So I have a 12yo almost 13yo with my ex. We have court ordered 50/50 custody. From day one his family spoils her 1000%. From million Disney trips a year to buying her whatever she wants. When she’s at dads, he lets her get away with anything. Attitude, bad grades etc. So then she comes to my house and I don’t put up with attitude or bad grades etc. Her grounding is usually taking her phone away, which means she can then only call dad from my phone. He likes to use her as a pawn, which over the years I’ve learned this and ignore what he says usually. Or he has in the past gotten her to want extra time there in exchange for her getting what she wants etc. he is extremely jealous that I am happily married with other kids, so he’s tried in past to convince my husband I was cheating etc which my husband doesn’t fall for, but he’s also told this to my daughter so that she wants more time there etc.
So yesterday, he sends me a text and says that we need to discuss, “X doesn’t want mandatory time at your house.” That’s all he said no reasoning or nothing. She has never mentioned this to me or my parents. I’m not sure what to say or think. When she’s at our house she’s totally happy, she’s told counselors in confidentiality that she likes our house more but just agrees with his manipulation to make him happy etc. What do y’all recommend? Do I go off of what he says or ignore it or ???
I would most likely ignore it. I would sit her down and say “Your dad told me something the other day and it made me sad so I wanted to ask you about it” and ask her if she likes being at your house. It seems like she does, but to ease your mind I guess. Even if he does go to court trying to get more custody they will interview her. My dad tried to get more custody of me as a teenager, so my mom & I had to go to court. They took me into a separate room and asked if I wanted more time at my dads and I straight up told them no, what we have is enough. So even if he does try, they will most likely interview her and that will be a factor in the court’s decision. She’s old enough to know what she likes and doesn’t, and I think it would be good to go to lunch and talk about it.
I did the same bc of mom’s pressure. I completely understand how you feel bc I feel the same… I am also thinking of doing a reversal.
Try a side hustle.
Working 2 jobs. I honestly have no clue but if you really really want it you’ll come up with it.
Good luck to you
Ive had a reversal it did not work… my one tube was lost after my second ectopic pregnancy and the other is still blocked… so now my only option is IVF. Which is also expensive. Most insurances will not pay for reversal. Try seeing if insurance will pay towards IVF
Definitely do your research on the odds of the procedure working. I know two women who have paid much more and unfortunately it was not successful. Good luck
I don’t think that means you shouldn’t have a baby, that is a lot of money! Like the comments above you really have two options, save for it or take out loan… Maybe start with your tax return if you get one? That maybe a good starting point for saving, or it maybe a good enough down payment to get you a loan if your credit isn’t that great… Good luck!
A friend of mine went to Mexico and it was significantly cheaper. I’m not sure where you’re located but that may be an option. Hers was successful, she had two beautiful babies after!
I signed the papers to get my tubes tied after this babygirl is born next month because the pressure from family. I hope I don’t regret this (I’m almost 21)
Do payments at hospital… and with dr…I did I had mine reversed 18 years ago only had 20%chance it would work…I had 3 more 10 months apart…it will work out
I don’t agree with people saying if you can’t afford that then don’t have a kid , I wouldn’t be able to just come up with it and I have three kids who are well taken care clothes and fed along with things that are not a necessity.
The only advice I have is take $60 to $100 when you can and put it aside. It don’t take long adding up.
Good luck.
Personally, I would look into the possibility of IVF in the future rather than reversal. IVF is often mostly covered by insurance up to a certain amount and has a better chance of pregnancy.
Just an FYI for everyone!! Your family has no buisness telling you what to do with your body!!! My mom pressured me to get my tubes tied too and I refused. I will bully your family for you if they act toxic like this! Just hmu!
Don’t listen to others about your family size. I have three children. None were really planned and always worked out. See if they take payment plans, personal loan. I’m sure a doctor out they may take payment plans
Depending on your credit, you can apply for a personal loan. If your vehicle is paid off, use that as collateral. Check with the hospital/provider about financial assistance or a payment plan. Typically, for elective procedures, you can start making payments on it before it’s even scheduled. The people telling you that if you can’t afford $6400, you can’t afford to have a child, are full of it. I can’t think of anything for any of my kids that has ever run me $6400 at one time!
I’m 32 and will never get my tubes tied. My family and friends tried to pressure me into it and honestly I just told them I was getting it done to shut them up. I was always the type to do what others told me to do cause I wanted them happy and didn’t worry about my own happiness. Now I just don’t care what others think. I have 4 children if I decide to have any more it’s my choice and no one else’s.
There are lots of ways. Yard sales, selling baked goods, a part time side job of some sort. It may take time but set your mind to it and you’ll have the funds before you know it. Nobody’s place to judge you having a child, no matter what’s in your bank account
This post has really touched my heart. As I read ur words I feel the longing u have to become a mother one day. And yes, sometimes parents can selfishly choose things for us when we young that might affect us when we older. So, let’s talk about the future. If u would like to earn extra money, u could always start by creating a small business from home? Firstly look at what u enjoy doing and what u good at. It could be baking, arts and crafts, knitting, sewing, or even making ur own clothes, anything u enjoy, do that. Start selling in ur neighborhood, make flyers, business cards, spread the word around. What I do sometimes, is do online surveys and marketing research, and u can make a bit with that too. Also, it’s that time of year where everyone is super busy. And maybe, up to u, u could offer to babysit, while parents are working, shopping or just going out. Believe me, it’s small things, but at least it will help to build towards what u wanted. Determination will never fail u. Good luck and sending prayers
Personal loan . Do u have a title clear u could use? U could try credit cards . Some personal loans under a certain amount u don’t need collateral mine was anything under 3,500. But u can go and take separate loans out at separate places. Do u own ur home? U can do things w that if u do . Some places medical will offer financing u just ha e to find one that will.
I had my tubes tied after my 1st child.
I went through foster care to adopt children, we adopted a sibling group of 4 giving us a total of 5 children and we continue to foster. It did not cost us anything to adopt through foster care.
Some doctors will allow you to finance installment payments, also look into your local area for doctors that once a year donate their services for cases, you might qualify.
If you have a plasma donation center nearby and are able, you could donate twice a week (usually about $80 a week) do that for 18 months and you’ll have around 5k.
Personally I think it would be a great way to help get the money up.
Care credit allows you to get any medical procedure and pay over time… it’s an option. If you don’t already have a job, getting one will allow you to save money over time, but I sense urgency in your question. I truly wish you the best and hope you find a solution soon
Being a mother is amazing and I don’t think you are any less deserving of feeling that. But have you considered adopting? I know you don’t get the experience of carrying the child but you get to give all that love to a child who may not have it otherwise. Whatever you decide tho, you deserve it! And yes, having a child does cost money but there aren’t a ton of parents who have a lot of money in savings. I’m a mother of 5 and live paycheck to paycheck and it’s hard but I do it… on my own! That unconditional love gives you strength you never knew you had!
Rob ya mom. She pressured you to do it, she should pay for the reversal. I know the Bible says honor your parents… but I’ve never been religious. Catch a lick, ma
Babysit, door dash, Instacart, sell everything, meal prep for others, no eating out, cut all luxuries, ibotta, online surveys for gift cards that you can use instead of cash, meal plan to streamline grocery budget.
Maybe your mom should pay for it since she decided to force you into something like this ? Absolutely awful she made that choice for your body. Sue her if that’s a possibility?
Don’t understand the “ mom pressured me into it” you had to sign the papers not her no matter what she said. Usually doctors won’t do it on young people unless there is a medical reason - how many children do you have before you had it done?
Im a bio mom of 4 kinship to 2 nieces and a foster mom to one.have you considered fostering a child?there is so many kids out there that need parents.they give you a mnthly alowence for the child and in alot of instances the goal doesnt have to be permanency.
How young is young that you allowed your mother to make that decision for you, thats fckn crazy shit that a mother would even want her daughter to do that unless her daughter already had 5 kids and was absolutely fckn useless then I’d understand Lol
You already posted about this before. It was your ultimate choice in the end. You waited weeks after giving birth to do it, and you knew exactly what was going on. You had to of understood everything the doctor told you before they even did the procedure. Take responsibility for your own decision, you’re grown. Get a loan or something, but your mother is absolutely not responsible for any of that.
To those people saying “your mom didn’t make you do anything. You had to sign the papers”, count yourself lucky you’ve never dealt with a narcissistic, abusive parent and haven’t been forced into something you didn’t want to do.
My mom tried to force me to get my tubes tied as well. I didn’t do it, but I came very close to it.
Make her pay for your reversal!
I had my tubes tied at 22 because I knew I didn’t want any more children by my abusive husband. I remarried at 28 a wonderful man that loved my children as his own from the very beginning but had no biological children of his own. We were a paycheck to paycheck family but knew we always wanted to have children together so in 2007 we used our taxes and $100 my best friend gave us to take the greyhound bus to Mexico to have my tubes reversed. Two months later we were expecting. We had a son and 5 years later a daughter. They changed our whole family’s lives with the joy they bring us every single day.
My husband passed away last year in an accident, I will spend the rest of my life missing him but I get to see him in their faces every day.
If you want more info on where we went in Mexico message me. I also have another friend that went after us and she also has 2 children after reversal.
The place I went to in Louisiana is only like 5600 I believe… Well it was when I went anyway… It’s been 3 yrs and I’ve had 2 babies… I had my first baby after my reversal almost 1 yr to the day of my surgery… Dr morice in Morgan city Louisiana… I’m from about 2 hrs away so I didn’t have travel expenses but he’s the best…look him up … he has great results! You should start a gofundme if you can’t take out a loan or save in a decent time frame … People love to help others
You can sell stuff like empanadas, hot chocolate bombs, art, etc. it will take some time, but if you put all the profits into a savings for this, you’ll be there in no time!
I had one done after my twins were born when I was 30 due to recommendations by my cardiologist…I wish I hadn’t have had it done seeing how I believe they were wrong with their diagnosis…I wanted more children but cant
You can donate a few of your eggs and the Medican they put you on makes you super lucky to get pregnant so go get that done and then tubes walls you make anywhere from 6/10 thousand for egg donation depending on you eggs I was going to do it but ended up having ovarian cancer so nope I have three babies myself and went threw cancer treatment starting at 16 I was told I was unable to have children for sure 100 percent fact they were dead wrong I have three healthy happy babies each was conceived on birth control to control hormones not to not get pregnant …… I have my tubes tied and I’m not gonna lie I’m still dead afraid I’m going to get knocked up that man just looks at me and I’m pregnant
Uh save for it? Get a second job, stop frivolous spending and save save save. If you really want it you have to work for it. $6000 isn’t really that much
Taxes , if you work . Or have a side hustle . Sale Mary Kate , or food plates to warehouse workers , offer to baby sit kids in your free time , save save save any little bit you can .
Best time to save a big chunk out would be income tax time. You can file in February and get them 2 months later and if u can save it all or some…that’s a good place to start
You can actually be financed for yhis. I looked into it and was approved. You pay for yhe surgeon consultations and then pay monthly payments of this amount. You have yhe surgery as soon as the surgeon says as well!
You and your bubby save up … when the time it right, it will happen.
OR consider an open adoption; so many young teens not wanting to abort but want a good home for their precious lil one …
I have been told even if you have a reversal surgery there isn’t always a guarantee it will work by my obgyn. As well as it’s a complicated expensive surgery you may have to travel for. But if that’s what you truly want than start hustling and go for it.
I had my reversal paid about 12,000 in total and it closed up. To be safe, I know its alot more than what your doing but IVF would better your chances.
Bcbs covered my reversal. Just have to find the right doctor who will file it properly. Also, mine worked and I have another beautiful baby girl and trying for a boy next year.
As a social worker that works with foster care I love the suggestions to foster but please make sure that fostering any child is something that you are passionate about and not being force to do it because that’s a way to get a child
(I’m almost 21)
