What should I do?

Parenting
1
Recently my daughter (11yo) told me she is gay. I do not have any issue with that, but my question is, How can they know for sure? ...I've been thinking it , like for example, her best friend likes anime, and my daughter got into it because of her...I do like anime, and metal music and stuff like that, but she wouldn't give it a chance when I asked to try to watch/listen something with me...after she got into anime like her friend was when she decided to give a try to what I do like...so, her best friend says she is pansexual, could be that my daughter is saying she is gay because she wants to be "cool" as them? What should I do? How to know it is for sure and not a phase? When she told me that I gave her a big hug she knows no matter what I'll always support her, but dont know if she has in mind one of my advices I have always say to her.."Do what you want and be who you want to be as long is what you want and not because you want to follow everyone else"...I don't wat to make her feel confused/bad etc...So, Should I let her find it on her own (if it's maybe because of her friends)or should I involved more somehow?Thank you!
2

I would just wait it out. It kind of seems like she just follows her friends to be like them… but you never know, some people just know super early in life. I would just tell her you support her & love her & see where it goes

1 Like
3

I knew I wasn’t straight since a very young age. Maybe about at the age of 8. The thing is you just know. And you can question your sexuality all through your life and childhood I bounced between different labels, but found you don’t need one. If she turns out not being gay that’s fine it’s completely normal to question your sexuality especially at that age. I don’t think it’s too young at all. I don’t think she is trying to be cool and copy her friends at all. Bringing that up would most likely offend her and hurt her. I would say just make sure she knows you will love and support her no matter what she identifies as. If she says she’s not gay someday that’s completely okay. If actually is that’s amazing she figured herself out so fast.

4

As long as you’ve told her you support her no matter what that’s all that matters. She’s young yes and her friend could be an influence but even at that age you still know what sex you’re attracted to. If it is a “phase” it’s still important to just be there for her and support her. I would only mention it to her if she brings it up. Once she’s older and figures it out for sure she’ll know that you were always there for her and that’s all kids need.

5

How did you know you were straight? How did you know that you were attracted to boys and it wasn’t just the influence of your friends making you attracted to boys? I understand that you mean well and I understand that you’re supporting her, but don’t invalidate her that way way. People are attracted to who they’re attracted to.

6

I would tell my daughter that whatever she is will be fine but she is too young to decide a sexual preference. She can’t even date. There is plenty of time to figure that stuff out. Right now she should be making friendships and focusing on school. This the exact thing I say to my non gay kids.
There is so much focus on sexuality that it becomes more important then it should be. In my house there is no dating till 16. So you can say u have a boyfriend/girlfriend but you not going anywhere with them. Sooo are you really??
It has worked out well for us and my older kids say it took some pressure off them as All these kids rush into that stuff 6 grade and even younger.
Also so many of my daughters friends were gay one day and with guys the next. I think you just nasty at that point … and it is disrespectful of those that struggle with their sexuality. If she is serious … it can wait it is not a conversation for today. The older you get the more clearer your feelings are. My main point is it should not be the focus today no matter sexual orientation

7

I think you sound like an amazing understanding parent. Also I feel that I would be in the same mind frame as you. Ready to support full on but In back if the mind, is this a phase? I would say wait it out a bit. Let her know you are there for her whatever. Which sounds like you do anyway. Then take it as it comes. If you notice it’s more than just “following the crowd” then talk it out. If it is just a phase, I’m sure it will fizzle out as quick as it started. Xx