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QUESTION:
"My son (11) came home crying because his so-called “friends” held him down and started punching him and stretching out his new clothes at their house. I know boys rough house, but he asked them to stop and they didn’t stop, so when he was able to get up and out of their room he ran home and even ended up leaving his phone there. Which he is very responsible with. They had him trapped in the room- 2 against 1. He didn’t even tell me about it when he got home, we just heard him crying and upset in his room. So while I’m talking to my son trying to figure out what happened the boys showed up with his phone. I asked them if they punched him and the older one nodded his head yes. So I told them that’s not cool, you don’t treat your friends like that and I told them I was calling their mom and they’re not allowed over here anymore. He has been friends with these kids for years and they live on the same street so they’re always hanging out. Now he thinks they’re gonna make fun of him cuz it looks like he tattle-tailed on them. I told him not to worry about it because he doesn’t want to be friends with them anymore anyway. My son was a true friend to them and he’s so upset about it. I said everything I could to try to make him feel better. It hurts my heart to see that happen and my momma feathers are ruffled!! I called the mom and she had no idea what happened and I’m not mad at her so I made sure to let her know that, but I told her to let her kids know that they’re not allowed at my house anymore and they lost a good friend. I’ve known her since our kids were in diapers too. I’m so upset that my son is hurt mentally and physically. I tried to make him feel better but his heart is broken because he lost, what he thought, were friends. I told him you find out who your true friends are. And if they’re not true friends then keep your distance. I’m just done because there have been other issues in the past and I’ve let it go, let it go, let it go… but this was just too much. I put a stop to that s* immediately so now it’s THE END and my son is left heartbroken. I guess it works out better now because they weren’t even true friends from the beginning. The mom mentioned them wrestling around but she didn’t know that they didn’t stop when he asked and those boys KNEW DAMN WELL that they were hurting him!! Because they were punching him hard. My son showed me how they were doing it, and that wasn’t just wrestling around. So the mom said she was going to talk to them. But I’m just done with all of them, so now I have to figure out how I’m going to heal my son's broken heart. Any advice would be much appreciated because I don’t know what else I can do to heal his heart. I tried to distract him with a board game but he wasn’t into it, but he got to choose dinner and he was happy to get Taco Bell."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"For one that’s not ok, and I hope the moms gonna do more then just talk to them. They need punishment… also, I would suggest joining a moms group in your area and see if any moms have sons around your sons age and maybe do like a play date so he can meet other kids. So sorry for your son that has to be hard"
"Invite a friend from school over or get him involved with a sport or club where he can meet new friends. You did the right thing and he will realize it eventually. I’m sure this wasn’t the first time and could potentially gotten worse. Remind him how proud of him you are for telling you what happened. He was truly brave and should never allow anyone to treat him that way."
"You did what you thought was best. Contacted the mom, cut ties and let him know that it’s not ok to be treated that way. True friends don’t hurt you. Those boys don’t learn now they will end up in jail. Hopefully their mom puts an end to it. But just know you are raising your son to understand it’s not ok to be mistreated by others. It may hurt now but it will teach him to not be walked on later on. Just be there for him. He will heal and you will be glad you did this!"
"Put your Son in a martial arts program. Boys need to know how to defend themselves. There comes a point in his life where using his words and walking away won’t be possible and no teacher will stop it. May be while he’s a kid. Might be when he’s an adult. Either way he’ll need to fight. Martial arts teaches kids how to fight and also that they don’t have to. Great exercise too."
"These weren’t Really True Friends and were just Using Your Son. As a Mom You made the Right Decision as these Boys are Just Bullies."
"Those aren’t ur friends. He could have been seriously hurt! His heart will heal. Martial arts is wonderful , it saved my son a few times!"
"Something my parents said always stuck with me and helped me heal quicker and easier when I lost friends, “Friends come and go in life, the true friends stay” they explained that through life we would make all types of friends and go through many as we grow older, either you realize they were not the type of people you wanted to surround yourself with or you grow apart but you will have those few close friends you may have forever. I’m also close to my family so I was also always told that while you may go through friends, you’ve always got your family. I went through my fair share of bully “friends” growing up and it’s sucks but it gets easier and makes you a bit more choosey on who you befriend."
"You’ve done the right thing . Go with your gut and trust your child. Keep a positive mind and find new hobbies to do when either of you are feeling emotions stemming for this. Make it fun, make it boosting for your both."
"It sounds like he’s the friend that the other friends put down, I’ve been that friend before, he needs new friends or to start martial arts, etc so his “friends” at school know not to mess with him like that… if you step in it won’t help because he sees them at school and around the neighborhood etc…"
"You should have involved your son in that decision. This has to do with him, not you. He’s afraid they’re going to pick on him now because you went to his mom. I get you want the kids to be held accountable. But he should have been involved. If he said don’t talk to their mom, then discuss with him why you want to. And if he still just wanted to sweep it under the rug, then you need to listen to him as well and give him control over what happens regarding the event that he was involved in."
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