Kindly tell them to fuck off. Hes human and has emotions & is allowed to cry.
Remove your son from the situation…take a walk…rock in a chair…read a book…whatever and continue telling him it’s okay to cry. Kindly tell the FIL it’s not his place to correct him when you are around. You aren’t disrespectful to elders When you are defending your child. The FIL is being disrespectful to you and your child… I assume you are from a different culture than them and they need to respect your culture as well!
Remove your son from the situation, take him to a quiet room, outside for a walk around the corner and process his emotions the way you have been. Politely out of ear shot from the children, tell your in laws that you were not brought up the same and while you appreciate their son and the man they raised, your parenting styles are different, you want him to know and understand his emotions also know how to cope with them in a safe and healthy manner
Wowwww. That leads to a teenager who is afraid to talk to anyone about anything and an adult who doesn’t know how to show emotions. I always tell mine “it’s okay to cry I know, things get to be too much and crying makes us feel better”. Nothing wrong with it at all. I can’t believe people still think like that. It’s horrible. It’s why we have so many men out here who don’t know how to show their feelings and it makes us women mad because they won’t do it. But really it’s because they’ve been told not to. So sad. You’re raising yours right! He needs to show emotion and cry and be mad and sad.
Where was your husband? Did he hear his dad say this? How did he respond?
Not only is it well within your right, but also your responsibility as a parent to protect your child in all senses. Mental and emotional welfare included. Ask your son’s dad to speak with his parents first about inappropriate comments. He is your son and you guys are raising him health-first. If your SO doesn’t speak to his parents about it then 100% you should pull them aside and let them know how you feel. If they can’t abide by the boundaries you set up, well time to take a timeout from Grandpa and Grandma’s for a while.
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Why do all you people want to be nasty about it just nicely tell them that is not the way your raising thier grandson and to please not say those things to him then if they don’t agree you can be strongerno need to use foul language just makes things worse
I don’t think being flat out disrespectful is okay but you are the voice for your little human. Hes learning how to express himself but when he can’t he needs you to express himself for him. Especially in a situation like that. Being a kid and being talked down to like that will take away all the work your doing with him being able to express himself… Hell start to clam up… Eventually if they’re still all meh meh meh about how you raise your children then that’s when I’d start being the daughter in law that isn’t afraid to walk on toes and tell it how it is and no sugar coating. If they’re not going to think of your child’s feelings you don’t need to think about theirs.
Just a PSA: don’t press toxic masculinity onto my son. If he wants to pick flowers, don’t scold me and tell him “that’s for girls”.
He is an amazing little boy and he finds happiness in every little thing and if you think that you will put that fire out, you are wrong. I have no issues cutting off communication to people who can’t respect our parenting and our sons feelings.
I find this fitting as it is the same issue.
Toxic masculinity is a serious problem, I think it’s disgusting that people push that on little boys. Teaching them that their emotions aren’t valid, or appropriate because they’re male. I wouldn’t allow anyone to tell my son he couldn’t or shouldn’t cry. It’s toxic to hide your emotions or pretend they aren’t there.
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You should have said something in the moment. I would tell them to mind their own damn business and if something like that is ever said again, my hands will be doing the talking.
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Not his child, not his choice. Speak up. Speak up! Stop worrying about the grown ass man acting like a child. Put him back in his place. Grandpa.
When it comes to YOUR child. WHO CARES who you have to disrespect. Always stick up for your baby!! And reassure him he CAN cry if he wants to!
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Tell them to shut their pie holes.
You will have an open and healthy relationship with your children.
I will not turn my children into emotionally stunted adults because you your self are emotionally stunted
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my simple reply would be “all humans have feelings and it’s healthy to express them. sometimes that comes with tears and since he is a human, he can express his feelings.”
seriously. the whole “boys don’t cry” thing is horrible.
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I can understand freezing up in the moment. I think I would circle back to the in-laws and let him know that the advice given to your son that day was not consistent with the teaching and belief of your household. Give him an example of what you would have appreciated him saying instead. And your SO should absolutely be prepared to handle the conversation if it needs to go any further. Boundaries are really important and healthy for everyone involved - no apologies for having them or drawing them out for others.
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I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Next time it happens I would totally talk to your son like you want to, right in front of everybody so they see how you treat the situation. If they have anything against it, or want to say something you don’t agree with as a parent, don’t be afraid to tell them you disagree.
Tell them plainly, I’m sorry but I don’t share your beliefs.
They are free to have their opinions, and maybe your son will hear this throughout his life and you can’t certainly tell people to not say something.
You can be outright disapproving though, you could ask them to keep their beliefs to themselves, or you could even move him away if you think they’d be giving him those kinds of talks again.
But honestly the most important thing is what YOU have to say in front of him and in front of them.
It doesn’t matter what they say, there will always be someone who will say the wrong thing. What is important is what you say in front of these people. Don’t be afraid to tell him it’s okay to cry, or to feel his feelings. Be open about the truth, tell him how his in laws may believe differently but it is not what you believe and what is important is what he thinks.
You can’t get mad at people for being different, and people become more stubborn as they get older. I wouldn’t try arguing or picking a fight with anyone but that’s just me. You focus on your son and teaching him the world instead of trying to change the world for him
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I would have a conversation about how you refuse to raise a son with the emotional range of a teaspoon. That’s not fair to him or anyone he has to interact with for the rest of his life. You and your spouse are not perpetuating the culture of masculine toxicity. Access to my kids is a privilege and they can act accordingly. I’m also very clear about boundaries
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I’m not in the best of moods right now… lol.
And to that I say punch your father in law where it counts and see if he cries or shows anger (which is still showing emotion)…
Tomorrow, in a better mood, I’d probably say that if they cannot respect your wishes for your child then they do not need to be around your child. A put down is a put down… hurts every time, especially to a child.
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I’m cut from a different cloth. My children will know that their parents will protect them at all costs. I don’t care who it is, put my child in a position where you will potentially harm their mental health, you will meet Momma Bear. That’s what we’re NOT doing.
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You say fuck the generation their from and ADVOCATE for YOUR SON AND PARENTING by telling them to FUCK OFF!!
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Honestly speak up to your in-laws. That’s not how you are raising your child and they need to respect your way of parenting is not theirs nor does it have to be.
Stay strong momma, your boy needs you💪
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Tell them to take that machismo toxic masculinity elsewhere!
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Kindly explain to them your trying to raise your son to express his emotions in a healthy way. Crying is a natural expression to some circumstances it’s healthy to cry wether it’s a happy, scared, hurt, cry. It’s not healthy to bottle up emotions because it may be out as anger nd aggression. Crying isn’t just for girls. Everyone she be allowed to express their emotions in a healthy way.
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Unacceptable on FIL part 
%! You are your child’s voice bottom line!
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You tell him to back off theres nothing wrong with boys showing emotions and if he has an issue with it then maybe he should be learning how to properly express himself instead taking his own insecurities of a small child showing proper emotions when he a grown ass adult can’t.
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I am all for the outrage, however I would say that it is moments like that where you have a good heart to heart with your son. Talk to him about how it made him feel to hear that, why it’s important to be honest about your feelings, and teach him empathy for hinself by understanding how much it probably hurts Grandpa to not feel okay sharing his feelings. Grandpa won’t be the only one in his life to ever give him the wrong the wrong message. Better to shape him to know how to stand up for himself and always be honest with himself about how he’s feeling. One of these days, he might just teach Grandpa a lesson he will never have learned from you.
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Tell her to f*** off
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Id tell them to STFU.
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Sometimes it’s good to listen, take things in and not react to the situation. This actually gives you the upper hand. Now you can explain to your son that it’s OK to cry when he’s sad, tired, frustrated or mad because he’s your little boy. As for the in laws it’s likely this will come up again and then you can let them know that the “man” you’re raising will know his emotions and will express them how he chooses.
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I would punch them in the face and tell them not to cry because they’re adults. 
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Tell them off. Say that everyone has emotions and your son can express he’s emotions or they can stop seeing him.
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I don’t care who it is.
I say to them “A good cry never hurt anyone, in fact it’s healthy to feel our emotions”
“Have you never ever cried?”
Usually works a treat.
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You break the generational curse and stand up for what you believe in.
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As moms we want to control what our kids are exposed to, and that’s just not reasonable. Ask him how he feels when his grandpa talks like that to him and teach him to respond to others unsolicited advice 
Boy mom here… from adult to toddler. Fil can fuck right off on the horse he came in on. And I’d tell him just that. You have to respect him but he doesn’t have to respect a 4 year old and the way I raise him? Not on my watch.
Drives me nuts when people say this…girls and boys 100% are allowed to cry…we are human beings with feelings and emotions…a good cry can make a person feel so much better…your child is still young and learning how to manage his emotions…I would calmy tell your father in law that "hey maybe your parenting worked for you when you raised your children but this is how I’m going to raise my child…I will allow him to express his emotions in a healthy way and not keep it bottled inside I want my child to be able to express himself ina healthy way,for when he is older it will help with the many relationships and situations that he may come across… or something along those lines
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I would talk to your hubby and you both have a sit down talk with his parents and tell them that you’re both raising your son to be able to express his emotions and you would like it if they could refrain from saying things like “men don’t cry” it’s a natural expression and he shouldn’t keep emotions bottled up. Tell them you understand they come from a different time but things are different now and you’re trying to raise your child better than what y’all were raised. Be firm and let them know that you won’t tolerate him saying that next time.
I don’t care how THEY were brought up. But the fact that they believe he shouldn’t cry because he’s a boy, is THEIR opinion. That is YOUR son and I’d make it a point to say something if it was me. Something along the lines of “well if he can’t cry because he’s a boy, then maybe keep your opinions to yourself because he isn’t your son”. You raise him the way you and your husband see fit, and don’t let them walk all over you! Keeping the peace with in laws is not as important as making sure your son knows he can come to you when somethings going on. Bottling emotions is NEVER a good thing.
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I think dealing with your son first and foremost as some other commenters suggested. Tell him as much as you can why grandpa says that and why its wrong.
As for him, I would personally not allow it even though it would probably cause trouble. I’d calmly tell him that talk won’t be tolerated and that you will leave if it happens again. But make sure your spouse in on the same page or it will not work they will just hate you and blame you.
Id tell them to fuck off because my baby boy is allowed to have feelings.
You aren’t raising your son in their culture; tell her to F-off and leave the boy alone.
I’ve had this situation with a family member (not the grandfather)…I just pulled my son aside and told him that some people say that because it is an old way of thinking. I use it as an example of how some people end up angry when they hold their emotions that way.
Some people may say something…but the moment the child is alone with the grandfather, you can only control how your chold reacts. Better to continue giving your son the tools to deal with those attitudes.
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When im in a situation like this. I generally will speak loudly for my child. " Hes had a rough day and hes allowed to cry."etc I play it up so if they are going to continue they can see where its going. Like a mama bear throwing out a few warning swipes. Like i know you heard me, not listen to me im the mom
If you won’t speak for your four yr old, than who will. I get you were shocked. This time. You tell your son, that, that is not how you grow to be a man. You are raising him. And culture or not this is your child. You raise them how you see fit, and you tell your FIL, or whomever that this is not something you will tolerate being taught to your child. And you stand on that. Older, inlaws, whatever … No F that. Yes , there may be an issue or a rift for a bit, but most important is your child will be raised to be okay with showing emotion. AND HE’S 4🤦🏽♀️. UGH.
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No way. 
The male suicide rate is through the roof because men are told from a young age to bottle up their emotions. I’d tell them that you’re raising your child to cope with his emotions in a healthy way. If they can’t respect your chosen method of parenting, tell them to fuck off. Please stand up for your child and let him know it’s okay to have feelings.
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Idgaf about their culture, they are disrespecting you and your child and that needs to be set straight ASAP. Btw I think you’re doing an amazing job raising your boy to express his emotions. He will grow up to be such a great man 
I would just say “weeeeell… that’s not what we teach him. He’s allowed to have feelings & express them”. And just leave it at that.
Now, if he’s just ~always~ crying (& seems bratty) that’s something else. But just from the info on this post- I don’t think that’s the issue here. Sounds just like a “macho man” complex… very common in Latino cultures. 
I hate it.
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People/ kids have feelings! Let him Express his. To the n- laws my kid my choice. Husband should have your back no matter what… he took those Vows when y’all got married
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Don’t say anything to them, speak directly to your child. The one you carried inside your body and gave birth to, because as parents we seem to forget, just because that person maybe your parent or your SO parent and they have opinions “tips” on how to raise your kids , doesn’t mean you have to agree or follow them and neither does your child
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Tell them not to say that to him. Ever. That simple.
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Never correct other adults in front of your child unless it is something very serious. This will teach your child that adults are meant to be respected. You can teach your child that others have their opinions but it doesn’t mean they are right. Also it doesn’t mean that the child has to agree. This lesson will last with the child for a lifetime, and they will learn that others actions are not their responsibility.
She should have no say, she’s not the parent, tell her to bud out
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You need to talk to them about how it is not ok and if they argue or persist in doing so cut them off. I had issues with people saying my son is going to be gay and calling him a f!@@#@ bec he likes dolls never mind he has sisters and girl cousins and like I was supposed to be raising him to be angry and violent. I truly thought they were nuts. My son is for the most part kept away but he does have limi interactions when its positive environments. With covid not so much with kids at the moment. It doesnt matter how they were raised.
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I believe you have the right to speak up for yourself. After all he is your son and your the one raising him. But sometimes people will want to test your waters. To see if you’ll talk back and take it negative. But really it’s called standing up for yourself and son! And anyone is allowed to have emotions don’t let anyone tell your son to not have any.
You now need to have a long chat with the boy an explain his grandad was wrong, maybe what happened in there time but is proven its not what’s needed for the male mindset etc, an please next time speak up, it’s not being disrespectful its being a mum an standing on what’s right, even if the only thing you can say is f off, say it, when our children are around us it’s a safe space to completely show their feelings good or bad, do not let anyone ruin that,
Nono. YOU are stearing the ship. Your child, your value system.
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I would’ve just said that’s not what we practice in our home. You have to advocate for your child!
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I would of just straight up said it’s okay for boys to cry. Boys cry, girls cry , everyone has emotions and doesn’t do anybody any good to hold in your emotions.
“We as adults are allowed to have bad days & we have learned how to process our emotions. Emotions can be scary for a child so please don’t tell mine to suppress his. He needs to learn how to handle them appropriately so that he can be a functioning member of society as he grows up. If you’re not ok with that, then you don’t need to be around my child or his emotions”
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2 memories stick in my head of when I have thought my partner was the manliest thing on two legs (there are more but I think you will understand my point)
When I gave birth to my two babies my partner blubbed like never before and I couldnt have thought him less of a man, honestly was the manliest thing ever to me!! Watching him cry while holding them omg!
Crying is crying and it can be for who ever or whateverr. I think you get my point 
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Sorry I don’t care what generation you in-laws come from you need to tell them straight that is not acceptable and will not be tolerated, if they don’t liek it they can run and jump, your son and his wellbeing is your priority and screw everything else
Tell them to mind there own business they had there chance of parenting this is your child. If he wants to cry and be emotional let him be. You are then raising a man that can show emotion and not hide it
Oh hell no i would say something
I would personally speak up. Not okay. That is how children get so MESSED UP because they are scared to express themselves. My husband was told from a young age that boys don’t cry and let me tell you… it really messes up normal emotional development. You’re kid your rules. If they don’t like to hear him cry then don’t let him go there without you until this is resolved.
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Its futile to try and change some elders thoughts on child rearing…“kids should be seen and not heard” philosophy… rather empower your own child!
Id personally would have used it as an opportunity to have a one on one talk with him about the way society will always push to suppress his emotions that way hes equipped to withstand it on his own later in life.
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I’m so proud of you for raising your son to be “fully human”. Boys need to grow up learning how to express all the emotions they have in a supportive environment. I’ve raised my son to feel OK expressing all of his emotions too. Parents in our society today are making a conscious effort to parent their little boys differently, moving away from the “robotic men” that have had a very limited emotional range…(causing them to be angry, disconnected, & emotionally boring people). I think the only reason for people saying boys are easier to raise than girls (as they get older) is bc by the time boys are 9 yrs old in this country…they’ve been programmed to think they shouldn’t express any emotions. It’s pathological & so damaging. Tell your in-laws that you feel boys & girls have the same emotions, and your son is being taught to express all of his in a healthy way. Good luck!
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Tell your son, don’t worry, some people have been told not to cry. It doesn’t matter if you are a boy or a girl, if you feel you need to, it’s ok. Otherwise why do both boys and girls have tears.
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Little boys who are told not to cry grow up to be big men who can’t show emotion. I tell people even my own brother off when he tells my son not to cry cause his a boy. So boys are not human and don’t feel sad or pain like girls. No way!! I tell people straight
I would have definitely said something in the moment! Tell them that’s not how we are raising him and to plz stop saying that 
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Your FIL has absolutely no right to talk to your son that way!!! First off were not in their generation anymore and that you and your husband are raising your kids to express their feelings!!! Boys and girls of all ages all cry for different reasons & in stead of telling your 4 year old boy all that he should of asked him what was wrong? Next time this happens stand up for your son and be strong and firm and if your inlaws don’t like it or get offended by it…OH WELL!
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You have more power, more time, and more influence then your in-laws do. Whenever another moment arises like this, let him know that it’s okay to be sad, and sometimes, boys and girls, both big and small, cry when they’re sad. Validate his feelings, especially in front of your in-laws. Rebuke in a cultured manner what others tell your child, right in front of your child, if you disagree with them. You can tell your son that last time he was upset, grandpa said not to cry, but that it’s okay to cry. Tell him even animals cry. Get some childrens books, maybe, on emotions/feelings.
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You can respectfully explain to your in-laws the way you are raising your child and they need to respect that. If they dont agree then they can keep their mouths shut. The old way is not always the best way and you really need to support your child. If you don’t, you could lose his trust.
My parents come from a generation where they force hugs and kisses. I don’t let them. You are mom. It doesn’t matter what generation the FIL is from, this is your baby and if he wants to be around your baby he gets to respect your wishes around how you want your baby to be treated. ESPECIALLY when it comes to damaging statements like that. It’s okay to pick fights for your kids. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, but I would have said something like “Hey. He’s a human and he has emotions. You are being very inappropriate. Stop teaching my son that emotions are bad.” And if the FIL doesn’t back down, I would have left. I have done similar things to my parents and it was hard at first, but they respect my boundaries now.
As far as knowing what to say, just shut it down right then and there. “Stop it.” “What you’re saying is inappropriate and I do not want my son to believe that damaging way of thinking.” It doesn’t have to be an argument (because what is there to argue? You said no. You are mom and you’re protecting your baby) and you don’t have to explain yourself. Your kid. Your FIL can fuck off or respect your boundaries.
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Stick up for him. I regret not sticking up for my son when his (step) sister was so rude about him to his face. (I was in shock) tell them to leave him alone and that he is allowed to show emotions. We are their best ally. Im making it up to my son (even though he didnt hear) when the situation arises, and it will.)
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You need to speak up for your son’s sake. He needs to know that you will stand up for him no matter what.
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wow. first of all you should have spoke up right then. the damage has already started. you need to talk to them and make your views clear. if it happens again after the talk , snatch him up and leave asap.
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Man I’m so sorry… it’s a difficult thing to try to break negative patterns when raising your children. Especially when you or your child gets taunted for it or told things like this. I don’t think there’s much you can do though aside from stating your boundaries and then backing off from the relationship unfortunately
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Tell them to mind their business. They already had their chance to raise kids. No need to push their psychotic ways on a second generation.
You sat back and didn’t say anything??! You felt sad for your son?! I would’ve stood up for my child right there and then and tell them my son has every right to cry and express his feelings! If you don’t defend him who will? Boys, grown men have feelings and emotions too and crying doesn’t make them any less of a male! Geez!
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“You won’t see your grandson anymore if you continue with the 1942 nonsense.” I don’t care what people think about my parenting.
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If speaking out to them is disrespectful then let them know it is disrespectful to talk like that to your kid. Respect is earned not given just because someone is older than you.
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Laugh and point out that at four he is no where near a man and doesn’t have to act as such… he is a boy and will act like a boy…
Oh hell no.You make it very clear that he is your son.My boyfriend tried doing that with our son and I told him to get fckd.Boys have feelings too.
All kids cry and its there way of expressing emotions.just tell them straight out he’s your child and your the one raising him not them.
Don’t wait for the next time. Tell your son now that they were wrong and his emotions /feelings matter.
Call them separately (or have your husband call) to let them know to not say that to your child again.
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SPEAK UP. Your inlaws dated internalized toxic masculine ideals do not surpass your sons right to be heard and accepted or the knowledge he needs that his parents have his back.
Next time say something like “don’t worry child’s name mature men know how to process their feelings and sometimes those feelings come with tears, it doesn’t make you any less strong. It’s okay to cry don’t worry about what in laws name here says” and then I’d address them directly that you don’t appreciate them speaking to your child in that manner, well you understand things were different back in their time, boys have just as much right to feel their feelings as always else
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Yeah,they need to be told that it’s not their kid so they need to stop saying that to him.
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My uncles have recently taken offense to the fact that my 4 y/o carries around a baby. He just started school and loves to play with the babies and he said his sisters don’t share, so I bought him his own and got it some boy clothes to put on so it’s not as “girly”. My husband had a problem with it, too. But I told all of them, he likes it. Get over it 
he enjoys it so that’s what he gets to do. I bought him the baby, I won’t take it from him. “It’s my kid and the way I choose to parent is my business, thank you” I choose to let my baby play with a baby. He feeds the baby, and even asks me to baby sit while he’s at school. He would take it to school if he could get away with it. Everyone else’s opinion, even my husbands, don’t matter here. What matters is my baby being happy, and he is.
So sorry I wish I had better ideas but I’d probably go with your choice ans say f off.
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Do what you think is best. Don’t let anyone make you feel less or uneducated. They are far from perfect.
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Now that you know the in-law attitude, use it as a teachable moment for your son. Tell him you and he understand how we address things. “We’ve talked about it”. But unless you wish to sever ties with the in-laws, it would be best if these circumstances arise again to simply gather up your son and depart as gracefully as possible.
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Talk to them before it happens or get your partner to say something to them
I must commend you for being one of those moms who are all for the change and steering toward, growing a balanced young man who is in tune with his emotions. U need to address your in laws about the situation. This is your child. Let them understand where you’re coming from. Loving you means respecting yr wishes as the parent.
I had to sit and listen to my mum call someone on the TV a “poof” and “gayboy” infront of my 7 year old daughter. I really quickly said to her, “we do not use that language around her, she is impressionable and its a very dated outlook and homophobic. Do not speak like that again or we will not be back” she really quickly apologised and said to her granny should not of said that. Makes me sick she has this attitude. Say what you need to, he’s yours. Xx
I would’ve said something
Flat out tell your FIL ‘sorry that’s not how we handle things in our family. Everyone is allowed to have and show their enotions.’ You betrayed your child by not having the mouth to speak when he needed you most. Don’t let it happen again if you want him to put his innermost feelings in your trust. Shame on you AND gramps.
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First have a talk with the in laws… they sound old school and even though they think they should have some say, they do not! Their job is to follow your lead and help maintain balance… tell them that he should be able to express himself and also use his words, and even cry if he doesn’t know the right words to express how he is feeling… crying is an emotional exercise and releases pent up aggression so it’s perfectly fine and absolutely appropriate for his age. Maybe have your husband break the ice too and you follow behind him… that’s fine if they wanted to raise their kids that way but it’s your turn to decide what’s best for your kids. Also flyover husband might have some insight on how that effected him growing up to not be able to express himself and how he’s feeling… I’d rather they cry than to lash out or hurt inside… Also if you do not speak up for your son no one else will either… if it’s valuable to you to stand up for what you believe in that could have been a good lesson to teach him right there and then… just because they were taught you don’t speak up to an older generation, that doesn’t trump your beliefs and values
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Tell them to know their place…and that isnt it.
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