What would you do?

Relationships
1
Me and my husband have been together for 8 years, married for 7. I was 22 and he was 26 when we married so we definetly had some growing to do throughout the years and of course still do. He put me in jail twice after provoking me to the point I snapped and hit him once. I'm not normally an abusive person and I can take alot before I break. That was a few years ago and forgave although it hurt that someone I needed the most wasn't there and would that to me and he wasn't the one who bailed me out both times either. I have never been in trouble or went to jail for anything. I was humiliated and embarrassed to show my face in our town because not many knew the whole story. Over time he still to this day looks at other women/younger girls and every time I have spoke up about it he became defensive and always got angry. I was done last year I had my own place and was leaving for good. I had nothing left for him. We have children together and had made a peaceful agreement we'd do a week on and week off. Well he realized after a few months he didn't want to live without me and definetly showed me that, so I came back after praying many prayers. He's always been faithful but looking at other women has still yet to stop even though he sees I just don't love him the same after all I've been through with him. I feel like it doesn't hurt me like it used to, now it just makes me more distant and disgusted with him. When he's mad or hurt he goes into a rage. Never hurting me physically but every other abuse I've got it from him over and over for years. I have been body shamed and called every name in the book. Before him I was a confident person. He's showing he's sorry and owning up to his wrongs. But it's happened over and over so I'm to the point of being done with it all. He's 33 yrs old and acts like a child when he doesn't get his way. The men in his family do also so I see where it steams from.
2

Please don’t stay. I myself am not a violent person…I never have been. But I have been with a man so manipulative & abusive that, after he put his hands on me many times, I snapped and hit him first once. He pushed me to a place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, that it broke me. I was so broken. The mind games he played, the lies, the betrayals…I was a shell of myself. I was barely even alive anymore. He really made me snap… but once you get to that point where you don’t even get angry anymore, you don’t even get riled up or upset over his bs antics, then you know he’s crossed that line of which there is no return. He has hurt you so badly, so deeply, so thoroughly that you cannot feel the same for him that you used to no matter what he says or does. It sounds to me like you’ve reached that switch. Please just leave him permanently. Find happiness, no pure joy. Find peace, contentment, hope, safety, security, trust, respect, dependability… find these things in yourself first and then one day find them in another man. But only so long as you demand it and refuse to settle for anything less. Take the time to love yourself back to a point where you truly believe you deserve that.
And it does take some time. An abusive relationship like the one you’re in changes you- he beats you down in so many ways that you start to really believe you’re worthless. He does this so you’ll stay, so you’ll put up with his abuse. But it’s a lie- you are worthy of love, happiness, respect, safety, and security. As soon as you learn that he becomes powerless and that’s his greatest fear. Leave him and make his nightmare come true. Leave him and show him you don’t need him, want him… that you have enough strength and self respect to demand better.

3

you shouldn’t feel the need to wait until there is physical violence towards you as a breaking point to leave. if he disrespects you that’s all it should take. you’re unhappy. that’s all you should need. ANY form of abuse is grounds to leave. he was miserable without you? too bad, you’re not responsible for his happiness or well being, HE’S NOT A helpless CHILD and you don’t owe him ANYTHING

4

Well, it sounds like it is a toxic relationship from my perspective. If you both say you want to try, I would try a marriage therapist. If that doesn’t work, it doesn’t sound like this can get better because you can never control how another person acts. You can only control how you react. And life is way too short to be miserable, or looking at it another way, to not be happy. So go be happy… it gets better, but if you stay the same and don’t so anything differently but expect a different outcome, you know that is the textbook definition of insanity right?