What to do about toddler jealousy?

My three-year-old is acting out with my new baby.

Hey mommas, I just had my daughter two weeks ago, and I also have a three-year-old daughter. My 3 year old seems to be very rough with the baby I’m constantly telling her to be nice, not so rough. I’m always watching her around the baby, when she thinks I’m not looking she’ll hit her in the face not super hard but hard enough to scare the baby, just feels like I’m constantly telling her something. My husband doesn’t really discipline the 3 year old when he does she listens. So now she’s getting real distant with me :frowning: what am I doing wrong?


Spend more time with your 3 YO, without baby.
She probably feels jealous and like she’s not getting enough attention. Let her help you with baby. Keep her as involved as possible.


I would try including the 3 year old with “taking care” of the baby… I.e. feeding, bathing…And spend some quality time with the 3year old. Maybe she’s just feeling left out…


Have special time with them. Let them help. Even if it’s so much as grabbing something. I had three year old twins when I had my son.

She’s 3. She should definately understand not to hit the baby. If its just been the 2 of yall for the last 3 years she is probably jealous. Make sure you find time to spend with just her regularly. And when you do talk to her about the new baby and how to “play” with the baby without hurting her.


Sounds like she is jealous of the baby. Is there a way you can spend alone time with her to show her that the new baby is not her replacement? Maybe also include her when you do things like feed the baby and change her diaper/baths etc if your not doing so already. Also if your not doing it try positive reinforcement when she is gentle with the baby and praising her.

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Include her. Maybe she feels like she isn’t getting the attention anymore. Get her involved with the baby. Ask her to help you with certain things. She will come around.

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Same with my 2.5 yr old girl with my 1 yr old son. She throws these fits and throws stuff ends up hitting him or sometimes just pushes him down.

Can you get her her own baby doll and practice baby care together so she can learn to be gentle

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She is feeling jealous and left out. It’s hard for her to share your attention. Let her help with the baby as much as you can. Supervise her closely. You also need to give her as much one on one time as you can which is so hard with a newborn.

100% involve her, and spend alone time with her. We had the same difference in age (little is now 8 months) and it’s gotten a lot better. A few doctors have recommended not leaving your baby alone with any sibling under 5, they know doing something is wrong but won’t be able to grasp the full consequence of their actions.
It’ll get better! Right now my oldest comes running and let’s me know I’m not tending to her little sisters needs fast enough :joy:

Take her on a fun outting and tell her you missed her and how important she is . And how important she is to the baby as well . Tell her the baby loves her so much and lights up when she is near.
Explain to her that you are sorry you have been so busy with the baby and that you miss times when it was just the two of you . Make her feel less left out by making you the one who is left out .

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You stick to your guns.The 3yo has to be taught how to behave and how to treat the baby gently and daddy needs to step up with mommy too. Mo. And dad have sit down and talk out want you want with your daughter and what you dont want and then figure out your plan of action and then teach your child how to and not to act work together its called parenting. God bless

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She’s jealous love, you need to put a side time specifically for your 3 year old, some one on one time… and Always include her whether it be you and baby sitting on the couch, let her sit with you guys… let her help you with simple chores or help you cook sometimes, she just has a bit of resent towards the baby because she feels you are replacing her (even though you aren’t the mind of a 3 year sees it different) do as much as possible with her so you know you love her just like the baby, she is important to you… let her hold the baby more also, she will start to create a bond with her soon enough. But it’s all new to her

Same! My baby is 8m and my now 3.5 year old is still super jealous. I try and spend heapd of one and one time with her but not working. I’m hoping she will slowly grow to except that the baby is here to stay (she still says she doesn’t like the baby and just wants to be with me :frowning: ) it’s hard! And mum guilt is real

She is jealous and does not understand yet the baby is her’s too Give here some little something to do so she will feel included…

She’s probably feeling jealous … What she is doing is obviously not acceptable but try to see things through her eyes … Until recently it was all about her and all of a sudden attention and time is shared. Is there any way you can set aside some time for just the two of you to do something together even if it’s just an hour at the park? Buy her gifts from the new baby, praise her when she is gentle with the baby , try to help to get her to view the new baby in a positive way. Involve her, ask her if she can pass you a blanket for the baby or a nappy or something even if you don’t necessarily need it just so you can praise her for being helpful … This phase really won’t last forever but just try to understand she’s probably feeling a bit confused and upset at the moment xxx

My daughter did that when I brought my son home. I let her have ‘big sister responsibilities’ and having dates with her when she did her ‘big girl chores’. Her big sister responsibility was handing me diapers when I changed him or helping me pick out his clothes. Her chore was picking up her toys which she already did anyway.

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Tell her. /would u like to be hit in the face ? Then don’t hit the baby’s face

Jealousy is normal, but is never ever an excuse for harming and mistreating the baby. She has to be strongly disciplined so she understands how wrong that is!

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It’s normal. Call it regression jealousy whatever. If she has baby dolls that’s probably how she plays with them. If she plays w kids her size or bigger that is how she learned to play.
My older kids need to be told not so rough bc they are used to playing w kids their size not ones that are under 20 pounds.
Involve her - can you help me make a bottle, can you go grab a diaper and wipes, can you help me wash the baby, what outfit do you think the baby should wear today?
Just be constant.

She’s 3 and you turned her world upside down. It’s had to figure things out at that age. Positive reenforcement do special things for her. Big girls get desserts babies can’t. Big girls can me helpers babies can’t. Wow look how nice you are holding the baby I had a. Whole basket of wrapped prizes. For my son when his brother was born. Match box cars bouncy balls sticker sheets etc. why. Babies can’t unwrap presents only big boys.

My brother did the same to me as a baby. Lol. We even have it on video :rofl::rofl::rofl: he continued to pick on me my entire life​:rofl::rofl::rofl:

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She feels left out. She’ll grow out of it and come around

You’re being the parent and not the friend. Good fucking job! (In all seriousness. No sarcasm)
I would suggest showing her some positives as well tho. Let her brush her sisters hair, help change diapers, feed her, etc. You don’t want all her interaction with her to be associated with negativity.
Also, make time for just you 2. No baby sister around at all.

Keep a close watch on both children . There should be plenty of time to share with the three and a half year old daughter when the baby takes naps during the day . Of course when the baby is awake you have to take care of the baby and you can still talk to her and the baby. You will have to keep a close watch on both children so that the older child cannot hurt the baby. The children s father needs to be involved too. Pray daily for your family .

Make it fun to help with the baby and tell her what a big girl she is for helping mommy. I know you’re tired but also make sure she gets extra cuddles so she knows you still love her.

She’s feeling jealous… Have her help as much as you can…went through the same thing…it will be okay mama, hang in there :revolving_hearts:

Like many have already said, let her “help” you. Spend time alone with her. Show her pictures and videos of when she was a newborn.

Theres a lot of that jealousy with little ones. My almost 2 yr old grandson has started biting his 1yr old sister. I’m not talking love bites. Im talking painful teeth marks on her arms. I’ve started taking special time with him while shes safe playing in her pack n play. Something simple. Markers or crayons just scribbling on plain paper, play with her. Have her help you take care of the baby. Praise her for being your big helper. Shes just feeling left out.

She’s just jealous. Try to include her in as much as you can. Maybe do little things with her separately. Me and my daughter had spa days. I would paint her nails and play dress up and paint with her.

She needs some mama time. She feels like she’s being replaced by tye new baby and sit down and have random talks with her telling her shes a great big sister and mummy is so proud of her etc if that doesn’t work and she persists and keeps on hitting her baby then ask her if she wouldve liked someone to hot her when she was a baby…my cousin had this problem she outrightly had to smack her two yr old at the time and although i found it harsh daisy learned her lesson and she never hit hit brother ever again…