You need to sit down with your fiance and mother inlaw and set clear boundaries. Tell them what you need, what you want and what you expect from each of them. People only do what and treat you how you allow them to do.
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Stick to your ground. Tell her no. Talk to your fiance, tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t seem to care, or brushes it off. He’s not the man for you.
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Dude… no your fiance needs to put his mother in check and tell her to let him grow up and be a man. He still lets her call to wake him, and make sure he’s fed EVERY DAY?! and you’re still marrying him?! I hope you know you’re literally marrying your mother in law too, and non of this will ever change until your fiance steps up and puts his mother in her place. She will ultimately destroy this relationship, she’s already destroying your wedding. She’s selfish, entitled, controlling, and way too clingy. You can not do anything here, it HAS to be your fiance. People like her will never listen to or respect the spouse, but when their beloved golden child snaps they tend to get the picture even if it causes a fight or falling out. She’s the kind of mother you need several states between you and her.
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I have had 2 MIL, both tried to overstep boundaries with me, both times my husband stood with me and up to their respective mothers. Establish boundaries, demand respect-draw your ‘line in the sand’. If your fiancé won’t respect you or stand up to his mother—RUN!
I would have dumped him the min he let his brother get in my kids face …is this a joke ? I wouldve knocked him the hell out if he got in my kids face wtf ?? Leave his wimpy ass
Perhaps she sees she can run over you, are you indecisive, not speaking up for yourself? Just go pick/do what you want. She can’t be involved if you don’t let her and if you quickly make your decisions and be done with it. Otherwise, eloping is an option. You, him and a friend each. Do it, be done and throw a great reception afterwards. It’s your wedding, his wedding, not there’s. Handle it, don’t be wishy-washy, say what you mean and mean what you say.
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Run off and get married, make it a vacation with your family
He is a mama boy. Your 2 children I assume arent his so they dont stand a chance with his family . Good luck but if I was you I would leave before you say I do
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I would have walked out in the middle of shopping and said “I don’t wanna get married anymore” on the way out.” I would also throw in a couple comments about “people” trying to control everything so you’re not directly pointing her out. Maybe she’d get the hint then. That’s just me though.
Show her the door. Or leave yourself… talk to your fiance
You should get your big girl panties on and tell that lady to shut up and you are going to do your wedding the way you want. The brother would of got his teeth knocked out talking to my child like that. Your man should of said something to them. He needs to get off of his moms boob and grow up. He has a family now.
call off the wedding fast,he is a mommas boy and this will never stop. leave him now before its to late.
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All this and yall only been engaged for 2yrs😬is this the life you want, you know it’s gonna get worse after the marriage right? I would’ve been done after his brother got in my baby’s face
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You need to be assertive and let her know exactly how you feel. I’ve had to check my own MIL a time or two. More when it comes to things dealing with my authority as a mother with my kids than anything. My husband and I also purposely flew out to Colorado and self-solemnized our marriage. Just the two of us, no witnesses or officiant, specifically to avoid this type of drama, and cut costs on the big day. No cares or worries about anybody’s feelings about our wedding beyond our own. Also make sure your fiance knows how you feel. He should really be backing you up with this.
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Call it off for the time being, or at least for a few weeks so you can plan privately without the hassle. You also need to deal with the invasive issues of her over stepping boundaries in your home, make sure your fiancé didn’t request for her to call him as well because he may have asked her to do that. But definitely put a halt on the whole thing until you can get your own stress levels down and look at the situation with fresh perspective. Best of luck, I’m sure many of us here can attest to the fact that situations like these don’t get better until you take charge of the situation. You’re going to need to hit a reset button with your relationship with her, its not going to be fun, but it’s necessary as you all will be family in October.
Sounds like u need to postpone this marriage until u are treated like a wife and family member and that ur children are respected better… The brother threatened ur child and mom was on his side… I’d rather be a single parent than let my child be threatened and have me stressing over all this shit… A wedding is supposed to be a wonderful blessing for bride and groom… Husband and wife… Not monster in law, my boyfriends Mom and whole family are wonderful, treat my kids as their own family and I couldn’t imagine life without them… u need to feel that way about his family, place ur boundaries and if not respected then do not get married, good luck to u
This will be your life if you don’t change it.
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It probably won’t be much better after the wedding ! I’d do some soul searching and decide if this marriage is really want is best for you and your children! Good luck💕
Elope problem solved 
for now…
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Are you sure you want to marry into this family? It already sounds like drama. I am very disgusted and disturbed with how your brother in law treated your child. It sounds like you MIL is always going to be that way and are you sure you are prepared to deal with that for life. And if your fiancé won’t back you up now he won’t as a husband either. Boundaries definitely need to be established. I don’t see your fiancé helping you out long term with this situation. The only thing I can think of is if you sit down with him and talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel and if he’s not willing to back you up you might want to get out now. Hopefully he will listen and understand and have your back.
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Do NOT marry a man child. Do stand your ground. Do NOT let the brother in law anywhere near your kids ever again. He needs help. What starts wrong, ends wrong. The red flags are flying. I know you want to make this work but unless you have support from your fiancé, it won’t ever work. It sounds like to me there’s no respect anywhere and he will just let his mom treat him this way because he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Also, you are not his mother or his keeper. Take care of yourself and your kids. Lots of luck.
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Run away as fast as you can now less heartache
Who’s paying for the wedding ? Who’s wearing the dress and tux ? Who popped out the kid ?
It’s YOUR life and when he asked you to marry him, he started a new family. So he needs to be the one to tell his mom enough is enough. Tell him that if she wants to have input on the wedding, that’s fine. And you can take her opinions into consideration, but you have final say. And when it comes to the brother yelling about a 5 year old… he was out of line and needs to be told to back down by your fiance. If he refuses to do any of that, call off the wedding. It’s will never change, he will always defend his mama.
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I wouldn’t be getting married anymore if I were in your shoes, just on the basis of threats being made toward a child by one of his family members and the MIL acting that way. I didn’t see any part where your fiance defended you either. Yep, no way. I’m so sorry you’re going through that.
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Before you marry this man, he needs to show he’s going to put his wife and kids first. That means no more daily wake up calls from Mommy, standing up for your child and also, helping you and mom find a way to a relationship with healthy boundaries. If it doesn’t change now, it never will. Best of luck to you.
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I would think hard and long before married him. Your MIL will be controlling him and it’s going to be an unhappy marriage for you.
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My first issue is the brother speaking that way about a child… shows abusive tendencies, and for his mom to go along with that is unacceptable and for your fiancé to not defend you or the child is unacceptable as well. If you are having doubts about this please do not do it, I have a bad feeling that non of this will go well for you or your child. Good luck
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I don’t think it sounds like a good family to get married into. The day the brother said something and your dude didn’t say shit shows a lot. Then your dude won’t even stand up for you. It’s sad. Run now girl. It’ll only get worse.
You have a fiancé problem. Do not marry a man that is unable to set boundaries with his family. Do you want this as your life for the next 50ish years? So many red flags but the number one red flag is the incident with his brother that he didn’t immediately shut down.
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When a man is still letting his mother into his life that much … there’s a humongous problem and always will be (I have 5 grown sons and I DO NOT do that) 
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Girl just cause you don’t have a relationship with your mother doesn’t mean you need one with someone who tries to control your every move. Trust me. I have been there. When my husband and I first got together his mom tried to control everything. Hell, she went to my own mother (who I do have a relationship with) and told her that I shouldn’t have a child/date her son because he has “problems” when she actually has munchausen by proxy and has done insane crap his entire life. She would come over and invite herself in. Tried saying that our son had problems. Controls literally everything. If she doesn’t have it, it’s a major pout session. We literally had to put our foot down. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to tell her to stop, and I eventually just cut her out. Period. Don’t put up with what you don’t have too.
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It sounds as if you all live in the same house, if so, there is your problem.
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I would set boundaries BEFORE you marry your fiance with him and his family. Make him understand that ince you say I do it needs to be you your husband and your children. Not that you guys love his family any less but “your famiy” needs to be your focus. As far as the wedding goes its going to be an uncomfortable situation but your husband needs to grow a set and tell his mom its not her wedding. As far as BIL goes I don’t think Id want him near my kids if I was you.
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OK so first of all no adult should ever say that shit to a child. Ever. Second it isn’t “your job” to cook for him or do his laundry. He’s an adult. He should be waking his own ass up and taking care of himself. Third create the wedding YOU want. It’s not about her. It’s about you and your fiance. Don’t give her the satisfaction of ruining your wedding.
She is your soon to be mother in law. She is overstepping 100%. Either tell her where her place is in your life and make your ol man do the same or you need to just forget the marriage. Their ain’t no way a woman or actually anyone will be telling me how my wedding was going to be.
Bro the brother is a b !!! I would been so mad and told him off wtf
Honey, either put your foot down or run.
This will not change. If he’s not willing to be on your side now, he never will.
Is this really what you want your children growing up in?
If my hubs didn’t support me with his mother, I’d have left.
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Okay, I’m sorry but I couldn’t get past the part where you say that your job as a wife is to wake up, cook, clean, and do your husband’s laundry lol. Like, girl, if you think that’s what being a wife is about then maybe don’t get married. Js🤷♀️
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If I were you I wouldn’t be in this relationship anymore.
- You made no mention of your SO coming to defend you regarding his psycho brother.
- You made no mention of your SO having an issue with mommy being his alarm clock, and taking care of his laundry and cooking
- You made no mention of your SO coming to your side with his overbearing mother.
A marriage (generally) lasts a very long time. How much longer do you want to spend dealing with ALL of this? It’s literally you against your SO and his entire family. Thats exhausting in every way.
Your SO has done NOTHING to show YOU are what’s important to him. He’s made it clear his mom matters though. You matter. Your feelings matter. This is YOUR wedding you should be excited. He should want you to be excited. I’d tell him he needs to partner up, and put you ahead of his family. That means not allowing family to assault you, verbally or otherwise. That he won’t allow his family to run you out of the house late at night. That he won’t allow his mother making you feel inadequate and dreading anything at all but especially your wedding. If he can’t/won’t do that, and I mean REALLY do that you should really leave.
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He needs to put your wants and needs first. His mommy should not be calling to wake him up or asking about his needs. He is a mommys boy and you really should think about your impending marriage. It is not going to get any better after!! The woman knows no boundaries, and her son does not care that his mother crosses them. Also, I’ll be damned if anyone is going to talk to my child the way the brother did. Children have rough days too!! Please give yourself some time apart or at least postpone the wedding!! Not only for your sake, but for your children.
He needs to grow a set undo the apron strings from mummy & be a man " & you need to forget getting married " its never going to work & I don’t know if you all live together " but you need to get out if you do & just be by yourself for awhile " a marriage that starts off with these problems will never make it " 
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You need to set boundaries before you commit to this man for life.
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Elope and solve the wedding issue, but that is only solving one problem. If you can’t accept his mother running his life…leave now and solve all your problems!
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take the kids and run … don’t look back … please don’t marry into that family
Maybe the next time you and the future MNL discuss the wedding, you should just tell her that while you appreciate her interest in your wedding, it is your wedding, and your money that is paying for it. And at this point a simple court house wedding or elopement is looking really good. That might just get her to back off.
OR If you have a friend who’s willing to help you organize it the way you can always say to MNL that you have a wedding coordinator, so she doesn’t have to do anything.
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First, talk to your fiancé. This is him and his mother. If she baby’s him and oversteps her boundaries now, that isn’t going to change once you’re married. So either address it now, or prepare to be married to your fiancé AND his mother. You should sit him down and have a conversation with him. If he blows you off or doesn’t take how you’re feeling into consideration, you may want to rethink the whole marriage or what your life is now, is exactly what it’s going to be.
Regardless if you marry him or not, he and his mother are always going to be involved in your life (I’m assuming your child belongs to him).
If he won’t stand beside you, then you need to stand up for yourself.
If he does happen to back you, cancel the wedding all together… go elope and tell everyone after. And when his mother throws a fit, you can tell her that it’s her fault!
On a side note, taking your children and leaving the house when his brother told you to shut your kid up or he would, was a very mature move. If I were you, someone talking to my child that way would have resulted in World War III right then and there!
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Forget about MEN , concentrate on your children. They need you.
And why are you going forward with the wedding when you haven’t gotten a simple things figured out yet. Cuz I can promise you marriage gets a whole lot harder
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Don’t have the wedding and move on from this man - his mother will never step back and let him grow up and you are going to be very unhappy most of the time,
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Ask her if she is paying the bill. If her reply is no, than say we’ll then it isn’t your choice. Are you the one getting married? If she says no, then tell her it isn’t her choice. And continue on.
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I would say just go and elope. But really, If he allows and enjoys his mother to call him every morning to wake him up - that’s really really strange. Honestly I don’t know how I could respect a man like that. And I have two sons. That’s just weird.
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Fair warning it only gets worse! I had a MIL from hell who still to this babys my ex husband. He lives in her house rent free. Has no job. No nothing. Doesn’t pay CS but according to her I was the problem. Hmmmm nope! Thats why now after we are divorced Im happy and they are miserable. Misery loves company! Run now far away!
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You should not marry into this family, please save yourself a lot of pain and heartache. That shit never changes, I promise that. Save yourself and your kids before they break you down so bad that you don’t care anymore and let them have the show. It starts like this and gets into every part of your life and you will no longer be you anymore. I wish you well.
Give her one thing to be in charge of and the rest you do … a little goes a long way
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Talk to your other half about it, if he won’t man up leave, because nothing will change.
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Sound like control freaks. I divorced a whole family back in the '80’s.
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I’m not trying to be rude please don’t take it wrongly !Its your wedding ,your day ,your finance but Mama can’t let her grown son go.Your finance is a Mama’s boy and I’m not sure that’s a good thing.He should be putting his head strong narcissist Mother in check !If u want the big wedding It your choice NOT hers.If you let her get away with this think how headstrong she’s going to be after your married ,it could cause you two big issues in your marriage !I can tell you this “ Monster in law “ will buy into everything your finances ,children,jobs etc etc !If you don’t stand up to her and him you’ll not make it honey !I had a very head strong monster in law I had to put in check more than once !She told me one day I had a big butt 
!I was a small person at only 5 foot 1 and 110 lbs How could I have a big butt?It was the pant style higher cut !I had taken and taken it from her mean mouth and was done with it !!!I never judge ppl by size it doesn’t bother me if I love I love whole heartedly !But I had had enough !I turned to her and said,” Mom my butt could be 5 times bigger than it is right now and 1/2 of my butt check wouldn’t equal 1/4 of your butt cheek !
She got so mad at me wouldn’t talk for 3 months wanted an apology NOPE !She started it I finished it !She had a lot more respect for me after putting her in check !I had taken crap for years from her !Your finance needs to have his mother quit ,he needs do man up to his mother !I suggest moving out of state after she’s gonna be all over your marriage too !Have a small wedding alone ,or have your fiancé man up !Im sorry she’s destroying your plans!Good luck,please do what you want it’s YOUR wedding !
She will never stop until her son, your fiancé’ puts an end to it! Trust me! I dealt with this for 8 years from his family and I finally had enough! I was so full of anxiety and stress my hair was falling out and I would have rather ended my life then to go around them and the moment I felt like that was the day I told my husband, me or them, Just choose because If you don’t I am! 3 years we have not been around a single one of them and life is grand! No arguments and no stress! Figure it out now……
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Tell her not to come. It is your wedding. Get what you want and can afford. We had this issue with my husband’s friends. They wanted to take over our wedding. Wanted to grill out when we just wanted to pick up a bunch of KFC for reception…they wanted us to have real pew flowers and bouquet flowers…i wanted fake flowers…etc. They ended up not coming to the wedding. Their choice. Same with her.
Now…it will only get worse omce you marry. He needs to be on same page with putting his foot down with his mom or you will have major issues in the future…Been there.
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1st your husband needs to get on board. Because there might come a time when she does something worse than what she is now and if he backs her it could potentially ruin your marriage. I’m not saying make him choose or anything. Talk to him. Tell him what you just told us. If he doesn’t get on board and realize that his mother is a problem, don’t marry him. You should be the one he defends. If he doesn’t now, he won’t in the future. I have issues with my mil. My husband has finally realized how she is. He knows that I want no contact with her. He still talks to her because I’m not going to try and force him to stay away from her, after all it is his mother. But he defended me when there were issues. As far as the kids she doesn’t call them or ask about them anyway so it’s no different for us. It’s hard though because you want to be close with your mil. But that’s just not a possibility for us and plenty of others. Good luck.
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I actually wouldn’t get married to this man, not until he showed me that myself and my/his children will be more important to him and right now it does not sound like it. He needs to man up and it’s not your job to do his washing or work lunch, he is a man isn’t he? A man that can make a sandwich? A man that is capable of being an adult.
Honestly I would call a family meeting and let it all out on the table as calmly as possible without raising my voice and if they attack without considering your feelings and only theirs and what they want I’d run!!! You’ll be leaving in a few years when the shit doesn’t stop anyway so save your money and do not get married.
Call it off with a ‘postpone’ announcement and then explain why.
As for the brother in law to be, if he spoke to me or my child like that he wouldn’t be standing, you did the right thing leaving when you did there now do the right thing for yourself and leave it all behind. One thing to remember is if you have children to this man and you leave then your children have to deal with these people on their own when in their care. Is that something you’re prepared to happen?No? Well then you know the answer to marrying into this family!! Run!!
Oh god. She needs to back off and learn her place… Trying to control your wedding and calling your husband every day is too much. He also should be telling her and setting those boundaries
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Tell your fiancé to control his mother or you will call the wedding off. The fact that she calls him everyday to wake him up for work is awful. The fact that she allows people to talk to her grandchildren like that is also awful. Honestly it sounds like you’re doomed to deal with this forever unless someone sets ground rules, and that someone needs to be her son. Sadly, he sounds like a wimpy mama’s boy, who is used to being catered to by mommy. Also you are 100% wrong about the fact that you think it’s your job to cook and clean for him…. In order to live both parents need to be working, therefore both parents should be sharing household chores. My husband and I split everything. He does dishes, laundry, and he cooks and cleans. Run.
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You ever see that show on TLC called Mama’s Boy? Watch a few episodes.
Destination Wedding and Vacation, You and Him! I wish I would’ve done that! Saves money, very intimate and no one can tell you how to do anything! In reality it’s about you and him anyways! Thats not her wedding, it’s you and your fiance! She’s needs to get a grip, I hope and pray I’m not this mom, since im a all boy mama lol
I would never want to step on my son’s fiance like she is stepping on you! Shame on her, she needs to do better and mind her business unless you invite her or ask for her thoughts or opinions on things. Good luck hun
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Get out as he is not grown up.Did he stand up to his brother if not run.good luck
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I hope you have you own money… run run run…
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Put her in her place with the wedding and tell her to back off or uninvite her. She had her wedding and doesn’t need to control yours. Or go elope and tell everyone to stfu… however your partner is also an adult and can do his own washing and make sure he wakes up at the right time
To be honest, if anyone yelled at my child like that, and you fiancé didn’t do anything, that would be the end to the relationship. You’re children comes first before anyone! Period! 2nd, that future MIL is never good change and your fiance is never gonna go against his momma for or over you! So, I say end it now, save your money for a better person who walks beside you! Not in front of you, or behind you, but walks,beside you! Someone who is going to not only love and respect you, but your children as well ! This kind of behavior is toxic for you and your children. Your husband is a Truck driver, he can leave and not deal with bullshit, as to where your stuck with and in it !!
Run, don’t walk, out of this relationship. It will NOT get better.
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Just elope and save all that $$🤷🏼♀
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Tell your fiancé how very unhappy you are with the way she is acting about the wedding cancel it and elope!
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Take it from me, married 37 years to a man whom I love dearly. His mother is a whole other thing. She doesn’t baby him, not even when he was a baby lol. She’s mean and controlling and always has been. She’s a narcissist and puts my husband in the middle as often as possible,which is less all the time. Either leave or except it because it will never change. I wish someone had given me this advice back in the day. I haven’t had absolutely anything to do with her for years now.
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Set boundaries now! Some days I seriously question if I want to deal with her the rest of my life, for how bad it is. My MIL is toxic. I prefer not to even speak with her. She has to be in control of everything and has to be what she likes. If we don’t pick it, she cry’s my husband doesn’t love her then degrades me. Manipulates until my husband caves in. It took some time to see her true colors. She is not welcome here for some things that she has done. She does lives in a different state. So it’s easier for me to not converse with her. When we visit next time we will stay in a hotel against her demands.
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If you can’t even get through being engaged to him, how are you going to get through marriage with him?
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It’s your wedding you have what you want
Run! Run far far away! If that man is not standing up for you now to his ridiculous family… He never will. He’ll be mommas boy for life. Pack your things and your children and run.
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Run do not walk away
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Tell your fiancé that he has 2 options:
- You get married and his mother is not longer involved in anything wedding related apart from being invited (set your limit).
- He can keep letting his mum make you feel like your opinion on wedding dresses and choices for your wedding are not yours to make and the wedding can be called off.
Express your feelings. It’s your wedding you deserve to have a dress and make choices that you want. The only thing you have to listen to is your partner about choices and making sure the 2 of you are happy with decisions. You are marrying him not his mum and vide versa he is marrying you not his mum. He needs to set boundaries with his mum.
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That is why I eloped in Las Vegas!
Yes, I am that selfish. It was “our time” and not anybody’s to share with.
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SPEND ALL THAT MONEY ON A BEAUTIFUL HONEYMOON. Why stress out just to throw everyone a party for YOUR SPECIAL DAY. I would just elope lmao.
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EASY Solution.
She’s in charge of herself, her dress, the rehearsal dinner, getting the groom & groomsmen to their fittings, getting the guys “groomed” & getting them dressed & to the church on time, & getting the ushers in place.
Invite her to the bridal shower & hell let her host it if she wants.
However, your flowers, music, venue, cake, food, & minister are you & your fiancees job. & The bachelor & bachelorette parties will be wedding party only, hosted by the Maid of Honor & Best Man.
Explain how important it is for the Groomsmen to have a “Wedding Mom” so things go off without a hitch & she’s the perfect woman for the job 
Work smarter not harder
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What did your fiance do when his brother said that about your 5 yr old? Doesn’t matter if it’s “your fault” that his kid got woken up, that’s no excuse for a grown man’s actions. Did he stick up for you and your child? He doesn’t stick up for you now against his mother on YOUR wedding.
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I wouldn’t want a wedding either if my fiancé hasn’t said anything to back me up… Girl put your foot down and say no!! If that man ain’t sticking up for you or your 5 year old child then you are wasting your time marrying him.
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Tell your man you don’t want a wedding go to the courthouse by yourselves and get married. By the way if this is how she’s acting now don’t expect it to change and if this is how he is acting now don’t expect it to change if you’ve been together for two years and you’re ready to marry him you have to accept the way things are with him and his mother or you have to walk away
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Tell him to marry his mom then if he’s not got to stand up to her now he never will and you need to make the decision now while your not married if you are going to be ok with this for the rest of your life because if you decide after the wedding it’s not what you want then things become more complicated. Only you know the answer to your questions we can give advice but in my experience things won’t change untill he stands up to his mum and tells her to back off and if he doesn’t you need to be ok with how things will be for the rest of your life. And
I mean no hate in what I’ve said and I’m not writing this to offend you it’s just my opinion you can take or leave it.
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Go to the courthouse and get married. Take the wedding off the table completely.
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it is not going to change. Either accept it or don’t marry him and get out of the relationship
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You need to watch smothered
Omg put that monster in law in her place fukk that definitely won’t change otherwise only get worse wait til u have a a baby eek
First, you gotta get your fiancés testicles back from his moms purse, and then tell him it’s you or her. 
Y’ll are a bunch of deadbeats. Get your own place. Poor mother in law that has everyone and their kids living at her place is probably ready to cut her damn wrist!!!
Dont get married this is full of red flags it wont get better wh the in laws if they already act that way and you do not have to tolerate any of it your man should stand beside u all the way and if he isn’t then move on
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I would run and call the wedding off Just reading this made me dizzy. It is just gong to get worse
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Sounds like you need to get out of there… don’t think you need to have more kids… or marry one.
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The relationship sounds unhealthy and lacking boundaries. If he isn’t standing up for you now, he never will. That’s a huge problem. Consider the reality of having children with him in this environment. And then consider if ever you were to divorce later on what kind of fresh hell it would be for the child/ren and you.
I’d say you’re about to use all those red flags as a bouquet in your wedding. Time to step back and consider leaving with your kids permanently.
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I would not want to walk in your shoes… What does the groom to be say about this…She calls him every morning!!!
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Run now… it doesn’t get any better.
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Lol ur marrying his mom to it sounds like 
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If your soon to be husband doesn’t speak up for you, don’t marry him. It won’t get any better. If he does, elope.
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