Anyways, now he stopped communicating again. He ignored my lawyers completely and I don’t have contact info or address to serve him and I cannot afford to pay someone to track him down. He tells everyone that he wants to be in her life, although said he absolutely will not go through courts or pay any support whatsoever. Our daughter was 3 the last she saw him, just turned 3. So she was quite young. She knows she has a different daddy than my boys and has been asking questions about where he is, and why he left. I’ve always kept it age appropriate and told her he had to move for work. But it doesn’t stop her asking and wondering either way. She adores my husband as he adores her. They’re super close and she calls him dad. I’m just at a loss.
As of now, we have zero court order still and as she’s getting older schools have been asking for one. Is there anything else I can do ?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What to do about a bio dad who pretends to care? - Mamas Uncut
File for custody and if he doesn’t show up you should get full custody and child support.
Let him take you to court. You.can prove abandonment and if visitation is granted. You appeal it and want supervised he’s a stranger at this point. Same happened to me 4 years Separated and I went for my divorce and Mia the whole time and then wanted visitation. I fought it for supervised and 3 years later he’s out of the picture again
If you can’t find him you can ask the judge for approval to put it in the local newspaper its called “Motion to serve by publishing or posting”
After 6 month of no contact file for abandonment for full custody 
if he doesn’t contact you in 6 month you will win 
Run the divorce decree in his local newspaper and after it reaches the date for court, if he doesn’t show then a judge will rightfully agree to what you have asked for regarding your daughter.
You can also ask your lawyer to see if the judge will approve an “alternative service” and have his closest family member served.
He abandoned her first of all.
See him as a mere sperm donor and don’t bother pursuing him for child support. Just a suggestion. Enjoy your family life.
I know you can have it put in the paper classifieds or similar for notification for so long and as the law requires and the judge rules if he refuses to officially answer the notification. Especially if you don’t know where he is and he refuses to accept any communication from you concerning legal matters i believe
Stepparent adoption. Look into having him served via Service by publication.
Yea, you can go to court and file for custody and child support. The court will find him eventually.
She will will always ask for her father so that will not change naturally since he indeed her father. I know it’s tough to keep the peace. If you decide to keep your daughter from knowing her father then she will find a way. They always do and it’s sooner Than you may expect. My sons father was the same exact way. My son now 14 Is hurting still but has a better understanding and I just have to be by his side and support him. I know not very situation is the same but his father isn’t dangerous. He just doesn’t care. That’s not a reason for me to keep my son from him I can’t do that. I read lots of comments here talking about you “winning” as if this is a game when it isn’t. The minds are not in the eight place when looking at this as a winning situation between adults. There is a great loss here and only the child is affected. I can take being left to raise him on my own when I was a single mom, and I can take insults and cheap jabs all day but it doesn’t hurt me. My son is the one who hurts. Just think about the fact that she will know everything so if you feel it’s best to postpone this reunion by all means do that just understand that everything always comes to the surface. If you need financial help do what you have to. I actually gave up because it’s just not worth it to me and it wasn’t consistent. Every situation is different just be sure you are acting with the child in mind and not yourself. Dont go into this with a “winner” and a competitive mindset because you will forget your child and not realize it.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What to do about a bio dad who pretends to care? - Mamas Uncut
Contact your legal aid im going threw something similar have no info on their dad really and they will send u all the paperwork you need to turn into the court including a pack for unknown info for the dad. Hope this helps good luck
I have never had to provide custody paper for my daughter and she is 10. I believe after a certain amount of time you can file for abandonment
All my daughter had to do was pick up divorce papers fill them out tell them she didn’t know where he is and run it in the newspaper for 6 weeks and he didn’t come forward she was granted a divorce and custody of her kid’s also child support even though didn’t know where he was .cost her 255 for divorce 50 for filing
I hope u kept records of all you’re contact & everything. It would be very helpful in court. Especially if he hasn’t seen her in a long time.
Who cares what he says or thinks. Him not paying child support, not being in her life for years at a time, him not keeping up with communication, so many factors that will play into you receiving all you ask for through the courts. Saying something is one thing but actually doing it is another. The courts will see that. You can still win in court without having him served. Your lawyer can inform the courts of you not being able to contact him despite your many attempts… your lawyer can also inform the courts of your financial status and not having the funds to locate him on top of paying for your personal lawyer.
This will mentally hurt your child. My baby would be hurt to why her dad didn’t want to be with her and then forcing him to spend time with her . It got bad then realize if he wanted to be in her life he would. Stop giving him a reason to play this mind games with you and her. Put him on child support thru the court and ask for sole parental custody and let him deal with his own nonsense… Good luck
What a shitty situation. I’m in on similar. But he lives a couple miles away. Wants nothing to do with her, but refuses to sign over his rights so my husband can adopt her. It’s a control thing. Without money, I’m afraid the best thing you can do is just live your life and enjoy your family.
Go to local DCBS office N tell them what the school wants fr you and they’ll contact him and get it rolling once they put it n court n he doesn’t show up then they’ll take all his parental rights and then it’ll b over with… Local county attorney can help you too.
File child abandonment charges on him. He either has to show to contest it or you can take his rights away. If he shows he can be served the other papers if he don’t then go through with the abandonment charges.
Since when do schools require custody papers? They don’t need that information. Just tell them he’s not in the picture and don’t add him as an emergency contact person. I’m so confused rn
Have ur attorney files all nessassary documents n run then in the newspaper. Should b all u need. Go file 4 child support using his last known address. If he’s gotta pay he will most likely b willing 2 sign away his patental rights. Wishing u luck.
Talk to an attorney about going through the paper or go thru the state for child support and serve him at the court when he shows up (the state will track him down)
So with no court papers at all he legally has just as many rights as you even though he hasnt been in the childs life. Go to court and petition a custody hearing. In your case you really dont need a lawyer just proof!
If he hasn’t seen or attempted to contact for more than 6 months you can go to court and have his rights terminated and then let your husband adopt her. That’s her “real” dad anyways. He’s the one that’s there to put a bandaid on her knees, pay for school supplies whatnot. Hire an attorney, they’ll hire a process server that is VERY good at tracking people down and if you’ve made that effort to find him and still haven’t been able to, you’ll get full custody
Your husband can adopt her. That’s honestly the best thing to do. She’ll still ask questions, but many kids struggle with not feeling wanted. Step parent adoptions help a lot. My older 2 were adopted 2yrs ago after 8yrs of dealing with the back and forth with bio dad. In many states its really easy. I’d suggest looking up your state laws and/or contacting a lawyer.
I’m sure you can get him for abandonment and his rights will be forfeited
Step parent adoption. We just went through this. Your lawyer can help with what you need to do
If you know his full name, birthday & state he lives in do a simple background check on the father.
If you pay a small amount you can get all this information you need to file.
File court papers asking for sole custody and supervised visits.
Or you can just leave it alone and not do anything. Don’t open that can of worms & just go one with your life.
It’s possible if you force it in court that you’ll get more than you bargained for & he will make your life harder. Unfortunately even bad fathers have rights. So a judge could give him visits.
Personally if he hasn’t been involved now. I’d just leave it alone. Let him take it court because I bet he won’t.
Get him on abandonment charges, the moment he left the state and he doesn’t provide financial help then you can get him for them. The moment he fails to appear in court, you’ll be granted full custody and an order for child support will be sent his way, they’ll take it from his pay checks before he even gets em​:woman_shrugging:t2:
since he wants to be a pretend daddy, he can get served with the paperwork
I never heard of a school asking for an order… I’m not with my oldest father and its never an issue
Go to the courthouse and file for full custody, child support if you want it but that will open up a bigger can of worms when it comes to his visitation rights. As it stands if he hasn’t seen or asked about her in so long you may be able to get him for abandonment and have his rights taken from him
Keep a log keep texts dates and times…reciepts…lots of pictures …incase you need for court
I keep my order out of the school it doesn’t matter as were more than civil. So that’s not a big deal but “hes not willing to.go through court or pay support” lol ooookay. Loser get lost, not the way it works buddy. Let it be. She has a daddy and the SD isn’t going to do anything but break her heart anyway.
Sounds like you should just go to court and file for full custody and support…nevermind his b.s. sounds like you have a great family going dont stress…its his loss…kids are precious and you only get that time with them once…cause they grow up so fast…so enjoy n cherish every minute with them…
This is pretty normal. Many men choose not to be in their children’s lives then tell everyone it’s mom’s fault. He’s gaslighting you. You know you didnt prevent him from seeing her. He thinks if he keeps telling you it’s your fault it’ll make you question yourself. He’s telling his family & everyone too. They most likely believe him. Don’t worry about it. You know the truth. Let your daughter love her Daddy. Her sperm donor can live his own life of lies.
File for full legal and sole custody it should be easy. And the court will make him pay and find him.
Explain your entire situation. He will be held accountable for his kid one way or another
Google his information you can find addresses and everything there and social media
Also you dont know how to contact any of his family??
You can go to court and file for child support. Once granted they notify him by serving the papers. In state of NC if he doesn’t pay he loses drivers license until he pays. He continues to get behind he goes to jail.
Just ask the court to serve him publicly in a publication where you or him live
As long as you can show the court repeated attempts to serve him, contact him, etc and he refuses…the court will grant a step parent adoption without her bios agreement. I would discuss this route with your lawyer asap!
Serve him via publication
Girl, my oldest father has not been his life in 13 years. My ex husband raised him and still is in his life as dad. My sons father got upset over my son calling his step dad daddy also but kids go with what they feel. So, honestly he can continue to be served papers and then it can be abandonment after so many days and your husband can adopt her. My ex husband when we were married and adopted my son. His dad wouldn’t reply to the letters so after so much time the adoption was granted.
Sounds like my EX husband. You need to file for full custody. Even if he doesn’t show up a judge can grant the order. Mine did. A school doesn’t need any kind of court order. Don’t list the bio dad on anything. He’s simply a sperm donor. List your husband as her dad.
Make sure to document EVERYTHING!! hopefully you have all the old text and 3mails saved…it will help you in the long run if he does try to fight you.
File for custody the court will find him. I promise.
Pretty sure you can file abandonment at this point. Ask your lawyer. Asap.
Just file at the court saying you want full custody and most judges will grant it if you can prove abandonment which it seems you can from lack of communication it only takes one year and they will track him down to serve him the papers if they can’t they publish an article in the local newspaper for six months for him to contest if he doesn’t you win automatically
Like everyone said, it has to be posted in the newspaper. But also, there is no reason the school should be asking for one.
Your lawyer should be able to publish it in the newspaper for 4 consecutive weeks bc you don’t have an address/phone #/place of work for him. This is what I had to do with mya son’s father bc I had zero info on where he was.
Uep! I had to go to court and get full custody, it was granted and no issues
Add Investigation Connection on fb. They will find him for you !
Have him adopt her. The court will send him something to sign his rights over and if he doesn’t show up to court thennnnn 
that’s all him.
The court should set a date for a hearing and if he doesn’t show up then…. 
you’ll probably just get whatever you asked for.
Not sure how every state works or if you can still do this but I believe if you have made every attempt to contact him you can, at least used to, put an add in the newspaper and after so long his rights would automatically be terminated. I would go to your family court to get more info on what to do. It is very wrong and selfish of her bio dad not to relinquish his rights if he can’t and doesn’t want to be a stable father in her life. I have a very similar experience. My bio dad walked out on my mom when she found out she was pregnant. When I was 3 or 4 yrs old my mom married her best friend and I started calling him dad as he was the only dad I knew, they started dating when I was almost 2 so I don’t know a life without him. So they went to a lawyer and we’ll just say their lawyer convinced my bio father to sign the papers. And shortly after my daddy adopted me. I eventually meet my bio father when I was 20 yrs old. And to this day even after he got clean and got his life together, got married and had his own son, he still is not interested in having a relationship. But even still today I thank him(bio) from the bottom of my heart for signing those papers and giving me the chance to have the best daddy I could have ever asked for!!! The one thing I want to say though, always always tell your daughter the truth, in an age appropriate way. Just tell her honestly you don’t know where he is. Good Luck hun and no matter what that little girl KNOWS who loves her and she KNOWS who her DADDY is!!! There is a big difference in a father that gave you life and a daddy who shares your life!!!
You don’t have to be in contact. Post it an ad looking for him in the paper and you can have his rights taken away. Proof of no contact for at least 6 months and you can get a judge to sign off
Get full custody in writing from the courts because at this point with no court agreement, he could come visit and even take her and not bring her back since there is no order in place
Its all about power and control for most of you!!
Are you Ciara because this is kinda what she went through with Future. Check how she acted. She is an inspiration to us all.
File for sole custody and child support. If you don’t know where he is or can’t afford to track him down trust me child support will find him. There is lots of ways of going about finding him that doesn’t involve paying outta pocket! If you don’t get ahead of it now and do what you gotta do he could get a lawyer and try to flip the script on you. So make sure you file for sole custody and child support!
Time to go to court.
Yes. File for divorce. If you are divorced go back to court and get all your back child support due your child. If you don’t want to do that, go get an attorney a d file adoption papers and get your husband rights if her legal father. It can be done. Ignoring your lawyers will not stop it. After a period of time without contact from him the adoption will go through.
File the motion and let the court handle it like everyone has said. I know a couple ladies who had to go through it but I personally haven’t. On another note the school should not be asking you for anything in regards to the court order of custody. Now if you file a no contact order they may request a copy for records in case he comes on campus but that’s another situation. I have custody of both my kids and don’t fill out any Information on their father at the school. They never ask questions about him or a court order. The only time it’s questioned is the new school year with new teachers and I just tell them he chooses to not be apart of their life and they leave it alone
My ex daughter in law had the same problems with my son…
I’m proud to say she also found a very good man that has raised my two grandchildren very well…
They both call him Dad , he has always been the father …
I say even to my own Son… it’s all on him , he made the decision to live the way he does not her or the children…
Now they have a beautiful life filled with blessed memories and still moving and growing strong…
If you know his social security number you can provide it to the courts when filling out paperwork and maybe they’ll find out where he lives and get all the contact information and maybe they’ll be able to get it to him since you are unable to at this time.
Answer only the questions she asks…no drama…be honest.
Put him as her other guardian for school as I did this because my sons sperm donor did the same thing and they never questioned it
I know some states can file abandonment if moves away and doesnt try to see the child for a year. Then his rights are terminated and your husband should be able to adopt if want…If do that…may not get any back child support…but he wont be connected to the child legally anymore…
Not sure what happens if you file for divorce and they can’t find him, but if I were you, I’d first file for sole physical and legal custody of your daughter based on his desertion…
This is almost the exact situation that I have with my 8 year old daughter. Dad and I split when she was 3, he disappeared for 6 months, popped back up and wanted to be involved. He saw her for a week, then disappeared again. He saw her twice after that. She is 8 now. She asked for him for a while, and because she was so little, I didn’t wanna complicate it for her. I would tell her that he lived far away, he was sick, he was at work etc. as she got older, she realized on her own. My husband is her dad. She knows he’s not her “original dad” (as she calls it), but we have had a conversation with her about how the person that takes care of you, supports you, loves you etc, is your REAL parent. As for her bio dad, I messaged him on FB and asked him to sign adoption papers. Even though he hasn’t seen her in 5 years, he refuses. He has never bought her anything, never paid support, nothing. I finally went and filed for child support, at which point he contacted me and asked me to drop it. 
He doesn’t want her, but he doesn’t want her to have anyone else. We filed a motion with the courts for Adoption By A Step Parent On The Grounds Of Abandonment By A Biological Parent. We’re currently waiting on a court date. I had to send the paperwork to him, certified restricted mail, where he is the only one that can sign for it. I asked family and friends for contact information for him and kept track of everything. I looked on line for any addresses I could find. I sent the information to 7 different addresses. All were returned. Just like my ex husband with my daughter, your ex abandoned your daughter. Petition the courts to terminate his rights on the grounds of abandonment. He only says you’re keeping her from him so that he doesn’t look like the piece of shit that he is!
I would begin the process of adoption and rights severance and if he doesnt appear than he will lose
I would file for divorce full custody child support. Let the court find him. Tell them where he moved to. I would have done this before hand. Do you still reside in the state you where married in?? I think all you have to do is file if he isn’t president then he has no rights. I feel that is why he hasn’t been present because he doesn’t want to pay support. Good luck and God bless.
File for divorce and child support based on desertion/abandonment
Look into filing abandonment that can strip his rights and give you full custody
Shes remarried the bio dad is trying to come back in his daughter’s life after he moved out of state and has not been in hos daughters life. People saying divorce their not married. Go to court get his rights terminated or make him prove he is not gonna be in and our of her life she needs stability good luck
Our lawyer told us that if we couldn’t get and address for my granddaughter that all we had to do is run it in the paper where you know he last lived
Do the schools require you to have a court order now? What in the world?
Request to have he’s rights terminated.
It’s none of the schools buisness about a court order unless they have to deal with visitation exchanges or a parent who isn’t allowed to pick up said child. Unless you’re concerned about him showing up to her school and taking her tell them that’s a matter that’s of no concern for them. then as time permits you file for sole custody based on abandonment and send it to his last known address
I’m currently going through the same situation but not married!! I wish I could help you but I don’t even know what to do about my own situation 
I would go file for custody and emergency placement, the courts can find his address if you can’t find one yourself
Not sure the state you live in but my husband and I filed for him to adopt my daughter. You can do that in Oklahoma and bio dad cannot contest since he has not had a stable relationship with her in 12 months. (He has only seen her 2x in 4 yrs)
Is he on the birth certificate? If so pursue but if not just cut ties he has no legal investment and would have to prove in the court he is her father.
In Ohio all you have to do is make it public my lawyer ran it in the court house paper and I was granted my divorce and custody. Basically all I had to do was bring a witness that had seen the abuse and things that went on in my marriage. Also now this is Ohio if there has been no support or contact in a yr u can file abandonment and have his rights terminated.
As someone who has been in and out of court for years with my ex, I can help with a few things.
First, stop going out of your way for his feelings or because of whatever he says. He hasn’t been there. His feelings are his problem and not your responsibility. Nothing you can say or do will make him be a better dad. Nothing. HE is the only person who can make him be a better dad. Don’t bring him up around your daughter. If she does, answer the question as age appropriately direct as you can, without putting your feelings in it. Then change the subject. Don’t make excuses for him. Don’t lie. Saying you don’t know is an honest answer. Just don’t say bad things out of your feelings about him. She knows she is half him and sometimes kids can take stuff that’s says about the other parent and think that it also means they are that way. She will learn all to well on her own. (Speaking from experience with my 3 daughters dad.)
Schools do need a copy of the custody paperwork, especially if you have a tense relationship with the dad.
Get your divorce filed. Run the ad in the newspaper. He can say he won’t do this or he won’t do that. But it’s not up to him. 
The judge will set the boundaries and his child support. Ask for it to be garnished from his paycheck. Fill out the child support enforcement for your state and they will handle it from there. Ask for sole custody where you are the decision maker, with or without the consent of the dad. No visitation since he can’t be found anyway. He will then have to take you back to court to get that changed. If he is on her birth certificate, and you have no current custody papers in place, do not let her visit until you do. He could take her and then you’d have to fight in court to get her back. The police will view it as a civil matter and can’t do anything without paperwork.
Leave emotions out if it if you do have any contact. Don’t argue. Don’t take the bait when he provokes you. You’re acting like he has all the power and gets to make the decisions and he doesn’t. He only has whatever power over you that you give him. Don’t make any agreements on the side. Get everything in your custody papers and stick to that. If he is found/responds or whatever, get it in your paperwork that he is responsible for all travel for his visitations. I’d ask that they have to be supervised at his expensive for a while first because of her age. Do not give. Straighten your backbone. Your daughter needs it.
And document everything. Start a new doc on Google and put in whatever the date is, the time, and a summary of what happensn and any contact that is had. Take screenshots of any text messages. Keep all emails. Record any phone conversations, there are free apps that will let you. If it isn’t documented, it didn’t happen.
The judge will over power him signing if he keep dodgeing you if you can show paper work then they can do it without him
Keep the emails. That will confirm that he saw the separation agreement you sent. Present it to a lawyer and eventually a judge. Not sure about your state but they could file it as abandonment.
Your daughter will figure it out on her own. Do not put him down in front of her. Lawyers will help with the rest. Thankfully she has your husband to be her father
It is best to take care of this sooner than later! If you don’t, you’re gonna have issues, such as needing his signature to be able to get her a passport. He’s dug himself a hole that most judges won’t find cute. Do you have sole custody? It’s best to get your ducks in a row, now, while your daughter is still young.
Like some one else said, run an add in the paper (since you can’t get ahold of him). Make a court date, for both divorce and custody. If he doesn’t respond for either by the court date then the court will automatically side with you. He doesn’t have to respond at all, they will grant you what you want. He has to actually respond and go to court if he wants to fight you on anything. So it’s in your favor if he doesn’t respond 
. People are stupid, they think if they don’t respond then you can’t do anything, but they are wrong. The court takes that as they don’t care and will give you what you ask for since they aren’t there to fight you or say no. And like some one else said, once it’s done and he doesn’t like it then he will have to take you back to court and ask for it to be changed. And like some one else said, save every thing!! Screen shot texts, save emails, record phone calls. Cuz if he does ever take you to court you can show how little he actually does (contact, visits, etc), and will contradict anything he says about you keeping her from him.
You can file an petition to terminate his parental rights based on abandonment and publish notice of legal proceedings in his last known city of record…. We did this with my daughter’s bio dad! Get a family formation lawyer!
Why are you doing the most? Go about your life as usual. Be a mom. Leave him alone. Do you need the child support? Is dealing with the drama worth the small amount of money he will give you?
Put a ad in the newspaper an if no response than file adbandoment