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QUESTION:
"We matched on a dating app on the 5th, and we’ve talked every day since then. I actually met him today (16th) but I only met to take him to the airport and we did not have time for a proper date (he is from out of town). We had a great conversation in the car, but we didn’t talk about kids (we are both in our late 20s) so I didn’t just blurt it out. When he is back from his trip, we are going on a lunch date. I’m trying not to make a huge deal about it, but I also want to make sure I come off as honest as possible. We even followed each other on social media. I’m not the type of mom who posts their kids everywhere (out of safety concerns), but if someone did a true Instagram stalk they would find a post of my daughter (just the back of her standing up) skipping a rock, along with a poem underneath about me being her mom that I wrote. I doubt he saw this. I just feel like he would have said something. So in a nutshell I would love to hear from other single moms to one kid, about the best way to gracefully reveal to a date, or is it too soon on the first date since we are still getting to know each other? I feel like I’m overthinking this. I have not dated in years. Thanks in advance!"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"IMO you shouldn’t have gotten to meeting IRL without the kid on the table. You’re a package deal, and your potential partners deserve to know upfront so they can make the informed decision on if they want to date you. You’ve already let it go way further than I would. Some people don’t care if you have kids or not. Some people require you to have kids. Some people require you to be childless. So it’s best to not waste anyone’s time including your own, and just be upfront about it. What if he hates kids and doesn’t want them? Your time matters too. You don’t want to put all this energy out just to find out he hates kids do you?"
"If you feel like you have to hide your child, maybe you shouldn’t be dating."
"Even if the date is going anywhere or not. I always tell them I have kids from the very beginning. Kids are a big deal to some people. If you wait to mention it might be like an atomic bomb and a deal breaker. Some people don’t want to date someone with kids and that’s totally fine. That’s why the person deserves to know. It’s better to know from the beginning so you don’t start something that will end very fast."
"Don’t wait, do it now!"
"Idk, I personally just straight up have it in my bio so that they don’t get pissy if/when I’m slow to reply and also because she’s quite literally the biggest part of my life and I’d rather them have all the info upfront. I very much am the mom who probably overshares but the couple pictures I have with her on my apps have her face censored out."
"Ask him how he feels about children after a month. If he says he hates kids ditch him. He says he loves them then say “I’m relieved to hear that because I am really interested in you. I do have a kid. You don’t have to meet them now, just wanted to let you know that I am a mom.” I think a month gives him enough time to decide if you’re the one and not duck out just because there’s a kid but it isn’t wasting too much of his time as long as you pay for some of the dates. As long as you aren’t bleeding him dry on dates I think that’s fair."
"I say it upfront cause if they can’t accept the package deal then they ain’t allowed in my life"
"I'm a mom first and a girlfriend second. I dont introduce them but my son is brought up almost instantly. If you Cant accept i have a child im not wasting my time talking to you"
"Tell him first date, don’t introduce your kids until you’re sure he’s around to stay. Mentioning the kids and introducing them are not and should not be the same."
"Having a kid is something that should be told early on I reckon. It could be a deal breaker for him and not telling him only wastes the time for both of you"
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