This question was submitted to our community via our Facebook page and/or our Answers forum. Responses are also taken from the community. If you have your own parenting or relationship question you would like answers to, submit on Facebook or Answers.
QUESTION:
"I’m struggling a lot!!! My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for almost a year. We have 2 children and we have had our ups and downs. About a month after we got married my husband decided to be honest with me about his infidelity. We both have recently become born again Christians and he wanted to come clean. While I’m happy that he was honest about it, its been really hard to cope with the fact that our relationship is built on lies. Before we got married I asked him if there was anything he needed to tell me and it was a flat out, NO! I’m angry bc I feel cheated. He’s always been a good man as far as I knew, worked his ass off, provided for us etc. He would even bring home flowers, buy me things I talked about, run bubble baths, light candles, give me massages the works. I alway felt like I was so blessed and lucky to have such a good man, but now I feel like it was all done simply bc he was doing it out of guilt. What do I do??? He helps around the house, and helps with the kids, and I appreciate it all so much, but I can’t shake his infidelity. He had women at work, and online! It infuriates me to the point where I can’t stand him. I truly thought I was the one that struck gold but looking back at it, its all full of lies. I need some advice bc I don’t want to break my family up, I don’t want to leave a man that has done so many great things, but he has also broken my heart, my trust, and my spirit. What would you do?"
RELATED: Tori Spelling Still Battles Trust Issues After Dean McDermott’s 2013 Cheating Scandal
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"That is a hard one . A part of me wants to encourage counseling of course given the fact he has done great things , but also understanding of the insecurity of not truly knowing wether it was genuine. If it were me , I don’t think I would stay together until i have personally resolved my feelings about it and then also marriage counseling . I wouldn’t say divorce though . My husband and I have been together 11 years , we were separated for 10 months , we both did regrettable things ( not cheating though ) so that does it make it hard to relate to , we also learned alot at the same time. We are now back together , starting counseling and our marriage is thriving after I thought it couldn’t any more . Again , if I were in your shoes thats the action I would take but ultimately I’m sure you’ll come the decision that fits you, your family and marriage best"
"If enough is enough an your questioning his every move or feel your walking on egg shells do what’ your gut an instinct says if u don’t have trust u don’t have anything who honestly wants to be miserable wondering life away about him he is living his life an possibly having his cake an eaten it too"
"What I know personally … if you want to continue with him, put all your feelings aside and go forward. I tried EVERYTHING to shake it off and NOTHING helped until I decided to let it go and be with him or let it consume me and leave. I still feel a twinge of fear that he’s being dishonest again when he starts acting sketchy. I just ignore it because personally I’ve decided I don’t care anymore. As long as he fills my needs with helping with kids and such … I look the other way (he’s not cheating but …) Don’t be like me."
"He’s come clean, he’s being honest, he’s trying. It’s up to you to decide if you want to work on that with him. You don’t have to forgive him right away and pretend it didn’t happen, but don’t beat him up and hold it over his head either. Go to couples counseling. Make sure it’s clear that any more nonsense will not be tolerated."
"I wouldn’t be able to get past the cheating. I wouldn’t see the same man anymore. That’s great he came clean, but all the lies. But, If you don’t want to break up your family, then you’ll have to try to move forward, and try to rebuild again."
"Have you tried marriage counseling? If you truly love him and think he can change and you can forgive it’s worth a shot"
"Does the good outweigh the bad?"
"In my opinion trust is earned not given, if you don’t have trust what do you have?"
"Maam, in all due respect. If you end things now it won’t be you who has broken the relationship. This must be so hard for you. I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone."
"Seems like he just wanted u tied down so that you couldn’t just dump him quickly when you find out. But yes once a cheater always a cheater"
Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!
READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW: