This is not helping the children . What a terrible example for the children.
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Divorce him. If not for yourself, your oldest. You know what you need to do, your asking for advice but venting (rightfully so). It sounds to me that your unhappy, and have accepted that you are in a marriage that is beyond repair. Doesn’t mean that it can’t be fixed, but sounds like you feel like it can’t be and know in your heart it’s time to move on. Will it raise hell? Yes absolutely. However, do it safely and just call the police and pack your stuff. The kids too.
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Woman to woman get you & your kids out! I am facing divorce right now to a husband of 14 years with almost this exact behavior, they don’t change. It will take more of a toll on your children the longer you stay. Be happy mama, you & your babies deserve it! 
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Don’t ask. It’s not up to him to give you permission to leave. Get a lawyer and get custody of the kids. If you’ve been the one paying for the house bring proof to show it and kick him to the curb then change all the locks and be happy. Enjoy being alone with your kids.
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Just put it this way. You only get one life… will you be happy living the rest of your days on earth exactly as you are now?
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Sounds like a nightmare.No marriage or relationship is perfect.Luckily I’ve been in a good marriage 53 yrs now I was 17 he 21.My husband always worked full time ,me part time due to our 4 kids , it wasn’t worth paying someone to watch them plus I had trust issues.If your daughter is crying and asking you why are you married that’s a big red flag Mama.It takes 2 to make a marriage or relationship work.Its team work ,communication,respect and loyalty.Would he consider a marriage counselor?If you’re mainly doing it yourself anyway why be together.Maybe he’s bio polar his attitude sounds like it could be?Try communicating I mean REALLY communicating with no kids or interruptions,see what he says and feels !Tell him where you are in your heart see what he says.If you’re feeling your instinct is to divorce then by all means do sounds like your children would be mentally healthier and yourself also !Just try a few things first at least you know you tried.We had a few small issues over our years nothing huge,but my SO listened and cared enough to make a few changes that bothered me!But as his wife I’ve had to do the same if something I did bothered him I changed it!Thats a good solid relationship !Good luck take care and I’ll be praying for you:rainbow:
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When I first started reading this I thought, maybe the guy has depression or something. But the further I got into it…nope…it’s abusive behavior-even if not physical. I’ve been the kid in the household with an abusive father towards my mother and I wouldn’t wish that upon any child. And the part where he tells you to put the kids to bed and spend time with him…
…literally makes me want to barf because it does not sound consensual in the slightest.
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You married him . You talk to him and listen to him and him talk or get out or deal with it
Get out!!! Kids shouldn’t feel this!!!
Have you tried counseling ???
Divorce him. Coming from someone who’s parent was always with people with this behavior please trust me when I say if you keep your kids in this environment they will grow up and resent you for it.
Leave this man child. 
not only are you suffering but you’re allowing your babies to suffer? Time to go. It’s not about you… it’s about those kids… leave for the sake of everyone’s happiness no matter how hard
Straight talk is whats needed tell him what you expect of a husband and father to your children, if it dont happen then seperate, the children will learn the wrong things about marriage love and roles
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I don’t know if it’s been asked, but how old are your kids?
You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You deserve to be happy. Life is too short. Tell him to leave, if he doesn’t start listening to you.
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You only get one life , don’t spend it being unhappy . Even if that means being happier on your own . It’s a waste x
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You know what would happen if you left him, you and kids would become happier and all the childish behaviour won’t be your drama no more, he sounds o so plesant, I’d show him the door, you do it all anyway, won’t be much change there.
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Y’all need to have a heart to heart when he’s in a good mood
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You can’t change him,so pack his bags.
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Sounds like he’s depressed, but that doesn’t excuse what he’s made you suffer through. If you want to save the marriage and still love him you can always request him to go to therapy as a requirement to stay together but from the little look in you gave us he seems like he wouldn’t go for it. Your children are watching and learning from both of you. Listen to your gut.
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I would try marriage counseling and get your kids in with family therapy and if that doesn’t work then separate. Sounds like he needs a major wake up call and how to get his priorities straight.
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Try counseling. If after that you still feel the same, file for custody of the kids and divorce.
Do not bother separation go directly for a divorce ! He will never change ,you have out grown him .
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So, you feel guilty for getting ride of dead weight?
I don’t understand it. Your children are miserable & you feel bad for him?
Find a therapist bc if may kids said that, I’d have seen a lawyer the next day.
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What’s the point if you’re doing it alone?
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Leave or kick him out. Your whole demeanor will change for the better!
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I agree with your oldest child. Why are you guys still married? If you take care of all the bills, all household chores and the kids why is he there? The marriage sounds very toxic and is clearly already affecting your children. Don’t put them through anymore of that.
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Sounds like he’s a child in a man’s body. If he hasn’t changed yet he won’t ever change. He doesn’t sound worth another pointless conversation or another moment of expended energy on someone determined to be useless and not deliver the bare minimum. Life is too short. I wish you the best of luck. I wouldn’t stay in the marriage.
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Sounds manic depressive.
If you’re children are being affected by the toxicity then it’s time to separate. Try to do it as peacefully as possible as to not make it worse on the kids. File for a divorce and if he starts showing anger in front of the kids about it then file for an order of protection to get him and his anger issues out of the children’s lives until he comes to terms with it and decides to be a positive role model… if he ever does.
Sometimes divorce helps them grow up. It’s helped my x to grow up a lot when it comes to taking care of the kids because he wants to be in there life and I’m not there to do everything for him anymore.
Good luck
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I dont get the “I pay the bill comments” your MARRIED therefore that money is the BOTH of yours, the money you both make is for you BOTH to help you live ?? Their shouldn’t be a MY & HIS MONEY!! or am I wrong… 
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Move on you deserve better
Get a lawyer and a therapist to find out why you are still there…
So your raising 4 kids.
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Ask him if he still loves you and if he wants to you to stay. Also, ask him if he would rather live alone and pay you alimony & child support. Listen well to his answers
You need to leave. It’s not about money, bills or sex.
YOUR CHILDREN DO NOT DESERVE ANY OF THIS.
You two need to stop and part ways. Your children did not ask to be subjected to this dysfunction.
Sounds like in a way you already know what you need to do. Your child knows. You guys need to be separate. Give it time maybe he’ll grow up without you. But you already do things on your own so you really don’t need him
Reading this made me cry. I went through a very similar situation and it never changed. I left, things got really ugly between us but I am happier. Three years later we still have our fights but we are coparenting ok. It’s hard momma but trust your gut and do what’s right for you and your littles.