Yes leave. Start on your own.
Whoa. Hold on here…wow.
Okay, six years…and walk now ??
No. The first year after having a baby is the hardest year. I dont care if you got 6 years or six months. That first year sucks. There is a lot of changing going on in BOTH your lives. He is no longer the center of your world, and you are no longer just his. He is a man 95% of men can not express what the problem is here. Heck, they may not even know WHAT exactly the problem is…just that things no longer “feel” right.
My advice ?? You have SIX years and a baby invested…you fell in love for a reason, you had a baby together, unless there were issues prior, why toss that away ?? Take a long weekend, just you and he…go away. Does not need to be expensive, or major. Camping, or a cheap hotel, and dinner out a night, and pizza in the next. No phones except to deal with babysitter…and give yourselves a breather to refocus on JUST YOU TWO…
Relationships are a LOT of work. Constantly changing, evolving, and growing. You have to be able to grow and change within them for it to work…
Oh and FYI, I asked mine many years ago during a rough patch about the sex thing…his answer was that sex was the only time he felt he was communicating to me, because I may have the words and explanations, but he did not…
I recently experienced the same, I left. I would recommend doing what you want before leaving and if it’s still not working then you’re already back at work.
I think you need to go back to work. Some need more than staying home, and that’s ok. Spend some time at a job and then see how you feel. Lots of changes for you both!
No, you need couples counseling. You need plutonic affection, and alot of men see sex as intimacy, and do not look for other displays of affection. The more you deny sex/intimacy, the more rejected he is. The more the only time he engages with you is for sex, the less you want it. You are also holding resentment for not going back to career, be careful because that may also affect bonding with baby. Children dont ask to be born, and once they are here they need to come before your wants or nice to have/do.
Were in a similar situation we dont comfort each other and were both struggling and we couldn’t cope anymore there was no intimacy it’s just ended on us breaking up on the 30th and it sucks it does but you need a day together see how you feel after that if you dont want sex you dont have to but he might be struggling to try and work on it. My boy is 4 month old to and we have just no time. Try going for a date have a good cry together and talk and listen both ends I hope everything works out for you x
No you are a hormonal , emotional mess who needs to be validated. Don’t be confrontational but let hi. Know you need to work to find your emotional balance and you can jointly find a caretaker for the baby.
Try to remember what you both fell in love with and work to get back there. Relationships are hard but walking away is easy, so let’s get back to working hard and making it work. By the way , every so often this will happen and you will wake up again and look at him like a stranger and you repeat this. It’s life, it happens, and you work through it , you don’t throw it away! Otherwise you will throw a lot of relationships away in your life
At the moment your hormones are all over the place + staying at home with a baby can really mess up with your emotions (especially if this is your first, is a dramatic change…)
So don’t make rushed decisions!, wait and try to work on bettering the relationship, it needs to come from both of you though!
If in 6 months nothing changes than perhaps is just not meant to be… But give it time
And don’t grow resentful of him being able to “go to work” and have that freedom… I know I have been on that boat! But as soon as your baby will get bigger you will absolutely be grateful that you had this opportunity to stay at home with…
Whoa! Please consider postpartum depression. All the red flags are glaring.
As a sahm, I can tell you it’s hard. You tend to feel neglected. Hormones are getting are getting sorted out. If you want a kiss goodbye, get a kiss goodbye. Stand in front of the door if you have to. There’s a lot if compromise in any relationship, but especially after a child is born. Our son is almost 5 and I’ve felt alone and like I’ve lost myself. It takes a lot of time and patience to get back to your old self. It’s not easy by no means, but if you want it to work, you both have to put in the effort. Withholding sex isn’t going to work. It might go in a direction you don’t want it to go. So just sit down and actually have a conversation, don’t just sit and dwell on it.
People show love in different ways he might not be the lovey-dovey type. Doesn’t mean either of y’all are wrong just might be wrong for each other. my husband is the same way I will get a kiss occasionally, but he never lets me or our kids go without. If you can get somebody to watch your baby and plan a date night where y’all interact with each other. I’ve dealt with my husband personality a long time, he’s not a cheater, just completely oblivious to the fact that women like us prefer affection over shows of power and gifts.if he ever goes out of his way to make you happy in a different way it could just be a different love language. Once I realized the difference in our love language oh, I was more accepting of the way he was. My husband loves me I see it everyday, he’s just romantically challenged when it comes to my love language. (personally I don’t think holding sex is doing anything but hurting your relationship more. I think it just leaves room for disaster)
staying in an unhappy relationship where your needs are not being met, is a disservice to yourself & teaching your child to accept less than you deserve. If you’re openly communicating your needs & he’s choosing to ignore them…then that’s not a happy or healthy relationship for anyone.
Personally, I’ve gone through those times with my husband… and I’ve told him that I wasn’t happy & explained why. He honestly tried to work harder on our marriage & everything changed for the better. I was severely unhappy after being a sahm for 8 years & went back to work. Things are crazy sometimes, schedule wise, but I’m happier.
Since you will have a baby to share forever you might try couples counseling first.
Is this a good group to ask relationship questions for between mother and daughter? I have struggled for years with PTSD and recently came to a head with my mother. I’m trying to understand where I should go from it, but have a hard time finding others who understand family structure or needs.?
Do you think that you may have baby blues, seeing your babe is only 4mths old. Perhaps you need to see your GP. What was your relationship like for the first 5yrs. Your husband is a young man, and wanting sex is natural & normal. If you left…what then, you have a baby to care for, on your own. I feel you have a lot to consider, before you decide to end your marriage. I recommend that you see your GP, or a therapist first off. Asking all & sundry and getting a variety of opinions may be confusing. People tend to have their story cloud their opinions, & they are strangers & don’t know you…All the best, whatever you decide. The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, & you have a young life to consider.
I think time is over due x several years
Alison Armstrong has a wonderful ebook to read called the queens code and her website is a wealth of relationship info www.understandmen.com
Also John grays book Venus on fire mars on ice.
Relationships take understanding and knowledge to nourish just like learning to be a good parent. Gotta seek out the wisdom to change your circumstances.
Hey so stop with the gameplaying and I don’t mean in a bad way I know that we all get territorial about things so I’m with a girl but you know what you don’t want to be at SAHN then Don’t be. Get a job if that’s what you want and then you guys can navigate the next phase of your relationship sometimes it makes it sometimes it doesn’t but sitting there complaining about what you want with me and can’t help you that’s putting in an in an impossible situation so you do you and let him do him and then see if you guys can come together
Go back to work. Being a sahm messes with ur head and it fucks up…least it did with me…
Sounds like you are done.
Both of you need to see a relationship therapist. You maybe communicating but he may not understand exactly what you mean, where you’re coming from, and vice versa. He may not know how to express how he feels. You are right around that time when most moms go back to work. Feeling the need to get back at it is normal. Everything is new for you both! It gets better. Just need to work out your needs, his, and the baby’s.
I would just walk away especially if he can’t understand that the little things count too a kiss goodbye should already be a normal thing and If he can’t do something small like that then why should he get to have sex??? I think you should walk away now before something bad happens and you’ll regret not walking away sooner I speak from experience as I have an ex who at first showered me with love and attention and spent time with me all the time but not even a week into the relationship he was pushing me to have sex I explained why I didn’t and he understood and apologized and didn’t bring it up for a few days THAT is when I shouldve left because after visiting my cousin we had a couple beers and well he ended up getting what he wanted I didn’t mind it in fact it felt awesome to not be afraid to have sex (I was sexually abused as a kid so night terrors and panic attacks are the normal for me) sadly once more a few days pass and he claimed he was going to his father’s to help him out nothing bad about that I think I saw him 1 more time and I didn’t hear from him during that time and I had moved on (his sister texted me how I was feeling and that she was sorry her brother had left me, I explained that he didn’t tell me that and that he was up at his dads house where she proceeded to send me pictures of him at her friends house doing drugs, drunk off his ass, and making out with someone on the couch I thanked her and didn’t talk to anyone at all I didn’t leave my room or anything)about two weeks later I came home from a costume party a friend of mine had invited me to and he was sitting on my moms couch playing a game with my sister so me being tired, a little hungover, and just basically done with the pos already I ignored him and he got mad at me for doing so and when he started accusing me of cheating I just started laughing and came out with the truth told him I knew everything showed him the pictures and to piss him off even more I told him I met someone better at the party who didnt push sex on me like he had a right to fuck me whenever like my ex would do was it true? Yep I explained my situation to the dude and he understood listened, and gave advice were still friends and still hang from time to time we would go out on fake dates just to piss my ex off cuz I’d invite his sister and her boyfriend to join us and she’d tell him about it and then she said she had to stop hanging out cuz her brother was getting out of control(it seems him and his brother have an abusive streak 100 miles long and wide where as I thought it was just his brother I learned I was wrong the hard way when he started abusing me physically and mentally) I know this is long but basically he doesn’t deserve to get what he wants if he can’t give you something small like a kiss I’d have already left and I hope you do as well
Watch out for the hormones tho. They tend to make a situation worse than what it actually is. I’m not hearing serious neglect other than communication and physical attention. Ones women prefer, the simplest, a Kiss goodbye. When my kids were that young I was on edge more than usual and took alot of things personally. Not just from my fiance but others as well. Relax. It can be stress on top of not really having time together. Alot comes into play when you have kids jobs and house duties. It’s alot. Just relax and see where the ball rolls. I wouldn’t throw the towel in right now. Just communicate and be each other’s peace.
People think that the relationship is unfixable when your needs aren’t being meet right off the bat. You need a mind set that this is your husband. You had a beautiful baby with him. Remember all the times that led you threw those six years. It’s not gonna be perfect the whole way threw. But for me. My fiance and I have been together 7years. Almost total opposites when it comes to emotion. But you gotta have the right mentality to work at it. It’s not just some dude you throw away for some not picking thing. And vice versa. Communicate. communicate. Not nag. Express your feelings. And don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Show your love and be true with it. If he loves you he’ll follow threw. I promise.
Maybe you literally have tried talking about it repeatedly and he shows no signs of caring that’s not right
Having a newborn is hard. I wish I had advice. I guess I do. Don’t stop communicating. I know you asked for advice and alot of it will be to walk away. Married 26 years now. Oh so much happens with a new baby and how attention shifts but ad a wife and Mom I say do what You can. It won’t be easy. I won’t lie to you at all. Try to take the advice and I pray for your family.
I feel like if you’re asking…you already know. You just need the courage to do so. Put yourself and your baby first. You want your child to SEE what a loving marriage should look like. Listen to your
The first year after the first child is really hard for everyone. I don’t know a single couple who didn’t go through a rough patch at least. I really feel for you. It’s so tough. Try some couples counselling. If you leave you want to be able to tell your child when they are grown up that you tried as hard as you could. It’s really really hard. No one ever tells you how hard. Best kept secret!
I can’t believe how many people are saying to just walk away. Being a sahm is very isolating and can become very difficult. But I’m sure shes doing what’s best for baby and family. But the only reason I’m saying no to just walk away is because at 4 months postpartum we all know how much our hormones are out of whack! And then readjusting to being a new mom, new schedule, staying at home all day, and just all the new stuff that comes along with it us hard to adjust to. Give it some time, speak with a counselor (marriage), speak with a doctor ( to rule out ppd) and talk to your husband. After all of this if you’re still feeling like walking away, then do so. But I would definitely give it some time before making such a decision. Just my thoughts! Hope everything works out for you and your family
I’ve noticed relationships, like other facets of life, go through seasons of good and seasons of bad. Circle of life, hakuna matata, blah blah, if you will. Hanging on through the bad will reap its own rewards, as long as there is no abuse. You do know that you don’t want to be a stay at home moma, and maybe you should get out there and get to work. You will feel better about yourself which in turn, makes your self-esteem sky rocket and that attracts others, including those already committed to you. Take some time to treat yourself, too, being a Mom is the hardest job I’ve ever accepted.
If you have to ask the question… I think that time has passed.
I say yes it’s time. If you’re having to reach out on social media then you already have that gut feeling it’s not right.