he doesn’t spend anytime with me or our child I have tried to talk to him about it and he says he doesn’t want to watch cartoons so stays on his phone I know that ain’t a excuse but anyways he normally gets mad and starts a fight he has threw his phone when I have asked him to put it down and pay attention to us. He doesn’t touch me sexually anymore but always makes comments about how I don’t touch him when yes I have stopped because I don’t find it fair anytime we do anything it’s all about him and that’s it he doesn’t touch me love on me or nothing. He is constantly watching porn which bothers me but I have got better about it but it’s the fact that he doesn’t notice me at all I cut my hair off big change he didn’t even notice it until I said something a week later. Our child doesn’t want nothing to do with him because he doesn’t play or nothing and it breaks my heart. He don’t know nothing about our child bedtime routine, how much she eats or drinks in a day, her doctors appointments, clothing size or nothing he has never gave her a bath or put her to bed. He turns anything around and starts a fight when I try to talk to him about anything and I just am left feeling worse then I already did. I love him but I’m starting to fall out of love and I want to try to fix it but not for sure if it can be. If we was to split I would have to go back to work full time and I can’t afford child care and everything else by myself and I have no family that can watch her while I’m at work. Please help I need guidance and advice.
Go to work too, make him step up his game with his kid while you go to work. Once he sees you working and your confidence goes up he will be scared you will leave him. Then he will beg to see his kid. Turn them tables girl. No excuses, you got the power, take it.
I normally try not to jump into conclusions but girl you gotta lose that dead weight. It’s not fair for anyone to stick with him just because he pays the bills. Try to make a plan, look for a wsy to make it without him. You can do so much better than that. Wishing you and your little one the best. 
He has no interest in being a husband or father. Let him go. He will be responsible for child and spousal support… Add that to your new job, and you will make it work. You deserve better. Your daughter deserves better.
LEAVE HIM. You will figure it out! But you have to do this! Not only for you but especially for your child. He’s not going to change! Get out now- become a strong independent woman for your baby to look up to and when the time is right be with a man to show your daughter how she’s to be treated when she grows up!
I think you should get a job, save money now that you live with him. Some men get too comfortable when they know that their partners depend on them for everything. You won’t leave him regardless of how many people tell you to, that’s a decision for you to make. But my advice would be for you to get a job, stop depending on him. When you are ready to leave, you will be in a better financial situation. Working from home will save you child care expenses and him as the father, is his responsibility to help with the child as well.
Child Support and move on girl cause he obviously has …there is alot of help out there for single moms and child care right now …uou dont want your daughter to continue to see you suffer …good luck
Get a job, put the child in daycare. Rebuild your self esteem and reliance on him. Once you have some independence and self worth back, you’ll find the courage and means to do it on your own. It may seem impossible at this time, but its definately an option. Many of us have done this, and you can too!
I can’t tell you what is right for you but I was in a very similar situation until he left and I had no choice but to figure it out all suddenly and completely alone with two kids. And I did figure it out and so would you. When you don’t have a choice you figure it out and you do whatever it takes to take care of your kids. If I could go back I wouldn’t have waited and I would have left much sooner. The sooner you start your struggle to an independent life, the sooner you’ll find yourself happy and independent.
Find out the number to social services. Go and apply for assistance. You have 1 child you should be getting the 300/month. Because of covid there are programs out there to help with necessities. Pray, stay strong and do what you have to do to take care of you and your child.
Definitely leave. If you own your house though speak to a lawyer first because walking away can really damage any sort of settlement. As for not being able to afford daycare, you won’t be paying it alone. He will still have to pay for his child.
Be strong honey. You’ve got this!!! 
if you split he will need to pay child support. you are already a single parent, just with the added stress of him. start doing what you can to prepare to leave.
Sounds like he has emotionally checked out, the way he’s treating you is not OK,. Who is he on the phone with? Sounds like you’re already a single mother. Don’t waste your time and your life on him the years are going to fly by. You do not want to live this life being unhappy. It’s time for you to cut your loss and move on.
My husband and I were like this and then we went to couples therapy. Best decision we ever made. We just needed to learn how to talk to eachother without thinking other was starting a fight. When really the other was expressing their feelings. I would recommend couples therapy but both of y’all have to want to be there or it won’t work.
Two things pop up to mind.
He’s having an extramarital affair
OR
He really depressed
The affair is something everyone expects,because it’s easy to. But I imagine if a man had posted this about his wife, people would say it’s the classic signs of depression
Leave now, do yourself a favor. I was married to a man just like that. And it got worse. Please, protect yourself and child. He doesn’t care about you, love. Only himself
You lost me at “please no judgment” this is the internet, with you already setting the tone with and having unreasonable/naive/ignorant expectations, there is no way I can trust you would actually listen to any advice… nor should anyone else. (Using literal definition of ignorance, not an insult at all).
Face that fear of being alone, and having to work and raise kids, you’ll be much happier if you leave him, if he doesn’t change.
You say you love him ……not sure what you love about this man. He doesn’t seem very nice or shows he cares about you and your child. I would make a plan (get a job or school) to get myself away from him. The goal is to create a happy life for yourself and your child. Life is too short to fight everyday and not good for your child.
Honey. You’re going to waste your life waiting on him to change or things to get better. I know. I did it for 18 years. Finally had enough and now I’m a 39 year old single mom with little hope of a romantic future. I cheated myself and so are you. Your child comes first but not at the expense of your well being and happiness. I know it’s hard but there are ways. There’s so much more out there.
I think your gone way past the part where you should sit down and have a conversation with each other and need therapy if you plan on staying together, sounds to me that he wants a slave and not a wife.
Get rid of the waste of time and find someone who is gonna love and respect you.
This!! Dude going through some s#*#. Something has this guy down. Does anyone actually think he doesn’t love his family. He needs help. 85% of suicides are male. Try to get him go to counseling.
Also don’t tell him your leaving if you decide. Just leave. make sure you have a plan. All of a sudden that’s when they want to changed.
Everyone one on here can give you advice. You are the only one who can make the decision. Hoping the best for you and you baby.
Take the time…
Make your feelings known.
If no positive feedback…
Calmly, start making a plan to address your next moves.
Having an emotional “ show down”, along with an emotional exit from the marriage, are not in the best interest of you and your child.
Three words: Birth Control NOW
Get a job now and you will be able to afford childcare while you save a nest egg to go out on your own. Persevere. The payoff will be worth it
See a counselor. It’s worth the expense to figure out what you need to do and then do it.
Why continue to stay when you are so unhappy and he obviously doesn’t care.
Since he’s 2nd shift, I’d get a first shift job. He can watch his daughter while you’re working and start planning your exit. Bank your paychecks for a few months so you have a nice stash. Find an apt, find a daycare or in-home daycare, file for divorce, custody and child support. If you play your cards right, you can bank enough money to pay security deposit, and first and 2nd month rent and have enough banked for 2 months of daycare so you know you’re already two months ahead in those bills. I’d even take it further and make sure I have enough for 2 mnths of electric, cable, phone, etc. Then as you get your checks in start banking to pay bills in 2 mnths and throw some into savings…even if it’s just $20 a check.
Get a job, file for custody & child support, file for divorce, find a place, and go be on your own. He’s checked out and your doing it all by yourself anyway. You’ll find someone else who adores you and gives you and your child all the attention & love you deserve. Trust me.
Maybe unpopular opinion and maybe I am totally wrong about this - But he’s working 2 jobs and you’re working at home and he doesn’t see that as enough as he doesn’t contribute to much! Maybe (and I mean if you really want to make it work) you could get a job, both of you split the financial responsibilities and then you ask to split the household responsibilities as well! Then you become equal partners. Again, just a thought!
I recommend finding a good marriage counselor to help you work on communication. If he is not open to it, then your marriage has little chance of reconciliation.
I used to work 2nd shift and would get home too tired to sleep right away. I would sleep late, would get up and would be so anxious about starting again at 3pm that I would not do much…just trying to rest and get ready for work again. I can’t believe people are telling you to leave him ,instead of advising you to figure out his level of energy when he wakes up and/or what is going on. People are so quick to leave relationships these days. I guess they have not had any relationships worth saving.
I was in a similar situation where I felt stuck but eventually I had had enough and left and yes figuring out work and child care was hard and expensive but it’s now 2 years later and I’m WAY happier and better off. It’s started getting easier after about 6 months but it is a process but you do what you have to do as a mom. You can do it without him if you ever get to that point.
You need to get a job. Once you do one of two things will happen. You’ll be working and doing all the childcare and looking after house. Or. You’ll be doing all of the above and he’ll start accusing you of cheating.
So unless either of those sound appealing, get rid.
I’m 74 years old and what do I know about anything but when this happened to me it made our relationship stronger because there was a cry for help that I just didn’t see I wish you the best
Do what is best for you and your child. Children absorb everything they see and hear.
Look and plan for a way of escape. Try getting a job. Maybe in the evenings so that he can watch your child and actually have to be a real parent. Save as much money as possible and get information about how you can get help or even emergency help from the government if need be. Don’t let finances be the reason for you to stay with someone who doesn’t treat you right. Think and plan very carefully for you and your child. Best of luck!
He needs a wake up call. I would try to sit him down and explain that it seems you both aren’t happy so maybe separation or divorce is the next step. If he won’t talk about it, then I would move on. You deserve better.
Definitely plan your exit if that should happen. Open up your own banking account and save every dollar you can without him knowing. Every 5-10 dollars will help in your future. I doubt he is going to change so start planning your future for you and your child. You can do this on your own. Be strong and smart! Stay off the pitty pot as hard as it is. You will become an awesome mom and be proud of yourself eventually!! Been there done that. Best decision and hardest but it all worked it for the better! You got this! Stay strong!
Single mom of four here, been there done that. Enroll yourself into a trade program or college, start stashing money like crazy. When you have that marketable skill and a few bucks (and confidence bc you have made a way for you and your daughter) get out. I know, it’s hard. Things were tight for us but we are stronger for it. I’m about to pay off MY HOUSE that I BOUGHT, and my kids are amazing!
Most states have state aid that will help you through counseling which is free up to ten sessions. I would consult state aid to discover your rights and benefits. He looks at himself as the bread winner therefore he expects you to do everything to keep him happy. As a retired therapist nothing will change until you change your direction and behavior. Your child will watch you and how you handle yourself. Start a plan and keep it to yourself….you will get stronger with every step forward you take. God Bless
You need to have a plan. Do not just jump from the frying pan to the fire. When you think it is the right time to leave him please do so but first you must be sure that you are able to support your child and yourself without him. Plan everthing well. Good luck. Stay strong. Stay safe.
Don’t listen to people here trust me people will advice u wrongly… and they will act as if they know better… but instead thy will tun ther problems and hates of man into ur matter … but the truth is ur a lady and a mother… and that’s the best thing right now hold on to that relationship one day you will see ur man changing… it happens in most relationship when they get their first born… always
Wow, your marriage is in trouble. I would just like to say that I worked 8 hours a day , came home, cooked and cleaned and took care of the children. Your marriage needs therapy.
Sounds like he’s already separating from you. Stop asking why, do if you can find a support group and seek help for you and your family. If possible start by volunteering where you can take your child with you by volunteering gets you out for a bit to seek peace of mind to start, while encouraging friendships. Even one day week to start. Let’s you get back in touch what’s available for future job. Plan, ask questions about job markets, training, vocational school if needed. If he wants to know he can start a conversation, just day thinking about the future. Be vague. There are grants, Pell or other means if you qualify, some I’ve heard may include child care. Think about what you want for you and your daughter, she sees and knows things aren’t right. What are you teaching her by staying and fighting. His non responses? How a guy will treat her as an adult? It’s up to you to decide your course, no one but you to might the decision. Some become paralyzed by fear, seek professional help if needed.
If you can’t do couples therapy, then he’s given you your answer. If won’t listen, talk, or try to help fix things then it’s probably time for you to figure out what keeps you there. When you are ready to move on, there are a lot of resources for single moms. Good luck.
He is probably worn out doing 2 jobs. Could you get a job so he just works one, I had 3 kids I worked some years in-between his job but having 3 it was too hard and our childcare provider lied so I stayed home. He might have have patents where man worked and wife did house and kids so he knows no different, he may think by working 2 jobs he doing his bit by providing money. He does sound like he has checked out. You know what you want deep down. Go with gut feeling.
Been there done that but I made the choice to leave anything was better than having my kids witness their father being so abusive towards me and my fear was that it will trickle down to my kids . It was super hard had almost little to no help but I rather go through with that than letting my kids grow up in an environment like this and thinking this is the norm . Have love for yourself and your child and walk away if he wants his family he will do everything to fix it .
Look into employment, childcare, affordable housing, and any assistance programs and make a plan to leave. It’ll be hard but so worth it for you and and your child.
He will regret not having a loving father relationship with his child. I have 3 children, now grown up with families and 10 grandchildren. My relationship with them is most important to me. I look forward with time spent with them…Your husband won’t always be young. Nothing more important than a relationship with them. That’s all you have sometimes. Hope you get your situation cleared up. Your husband doesn’t realize what he is missing. Good luck. Hope things get better. You might have to take some kind of action.
U dont ask such questions in social media. By default for every problem in family only solution you get in social media is seperation or divorce. Instead of posting in social media you can simply assume that solution you get from social media is seperation or divorce. Hence dont waste time here, think yourself and act wisely as this is about your life and not life of people who thinks seperation or divorce is the only solution for every problem.
You need to find a job either way. Don’t leave you and your child’s financial situation solely in his hands. What if he dies? You have to be able to do what you gotta do
Think to yourself - do you think that he can change? Is your relationship salvageable? Can you stay like this for the rest of your life if he isn’t willing to even talk about it? If the answer is no to these things then leave.
It makes me so angry when a person can have their child and partner in rheir lives and completely live seperate lives id give anything to go back to full time living as a family this is so common sorry its not help related just makes me so angry
Oh love ypur describing my life exactly. I tried to give him space he had lost his brotger he never stooped being intimate with me but he was so verbally abuse and nit avalible for our children I kept saying hang in till cora starts school focus on the kids …fast forward 4 years…
I had a day with someone else he made me feel awful but forgave me and I was the happiest ever we had a chance again we would be ok…then i found a message to his mistress she was 9 months pregnant had been with him 3 years and had spent 6 months the sumer before living 3 or 4 nights a week with him 20 hours of drive time just to transport her… If you think something is off it is. … Im still trapped here I cant figure out how to leave ir how to say its been 2.5 years and im still suffering its torture. I pray you address this and resolve iy before anyone makes choices they cant take back. He cut all contact the second i found out her and i talk daily her husband who she married while with my man without telling him is happy to raise him amd no one but me wants to know if its my mans its maddening im still in shock
Most of these posts make me grateful that I never chose to be a sahm … no my income did not go exclusively to child care either. Even if it did, I’d still work for the raises, promotions, retirement contributions, etc.
You might want to stay with him until your child goes into first grade. Now you would have time to start a good paying job. In the meantime know what type of job you will want & study up on what it entails. Also you can apply for child assistance right now from the government. Ask at your town hall. You could put her now in a nursery & volunteer to work in the nursery too. This will give you an up to date job to list on work applications. Just think of him paying the bills but otherwise unimportant!
Create a life form yourself !! Be happy with your daughter.
Go away for awhile. See how long it takes him to miss you and his child. Don’t answer txt or calls. You will then find out if he cares or not
You need counseling to get both of your sides alone and together in a room to try to communicate.
I am old school. I personally would try couples therapy as well as individual therapy first. If that doesn’t work. I am a believer that if you marry someone you should try to fix it. Now if there is abuse that is grounds for leaving ASAP. This sounds more like a rut in a very short relationship. Ask him is he is willing to do therapy if he says no you have your answer. If he isn’t willing than he is making the choice to end the marriage.
Relationships with a new baby can change everything! I had a friend that after the baby, her husband wouldn’t have sex cuz he saw baby born and he was grossed out! What a freakin shame! Men can be so shallow! Too bad for your husband he’s missing out on his child and you! Take him to the bank! He won’t wake up
He will have to pay you child support at minimum, so this can help with daycare.
I would say try to get him to go to counseling with you, but also start setting yourself up in case it doesn’t work out. Take online classes, look into jobs you can do from home.
Unfortunately some relationships don’t survive the post baby stage. Kids are understandably time consuming and exhausting which can put a major strain on a couple, both mentally and physically. I’d suggest marriage counseling but sounds like hubby just isn’t interested any longer and that’s sad. He honestly doesn’t sound like someone I’d waste my time on. Do your research and find a sitter or day care and work to get yourself out of there. He would be responsible for child support and half of day care, and you would also be eligible for govt assistance until you are back on your feet. You’re only stuck if you want to be…
These comments aren’t it at all. The man’s working 2 jobs just so that she can stay at home and the least you could do for him is make sure everything at the house is taken care of while he’s working 
he already has all this stress stacked on top of it and instead of being understanding, you’re here bitching and being selfish 
maybe if the roles were reversed and you were doing what he’s doing then you might be able to understand him. If you don’t like it then how about you get a job aswell and help take some of that stress off
Leave. Learn to Love yourself then wait for that special person to come into your life.
“Working” is producing something, and that is something a stay at home momma does . . . produce a healthy child and home for the family. Focus on that and not on the childish behavior of your husband. Just do your job and try to slowly introduce your husband to the joys of child rearing.
My marriage counselor told me what I’m telling you. Get a plan B.
Make sure you have your ducks in a row. All dental and medical exams up to date. Get back to work and find daycare asap. Make yourself a cash purse if you can to tide you over. Sorry for your troubles.
He does Gaslight. If you want it to work, see if he’ll do couples counseling.
For whatever it’s worth being a stay at home mom is a full-time f****** job and if he doesn’t think so he can go f*** himself your equal partner in this relationship don’t let him get above you sounds to me like you might need to put some distance between the two of you for a minute that does wonders and this is coming from a man who’s been there before when I was afraid that I was going to lose my wife and my child it was a game changer for me and life-changing event because things were put in perspective. I have learned that over time that if you’re having arguments all the time it’s usually about money and it shouldn’t be but it is. However in your description it sounds to me like you’re doing everything that it takes and he’s not bringing anything to the table in a relationship just like a bank account you have to make deposits in order to continue to make withdrawals sounds to me like he’s about to be overdrawn
Yeah it sounds like your marriage is in trouble.
You didn’t say one nice thing about your husband…And it was all about how bad he treats you and your child…You make it sound you blame him totally one hundred percent of how your marriage has failed…
Well it takes two to make it and it takes two to end it .
I don’t think you like your husband very much any more so do you and him and your child a huge favor and end the marriage if your so miserable.
Depression or resentment.
Having no attachment to the child is a concern.
Did he want a child before you fell pregnant? Were things great before baby??
If he won’t talk or go to counseling with or without you and won’t try to interact with his child then I would leave.
If you stayed think of the emotional and mental effect that it would have on your daughter if her dad can’t acknowledge her.
Deep breaths, mama…
You are entitled to feel the way you do.
Not all men can relate to children until they’re less needy. It’s not “right” or “wrong”…there’s just that everyone has a different comfort level.
Having said that…can you afford to get some help with household chores? Maybe offer service hours to a student who needs volunteer hours.
Some churches have Mother’s Day Out where you can drop off your child for a couple hours, a couple days a week.
Do you have family who can assist?
Men who work labor jobs won’t have energy to clean house and help. It would be nice…but he may not be able to give what he doesn’t have to give.
Porn, like drugs, alcohol, is an escape. He’s looking for a distraction.
Pray through it.
Watch Joyce Meyer
Read Beauty for Ashes
He’s probably overwhelmed that you’re overwhelmed.
Don’t give up on what you have give it a chance don’t listen to these idiots give your relationship a chance sit him down and have a talk with him and tell him you’re not talking with him until you see the man in front of you that you married and that married you don’t ever give up cuz I guarantee you what you think might be happening isn’t what’s happening and when you find out what the truth is it’s probably going to be something so trivial cuz he’s a man that are not both your socks off
I am sorry your husband is refusing to have a marriage and a loving relationship with you, and that he does not value you, himself as a partner or father, or the care and love of his child. He has separated himself purposely…. Porn and phone friends are not a good combo…it’s a warning. Separate yourself, set aside funds if you can, let friends and family know your circumstances, seek out child care and find at least part-time employment to have your toe in the workplace. If you are lacking skills call a woman’s shelter, a county jobs assistance group, a large church… and ask for help and resources. Make yourself whole and leave when you can before you are forced to… this is where this marriage is going…. You don’t have one.
OmG! Don’t have an answer. Sorry you are going through this. Wish you luck and hope somehow things get better. This happens so often. Go to a good church. Maybe things might turn around. Good luck.
Get a day part time and start saving up. Make him do his part while you’re at work.
So hes on his phone all day and you guys dont have sex? Is it possible hes cheating? Also men like to think that once they have a woman they dont have to “try” anymore. And he probably thinks since you dont have a job, you NEED him. Newsflash, you don’t. Maybe get a part time job and see how he reacts. Or find someone who will treat you and your child better.
He sounds like a real looser! You can do a lot better for you and your child. Get rid if him and start a better life.
Its called child support and alimony.
Time to get out sounds like you have two kids. It’s scary doing it on your own but you can do it I did with four kids. He sounds like a spoilt selfish brat. Start saving make a plan and get out.
I recommend you get your horoscope seen by some competent ASTROLOGER or even a palmist. It is a phase that may pass .If not then some remedies will be prescribed .
First of all you CAN support yourself and your baby even with daycare expenses! Run while you can!
Definitely get rid of him, what a looser he is. Why waste money on therapy.
Tell him a marriage is 50 /50 and if he can’t do his part he can pay for you and your child to live without him
there are plenty of places that will help. I hope things work out for you. Keep your head up
Do you have a friend you could stay with temporarily? Maybe you could file for divorce or separation on the grounds of neglect and apply for emergency assistance. I’m not exactly sure how all works when it comes to divorce. I know it can a long time to get one. I would talk to social services maybe there is a lot of help if you can prove you’re no longer together. Otherwise they’ll go by his income. Depending on how much he makes you may or may not qualify. I would try and get a job if you can but that might be difficult if he refuses to pay for child care. I got into emergency housing cause my roommate was sending me threatening messages. I was approved immediately. If you can record his out bursts you could say you don’t feel safe (if you don’t) and he neglects the baby. Truth is he might escalate if you keep pushing him. As is it’s basically mental and verbal abuse from the sound of it. You can apply for Ebt and Medicaid and once you can prove you’re not together. Ebt will make you job search and go to classes and they actually have a really good program for single mothers and can set up for free classes that will give you specific training for a good full time job. And they will actually set you up with a job after. At least that the case in ND. We also have free health care for children if you apply for it. You could also find a job that has a daycare center built in. Another thing you could maybe do is go to school… apply for grants and loans you might be able to get enough to move into a small apartment then apply for assistance temporarily. Or try working from home until you make enough to move out. That’s really all I can think of unless you want to stay in a woman’s shelter or something.
(1) He doesn’t want to be a husband
(2) He doesn’t want to be a father
So what’s in it for you and your baby? -0-
He is a waste of your time and you need to face it. Stay strong for you and that baby girl.
Get a job, make him pay for daycare, save up your money and move on, the longer you save the easier it will be for you. You two are already living together but separate, keep to yourself and put away the money. It looks like it’s beyond repair for you two, do for you and Let his selfish a$$ go.
Read the book Fireproof and then watch the film. It specifically addresses porn and how it distorts marriage.
Stay at home Mom should be taking care of home at least…other things need fixing badly.
If at all possible get some kind of professional help. It sounds as if he’s checked out.
Go get a job. There are services to help you pay for childcare. He can also help pay childcare.
I do not like this Nameless Network on Facebook I don’t want to read other peoples dirty laundry put it on an advice network
Is he having a depression? Lots of things to consider but please don’t give up easily. Try couples therapy first.
Id start by asking him is our marriage over? Are you wanting to save it? Its a start.
No since staying in a one sided relationship get out leave and don’t look back
For starters, your hubby’s addiction to porn is unhealthy and no doubt, this can cause problems with your marriage.