My daughters father is being difficult. He was not a good person and I regret ever meeting him but our daughter is perfect in every way. Anyways…. He has no stable home, hasn’t had a job in over a year. We do 50/50 but I recently started tracking him via apple airtag and have other proof he’s had our daughter out at all hours… like 2,3,4 am! He swears he doesn’t but obviously I wouldn’t say it without proof. I suggested a lesser parenting time so he could get his life together and he says he can’t do that because he’s depressed when she’s not with him and he’s rather struggle for a few years to get the time with her. He lives in a crap hole camper, has brought her to me with no car seat, her car seat in the front seat, dirty, same clothes as days before etc. I’m not saying he’s a bad dad but he has his issues. My daughter is two and has recently started begging to come home no matter where she goes. He got her today and 6 hours later he was calling me saying she wants mama. So, am I in the wrong for wanting to keep her more till he proves stability?
You as her mother have to do what’s best for her if he is neglecting her while she is with him that’s not ok
No child should be out all ours of the night an definitely should be bathed an changed properly if he is depressed he needs to seek help or it’s just gonna get worse
Sounds like you need to go back to court with your findings and do a new parenting plan. I’m not familiar with apple airtag, is it legal to track him?
Could she spend time him at your home? Maybe to give him that time with her but also keep her safe. If not, you’ll definitely need to pull back his time with her until he’s more stable.
It sounds like a dangerous situation from what you are saying. There is obvious neglect,and having her out at all hours of the night, how does he make money to feed her? You say he is a good father but I beg to differ ! Go back to court and get supervised visits until he gets help.
Talk to an attorney in your state to find out your options.
Follow your court papers and if you disagree with them take him back to court.
Follow the court papers and keep documentation. I’m not sure it’s legal to track him without his knowledge
Talk to your lawyer, save texts, take pictures of how you send her and how he brings her back. Revisit custody and visitation schedule
Is he on drugs ? Sounds like it. I’m so sorry your going through this but you are doing the right thing. Your daughter comes first . I would go to court it doesn’t sound right if she’s out all hours of the night like that . Doesn’t sound like a safe situation . Doesn’t sound like he’s being responsible at all. I hope your situation gets better 
You need to talk to an attorney ASAP and if he is driving with her with no car seat and has her out at all hours of the night how is that considered a good dad? Also watch what you say because tracking him with the air tag could be illegal. Not to come off rude but it sounds like you need to get your priorities straight not just him for the sake of your Daughter. Good luck with everything!
Contact your attorney to get a modified parenting plan. Stipulation that she is not to be out in the middle of the night, that she must be bathed and clean clothes or he will lose even more time with her. If she means as much as he says he will do right by her.
He sounds like the definition of a bad dad. He is neglecting your child. Do something about it.
I’m wondering why you’re still letting her go?? Has her out all hours, brings her back with no car seat or it in the front, dirty…etc… all red flags…he himself seems unstable and unable to care for her so why are you letting her go? Just because he says he’s depressed? Too bad let him be depressed then until he gets his shit together… Would you rather that or something possibly happen to her in his care? Doesn’t seem like that hard of a choice imo
You drop off your child and pick her up. You provide 100% of the transportation and that way he’s not bringing her to you without a car seat. At least do that until you can get the other stuff figured out.
Listen to your daughter. I understand depression(its debilitating sometimes). Kids safety is more important she will prob end up sick being out all night too
Where is this device attached to?
Car? School bag?
I would be concerned however you also need to think about is someone else driving, is the child home with grandparents or babysitter, was the bag left in the car and someone else used it.
Do everything through the courts. If you make only an agreement with him it’s not useful and he can just do what he wants. Expressing your concerns in front of a judge might just be the wake up call he needs. He definitely won’t like you for awhile but if it helps in the right direction he’ll thank you later. No matter what happens with him you are your daughters voice
No you’re not wrong at all. Why do you hire a lawyer and get him drug tested??
Do you trust him with her or any man he brings around her? That could be a possibility why she is crying and wanting you. Or you could change it to where he can only see her with supervision. That is kinda scary that he is depressed and has her, depression is a big issues.
Girl if you don’t click the bottom right corner , click “log out” and go talk to your lawyer before the situation gets any worse than it already has.
Tracking will be inadmissible in court as evidence if he had no knowledge of you doing it. I’d honestly suggest parenting time at your home (reduced) so they can spend time together and so she can be safe. If issues still arise take him back to court for reduced time
Get her away from him now. Until he can prove otherwise, he’s an unstable POS.
Can we address the fact that you are tracking him via airtag? That’s stalking and I guarantee you that if that came out in court, you would be in trouble.
He is considered unfit accord to most state laws just solely based on his living arrangements… you will have no problem getting full custody. Do not subject your daughter to his ways… if he wants to be around then he needs to fix himself first (without her seeing his mess) - also, the fact that at already 2 years old she vocalizes that she doesn’t want to be around him should tell you enough. Good luck mama!
Is tracking someone legal is my question?
No car seat is a deal breaker.
You need to take control…you are not wrong …he needs to grow up and get his act together on his own …there is absolutely no guilt on n your part but you need to put your foot down now …if it continues you are heading for bigger issues …be strong mom 
No,protect your daughter at all cost.Who’s to say that he’s not leaving her while going out at 2,3,4am.??? Maybe she’s asleep alone and he’s doing God knows what ,where ever! My child would not be with a man not stable at 2yrs old.Daddy or not,depressed or not.He needs to get his life together before she fits in it.
… get a lawyer. He can’t have a two year old in the front seat or without a carseat. That’s child endangerment and he can be charged accordingly. I’m not saying take all his visits. But probably most of them unless he has someone who can supervise them. Honestly, sounds like he’s going through some shit and being out at 2-4am he’s either leaving your child at home by herself, or taking her to do his runs with him.
Get a lawyer, ask for a drug test and supervised visits
Ok let’s talk about how stable you ate tracking him…
You’re not wrong. Do whatever you have to do for your child’s health and safety! Let him know that he can visit with her at your place but can’t leave with her until he has a more stable lifestyle.
Maybe talk with him about spending his time with your daughter at your place until he can get better arrangements. Also talk with him about him getting help with his depression.
Her safety is more important than his feelings. He is and will be putting her in situations where she could get hurt.
Regardless of what he’s doing if he’s a good dad don’t do your daughter that way. Offer to help him get him help etc put the differences aside and put that little girl first by showing her that mommy can get along with daddy. Support him while he’s trying to figure his issues out it will work out better in the long run. All it takes is a call to a doctor to get mental health help if he can’t afford it there are state run programs once he’s better the co parenting will be better
Maybe some therapy for the stalking is in order. Tracking him? Really? Why would you ever think that would sound OK to a judge or lawyer?
You don’t trust him enough not to Air Tag him, but you trust him with yall’s two year old? I’d be in court by now getting a better custody order until he is stable.
Do what’s right for your child not your ex
Really…lives in a crap hole camper, no job, out all night with your baby, no car seat, little girl is dirty…and he simply “has issues” YIKES 
This has to be a joke. I would never in a million years let that loser take my daughter anywhere and in doing so you’re pretty lacking yourself. Let him visit her at your home if you have so much compassion for this loser and his “depression” before something terrible happens. I’d be depressed and worried to the hilt every time he took her! How does he feed her in that dirty camper…on dirty dishes 😵💫Come on now how could you even ask if you should not let her go under these horrific conditions 
No,better home construction helps.
I feel for you mama…reading this makes me so glad and blessed i have a father to my kid who cares and is there!
Sounds like he’s doing drugs
Sounds like he is trying. He admits being depressed and down and out and I’m sure when she is with him he feels like he is someone 
show grace maybe let him do a couple hours here and there and encourage him to get back on his feet. Don’t take her from him, she honestly could be who is keeping fighting for a better life. 
No you’re not wrong. He needs to learn how to be a father. No carseat?? The carseat in the front seat!?! That can seriously hurt or kill your baby why would you allow him to take her after that?? Not to mention sounds like neglect by not changing her clothes. If it’s not court ordered you definitely need to do that. I wouldn’t let him have her until he gets his sh*t together.
Take him back to court reduce his time maybe even ask for a guardian ad litum to evaluate the situation. Document everything.
Please dont let him have her again she’s not safe go to court,lawyer or solicitor with your evidence and make him have contact in a safe place, she could be taken anywhere with anyone at those hours protect your lil one , he’s not your responsibility, she is and even if that means protecting her from family then so.be it, he’s an adult he can sort himself out and has his own family to help him if he needs and other services he can access
No you are not wrong. You are just being a good mom and person
Have you asked him if he needs any help with anything? He may not be the best person for you but he is her father and you could be the bigger person, see him as someone you know who could be struggling rather than an ex you have regrets with. Switch the way you see him and just ask. Surely it’s better for you to know she’s in a safer place if he’s accepted any kind of help from you
Umm! Cps/ dhs report him. Also you could get in trouble too for not reporting it. Also you need to go to court. This isnt ok not having a cars seat- is child endangerment and being dirty is neglect( besides like playing in the dirt and then being cleaned up). Being out at all hours- he’s not a fit parent.
the apple air tag could be against the law but i agree i would contact a lawyer and take this back to court he’s putting her in danger
There is no law that states that parents have to have their children home at a certain time during their time with their children (pick up and drop off time yes if it’s court ordered) just saying but with the bathing and clothes issue I’d take that up with the court and if he’s depressed he needs help is there reasons why he’s depressed—- depression causes in some cases neglect. How long has this been going on? Try to see if he is willing to see your daughter at your house and maybe contact his family about intervention to get him help for the depression. Mental health is a real issue and the last thing you want is to cut time with him seeing your daughter. I’m looking at both sides of this unlike some that are probably going to say to cut visits all together that’s the last thing you want to do with someone who’s facing depression. However it would be up to him to want to accept the help
Sounds like he’s doing drugs and the drugs can also make his emotions go all over the place hence him saying he gets depressed without seeing his daughter. I say yes reduce time by going to court until he gets his crap straightened out.
Know you enjoy your free time…but the safety of that child is far more important…keep her with you…
He is currently incapable of parenting her properly. It’s not a 2 year old’s job to alleviate her dad’s depression. He needs to get help and until he’s stable you need to have full custody of your daughter. The issue is what’s best for your daughter, not what makes your ex feel a little better in the short-run. He’s using her as a crutch.
If you don’t have a formal custody agreement, get one. If you do, call your attorney to get it amended.
Document it all and I would say go for full custody until he gets it together. He is putting her in unsafe environments.
If NOTHING else about this situation the lack of/improperly placed car seat is more than enough reason to keep her with you.
No you are not in the wrong …your little one is the most important here , if he wants to be part of her life , he needs to pull himself the together in order to do so , in the end it will be worth the sacrifice in more ways then one …stand your ground .sending strenght and hugs
See if he needs help. Offer whatever help you can. Him being an x doesn’t mean you have to go to war with him. You both should be helping each other out when it comes to your child. He’s lacking right now that’s fine we all struggle here and there in a few years who knows maybe you’ll be in a bad position and he will be in a good one. You never know. Do whatever you can to help take care of your own kid
You are a dummy for letting him have her at all!
Before my kids bio was in the same situation I would simply send stuff with him for the kids he wasn’t the best but their was always a supervisor with them to make sure they were cared for but bringing the little one out at hours of the night was a nono I would supply him with my kids car seats but best to be the bigger person maybe offer to bring her to dads and pick her up so u know she’s safely in her car seat sit down with him ask him if there’s anything u can do for u to make visits easy there’s always ways to resolve issues if no effort can be made then look at court as the next option
Have you told him about the carseat? If so, what does he say?
You know he can get you for stalking
You do what your heart says. Shes not I. A safe environment.
your tracking him??? if this was a bloke everyone would be calling said person out. Do what’s right by your child but tracking him really?? That’s a red flag in its self even if your tracking your child your watching his every move when he has her if it was the other way round everyone would be going mental I think you both need to be adults and talk about this as adults give him chance to sort his crap and let him be a father. If things are so bad take it to court but really tracking him is not healthy at all. You both obviously have issues sorry but 100% that’s a huge red flag
Do what you need to do to be a good mother. You sound like you already kinda know what steps you should take. Your child’s safety is more important than someone’s feelings.
Either keep her or dont but if you send her you need to trust him. Not stalk him
If she doesn’t feel safe and is telling you in her own way then I’d listen. Maybe no more overnights until he gets his life together a bit.
You know he’s unstable but you allow him to take your daughter which is only two and by no way can help herself in difficult situations. If anything happens to your daughter you will also be charged for allowing her to be around him in this condition. Go to court and get full custody if you love your daughter. This speaks volumes for a two year old not to want to be around her father.
I would go to court and explain his housing and so on. You can request a home visit so they can see his living conditions and the court will make the choice. You do know it’s illegal to track someone with out their consent right. I understand your concern with your daughter but you are committing a crime by doing what your doing. What are you going to do for her if you’re in jail.
Give him a bottle of D3 vitamins. It a natural antidepressant. My husband was talking suicide from getting hurt at work. He lost his job and we our home. We had to move. After taking it 2 weeks he was better and stopped talking about it.
Tell him it will improve his state of mind.
Otherwise it sounds like you need to go back to court and change custody till he’s better, with her so little. That not a safe situation for her emotionally or physically. Babies need more sleep as they are growing.
His home and life are detrimental to her. Maybe a visit at your home instead so he understands your not keeping her away.
Why let her go at all if you knew the situation this is on you no him man up and put your foot down rather than whining like a wee bitch
This may be an unpopular opinion, but you are wrong to keep her from him. His situation may not be the best, but he obviously loves her and wants her to be with him.
I have a daughter with my ex husband, who used every excuse in the book to not get her. He needed his own place, he didn’t wanna get her while staying with family. He needed to get a car. He needed to get a job… it was all excuses. You don’t keep a child from a parent just because they don’t have their shit together. Would you want him to keep her from you if the roles were reversed?
I suggest a conversation with him. Because the child’s safety is the most important thing. Explain to him that she can’t NOT ride upfront in the vehicle and she MUST be in an age appropriate seat. He’s living in a camper, but it’s a roof over their head.
Go through her things at home, gather some toys, clothes, shoes, cups etc and send them to him so that he has them for when he has her.
Explain to him that you understand his situation and you know he wants to be with his daughter, but this is the basic criteria for taking care of a child. If he can’t manage basics, like food, baths, clean clothes etc, then that’s when you take it to court and present your proof of why you should have custody.
But don’t take a child from a parent who wants to be involved.
As for the tracking… stop being a stalker! I understand you wanna keep tabs on your child, but that’s not what you’re doing. For all you know, she’s with his mom or sister or whatever when he’s out in the middle of the night… which isn’t your business.
I’d keep her with you no matter what. Go to court
What do you mean, not a bad father??? My God read what you posted!!! Out till 2,3or 4 in morning, dirty clothes and no stable home!!! You need to get your crap together or your daughter will end up in the system!! How can you even send her with him???
You’re basically stalking him. He’s not going to lose parenting time because you don’t like the way he parents. Document the car seat issues, but be prepared to get I trouble for that air tag.
You better be REALLY careful by tracking him. That could be considered stalking and harassment. If you have a court order a judge will tell you it’s not your business what he does with your child on his time (which is true). And you could get come down on really hard for tracking him.
Everyone is going on about tracking him ,I just no if I had to hand my baby over to someone I had concerns about the mum in me would try an do what I can to no she’s safe ,I’ve never had to that as we’re still together but I can imagine how hard it is ,handing your most precious person over to someone who’s unstable x
Everybody mad about her airtagging him but not mad about the fact hes not stable and clearly not taking care of his child properly.
I would call child welfare until he is doing better. Let him have supervised visits. Reread what you wrote and stop
At 2 years of age…she is probably having "separation anxiety " which is totally normal. Be thankful she has a father that wants to spend time with her. The carseat is a safety issue which should be addressed. Your stalking/tracking him is a big NO.
Nope…set your foot down…get court order for suppervised visits only for him…stand your ground now
no i dont blame u at all that isnt a suitable situation for a 2 year old u r not in the wrong for none of it
Take it in front of a judge. Be sure to let then know you are tracking him. It may not bode well for you, but be honest. Maybe he needs help or supervised visits for awhile?
Is there a court order already established? Get a private investigator, have them take pictures for concrete proof & then take it to court.
Seems like Dad is having arough time how about letting Dad visit and stay with you just during visitation. I know it’s hard to coparent in this depth I couldnt do it but maybe I could seeing my childs father practically homeless. I mean if he loves and is trying then make it so he can do moee to better improve himself. Idaso ask for a heart to heart and ask him to seek treatment for depression.
I’d have the court do a home visit…she also needs a carseat so that’s a safety issue. It may be best to do supervised visits until he can get his life together for her.
Cant use the tracking bc its illegally done. Go to court, file for sole with him having supervised visits, get a guardian ad litum for baby and if you can lawyer up. Its okay to have concern for the father of the child but you do not put a child in unsafe situations and neglect them. Your baby also is acting out probably bc of whats going on. Maybe get her checked out. And ill have ppl saying its extreme but id rather do the extremes to protect my babies than let anything POSSIBLY happen. Bc its quite possible naturally and especially with all the factors here. Document what u can and look up your state laws.
If the tracking device is on the children’s seat or bag then that is being used to keep up with the belonging like the intended use of the product. 
but anyways, sounds like a super sticky situation you are dealing with. I suggest maybe trying counseling together and see if you can come up with better coparenting and maybe he can find someone to talk to about his own personal issues. If that doesn’t give you any luck then I would suggest court and recount experiences of him bringing her home not in a car seat.
Oh hell no way would I send my child into
This dangerous situation.
To the OP I’d tread carefully on ever even admitting you are tracking him. He can turn around and use that on you. The claims of him being out at 2-3-4 am, are you positive he doesn’t have someone staying with her while he’s out doing whatever? Unless you have seen him with her out, that is assumptions.
Now when it comes to protecting her, do it the right way. Ask for an emergency PO and document everything, legally. Going from tues to wed without a change of clothes they may not see that as neglect. Now if he’s had her Tues to Friday and she’s still in the same clothes and not bathed, pictures are worth so much in court. Many have suggested this, you could ask him to spend time with her at your home. Or in a trusted family members home. Talk to him, keep communication open. Best of luck
Get an attorney and get custody. Then you have more leverage.
Um last time I checked stalking was illegal and if the situation were reversed you’d be cryen about a restraining order. Not to mention it’s an invasion of privacy. A judge will tell you the same thing.maybe if your that upset/paranoid you need to do supervised visit. You had better hope he doesn’t take legal action against you for stalking him because he’s well within his right to. I’d say go back to court and handle it properly and less crazy.
pLease keep her with you poor kid,he sounds like he has to grow up.Poor child dont let her go with him till he is more stable.
Document everything, pictures, text messages.
Get a lawyer and have custody changed.
Smh why do you even have to make a post about this shouldn’t you already know the answer
Shameful that a man wouldn’t do better than that for his child.
STOP sending your baby with him!!! SMH
You can’t track him! It’s completely illegal and he can turn that on you in court. If it was the other way around you’d be in this post begging for a restraining order, that is not normal behaviour. Go to court and get a CO.
He can’t depend his mental stability on a child. He needs to figure that out for himself, because it is manifesting onto the child. Not cleaning her, bathing, changing her clothes at the very least and dangerous activity like the car seat situation. Im not saying keep her from him, but he needs to seek professional help or figure out how to pull himself out of it without using your child as a tool.