I’m so at a loss of how to handle the situation I am in. If anybody could give pointers that would be amazing. My son will be 4 in may and right before he turned a year and a half we met my now husband. But let me go back. My son’s biological dad has hardly ever been in the picture. He’s maybe seen my son 10 times before he was 1 1/2. He is supposed to pay child support but has only made a few payments. The bio dad has not spent a holiday or birthday with my son and his family is not involved either. Let me add he has a daughter a year younger than my son and has been steadily involved with her. My husband and I have been together 2 1/2 years and the only father my son knows is my husband. To him that is his daddy. I’ve had the bio dad message me asking to sign his rights over, and he bails out. He doesn’t ever text, call or anything. Well we had a court hearing and he just asked what he needs to do to see “his son”. I’m at a loss on what to do. My husband and I want to go through with adoption but with the bio dad being so stubborn he won’t sign his rights over. Anybody from an outside point of view please give me some advice. My son does not know his bio dad and hasn’t seen him since 2019. Do I let him see my son when he is a complete stranger or do i wait to see if he tries consistently to see him ? He’s never kept his word and goes from house to house depending on which girl he is seeing. He doesn’t own a vehicle or has anything for my son. Just last week we did not hear from him for over a year and he texts me asking what he needs to do.
He needs to go to court and get visitation rights if he doesn’t have them. Personally I wouldn’t “do the work” for him by telling him what to do. I would be documenting his contact with you and any visits set up and whether he shows up if he’s an active participant, etc.
Go after him for the back child support
…he will back off then
Based on the facts I believe the courts would make the right call . The child’s mental health is at stake here.
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Speak with a lawyer. If he hasn’t had any contact with his child in over a year a lot of states consider that abandonment. I could certainly still go forward with the step parent adoption. It makes me sick these people think they can pick and choose when to be there for their child.
Your best bet is to do whatever it takes to create a healthy relationship between your son and his biological father, for your son!
May be bittersweet right now, but your son will thank you for being the bigger person when he’s older.
In many states you can petition to terminate someone’s rights if they are not active in supporting the child and do not see the child. Look into that. Even if he’s in court talking about “ what do I need to do” if he’s not actually doing it, no one is going to care.
Lawyer up and make your ex pay back child support and future. Most men won’t show up to court for that If he doesn’t show the judge will grant you the right to do what you want
Keep a journal with everything in it including dates
If he gives us parental rights, he no longer has to pay child support…you can put it to him that way. If he’s greedy instead of serious, it might work
Document everything and get a lawyer to go after him for back child support. If you have never hindered his ability to be a part of his son’s life, but the effort was never there…that’s on him. My bet is child support will make him sign his rights away. Give him enough room to hang himself
Find a lawyer who gives a free 1 hour consultation. Every state is different with their laws.
Unfortunately if bio dad is awarded visitation then he is legally entitled to visit child Children know who love them let things be
Look into pro Bono lawyers
Call a lawyer. It would be more mentally damaging telling a child the only dad they’ve ever known isn’t their dad. The courts will also take that into consideration. I’ve seen courts strip a parent of their right when there’s a more active “step parent” involved
Report him for non-payment. NOW. Then talk to your case worker, or whatever the courts set up.
A lot of them just eventually stop making any contact, and just fad away. I’d talk to an attorney. Most will usually give you a free 30 minute consultation.
Write all this down and talk to a lawyer about it
Get an attorney and sue for back child support. If he wants visitation he should get an attorney himself and it should all be in writing. Don’t do the work for him
After six month of no contact you can file abandonment in court and either request full custody and or termination of parental rights for court service you can put the notice in the local paper
Document EVERYTHING, every missed parenting time (dates and times), show as much proof as you can. Also show what you and your husband has done for the child and make it known that child doesn’t see bio as dad because bio WASN’T there and he has emotional attachment to your husband as dad not bio. Show proof of bio dad not coming through. The more proof and documentation the better.
Let’s support enforcement go after him for child support anything else then if you do have a visit habit so it’s overseen by the state it’s the safest and then just change the last name you can change your last name at the courthouse made me not do an adoption but at least I’ll have the last name
You don’t need a legal adoption for the kid to know who his dad is. My bio father was about as awesome as the one you’re describing and he just fell off and disappeared naturally due to his own poor character.
I always knew my dad was the one who was there loving me my whole life. That other dude is whatever.
Can you file for abandonment seeing you haven’t seen bio dad for over a year
File abandonment (depending on state and situation) and get him adopted 
Find out your laws most times after 6 months to a ur of no contact you can file abandonment charges and you can move forward to have his rights term and husband adopt. But best to talk to a lawyer bc every state is different. Otherwise tell your ex either he signs over rights or your going to go after for back child.support
I bet when it comes down to the nitty gritty. He won’t follow through. But if he insists on seeing him. Make sure you are there to feel out how YOUR SON feels about it. Good luck✌️
In Texas if the bio father has absolutely nothing to do with their child(ren) for a year paying CS, seeing them, calling them… Then you can file for abandonment. I’m unsure how the process goes I haven’t personally went through this yet.
Going through this with my grandson. The difference is the bio dad broke both his femurs and gave him a second degree burn by the time he was 16 DAYS old. He didn’t go to prison. The courts felt it more beneficial that the bio person pay child support and provide medical insurance. None of which he has done. Since my grandson was 9 months old he has had his DAD in his life. The monster won’t give up his rights because he hopes to have a part in my grandson’s life. Never happen. Unfortunately, the bio parent has rights and what is best for the child doesn’t matter. Hope you get the outcome you want, but not likely unless the bio walks away.
You should never take away a bio dad’s rights unless he is willingly doing it or is abusive current hubby should be step dad n child should always no there bio dad
Is this about my sons dad? Cause it sounds like it. 
Get your lawyer or whoever does child support go at him for years of back pay. Then stress hard at how he’s never been in the childs life and your child does not know him. Any man can be a father, your special if you a childs Dad. Good luck. 
Put him in jail for being a dead-beat dad, then tell him if he will sign over his rights you will not expect any more child support from him and will not have him arrested again.
I have an 8 year old daughter. Her biological father was the same way. He walked out of the hospital while I was having her, wasn’t involved for 6 months after we split up, then popped back up for about a week, dipped out again, then would pop up like once a year. He stopped seeing her all together when she was about 3. I met my now husband when she was 4. I’ve always provided for her and taken care of her on my own (prior to meeting my husband). I finally went and filed for child support through the state. When he was served, he was all to willing to sign his rights over. With COVID having everything shut down, it took us a while, but he signed the papers early February 2022. As of March 4th 2022, her adoption by my husband was granted.
We didn’t use an attorney, just filed everything with the court house ourselves. Paid $160 to file. There was a bunch of paperwork to complete and submit on our part, like financials, household size and information etc.
I would suggest filing a motion for adoption by a step-parent on the grounds of abandonment by the biological parent. Then tell him that you’ll come to him to sign the papers, and that it will relieve him of all physical and financial responsibilities. Make sure you take a witness with you, and that witness can’t be your husband. It would have to be someone not related to you, over the age of 18.
Don’t give up.
For reference, I’m located in Maryland.
I have to say your situation resonates with me completely. Same situation over here but the grandparents are actually involved. Prayers to you and I hope you find a resolution for this as I am still trying to myself.
Regardless it’s still his dad. He may have started out rocky and crappy but maybe he wants to change that. It sucks but sometimes it takes then a little while to decide they want to be a father to their kids but it should always be an option. If you deter his dad from seeing him your child could very well resent you as an adult for it. It may not be up to your standards and your husband can still adopt him but I definitely wouldn’t just sweep him under the rug like he never existed, after all he is half of your child and you wouldn’t have him without the father.
No you don’t let him see him unsupervised. Your son would be terrorized.
If yuh can prove that he has made no effort then you can file for abandonment and have his parental rights terminated so that your Husband can adopt him. We went through this.
If he insists on being a dad and being consistent then that is a different story. But to have him walk in and visit a few times and step out for two years or even months at a time does so much emotional damage to these kids. I have adult children that deal with abandonment issues because of their father. It follows them always.
Tell him if he wants to see his son he has to go thru the court system to get visitation rights and he will have to pay child support. If he doesn’t go thru the court system and pay child support he doesn’t need to see him. He is a stranger to your son.
Court and documents…he has abandoned child but pops up at random. Have proof of his behavior. Get a lawyer.
Ignore him…he will go away again…
Sad story. Sending healing prayers and wishing you and yours a better future. Amen.xoxoxo
Since he doesn’t have a stable house or car I would not let my son go off with him however if he wanted to see his son I would have you and your husband there maybe at a park or something
If he hasn’t seen the child since 2019 and doesn’t pay child support then that is abandonment. Use that.
None of us in here are lawyers and know what your states laws are regarding this. You best bet is to retain and lawyer and go from there
Do not let him see him alone. Your child would be traumatized. Ask the court to terminate his right for abandonment.
He asked what he would have to do to see his son so I’d be like sign off on your rights and that’s how you can see him because from what your saying he don’t see the kid now. So if you use that you may never ha w to do it again.
Don’t let your son go with him. As you stayed he’s a stranger. Don’t even talk to him unless he gets a court order. I’d get a lawyer. Maybe they can help you persuade him to sign his rights over to your husband. If he’s persistent on wanting to be in your son’s life then request an investigation into his life style, living conditions & mental health. Request supervised visits in a safe 3rd party location & family counseling for all of you. A lawyer can even put in the order that if he misses visits he gives up his rights.
Go to court and set up a plan and see if he follows through with supervised visitation. how are you gonna have your husband adopt your son if the child doesn’t even know the truth he’s not old enough to be involved in decision . Your forcing something on him hopefully he doesn’t feel some type of way when he’s older.
After 6 months of no contact, you could have gone to a judge with the request. Now, stipulate that he can only come see him at your house and he cannot take him anywhere due to his current unstable situation. You definitely don’t want to be seen as hindering him in any way of seeing his child. You want to appear to work with the biological father while still putting the child’s safety first. And, the most important, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! I mean EVERYTHING!!! Conversations, missed calls when he said he would call, when he said he would come visit, but didn’t. EVERY. SINGLE. INTERACTION.
Your child already has a consistent father figure, if he wants to adopt him and he’s good to both of you LET HIM. The last thing your kid needs is to be confused about why his other dad is inconsistent. If he wanted to be in his sons life he would. My first sons dad is the same way. But my son loves my fiancé and calls him da da by choice because that’s all he knows and he’ll tell you that’s his son, we have twin boys together though but treats my son as his own in all ways. Trust me your child won’t be missing anything with a parent like that. If the child gets older and wants to meet him or something of that nature then that’s a whole different ball game.
People do change NOT saying thats the case here but if u do allow him to see ur son I’d do so in ur own home or meet at a public place & make it known he’s not to use words like daddy ect cuz u don’t want ur son hurt or confused if he dips out again
I went through this for 10 years…do not stop him from seeing your son. The courts will NOT like that at all. Offer visits to the park or mall, something where you are still there or he can pay for a supervisor for his visits. Also, get your son into counseling while he starts to see his dad again. I dealt with this for 10 years with mine, make him follow what the courts tell him to do to reunify, and don’t get in the way. After so long of not being involved, my ex stepped up big time, we are now 50/50, no child support and co-parent and get along better than we ever have, and I’m thankful for it, so is my daughter.
Currently going through this exact thing. Here in Montana I can’t even get the dads right taken away till after I’m married. It’s so frustrating, and here in Montana they won’t just let the bio dad sign his rights over…
My fiancé has been the stable father figure for 4 years now and I’m terrified about this process is going to unfold once we are married and able to take the bio dad to court.
My son is now 22, and this is very similar to his bio dad. I always allowed him to see him in a safe environment. He did supervised visits through an agency so it was all court appointed and documented if he did not show up. He was pretty much consistent with those and was granted unsupervised. BUT I still insisted that it was somewhere safe. I would transport both ways. I talked about safety with my son and what to do if he felt afraid. Throughout his life he pops up sometimes. But my son got to make his own choice to have him in his life or not. His dad showed him who he was instead of me. My son appreciates that I gave him this opportunity to make his own opinion of his bio dad. He is closer to my husband than his bio dad. My husband taught him to be a great man. I didn’t argue over child support much, I’d rather have him in my sons life than have the money. I struggled as a single mom until I met my husband when my son was 13. But it has been hard on my son, thinking that his bio dad didn’t care but he worked through it knowing that I and his Step father loved him unconditionally and support him in every aspect of his life, including his feelings surrounding his bio dad. But I would definitely go through the courts. I documented everything. Told him that we can go to court and when he finds a judge that says his behavior is acceptable, then he can take me back to court. He never followed through, so it was really just up to me and my son what we were comfortable with. His bio dad didn’t argue about me always transporting and he was not allowed to drive him anywhere. He didn’t argue about where he saw him or for how long. And he liked that child support was only $272/month. In court he sold, I bought, every Christmas and Birthday for my sons entire life, so his child support went down. I just wanted my son to know that I really tried, that it wasn’t me keeping him from his bio dad. He holds no resentment toward me as an adult. Good luck! Each situation is different but the child should be the center of every decision that is made about this. Leave your negative feelings about his bio dad and your desire to have the family you have created with your husband, separate. He can still have that story and love from you guys. His bio dad should be no threat to that.
Talk to a lawyer. No contact and no support sounds like abandonment. And see what the lawyer has to say. And keep records of every contact, support payment anything he tries. Every phone call, missed birthday, or missed holiday everything.
DO NOT reach out to him, We have the same exact situation and I promise if he’s willing to be there for his other kid and not his first do not ever expect him to be consistent. I’ve broke my own daughters heart hoping for that and it never happens.
File abandonment and have proof that he sees and takes care of his other child but not yours.
Call a lawyer In my state six months with no contact is grounds to terminate parental rights
Check yr state laws. If you and bio dad never married…he has no rights and would have to legitimate child. Depends on yr state laws tho.
Take him to court he doesn’t have any stability in his life to take your son overnight visitation request court supervised only. He will tire hit him where it hurts demand child support taken automatically from his paycheck through his employer. Then sit back and wait for him to screw up and go back to court and petition Them to release him of his rights
Nothing more than a sperm donor get him gone
I would talk to a lawyer and figure something out. You wouldn’t want him to end up getting overnight visits or something crazy because that would only traumatize your son.
Ask him for all the back child support. That usually works.
I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t let them see each other until it’s court ordered. He abandoned the child. Get a lawyer.
Check your state laws, and go to the courthouse see what you can file, he has no permeate home, he don’t pay child support, he might as well give up his rights. I would not contact him for anything. Good luck to you and your family
I am sorry for what i am fixing to say. But if he has not been in your sons life and now all of a sudden he does he is wanting something, If he does not have a good standing of being in his life and just up and disappears for years at a time If it was me the word would be no because i let him go and start seeing him and he just up and disappears for years at a time that is not only going to hurt him but really push him into the dumps and make him really depressed wanting to know what he did so wrong for him just to disappear again
He wants to.know what he can do. If he loves him he’ll let go.
You should be able to terminate his right with proof of lack of interaction. Get a lawyer mama!
File for child support and drop the adoption just for a bit…. I’m sure he will get bored and crawl back to wherever he’s been hiding
He wanted to sign his rights over already so you shouldn’t debate it. That’s a big thing.
If you can prove one of 5 things they’ll terminate rights. Talk to a lawyer.
I’m my state if he don’t pay child support for a year we don’t have to have bio dads approval to adopt
Ignore him… Until he shows UP. shows sincerity, IGNORE…
DONT CONTACT him…
If he wants to be his father, hell show up…your son will know the truth. You owe him nothing
I was in your same situation. My ex never saw my daughter, when he lived near her, except once in a great while. Moved away, never asked to see her. He saw her one day every other year, when she would go for summer with my mom. My mom set up the visitation at her house. I had his wages garnished so I made him pay though. She is now in her 40s, and and has 2children, he has never seen. Married again when she was 4.And my husband is her dad, and the grands even say they have one Papa’s which, they all call when they need him. She and her kids would be lost without him, and love him so much. Oh yeah their bio grandpa, is just some man that sends them gift cards for Christmas. He didn’t even send a condolence card, when her first child passed away. And just an oh, I’m sorry when my grand miscarried our great grandbaby. He never would sign adoption papers, but as my hubby said, I don’t need papers to say I am her dad. We have 4girls, and she is on all our papers, if something happens to us. She is the executor of our wills, when we both pass
That’s a toughie. I would seek the advice of an attorney, fast! As far as I know, you can’t force him to sign his rights away now that he has decided he wants to be a part of your son’s life. I would demand supervised visitation seeing as how your son doesn’t know him. I don’t know which State you are in. I’m praying that State has abandonment laws. Talk to an attorney right away.
I went through same hell back in the day. My daughter now 25 was never seen by her dad from birth till 3. Decided he wanted to see her etc. I went to lawyer when she was little and they told me as long as he wasn’t in her life or tried for first couple years, he doesn’t have rite to her. She was 10 and he tried to see her and wanted rights. I said no way and he never seen her. She is 25 and only dad she knew was my former husband that passed away. Nope, get a lawyer and see what they say . If he hasn’t been around, he shouldn’t get any rites at all…
I was in the same boat… I didn’t make any decisions for the simple fact of my son later finding out the truth and possible being upset for missing out on knowing who his real dad was. My son is now 15, he knows who everyone is. Bio dad was a pos. I don’t wish I had done anything different. Although my son was hurt along the way, we dealt with it through family counseling and he is now better than ever.
You don’t need a piece of paper to be a parent. Although I see where you’re coming from. All that guy is is a donor. His father is your husband.
Google legal aid in your state and talk to a lawyer.
i belive i would pation the court for rights for your husband to adopt him and push the child support thing he cant pay so he needs to give him up to your husband now
If he’s not paying child support, that won’t look good in front of the judge. He can be jailed for non payment. If a judge finds him unfit, he can strongly suggest he signs over his rights. Every state has different laws, but in TN, if a parent is absent and hasn’t paid child support in 90 days, the said parent loses all parental rights, if there present ( Non bio mother or father) wants to adopt, the judge goes through with the adoption.
File for abandonment and ask to terminate his rights for your husband to adopt
Look up step parent adoption pages. They are great and have lots of advice from people that have been there. Definitely get a lawyer and go for tpr and adoption.
Some states you can have rights terminated for abandonment if they’ve gone so long without contact. My mother went through that when my dad wanted to adopt me but bio was never in the picture but wouldn’t sign rights away
Contact a lawyer and find out what has to happen or what you can do. You can’t make him sign over his rights. But it might qualify for abandonment. You can try enforcing the child support and maybe he won’t want that so he will make an agreement if you drop it he will sign it over.
Wow that speaks volumes about you that you would not even try to even do supervised visitation to let your son know his father regardless of what the father’s done maybe he’s grown up and changed and wants to try to make a difference but each state’s different in the state of Ohio if you weren’t married at the time the child’s conceive the father has no rights till there’s a court order but you have to follow the court order regardless of whether it’s been weekdays months years since he seen him
Fortunately until rights are terminated by biological father you can’t have your husband adopt a child
All you people letting the courts decide the situation be a dog about it unless there’s harm being done regardless of what the courts say each parent should get to see their child no matter how how long they’ve been away they have issues and try to fix things and change and then because you guys want to run to court and Court says no he don’t get to ain’t got no rights y’all want to just tell them that they’re you know parents don’t exist or that they can’t see their child or their child can’t see their other parent and I’m ranting about this because I am the other parent that doesn’t get to see their child because my ex husband lied to the courts got custody and then refuses a lot to allow me to have her on my visitations and a personal reasons why I don’t go back to court but he’s just going to lie and get his way anyway
I dont know what state your in, but in Oklahoma if they go one year with NO contact, no call, message, letter, nothing, you can ask the courts to terminate his rights. Hobestly, if you can, I would get a lawyer and go from there, no reason to have a bio dad in the picture if he onky reaches out every few years
If he wants to see HIS child, let him. Maybe do supervised for a while until they get to know each other better? The child does however deserves to know their REAL father.
Get a lawyer and go through with having his rights removed through the courts and do the adoption
Go to Court n file a judgement on him
Don’t give him the child he’s up to no good
tell him first he needs to bring child support up to date and stay current !!!
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Let him see his dad just set up supervised visits for now and you can’t make him give up his rights as a parent and I bet he continues to refuse to give them up
I’ve never met my bio dad, but used to see him around. Back when I was little I remember my Dad having to go and get him to sign his right over. My mom didn’t do it, my dad did. He’s been my dad since I was 3 months old and adoption process started at 6, finalized at 8.
Start keeping records on the bio dad. Keep very detailed records. If you can remember, put past things in also. Have you turned him in for non payment of child support? Here in Texas, they take it out of his paycheck before he even gets it. That way he has to pay. My ex turned over his rights cause he didn’t want to pay child support.