Please don’t stay. I myself am not a violent person…I never have been. But I have been with a man so manipulative & abusive that, after he put his hands on me many times, I snapped and hit him first once. He pushed me to a place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, that it broke me. I was so broken. The mind games he played, the lies, the betrayals…I was a shell of myself. I was barely even alive anymore. He really made me snap… but once you get to that point where you don’t even get angry anymore, you don’t even get riled up or upset over his bs antics, then you know he’s crossed that line of which there is no return. He has hurt you so badly, so deeply, so thoroughly that you cannot feel the same for him that you used to no matter what he says or does. It sounds to me like you’ve reached that switch. Please just leave him permanently. Find happiness, no pure joy. Find peace, contentment, hope, safety, security, trust, respect, dependability… find these things in yourself first and then one day find them in another man. But only so long as you demand it and refuse to settle for anything less. Take the time to love yourself back to a point where you truly believe you deserve that.
And it does take some time. An abusive relationship like the one you’re in changes you- he beats you down in so many ways that you start to really believe you’re worthless. He does this so you’ll stay, so you’ll put up with his abuse. But it’s a lie- you are worthy of love, happiness, respect, safety, and security. As soon as you learn that he becomes powerless and that’s his greatest fear. Leave him and make his nightmare come true. Leave him and show him you don’t need him, want him… that you have enough strength and self respect to demand better.
you shouldn’t feel the need to wait until there is physical violence towards you as a breaking point to leave. if he disrespects you that’s all it should take. you’re unhappy. that’s all you should need. ANY form of abuse is grounds to leave. he was miserable without you? too bad, you’re not responsible for his happiness or well being, HE’S NOT A helpless CHILD and you don’t owe him ANYTHING
Well, it sounds like it is a toxic relationship from my perspective. If you both say you want to try, I would try a marriage therapist. If that doesn’t work, it doesn’t sound like this can get better because you can never control how another person acts. You can only control how you react. And life is way too short to be miserable, or looking at it another way, to not be happy. So go be happy… it gets better, but if you stay the same and don’t so anything differently but expect a different outcome, you know that is the textbook definition of insanity right?