i’ve been with my husband 11 years, married 8. we have three kids and do decent financially. on the surface everyone thinks he’s the greatest guy… he’s funny, goofy, would go out of his way for his friends… but at home he’s a completely different person. every so often i’ll catch a glimpse of that happy guy, but most of the time he’s miserable. he curses at the kids when he gets annoyed and he’s always the “fun” parent or the extremely irate parent. he does help with some cleaning, but for the most part will only do what is right in front of him, like the dishes. i pay almost all the bills because i make more money, but we are both working full time 40+ hours. for years i’ve tried to communicate that i need help managing the household and everything for the kids and he either says he’ll change or gets extremely angry for me telling him i’m unhappy. it’s gotten so bad in our house that my oldest is constantly crying and asking why we are married. it’s extremely painful. i feel like i’ve grown up so much in the last decade of my life and he’s still that young goofy guy who wants to worry about nothing. when we married i thought he’d be this great provider… i didn’t mean monetarily but i thought he’d be this very hands on dad and hands on in the house, but every single thing has to be done by me. unless i constantly ask him about something it won’t get done. sometimes the bills he is in charge of go past due, the laundry piles up bc he says he doesn’t know where it all goes in the kids rooms, he throws out my daughters school work bc he’s “cleaning up” or he loses things because he forgets where he puts them…. we really spend no time together except when he wants sex. even then he’ll tell me to get the kids to bed and then come spend time with him… i’m disgusted. i’m supposed to do it all and then be of service to you. i’m so miserable and i have been for a while, i just feel so guilty about what would happen if i ask to separate… any advice i’m so desperate !
just get a divorce already, you obviously arent happy and neither are your kids
this was my life a year ago, unfortunately I had to end things and take my kids and move out. Tell him how you feel and see what he says. if it’s not what you need then maybe leaving is the best option for you and the kids. my girls dad is a great guy just not ready to be a good partner to me.
Happy Mum = Happy kids. Do it for them. You’re doing it all alone anyway so you may as well do it alone and happy. You’re stronger than you think and your friends and family will rally around you. He doesn’t deserve you.
Life is so short. Be happy. Move on. Best wishes for you 
You need to get out. It takes a toll on the kids… Believe me. Went through the same. My kids went through a lot of depression when we were together. My daughter started cutting herself. I thought it was three right thing to try to always work out out so both parents were there…I was so wrong. I blame myself for staying. Please consider at least a separation. Those kids are what matters in the long run. Good luck 
I always tell people you will leave or make him leave when you reach your shit level. I think you have reached yours. Besides there is more to life then living in this situation and being miserable. I been there.
Girl! If you aren’t going to do this for yourself (which you absolutely should), then do it for the kids and leave. If your oldest is already asking why you’re married then it’s very obvious that this is a broken home and doing more damage to your kids than having them see their parents together. If you pay most of the bills, then you can absolutely do it on your own. You will feel like you lost so much weight off your shoulders if you put YOU and your kids first. He sounds like another child you didn’t agree to have.
Life is waaayyy to short to be miserable and surely neither of you are being good role models for your kids…you for continuing to deal with this and continue to be miserable and him for being Jekyll & Hyde. 
Look into getting some therapy for yourself, maybe some marriage counselling together. Your happiness does not come from or depend on other people, if you’re not happy you need to change that for yourself, whatever that may be.
I could’ve wrote this myself. This is almost exactly my life. Only we don’t fight unless I’m asking him to do things, which I don’t even bother anymore
If you don’t leave for you, leave for your kid’s!! It’s not fair to them to see their momma unhappy. Your child has even asked why y’all are married!!! That should be enough for you to leave him.
Get him to the he doctor and a therapist first. Is this how he’s been all along or new behavior? He sounds depressed and angry, which is usually a cover for fear. Be sure it’s not some tumor on his brain. If he refuses to go, you go alone to figure out how to best deal with him.
If it’s just him being a jerk, listen to your child. Sounds like you are already harming your kids by staying in this relationship. You are not responsible for how your husband reacts to things. That is ALL on him. You cannot “rescue” someone who doesn’t want to change.
If it’s getting to the point where it’s effecting your kids, I’d leave without a question. Most likely what is going to happen is your daughter is going to get old enough and never speak to either of you again, then your other kids will follow suit or end up in the same situation. You also are showing them what they can expect in love and try to think of this way…is this the man you want your kids to see love as? Fighting and yelling and not helping? You deserve more than someone who puts on a play for the whole world, but doesn’t worry about his family or his wife. Kids always come first
Go to best buy and buy a small tape recorder i got one there the guy said this one is what the college students use turn it on in the evening so if you ever have to prove to somebody how he really is.
If you are paying the bills and doing everything. GO It is affecting your kids
OMG…Stop whining… if u unhappy with your relationship then go buy a gd dog
It’s hard and heartbreaking but sounds like it’s time to make the hard choices and leave or put your foot down again or get family counseling
Your husband puts on a facade out in public to make outsiders that he’s this great amazing guy but when he’s at home he shows his true colors because there’s no outsiders but I guarantee it if someone from the outside goes to your guys house for a get together he’ll put on a facade. This is called narcissistic behavior. It’s very damaging to the people who love the narcissist including yourself and the children. Now you decide whether or not you want to stay and keep allowing the behavior or leaving and making a better future for your children. Narcissistic people do not care about anybody around them whatsoever unless it’ll benefit them in some way as in the example of time being spent with you is rare unless he wants sex so obviously that only benefits him in the end cause his sexual needs are being met. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to separate from a narcissistic person. Your oldest children even asks why you guys still married because your child is so unhappy and actually wants you and their siblings plus themselves to get out of the hellhole they’re living in. Listen to your child. Sit your other children down when their father isn’t home and have a family discussion about how they’re feeling when their father is home and how they feel when he isn’t and their answers will probably be an eye opener for you. If you can’t leave for yourself do it for yourself.
Sounds like he’s battling depression
Sounds like you need to talk and maybe get some time away together
I think I was married to him…was.
separate you only have one life!
Things need to change for your families happiness and well being. Those that see no issue with their behavior are not likely to change. Maybe a separation will open his eyes.
Sounds like he is suffering from a mental illness.
I’m a stay at home mom and he expects me to do all the housework and take care of the kids. He pays the bills but he expects sex and it’s like I’m tired maybe if you helped me more I wouldn’t be so tired. I see her point maybe she should leave.
So, why are you still married to him? It would be so much healthier for your daughter(s) to see you take a stand for yourself and kick his lazy good for nothing ass out of the house.
Honestly if my child asked me why I was with him that would be my reason for leaving and not feeling guilty about it.
Life is short get out and make you and your kids happy then it might wake him up and he will see what he has lost maybe he will change
Honestly it sounds as if your husband is seriously depressed. They say that “comedians” usually are the most depressed & they put on a show for the world so noone knows, but inside they are desperately unhappy.
I would really push for him to seek a counselor, or a “guy hobby” with a trusted family male that he’ll really open up to.
Men do hit “mid life crisis” mode & it seems lately more men are hurting their families or themselves instead of buying a sports car or having a fling.
I would suggest getting away, no kids, in a hotel, for a weekend & try to reconnect in communication. Tell him you are worried that either he is depressed or he wants out of the marriage, so you need to know the truth, here & now with no distractions.
If denies talking with you or getting help, tell him you want a separation until he figures it out. But if you threaten it, follow thru with it, whatever it is.
Your kids deserve a happy mom. Your children see and am affected by it.
Counseling or maybe a separation
Definetly counciling
Why would you ask him to separate? You TELL him you’re leaving. What you’re not changing, you’re choosing.
If you’re already doing it alone might as well be alone! And him making things worse than better for your kids should be an answer enough. You can do it.
I’m sorry for your problem but IMO it’s only going to get worse. Try counseling before it turns really bad. It almost sounds like resentment is setting in. If you love each other. Try counseling. If that doesn’t work then separate as good friends. Your children are beginning to notice. That’s not good. Good luck to you babe
Separate before you hate each other
Your kids aren’t happy neither are you. I’m sure he sees this but choices to do nothing to help. Move on everyone deserves to be happy and clearly being a so called family isn’t working for anyone.
I’d try marriage counseling if it doesn’t help seperate
You are abusing your children. You know the answer. Put your big girl panties on and move on!!!
You are the bread winner here, so you can do this on your own. Your kids are so unhappy one I see crying, but the other two also see this. So you need advice. Ummhhh…stay with h in m, even though life is horrible & the kids are sad, as you. Or leave and create a happy household. ,??? WOW !! Tough decision !!!
I am from a home just like that, finally at 13 I told my mom to get a divorce or I was leaving. Coming from your children’s perspective, please just leave. It is doing damage to them.
He will never change. How many more years are you willing to live like this?
Maybe ask if he is willing to go to counselling, try that first, if it doesn’t work or he won’t go it might be better for your children if you leave
You and your kids would be happier…you think you’re miserable…I bet they don’t like life on pins and needles either! Get out!
Sounds like he has always been this way? If not, find out what changed, if he has, then you need to think of your kids first and it doesn’t seem like anyone is happy in the house hold. He is a grown man, it’s not up to you to figure him out, you need to think of you and your kids first, do you really want the next 11years to be like the last?
I’ve seen someone like this that was ADHD bipolar and narcissistic. Counseling might be a good idea at least for you and the kids, to affirm this kind of behavior is indeed unhealthy and abusive. If he refuses to get help for his mental health issues then divorce is the only answer, because you would get more help from a babysitter than your spouse.
His cursing at your kids would have been the deal breaker for me a long time ago.
Sounds like he’s moody or bipolar. Mood changes like that are a symptom of several medical problems.
Ask him to go get checked out. Tell him you can’t continue to live this way. His anger could be frustration that he’s not the one making enough to pay the bills. Sit down alone with him and discuss your future and how to save your marriage. If he refuses to cooperate ask for a separation. Pray about it all as well. God bless.
If you pay most of the bills , You can do that for the kids & yourself & be happy .
Passive/aggressive. Not good.
Try marriage counseling and then if he refuses or fights more, find somewhere else to live or ask him to leave. He needs to grow up and act like an adult.
Seek help but to me sounds like a narcissist narcissist will always be just that a narcissist
You have been doing it on your own now. Ditch that baggage
Be aware peeps some troll is cutting n pasting from this website I just noticed that on my newsfeed just a short time ago
He sounds bi-polar, have you guys checked on his mental health? No excuse for any of it, but that could be the root
Your kids would be happy and not crying if you separated…that would be enough for me…
If ur doing it on ur own u know u can handle it he’s just extra baggage bringing everyone down. U would find so much release when he’s gone
Sorry he sounds unhappy you sound more unhappy… And YOU pay all the bills everything?? Red flag BIG RED flag that’s unacceptable it should be a split 
50/50 he’s not a child. I know you THINK it’ll be worse on your own but it’s actually really peaceful to be single and answering to you and you alone. Life is stressful enough w/o adding a dysfunctional marriage on top of it.
Its time to Separate…its time to go.You deserve to be happy.
I feel like I could have written this. I’m going through nearly the exact same thing. I’m meeting with a family law lawyer to start planning my exit. I hope there’s hope for your family and he is open to therapy and accepting responsibility for his hand with the issues in the marriage.
The negative relationship is no longer just having an effect on you,it’s effecting your children. It’s time for a divorce. What’s there to feel guilty about? How much more time and energy do you want to waste? How much more trauma do you want your kids to endure?
My advice is separate. Your kids deserve to see you happy and treated right. The fact that your own daughter is crying every single day and asking why you’re even married should be some clue as to what to do. Leave him and be happy. Be happy for and with your kids.
Do you need someone else’s permission to leave? Then you have it. Leave. You and your kids deserve better.
Sounds to me you can make it just fine without him and be happier for it. I think the decision is easy divorce. Your family might be happier for it
My Husband is the same personality wise, everyone thinks he is the funniest, nicest guy, but at home it’s different…I too am unhappy and have wanted to leave but I’m still here…
Extra baggage, costs to much, leave it at the terminal!
leave now, let him be miserable by himself. i aised 4 smasll kids alone and was much better off then staying in a bad marrage. you will be much happier. good luck.
Don’t be guilty ever! By the sounds of it the kids don’t even want you together anymore
Sounds like everyone in your household is suffering
Stop trying he sounds done. Move on with your life you deserve as much happiness as the next person x
The only thing that will happen when you leave , is you and your children are going to be far far happier. Your child is crying all the time because they are so unhappy, if that’s not enough, than that’s really sad did them
Sounds like a narcissist. It’s time to stop making yourself available to such a person and move on. He’s using you and your presence to make you feel like nothing so he can obviously feel better and make people outside your home think the same, the version you get is the way he truly feels about you and life with you. The population is too high and life is too short.
Go to counseling together or separate.
Marriage counseling and seperately.
Ever thought he might be depressed? Insted of bitching at him you all get help …
you baby is telling you by asking why yous are married and crying everyday, hope you can get the help you need, also you can do it on your own sounds like you been doing it for awhile now #staystrong #yougotthismama
He’s a narcissist and everything will be your fault ask him to move out…
You’re already doing it. Just get rid of him. You and your children will be much happier.
It is Not If But When, Pull Your Strength Together, You Are A Warrior!!
Your Kids are sad,worried,scared and more,
Show Your Children Deserve Better an Most of All, YOU DESERVE BETTER
Yes I speak because I have lived,
I AM A SURVIVOR
Sounds like he may have adhd
Have you considered a mental illness? Mynhusband was off and on horrible until he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and got on lithium. Now he’s they guy I loved and enjoyed 40+ years ago Instead of the crazy mood switching unpredictable person that I no longer wanted to live with that he had become.
People tell you to leave. That is too easy today. And it solves nothing. Why not make an appointment with a really good counselor…and ask him to go with you for the ask of your marriage. Give it a chance…and give him assn opportunity to learn much better habits.
Life is very short to not be happy. In your own words, you say you are doing it all", sounds like he’s refusing to grow up, as you have done, sometimes people grow apart and sounds like you are there, you already know the answer to your problem. Believe in yourself and move forward.
He’s affecting your children. I would leave with the children x
Life is too short. Move on
It definitely sounds miserable and like he isn’t going to change. I would get a divorce.
Better to come from a broken home than live in one! Please leave
You do not owe him anything. Leave.
He can be nice when it suits him so why not at him
The children are unhappy your are unhappy
Leave he might seek help if he needs it
Or you will be happy moving on
I would try counseling to see if it helps. If it doesn’t help him, it will definitely help you.
Either he has depression/undiagnosed mental condition , doesn’t care to ever grown up/change or just doesn’t care. A man, father, & husband of his age has either stepped up to the role by this particular point in his lives or they never will. If he values the marriage enough to make an effort to truly change, he will. He may need psychiatric care & counseling to help him change for the better & he must be willing & open to reach that goal. I’ll keep you in my prayers & wish you luck 
Momma
Run, he has Peter Pan Syndrome
Clearly this is now effecting your children and you must do something to fix it, immediately. get counselling. The both of you together. and if he won’t, then you have no other option but to leave. If not for you, then for your kids.
Your child has already said it!!! Staying is only making it worse for yourself and your kids and they deserve to be in a happy home.
As a person who lived through basically excetly what you are describing as a child do your kids a favor and leave. Clearly he isn’t happy and you said you aren’t. Leave and show your kids how marriage is supposed to really be. Im not saying keep dad away. Definitely keep a relationship but don’t be married. Im sure you don’t want your children to think that is how a marriage should be. Mh mom finally left my dad when I was 17. She remarried a few years ago and I’ve ne er seen her so Happy. Life is short and you should enjoy as much as it as you can! Sending
You sound so unhappy and miserable. Your children seem so unhappy and miserable,
too. I think you know what you need to do. If it hasn’t changed for the better by now, it is not going to do so.
I would start planning my exit from the marriage, and ask him to leave the house. It would be better if he would leave so you do not have to uproot yourself and the children. File for divorce and request that he leave the house. Talk to your attorney, to see if you can make him leave the residence, legally.
Leave. It’s clear you’re not happy and who is would be, that’s a miserable existence. A mother should be happy and being miserable will affect your kids and isn’t good for your health.
Before you leave, get a lawyer and get your ducks (proof, money, asking for full custody, etc) in a row.
I wouldn’t leave…I’d pack his shit and put it on the front lawn…your not his mother so stop being his maid…if he doesn’t want to be a man…then you be the man…and man up…take a stand…if the kids see it…it’s too late to turn back now…it’s over…his not going to change…and change is needed…so you change the channel in this home of yours…go to the courthouse and file for devorce.call a lawyer and get it done.
Get a lawyer and see what you can do
You are already separated dear, you just stay in the same house