Does anyone else’s kids step mom try to control crap when it comes to the dads kids? If so, how the hell do you deal with it because I’m seriously at my wits end with it…
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I think its important to ask yourself why it’s a problem.
Is she reinforcing boundaries and sticking to the parenting plan or is she creating her own rules that you don’t agree on?
Are you feeling threatened with your kids having another parental figure?
Is there animosity between you and your ex that spills over to his partner?
Are you able to communicate your feelings openly and come to a resolution?
My ex and I broke up for a reason and we’re never getting back together.
I want him to be happy and same goes for my kids. I’m glad he’s found a partner that stepped in and stepped up. I expect my children to respect her and her rules and boundaries.
Same goes for my future spouse. I expect my kids to respect him too…
As long as we all communicate with each other and respect each other there shouldn’t be much of a problem.
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Just stand your ground and ignore her. She is not their mother. She has no say. Only talk with the kid’s dad when decision making. You and their father are the co parents , not her. Tell your ex that is how you would like to deal with it.
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By law you have zero control over what happens while your child is in the other parents possession.
easier said than done obviously but you don’t get a say in what the other parent does or set parents unfortunately while they are in their custody you can only control what happens during your custody time with the child unless their safety life or health are at risk. That’s the bitter truth that going through the court will teach you I’m not sure if you’ve already been through court or not but that’s exactly what a judge is going to tell you. It’s completely normal to not like things that might happen or maybe not like the bedtime Is set at night over there or maybe not like what they’re eating (obviously examples) so the best thing you can do is worry about your child and not about your ego obviously easier said than done because you obviously care much about your child but you just gotta focus on what you can control and that is how you respond and how you behave.
When the child is in their custody you have zero control that it’s just the unfortunate truth of how that works. It’s really hard to hear and it’s really hard to swallow but it’s a bitter pill I’ve had to digest myself and that’s just how it goes. So my advice is you don’t do anything unless your child’s life health or education is in danger because the law isn’t gonna do anything about it either unless something is happening within those three guidelines. 
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Depending on how long she’s been in their lives, her house her rules. She should never be disciplining the kids, that’s their parents responsibility.
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You have to remember she’s trying to find her role and if they are with her it is her house too. She is a parent. If there is a problem talk about it and get on the same page
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BEST ADVICE
Co parent with them both. Be respectable with them both, include them both, build a healthy relationship with them both. Squash any “hate” bad beef with them both. It’s not about you or them it’s about your child.
By doing this if you can, which most can (some definitely not) your life will become easier. They will respect your opinions and compromise with you, they will include you into their decisions (eventually). This won’t happen over night because it seems the relationship you have with them as a couple is already in distress but… working on it and building it up will benefit you and your child in the long run. You have to think end game.
Fighting and exclusion and not respecting both bio dad and step mom will get you nowhere but where you are now… asking fb how to handle things that should be common sense.
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Depends on what she’s controlling and what responsibility roles she’s filling. Is it their household structure or something else?
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I’ve been a step mom and it was my house to my rules and his rules and I did correct them and tell them what and they what not to do so did he he done the same with my kids .
Im married to another guy and he has say do about my son that lives with us and so do I . He has a step dad and me .
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How do you know what is being controlled? By what the child says? We have children from other marriages and when they parents aren’t able to coparenting and talking the kids pick up on it and try to play the parents between the house holds. Things have been wildly said that weren’t true or exaggerated for both myself and my husband now and once we all talked, everything made sense. Not to say that’s what’s going on but could be. I would talk to both dad and stepmom and see what’s going on if you can. But at the end of the day you can’t control what goes on in the other parents house unfortunately and all parents have different styles
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Sounds like y’all need to have a come to Jesus meeting. For real sit down and talk about it with them. My husband is a bonus dad to my daughter for 15 years now and she knows it’s our house our rules and her dad agrees. Just like when she goes to her dads and bonus mom’s house it’s the same way and I agree. Ain’t saying it’s always been rosey with the bonus mom however, We’ve worked on that over the last few years. Good luck is all I can say. Hope it gets better bc if bonus mom gonna be around y’all gotta get along for the sake of the children. Makes co parenting better!!
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It really depends on the situation and what exactly you have an issue with. My husband and I have been living together for 5 years now and I have 2 step children, him and j have 2 together and I have one, which my husband is step dad to. We do not physically discipline each others kids. We have the same rules in our house for all 5 children. We put each other’s children in time out or we ground them. The children had an issue at first and manipulated the other parents by exaggerating situations or lying because we discipline differently than the other parents. My husband and I share this home together and our rules are our rules, no one controls him or I. We co-parent with each other and try our best to co-parent with the other parents who are still salty about us being together (it’s rough). Maybe there’s some animosity on your part because the step mom has some say in HER home on what goes on with her step daughter. She has say, along with her father, on discipline, etc. Maybe you just don’t like it because she isn’t “biological”…there really isn’t enough info from this post but to me it sounds like you’re having a hard time with another woman being in your child’s life. My step children’s mother was like that for a while, wouldn’t let them come to our home, my husband had to go to her house to see the children, she would say she would never let them come to our house, etc. Until she found a boyfriend then it was OK lol maybe just relax unless your child is being abused. Just my opinion. 
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In short, she eventually had 2 kids with my son’s dad, and that calmed her down some.
Before her 2 kids, she would come to every Dr appointment claiming to be “mom” “because step mom is still mom” assert that if she divorces dad, she’ll have custody over my son, getting my son’s doctor appoinents changed & not telling dad or me, list goes on and on…
But she hasn’t been to a dr apt for like 8 years now. My son says she mostly just compares herself to my life.
We have many issues still, which are addressed with dad, but my son is 13 now and absolutely has his own opinion, so it isn’t as intrusive, just annoying and petty at this point.
Not really advice, I let time ride it out.
I buy gifts for her kids, so my son can give to them when he’s there. It makes my son feel good - and I’m passive aggressive so I enjoy it for other reasons. 
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How about communicating boundaries without dismissing her. Hear her out.
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The stepmother’s roll is to inforce the rules mom and dad have in place. It’s dad’s responsibility to parent his child and step parents back the parent. Parent and step parent set rules and boundaries for their homes and parents inforce them. Step parents don’t automatically have the right to parent someone else’s child.
I feel like this is very vague to be able to speak on. What do you consider controlling? If she’s just doing parental things, that makes sense, considering, and that can be hard to become accustomed to and comfortable with. If it’s anything beyond what a normal healthy parent would do, then I would have a conversation with their dad about it and express your concerns.
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All of you need to sit down like grown adults and work things out and try to get along for the best interest of the kids…and make sure jealousy is not part if the problem…on everyone’s parts
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Well If said kids are with their dad that’s HER house to “control” or look
After, not yours. I feel like you should be asking yourself why you’re pressed about it? If she’s not malicious an/or hurting them then it’s not your business.
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Depends what it is, and her influence on my children. If it’s positive or rules or what…
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It’s very hard to deal with toxic step mom trust me my 3 grandkids got one and she’s a piece of work!!! It’s even worse when dad takes her side every damm time.
I’ve had the step mom role for 9 years now and my bonus daughter is expected to follow my rules. However me and her mom coparent very well and communicate when we disagree or have an issue.
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Is she trying to be controlling, or are you just mad because she’s trying to 
co-PARENT:sparkles:
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Have you tried to sit down and talk to her and your ex? I feel like having a civil conversation about it and maybe setting boundaries will be your best bet. No sense flying off the rails, does no good for the kids and sets a massive wedge between you all for coparenting.
Talk to the other parent in a civil manner and come to an agreement
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In order to change the supervisory dynamic over there you would have to PROVE in court that some form of abuse was taking place, without strong evidence you have a difficult task, good luck
Depends what it is I guess. I was a stepmother and I treated her as my own child. Him and I both raised the kids. We both treated them the same. We both corrected all the children as need be. I always told my children if dad married someone that she is mom there at his house so they needed to listen. When they’re sick she will take care of them. I told them they’d have two moms. She is a mama #2.