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QUESTION:
"I’m dating a guy I’ve known for over 4 years now, dating for a year and a half. I love him, he’s my best friend. My 6 year old also loves him and he does treat us good. The only thing, is he doesn’t do anything around the house as far as fixing anything, or keep the yard mowed, take trash out, nothing. He’s on shift work and all he does is sleep and work. Which is fine if he fixed stuff here and there that needed it. But even with sex, he’s too tired most of the time. We might do it once a week, but a lot of times go a couple weeks or so without it. He’s a nice guy and treats us good, he’s just real lazy on things and doesn’t want to fix anything and avoids confrontation also, all together. Anytime I try to talk about something important or needs to be done, he shuts off and changes the subject. Or like when I mentioned he needed to brush his teeth because its nasty he doesn’t sometimes for a few days in a row or so, he shut down and then said I was, “putting him down” and was real hurt by it. I’m wanting to get a new place and not sure if its the right step together or not, considering he probably still wouldn’t fix something if it broke or not and all."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Learn to fix it yourself it’s not a man’s job. If you are not happy break up you need to be able to communicate and it seems like he doesn’t want to so cut your losses move on your own learn to fix your own things and mow a lawn it will make you independent."
"Could be signs of depression, just with the hygiene side and just wanting to sleep, do you think he would see a doctor? Have you tried maybe starting the jobs you want doing and maybe then he will follow you and help?"
"Shift work is not easy and every man doesn’t know how to fix things. Find a teenager to cut the grass and YouTube minor diy projects and suggest that maybe you guys can do them together. If he’s working hard, paying the bills and loving your child. That’s pretty dang good."
"this doesnt sound like a partnership at all in my opinion. I think you two need to have a talk about everything if you want this relationship to continue"
"He could be lazy. Or he could have never been taught to do these things, and yes, including dental hygiene. You can try to talk to him about it some more. I would make the decision soon though if you want to stay or get out, especially since you have a child involved."
"I wouldn’t move in with him. That said, he’s not living with you so why is it his responsibility to do the work around your house?"
"He might be depressed. Tired poor hygiene lack of motivation are often signals"
"Is he depressed? Maybe encourage him to seek help. He’s the one that has to make the decision. Men especially seem to find it shameful to need mental health help. But fighting over getting things done is going to get old, and you’re both going to resent eachother. It will fester."
"I agree that it is likely depression. Gotta have a frank discussion with him about it. Let him know you want more with him, but he needs to add to that more, not just you. I find it always better to have an impartial 3rd party like a counselor to help you communicate with each other what you need from one another and how to move forward."
"Maybe talk to him about not being able to talk to him and let him know ur at ur wits end with it and that you guys need to come to some sort of middle ground or u can’t move forward…he may be depressed and people absolutely can change"
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