My boyfriend and I have a 4 month old and I’m a SAHM. I had a career before the baby and made it clear I didnt want to be a SAHM.(mostly because I had just started my career after getting my degree). Anyways lately I feel like theres no emotional connection with the father and I. We’ve been together for 6 years so I dont have a problem communicating my thoughts and needs to him. I feel like I’ve told him repeatedly how I feel. I’ve explained to him that a kiss goodbye in the morning would make me happy, it’s not like I’m asking for much. Recently I’ve been denying him sex (not as a punishment but more because it messes with my head that he cant be a companion but hell have sex). I’ve even explained why I dont want to have sex and he just stares at me. Is it time to walk away?
Yes hes neglecting you…
Me, oh yes, I’m out
He isn’t given you a kiss good-bye in the morning & you are holding back the ‘sex’ because of what he is doing. And yes it is time to walk away
This is how I feel so I’m following! Circumstances are different but sorta the same.
If you can no longer communicate and resolve issues, yes it’s time to leave before a deep seated resentment sets in. That makes it hard to co-parent.
Read the 5 Love Languages - you both are not on the same page.
Have you asked your doctor about post partum depression?
Try couples therapy. Don’t just walk away and tear your family apart and throw your 6 year relationship down the drain
When you ask this question…it’s TIME TO GO.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY.
TO BE WANTED.
My advice to every person in your spot…
YOU WILL NEVER EVER MEET THE RIGHT PERSON WHILE YOU ARE WITH THE WRONG PERSON.
Two people can NOT occupy the same spot.
There MUST be an opening for the right one to come in.
Ok ?
Having a baby is a big change. Kiss him in the morning. Make a habit of it. If it’s a recent change give your relationship time to adjust.
Jesus, grow up. You don’t purposely withold sex because your partner isn’t doing what you want. You just had a baby, your emotions, feelings and hormones are going to be all over the place. If there wasn’t an issue in the 6 years before baby, I guarantee your state is making one where there isn’t now. Right after having a baby is the wrong time to make a life altering decision. Are you prepared to share custody of that child because he isn’t kissing you goodbye in the morning? I suggest talking to your doctor and seeking a therapist before runing your relationship.
Marriage takes work, you won’t always have connection, you won’t always have the greatest communication, but what you do have is the will to make it work if you want to.
maybe talk to him and let him know that you’re talking about your needs and it’s not getting through to him and you would like to talk to a therapist.
They can help him learn better listening skills, better communication and get back to the feelings you used to have.
Especially after a baby, its stressful, things a re changing.
Doing something that maybe you’re not so happy with, making sacrifices and resenting him and his lack of affection.
Men and women usuly have very different love languages.
Learning you partners love language Allows you to do a little more for them in their love language and understand their love language a little more.
Time to either express to him the neglect is taking a toll on you and that mentally this situation will NOT last, or just walk away, if you feel you’ve done enough explaining. It’s hard but neglect combined with being at home with baby all day is a double doozy. Consider the last 6 years btw. Is this a pattern?
Blank stare imo is lack of comprehension. That’s not something you can do anything about. I have spent years fighting to be understood. I no longer fight that battle, bc it goes south.
Marriage counseling first. You may be misinterpreting each other or he’s unwilling to share because he doesn’t want to worry you or he’s embarrassed.
After you work on things for 6 months & it doesn’t get better, then go, but try something new first.
If he refuses to go to counseling, go by yourself. If splitting is your best option, work with a women’s center to do so safely and protect your assets.
Well you already resent him because you’ve become a stay at home mum, that didn’t need to be mentioned but you did anyway. I think you’ve forgotten that you both decided to have a baby so if you don’t want to be a SAHM, then don’t be. Put baby in daycare for like 1 day a week and go back to work if you want to, yeah you might not earn much after childcare, but you’ll be working.
Having a baby changes everything, and yeah walking away would be “easier”, but maybe speak to your doctor too to make sure it’s not something more complex, like PPD that’s making you resentful before making a permanent decision based off a kiss in the morning, which frankly, you can also do. People aren’t dumb, he probably feels your resentment and isn’t dared to even try and be affectionate since you’re now also withholding sex. See the cycle? So break up or break the cycle.
You gotta learn to love each other everyone has a love language, read the five love languages and since you been together for 6yrs you should know which one he has and have him read it too.
You’ve answered your own question. Move on.
Everyone has their own love language and it sounds as though you are no longer on the same page.
That doesn’t mean things are over; that means you both need to put in the work to keep the relationship.
You’re saying things he does (like not kissing good bye) are what’s bothering you but from the beginning of the post it sounds like you resent him because you’re a stay at home mom. I think you need to deal with that. I think you need to stop for a few minutes…you have every right to want and ask for your needs to be met.
But so does he.
Do you meet his needs? Do you try to? Im not talking about cooking or cleaning those aren’t emotional needs and clearly that’s what you’re both missing
I would sit down and try to talk (not demand) try empathizing with him. Set up a “date night” at home for after the baby goes to bed (movie snacks dinner whatever) and just be together for a little while.
Honestly if this is a new thing you might have PPD.
Jeez, it’s easy now for people to just walk away from a relationship just because they aren’t constantly happy…
Having a baby is difficult on a relationship. It changes the dynamics of your marriage. It’s not about anymore, it’s about your child. Yes you deserve to be happy but you won’t always be happy. Marriage comes with highs and lows. Your job is to make it through the lows. None of what you have said seem like issues that can’t be fixed. A kiss every morning before he leaves? Come on. You’re also manipulating him by withholding sex over petty things - I wonder what his side is? And could that be why you feel a lack of companionship? It takes two.
Start realistically looking at the issues and how you are handling them. Fix yourself and then address it with your husband. Keep trying to fix things.
At the very least some answers from him . If this is only since the baby , maybe it’s your hormones . . You could always way lay him when he is leaving & have a couple kisses . I’ve been married more than forty years . My man loves it when I initiate love . Good luck .
Could be he is feeling a little stressed with the pressure of a little one .
Put that baby in daycare and go back to work. If you didn’t/don’t want to be a stay at home mom, why are you?!?
The six year hump is a big one. Especially with a new baby. Don’t look to other people for advice, is the best advice I have, look to eachother. It’s only about you two, not what anyone else thinks.
If he’s not cheating or abusive I would give it time. You just had a baby. That’s a big change and the hormones and baby blues are real! Give yourselves time to adjust. Just my opinion though.
Leave… stay single.
I recommend this all the time because I did it and I am so happy I did! It’s called the 30 day love challenge and it took me 4 months to start it because I REALLY didn’t want to be nice to someone that I felt wasn’t loving me the way I deserved. That was 9 years into our relationship, it really worked and we’ve gotten so much closer and more affectionate and everything else it sounds like you are wanting. In March we celebrate 16 years together and every since I did the 30 day love challenge has been the best of those years and if by the end of the 30 days he isn’t treating you like a queen then you can walk knowing that you truly gave it your all. Google 30 day love challenge and if I remember right the most important thing is not to tell ANYONE that you are doing it.
The first few years are hard especially as a new stay at home mama, have grace with yourself and him for a moment.
Well… If you go into your next relationship with this same “it’s not me, it’s all him” outlook, it’s gonna be time to walk away from that one too.
Denying sex for any reason is silly. By doing so you’re telling him that sex is only for him anyway. You’re showing him you don’t need or wan’t it hence your ability to use it against him. Intimacy between the two of you is a relationship BUILDER. So all you’re doing is stunting y’all’s ability to grow as a couple.
A baby is a huge adjustment. Maybe stop and consider how it’s effecting him as well? Men aren’t immune to struggles with emotions, mental and physical changes. They feel it as much as we do. In fact, have you considered that not only is he struggling to adjust for himself but he’s also struggling to figure out how to help you adjust, or adjust in a way that won’t effect you?
Sounds to me like you’ve considered all of the problems you are having and have forgotten he is even capable of having problems himself.
You may think you’re perfect at communicating but little do you know… Men and women speak two completely different languages. So your perfect communication might actually be making it all more confusing for him.
Before you walk away maybe do some raw, honest, self-assessing first? And if you can’t then let him go find someone more interested in solutions than blame.
No, not necessarily. You have a new baby. Things can get a little weird in relationship with a baby. Me and my husband never fought before our son, then we started fighting like cats and dogs for a good while. Its settled down now, for the most part. Its a big change for everyone. He’s stressed. You’re stressed. Give it time.
Your kid is 4 months old…here we call that maternity leave, not being a SAHM.
Sex starts in the morning (once said by a man telling another man who was having difficulty in pleasing his wife for her to want him at the end of the day ) , the cup of tea in bed , the kind gestures , the check ins, the communication and little helping hands when he returned from work to make her feel appreciated enough to want him close
I think you need to really try to get through to him. So he understands where you are coming from. Would he consider counciling. After 6 years and a baby I’d give a chance before walking away.
It sounds like you may resent him(even if you dont actually think you do) for the fact you have to stay home. Try working on that and then work on communicating. A new baby is hard on any relationship. If you want to be with him then give it time, maybe try counseling.
If you are scared to lose him because if these problems/feelings tell him. I had to tell my SO I was scared I was losing him because we got on such different schedules and wave lengths when we had our son.
Find a marriage councilor. Find out why you should be together…
.
I went through this, he will never change.
When you are asking this to yourself 
Y’all need to give each other what the other person needs.
Withholding sex hurts. Think about this one for a little minute.
Find a daycare for your baby and go back to work! Who is stopping you from doing this?!
I would not recommend walking away from a 6 year relationship 4 months after having a baby. Your hormones are still out of whack…your feelings could be completely different in just a couple of months! Give it some time for things to settle down with you and the baby and reevaluate the situation.
Pretty much, what u need him for?
Find a daycare and go to work, it sounds like you resent him for having to stay at home.
And if you love him fix it and don’t with hold sex for the wrong reason.
If you love and care a bout some
One it should not be a bout sex.
Follow your instincts
Hmmm before you got pregnant would have been the perfect time. It’s a shame that a short year later you have nothing in common with him? You have something in common with him now for the next 18 years. Grow up, leave if you think it is the right thing to do. Know, that you will have to find a babysitter or a daycare center for the baby…or you can let him keep the baby. You never wanted to be a SAHM? That should have been thought long and hard about before you got pregnant. Sorry, no sympathy from this Gramma. My sympathy lies with that baby…who needs a good role model, doesn’t sound like you are it, perhaps the father is?
You never once said you loved him.
You are mad cuz hes not kissing your forehead??
6 years into relationship. Decided to have a baby together 5 yrs (give or take) into this. Baby only 4 mths old. Things are a little out of whack. Well sounds pretty normal to me.
First of all…yes, your hormones could be out of whack. You may have PPD or perhaps you both are just still getting used to this new one in the mix. Things sure do change with a little one around and it takes some adjustment that is a given. Cut him a bit of slack here too.
Second: Be the one to initiate kisses etc. Maybe he’s feeling neglected as well! Men are people too 
Third: I’m from Canada where one parent (or split by both) gets 1 year maternity/paternity leave. I think this full year helps!! Gives parents time to adjust. Gives baby a whole lot of nurturing that’s needed in it’s 1st year. My advice is to take a year if you can. Have some good loving fun with baby❤️
Include your hubby in that as well! When you’re ready to go back to work do so. It will make you feel more “whole.”
Finally … Marriage takes work. Forever!!
Both of you must work together and separately to make it through adjustments, disappointments, sorrow, and well…just getting through life’s ups and downs. No couple in this world is always on the up side of things. The main thing is to be committed to each other and your family at all times.
If you and/or your hubby shut each other out you’ll never make it. Love one another the best way you know how because I’m telling you from experience… THE GRASS IS HARDLY EVER GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE!!
As you get older you’ll appreciate the fact that you stuck it out when your children/ grandchildren are celebrating along with you!
Try counseling first and go from there. If he refuses that and doesnt wanna work on it then you need to let him know you need more and leave so you can be happy
He sounds immature. Give him a couple more tries to work it out but REALLY stress that you will leave him. If he doesn’t care or change then leave, I stg life is too short to settle for less.
Not even a good room mate
It sounds like you’re actually upset because you’re at home with the baby and gave up your career. I think there’s some underlying anger you’re not admitting or addressing and it’s easier to blame him for your anger than admitting it’s because you’re home with the baby. I would talk to your OB maybe you have PPD?
No I think y’all both are just going through a lot. Having a baby puts a big strain on a relationship. Y’all just need to work on talking
Work it out. Go to therapy. Get a daycare, go back to work. Sounds like you’re unhappy with your circumstances, so change them. The withholding sex thing sounds like a punishment to me. That isn’t going to fix or help anything.
You know it’s time when you ask on Facebook if it’s time!
Your hormones are probably still out of wack and you sound depressed. I went through similar stuff with my husband after our son was born and it went on for awhile. Then I went to mental health and got on meds to straighten out my depression and things with us got back on track. Now 3 years later we are expecting baby #2.
You being a SAHM has nothing to do with the “lack of connection” you feel. To be honest this sounds like a you problem. You didn’t want to be a SAHM and now you are and you’re bitter. So get a daycare and go back to work. Get counseling both together and separate
Having a baby
Adjusting to becoming a new parent is tough
I understand you completely as I sometimes have that problem myself and people around me just cant understand it no matter how I try to explain
They’d say they get it but truly they dont understand the excruciating loneliness
Your life changed a lot
You just need a break
Get you a day for just yourself while your hubs watch the baby (if he takes a bottle)
This just sounds like hormones all over the place to me
The Love Dare Book Challenge
Fireproof movie
Counceling
I mean it sounds like you already know it is.
Try counselor first… sounds like a miscommunication issue.
Yesterday, run away find someone who loves you your brain your child and loves kissing you a person who loves kissing makes you feel good.
You know when it’s time
Nope. Time to RUN away.
I don’t think the answer is just pack in in and move on. I see a couple of things here. 1. Go back to work. You didn’t want to be a SAHM. So don’t be. This will make you happier and possibly ease off your relationship. 2. You don’t have to wait on him to come kiss you. Wrap your arms around him and lay one on him. Maybe grab grab a hand full of booty. Give him something to think about.
You have a four month old. I’m wondering if you could be dealing with post part I’m depression on top of everything else.
You two just had a baby, that’s going to mix up everything as much as having a child is a blessing. No one explains how having a baby changes EVERYTHING. Is this feeling of the relationship being over new or have you felt this way for a while? If it’s new, then give it a little more time to make sure you really feel that way. If you have been feeling this way for a while then really think if its what you want and what’s best. Your feelings are important, but so is his perspective.
Communication is key I’ve been with my husband for almost 14 years hasn’t always been easy but we’ve learned to communicate better and now we are happy! Every situation is different but relationships take work and you have to be willing to put in the work and so does he! I wish you luck!
Here is my 2c…
I have been with my husband 7 years in total. 6 of those years married. We have been through new jobs, job losses, failed pregnancy test after test and a multitude of family issues for both sides of our family. One thing has never changed, respect for one another. Sure it was harder at times and we have had mannnnnny arguments. 2.5 years ago we welcomed our son into the world. Add a career changed for both of us (his new career and I’m now a SAHM) and we’ve had a BUNCH of new growth, however, it was anything but easy. Long talks, followed by couples counseling and church on Sunday. The point I’m trying to make is that any relationship worth having takes work from both sides. If and when one side is failing to put in the work, it doesnt mean necessarily that it is time to pack up and leave. Our society is so set in “you hurt me and wont change so see ya” which is why so many families are broken. I would strongly encourage you to sit down with your man and discuss going to see a couple counselor. If you have exhausted everything and your man isn’t wanting to work towards this with you, you will know what you need to do next. But start there. Dont give up. Pray about it, every step of the way.
Having babies changes everything. I would maybe give it time unless this has been going on longer. Kids are wonderful but that is a whole new routine. When I started staying home after we had our daughter we had I similar issue and in our case it was me dealing with not working and figuring out what being a stay at home mom meant for me. Could that be some of the problem? Staying home is hard especially when it’s not what you wanted.
Yep. If either partner isn’t willing to accept the others thoughts and feelings on a situation and work toward a resolution together, that sounds like it’s over to me.
I’m sorry. I totally understand and it isn’t asking too much.
My husband always kisses me bye in the morning. Even before I was a SAHM. We worked together, an hr apart and took different cars and he still kissed me. If he goes to the store, he kisses me.
If he sees I need a hug he gives it to me. He hates affection but gives it to me when I need it.
Your husband needs to understand he should be supporting you emotionally. Not just physically. There are nights when we want to but we are tired and we understand that. So we cuddle. That’s enough sometimes.
I hope you figure out what you and your baby need
NO!!! Do not walk out until you have done Everything- EVERYTHING possible to stay together!!! Even if you think it can’t work keep trying !!! Think about what made you love him in the beginning of your relationship!!! My kids are 50 years old and our divorce still effects their lives !!! And we never even had any drama. Their daddy has now passed away and there’s many regrets they carry due to him walking out when we could’ve worked it out. Stay together!!! Pray pray Pray. Even if it’s your first time to pray !!! Think of your baby !!! Healing takes a lot of time and effort!!! It’ll be all on you for a while!!! Just giving my opinion!!! Praying fervently for you !!!
I would also want to know what he is feeling. It’s good that you’re telling him what you feel and what you want but maybe hes not understanding your point of view still.
This could definitely be a phase after having a baby.
U have answered your own question when U no longer are sleeping together there’s a problem
No not time. Having a baby is stressful as it is. If you want to return to work go for look at daycares but just remember you can buy time back. If a kiss is all you ask go give him one after awhile he’ll come to you. Talking is the key to relationships. Take time out for yourself and couple time.
If you have to ask that question, you probably already know the answer.
When you have to ask that question.
When you have to ask questions like this on Facebook to strangers…
When youre asking the very question you just asked. Thats when its time.
To me, this seems a little trivial. If it’s only been 4 months since you had a baby, maybe you are having hormone issues. But it seems like your willing to walk away way too easy. Having a baby is an emotional time. (For everyone) Not just for mom. Take all feelings in consideration.
A good place to start is for both of you to read a book called The 5 Love Languages. It talks about how everyone speaks a love language and how to support each other if you and your partner differ. It really helped my marriage after I found out that my primary language is Physical Touch and why I would try and communicate my love for my husband through touch (hug, kiss, holding hands) but he ended up feeling unloved. He would try to compliment me because his primary language was Words of Affirmation. Compliments were nice but not terribly meaningful to me. We were trying to communicate to each other using the language that spoke to us rather than what the other needed. The book definitely opened our eyes and explained a lot about ourselves.
Have a read, discuss it with your partner and hopefully you will be able to reconnect. Babies are wonderful but can add a lot of stress to an already tense relationship but don’t give up just yet!
He’s just not that into you. Leave before either one of you cheats, if he hasnt already.
Not sure if it’s a deal breaker yet. Did you kiss each other goodbye in the mornings before baby arrived? You’re only 4mths in & if you are stuck at home all day it could be a bit of resentment that his world may not have changed as much, have you had much baby free time together since the birth? Or even baby free time to yourself? 6yrs is a long time to throw away it is still really early days in this new phase. Explain that you need affection without the pressure of it having to lead to sex. Try and set aside even half an hour an evening between babys bedtime & yours to cuddle on the sofa & watch a programme together help him realise that the tiny things make a big difference, I wouldn’t be giving up just yet.
If you have been together for 6 years and he hasn
And…a don’t get pissed when someone else gives him sex. 
Walk away. He’s not listening to you.
If you’re questioning and are unhappy, yes I’d walk away
He doesn’t seem to care about your feelings or he would compromise
Try counseling before you throw in the towel. Having a new baby, the changes, lack of sleep and everything is harder on ppl than you realize while you’re in it.
Sounds like it’s time to leave.
If your asking the question you already know the answer
Your baby is 4 months. Your hormones and emotions are at an all time high, and this is a difficult part of life. I wouldnt walk away because of this after 5 years.
Try taking time for yourselves…date night, or even in the house date night. Its important that through everything you still remember yalls relationship comes first.
She feels as if she has no purpose. Staying at home all day with a baby sucks. She wants a piece of herself back. I get it. Work on the relationship because I promise you being a sahm is way easier than being a single mom, from a single mom. You want a kiss. Stand in front of the door and don’t let him out till he lays one on you. Have sex. Yes have the sex. It will bring you closer.
Go back to work and put baby in daycare. You’re going to need to do that for YOU, whether or not your bf is around or you leave him. How much are you getting out of the house? SAH is uber isolating…
Go see a counselor together. Try to work it out so you can walk away with a clear head and heart. Been through something similar and when I called it quits my mind was clear and free of guilt.
Hi is a tipacul manwhat type of a life did u have before but holding back sex won’t help your relationship maybe figure out a baby sitter and try your career
Honestly, if you’re asking, you already know the answer…
Walk away start over
Wow so thought the whole family away is y’all’s answer? You need to learn that people don’t love the same. Let him love you his way. Forcing someone to do it your way will never make either happy. That’s like telling you to have sex cause that’s what he wants? Wouldn’t like it would you? People are so quick to make child and quick to leave. It’s a disservice to your child. I couldn’t imagine leaving cause i didn’t get a kiss in the morning
I think maybe you could be depressed from not working and having a new baby, I say get back to work… even if it’s part time… that could make a HUGE difference. Try some different things before just leaving.