i’m a stepmother, of a 5 year old. I used to take care of him, all last 3 summer’s since she has full custody of the kid. But out of no where he just didn’t want to come over anymore. I have two kids, and he would play with them, have that bond with them. Than out of no where the kid didn’t want to come anymore. He hasn’t come at all this summer, & we all miss him. But the dad is like whatever’ if he don’t want to come that’s on him. He’s choice’ & well ? What about my feelings my say? I miss that kid like crazy! and nor the baby momma don’t even have care to like give he’s son a call or a hi, something? Am I just being to much… should I just leave them alone
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You should definitely push to have him come over. Sounds like he could use some counseling to help him express his feelings too.
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If your hubby doesn’t want him there, don’t push it. Something is not right, but don’t get the kid mistreated by Dad.
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A 5yr old-his choice? Uhm no. Id have visits set for like every other weekend or something…
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Not sure what your relationship is like with his mother but maybe a call or text even just saying hey we really miss him and hope to see him soon or something to that affect. I don’t think that would be inappropriate and maybe would spark her to give a reason to you.
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From experience losing a bond with a step child hurts ALOT but unfortunately there isn’t much you can do besides state how you feel and what you would like to happen but if the parents don’t care to keep the kids in contact you can’t do much which is so so sad my oldest has 6 other siblings out in the world and has 0 relationship anymore with any of them she misses them a lot and it’s affected her in many ways but after unsuccessful attempts at keeping them together I just gave up
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If dad doesn’t care it’s not the mothers job either to make the kid reach out . It sounds more like the dad should be the one worried about the kid not coming but clearly doesn’t give 2 shits. I mean what can you do focus on your kids
Leave it alone your jus the stepmother an you have told them your opinion now wait on their actions
Talk to her and tell her you miss him and genuinely care about seeing him.
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The kid shouldn’t have to deal with a father who doesn’t want him. It will do more damage in the long run.
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I would call the mother. Let her know how you feel & ask to talk to the boy. Sometimes at 5 kids get that attachment where they don’t want to leave the mom
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You’re doing too much
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Dad sounds like a bum
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My question would be “what happened that made him not want to come there?” Seems to me something bad may have happened.
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I would guess something has happened to make him NOT want to go to your house. Something he obviously doesn’t feel comfortable talking about and might possibly need help talking about.
It doesn’t sound like Dad is too great and maybe the kid is picking up on that and knows he’s not wanted there. That’s not a good feeling for anyone, especially a kid
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5 year Olds don’t have a choice and if the father doesn’t push it he’s a dead beat. He needs to figure out what is going on and fight for his kid.
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Damn you hubby is a real winner. Way to throw away his 5 year old.
Sounds like dad doesn’t care, kid probably picked up on that. Don’t force trauma to happen
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I think it’s sad his dad doesn’t care
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I had this issue w my ex with his 2 kids from his previous marriage. My ex husband was supposed to get his kiddos every other wkend. But something always came up and they wouldn’t come. I tried to do fam stuff all the time. My ex didn’t push to see his kids and to me that was an issue. I felt like our family dynamic was pretty much sh*t on. It was frustrating bcuz all the kids were so close, he had 2, I had 3, we had 1 together. Since our split he takes our daughter every single wkend bcuz she will have a relationship w her dad as long as I’m concerned. She rarely sees her 2 other siblings and I feel so bad for her.
STAY OUT OF IT!! If dad doesn’t care then leave it alone!! I’ve been through this. Stay out of it. It’s NOT about you and NEVER will be.
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Hate to say it, but that’s on dad. He has to want to have him there and find out why he doesn’t want to come etc.
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Call him and invite him over to play, You husband is stupid ignoring the child, maybe his attitude is the reason he doesn’t want to come
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You can keep in contact. Call him and invite him over!
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There’s a reason the child doesn’t want to be there and I’m guessing it’s a lot to do with the father. If the father isn’t even trying to see the child then that’s on the father not the child. You may miss the child but that child doesn’t want to be at y’all house for a reason. Leave it be until the child decides he wants to come back.
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That’s how my ex was with his daughter. I hated it.
U sound like u have a great heart and i can’t believe he’s acting like that about his son doesn’t sound like a good father
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No you talk to the dad about trying to see his kid, he made him and he should want to see him. Kids pick up on energy it’s sad he doesn’t want to see him. I’ve been through this and it makes a difference you care and are putting in effort.
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Talk to your husband and tell him to be a better dad and reach out to his son ! It’s not your fault and I’m sorry you feel like this . But he seem like the problem . He doesn’t even care if his kid doesn’t come over
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Either something happened that he can’t talk about ,or the other mother is possibly poisoning his brain with stuff ! That happens !As a step parent that did everything you could to make this little one feel loved and part of your family I would def want to know what happened & why What’s up with Dad saying it doesn’t matter that’s shameful it’s his son !!A child of 5 shouldn’t be given the choice.I have two Greats Grands that HATE going to their Fathers when it’s his turn I hate seeing them sad to go they don’t like him much and not cause of mama…but the Dad has rights too…unfortunate in our case.Get behind it !One person said u do to much I don’t agree it’s great you love that child !Good luck
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Yes, you’re being too much. Not your kid
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If dad doesn’t bother than the child is most likely best without him involved
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I don’t know what it is that people find attractive about parents who don’t care about their kids.
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Your husband is a d bag. I’d be embarrassed to call him my husband for real
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I’d be more pissed being married to a guy who doesn’t seem to care about his kid, but maybe that’s just me.
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Dads attitude s*cks. If that was my baby, I’d be the one rocking up to the house and asking my child myself. I’d rather hear it from their mouth than believe a disgruntled ex and their word. But dad needs to change his attitude… he’s 5 years old still a baby and still needing the right guidance. If dad is feeling hurt because he’s Being told he don’t want to come over. Than he should do what I would do. Go find out for himself if it’s true.
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Tell him or ask him if you may speak to his ex about the situation. Sometimes woman can see that the child comes first and work things out that way. You be the go between. He’s five so that’s a bit young to say just forget it. Because he’s really saying forget him. That’s sad. But, it’s your husband’s decision to fight for him. Maybe something happened that you don’t know about. Talk to him about it. If there is maturity in all the adults ,it will work out. God bless.
Speaking from experience.
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Your husband, the bio dad, does not want to fight to see his son. You are not biologically related to the son and you are not related by adoption to the son.
How is it that you have the right to seek custody of your husband’s sons? Please explain your legal theories here. The court is going to look at the laws in the state where the child resides. I’ve never seen it, but what law give you the legal right to step in and demand visitation?
Now, morally, I get it. If you called the mother in order to ask to see their son, would she voluntarily do it? If yes, there you go. If no, then unless you pay big bucks to get an aggressive attorney, you don’t have the right to demand visitation. There isn’t a special bond between the some and you or the son and your kids. I don’t see how you have tights here but you should contact and attorney in your state for a legal opinion.
The boy’s mom may be trying to start her own family, she may be pissy about your husband remarrying or she may be trying to persuade her son to stop seeing you all, or she may be keeping his life so full of event that there’s no time left for you and your family.
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Sounds like he’s kept away, someone sees you as a threat
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talk to your husband and tell him to step up and reach out to his son!!!
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Just leave it for now…then try to have a conversation with the ex to see what she says.matbe she’s jealous because your close to her child…
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Nothing you can do !!! He is not your child and your husband doesn’t even care .
So , stay in your place and care for your own children
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Nooo, you’re acknowledging your feelings. You have reason to feel as you do, but being a stepparent puts you in a place where your say comes in last if at all. I’m sorry you feel that way just don’t give up on him just yet.
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Not your business’s, his dad needs to deal with it
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The change has to start with your husband. He has to make that step. His son is waiting for his father to fight for him. He’s only 5. As long as things were going fine at dads, he isn’t old enough to make that choice but the fact that your husband isn’t stepping up and fighting for him-is giving bm the upper hand regardless of why he doesn’t want to come anymore.
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Don’t force it… if the kid doesn’t want to see you then he shouldn’t be forced…
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It sounds like you really care, but the other two adults don’t as much. Honestly, step parents who love their stepkids this much is such a good thing so don’t let anyone be mean over this. But unfortunately it also means you’ve gotta let their dad and mother sort their crap out
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I don’t force my daughter to go somewhere if she doesn’t want to. I used to hate when I was a kid in my family would always force me to go to my dad‘s in this summertime I absolutely hated it there…
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You have no rights here
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Well, your husband is dropping the ball on parenting big time.
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Why be with a man that isn’t even pushing to be a father to his very young son!? That’s a huge red flag to me. He should care. Period.
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It’s not your kid. You have no rights. If you chose to babysit that’s exactly what you were, the babysitter. Parents can choose to change sitters. Situations can change. You sound possessive. The kid’s instincts know something’s off. He probably has for awhile. He’s just at the age now that he can express it. Dad should be fighting for time with his kid. By the sounds of it he never really did anyway. Leave the kid alone.
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I think he picks up his fathers attitude
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Tell your husband to step up and be a real dad a child needs their father. I don’t understand how someone could be ok with just not seeing their child. That sounds like a dead beat dad to me. If you have children with him and you leave him im sure you will have no trouble getting 100^ custody.
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reach out to his mother and tell her you would like to see the kid, you miss him and your kids misses him. if she doesn’t want to meet up, then quit thinking about him.
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I’d try to find out why he doesn’t want to come over first!
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Stay in your lane not ur child…sounds to me the husband is the problem not you .don’t be surprised if the mother tells you where to go if u confront her about the matter …focus your energy on your children and let those two sort it out
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His went home and said to his Mom…that he likes you better…I can guarantee it…which made the Mom not want you in his life anymore…it’s hard to let go of someone or anything that your heart has gotten attached too…sometimes unfortunately…you just have to let it go…
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Dad is in the right - if the child doesn’t want to be there this summer - he might actually want to spend the summer with his mom not with you all - let the parents handle their child - you have no say so and if you do go over your husband’s head and confront her about her SON - you will end up losing
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Makes me wonder what his mom is saying about the dad or even you or did something happen at your house that has made him feel uncomfortable coming over there??? Just asking. I would never allow my child to decide if he wants to see his dad or not. And……. Shame on him for the bad parenting.
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I personally would just check with his mum to see if everything is OK with her and her son. Maybe send a token gift to mum and the boy. A small treat.
But don’t be pushy. Leave the ball in her side of the court. You’ve allowed the door be open a jar.
Dad’s attitude is a worry for me. But it could be for show. So you don’t see he’s hurting. Just saying. It might not be the case.
Make fun times with your children and memories.
Things might change next year.
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You don’t get a say. He’s his own person and can make his own decisions.
Depending on how old he is, he could just be over the back and forth crap.
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Maybe a call to see how he’s doing and ask him over could the mother be stopping him from coming over
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He’s 5 he might just not want to go at first because he’s with mom for so long but I bet after he got there and had fun he’d be fine maybe see if you can take him to the park with your other kiddos and then see if he’ll come over
Sorry, Honey. Kids are like that sometimes. Maybe he’s looking forward to playing with another little kid, you never know… he’s 5. The trouble with being a stepparent is you have no legal or moral say in the matter. It’s between the bio parents and the kid. So sorry.
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Nacho - not your kid, not your problem.
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As a step parent I feel for you. But unlike most step parent I had say in my step kids lives and what was best for them. I cared for them mainly supported them did everything for them. But my step kids lived with me and my husband. Step parents are allowed to ha e feelings to about the kids not just be told its not up to you stay out of it. Clearly you care about this boy. I wish you luck
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Stay in your lane. Let his parents make those decisions.
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I would be more bothered by your husband’s lack of concern that his five year old son doesn’t want to come for visitation. He should have addressed this with his ex wife already.
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At that age is it possible
That his mother is brain washing him
Out of spite ?
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Just because you miss him doesn’t mean you can force him to come. Maybe he is having fun at mom’s this summer. There are lots of VBS and day camps. Sounds like dad has already talked to him and his mom and he doesnt want to come. Good job to dad for not forcing him!
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No idea why dad isn’t trying at all to see his kid, what in the… 
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Express your feelings to his father and stepmom if you can do so appropriately. That way you get to let them know you want to continue that bond and leave the door open for the future. Personally, I think 5 is too young for a parent to say it’s on him.
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Well, he is not your kid and even his own dad aint giving a crap about having his kid. 
if I were you, i would be considering that a red flag cause no good dad should be ok with his kid not coming, much less a 5yo that cant even wipe their butt yet.
That’s his MOM.
Like…. She doesn’t owe shared time with a woman whose not her child’s blood or your kids, just because you’re with the kids father. The kid does not owe you time because of your feelings. He obviously wants to be with his mom while out of school with undivided time with her. That’s natural and if you force them apart for your own stupid step mom pitty party of jealousy cause you can’t make a kid want to be around you, then you’re a monster.
Like who tries to take a kid from its mother?
Did you ever offer family outings so everyone can be involved? You’re thinking about YOU AND YOUR KIDS. You’re not thinking of the child and his actual mother. Selfish.
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I’d say it’s the mums doing tbh but honestly your feelings don’t come into it.He’s not your child.It’s up to the parents to sort that out.A 5 yr old is not old enough to dictate where he goes whether it be dad or mum if there is no abuse.That’s why courts don’t give kids that young the choice if the home is a safe one.I’d stay out of it
With dramatic changes like this I would be worried that abuse is a factor
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I looked after my step daughter for a whole year with my partner (her dad) and then 8months by myself. The aunty came one day and said I’m taking her for a BBQ and never brought her back. Brought the police over to pick up her stuff and I haven’t seen her for 6 months now.
Nothing really I can do .
It sucks
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The fact that you keep referring to him as “the kid” and “that kid” and the context of how you use each just kind of rubs me the wrong way. 
Let the parents figure it out, HE’S their SON.
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You can tell by some of these opinions that there’s haters out here
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I think it’s natural to miss him. You can tell ur partner, ‘I miss ___ and our kids miss him too. Wish he can visit us anytime soon. Please let him know we all love him.” … other than that, wait until u see/talk to that kid again, then u can tell him yourself - that he’s always have a place in your home.
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Its mom’s choice to make him
Remember: if he’s a deadbeat with his kids from previous relationships then ,if you guys have kids together & break up, chances are he’ll be a deadbeat dad to your kids.
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l get paid over $177 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18664 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
M0re Info. https://amazingworking14.pages.dev/
If you are more bothered over not seeing your step child than the dad about his own child then you’ve a husband problem
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You call him! Tell him yall miss him and was hoping to see him soon! Plan fun outings for you and the kids during the day while dad is at work like a picnic at the park. Buy a slip and slide and water balloons to have fun in the sun days once a week at least. Then plan family nights like skating rink, bowling alley, and family game nights. Remind him dad’s house is his other home with his other family which he is an important part of, where he is loved, cherished, and missed when he’s not at yall home. Get a little family puzzle made with all yall names on each piece. Put the 4 together and send him a picture of it in the mail along with his piece and a letter saying he is the missing piece to yall family puzzle and when he’s not there yall puzzle is incomplete! Send it with him when he’s gone as a reminder that yall need him too!
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you can call him, but do not pressure him to come over, Just let him know everyone will miss him & if he changes his mind he can come anytime
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Honestly you can’t force the man to have a relationship with his son. It sucks and hurts the heart when it happens but that’s just the truth of it. Voice how you feel, and how your kids feel. It may make a difference but at the end of the day that’s their child and you don’t really have a say.
He’s 5!! Hes not capable of making a decision like that, his dad should be fighting for time with his kid. WTF
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l get paid over $177 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18664 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
M0re Info. https://amazingworking51.pages.dev/
His mums got in his ear
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You don’t have a day with him since he’s a step son… sorry
Dad should be fighting for him to come over.
Unless he’s a deadbeat dad . Moms filling his mind with lies maybe or something is going on .
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Spends like his dad doesn’t give a shit and it’s not your issue to resolve.
Sorry you married a deadbeat dad.
Another made up senerio with non American person!
She has custody but he should have visitation, which is why the child is there summer’s? If his visitation is summers, he should be there no matter what. I’d call and talk to the kid.
It could also be the mother wants to claim that he’s abandoned his child, and since he hasn’t visited, she’s entitled to more support for their child. So I’d record the calls just to make sure…
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You should have a talk with your husband, it should be him that is fighting for his kid to come over especially since y’all only get to see him during the summer but this should be an eye-opener for you and the kids that y’all have together, if he treats his kid like this just think about how your kids will be treated if y’all ever separated. I think this says a lot about your husband, and me personally I would not want to be married to someone like that.
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people that are calling this dude a deadbeat, ever think that maybe it’s painful when your child doesn’t want to see you and you have to deal with it your own way. We all know as a parent we cannot force our children to do something that they do not want to do.
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Seems as if you care about the child but unfortunately because the child is not yours you have no say. Your opinions/feelings don’t matter. Only thing to do is reach out to child’s mother. Next thing to do is get rid of dead beat dad who doesn’t care about his child
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