When is a reasonable time to start a relationship after you break up with someone who you've been with for 6 years and had 2 kids with?

My husband and I were together for 2 months when we got engaged. Married with a baby and he adopted my oldest last month. :woman_shrugging: there isnā€™t a set time for relationships to be serious.
Now. I donā€™t know him so I donā€™t know if it would be possible for it to be serious that fast. But it does happen.

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If he cheated on you or not, it really isnā€™t of any significance now as youā€™re already broken up. If youā€™re concerned with your kids meeting her than tell him that but the rest of it is really no longer your business honestly and you shouldnā€™t want to know if he cheated or not at this point. Concern yourself with whatā€™s best for your kids and let the rest go, you will drive yourself crazy otherwise.

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I broke off an engagement in March and met someone in June. We got married 6 months later and have been together 7 years. I donā€™t think thereā€™s really a timeframe to define seriousness, and that it all depends on the couple.

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Iā€™ve got a jar of peanut butter in my pantry Iā€™ve been in a relationship with longer than heā€™s known that girl. 3 months is much too soon in my opinion.

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Gurl, come again.
Wrong question.
You donā€™t know where their relationship is. Nor should it matter.
Breaking up sucks. With kids even more. but you gotta be Elsa & just let it go.
Teach your kids to be good strong independent people and keep it moving.

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I took a whole year after my divorce. Best thing I ever did! You do you. Heā€™ll make his own bedā€¦.

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At least heā€™s talking to you about it and not just introducing them to her without your input. Heā€™s gonna do what he wants ultimately.

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I broke up with my ex husband of 17yrs, met my now husband 1 month later. We have been together for 4.5yrs. There is no time frame. I never expected to find someone so quickly, wasnā€™t even looking. Sometimes things just happen for a reason even if you canā€™t see it.

Put the shoe on the other foot for a second. Would you want your ex to be doing what you are doing if it was you who found someone quickly??

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Even if he didnā€™t cheat, he may have been emotionally checked out of the relationship long before you broke up <3 making it easier to move on sooner.

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After my 6 year marriage to a narcissistic abuser, it took me almost 2 years to start dating again! Sounds like heā€™s got a rebound to me, no one can heal and healthily move on that quickly after a long term relationship! :woman_shrugging:t3:

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It really depends on the person. Honestly dated my husband for 3 months before we moved into our 1st apartment. I had a kid already and he had 2. He went from his ex having the children and now they live with us. I provided love and stability for my stepkids in ways they were not receiving. So in the end, things worked out very well.

Children will adjust if there is a healthy relationship between both people

i was with my ex for 4 years broke up ā€¦met my fella week later dated for 3 months then got seriousā€¦just celebrated our 10 year anniversary and my ex is one of my bestfriends

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He can date when ever he wants. I would get a 6 month rule for meeting partners into your custody order at minimum ASAP

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I would only be concerned about if she doesnā€™t stay around the kids see that and its not stable. When I went through court our attorney said that 6 months is a general time frame before they meet the children. Since there is no court involvement is really is up to you two but arguing wonā€™t help so it needs to be a calm talk. Its about the kids not you guys.

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On one hand, it seems fast, but on another when you know, you know. Itā€™s hard to say. Itā€™s also hard to swallow seeing an ex stand up and be the person you wished for, for someone else. With kids, I understand your concern. Request to meet her first in a civilized and calm manner. Judge her on who she is and nothing else. A good stabilizing person might be a good influence for your ex in relation to his relationship with the children. Think of their well being first. As far as his dating her abs how long they were together thatā€™s between them, and not anything to be concerned with for you now, since you are not together any longer.

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Me and my ex broke up in may ā€¦ if he happened to meet a girl and wanted to introduce her to our son Iā€™d be okay with it :woman_shrugging:t2: itā€™s not really my business who he wants to date and if heā€™s comfortable enough to bring her around our kid then Iā€™d trust him with that decision

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It will be less stressful on you if you choose to just let it go. If heā€™s a good father thats all that really matters. Good parents wouldnā€™t bring a bad influence around their children. Things will be easier on your children if the two of you can try to co-parent as best as possible.

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I have a friend who has made an arrangement with her ex that they donā€™t introduce anyone new to the children until theyā€™ve been together for 6 months. Personally Iā€™d do a year but this could be a good way to keep your children safe from any break up and also allow them to have their relationship focused on them two for a bit.

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You are obviously still in love with the guy. You have to let him. There is no magic number you need to stay single for.

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Whenever you feel ready. Itā€™s different for everyone. After long relationships, it takes time to grieve the loss, even if you ended it. My ex and I were together 10, 3 kids, when we ended, he was talking to another girl only 2 weeks later. Theyā€™ve been together 3 years now. I only recently have gotten into a serious relationship.

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Husband and I moved super quick. Met in June introduced kids to eachother in July and by September we moved in together and found out we were pregnant ( planned pregnancy) when u know u met someone good , u just know. Together 8 years, married for 5. Pregnant with another one now. We heard tons of Comments from friends and family that we were moving too quickly but honestly itā€™s no one elseā€™s business. Kids are happy and taken care of, and we have an amazing life together.

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Depends how old the kids are, might be confusing as to why daddy is suddenly With someone else, Try having a civil conversation with him about it!

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There is no reasonable time. Itā€™s whatever works for that person, not you.

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I wouldnā€™t introduce my children to another person I was seeing until I knew it was going to be a long term relationship. At least 6 months. Not healthy to have adults coming in and out of a childā€™s life.

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I think sheā€™s more concerned about them meeting the kids yall.

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Focus on you and your kids. Be thankful that turd is gone. That isnā€™t love, thatā€™s called a rehab. She took out the trash. You have to heal, and itā€™s very ugly. Happiness is found within, and then when youā€™ve gotten you back, then try, but heā€™s all about the BS be happy itā€™s gone, and you arenā€™t being devalued anymore.

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All relationships are different some people marry after a few weeks and stay happy for the rest of their lives and some people marry after years and divorce very soon. Time is irrelevant when you know you know.

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I personally wouldnt introduce my kids to any boyfriend or girlfriend until a good 6 months into the relationship you want to make sure that it is serious and also you should get to know her or do background checks or something because you never know about people

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I could have wrote this! Woth my ex husband for 10 years. Me and my ex split up 3-4 months ago and he was still trying to get me back a month ago. We only split up because I found out he was taking drugs, he left to ā€œsort himself outā€. He now told me he loves her and has been with her 6 weeks and the kids have already met her withou me even knowing she exists. I have stopped them going there (because we agreed in mediation it would be 6 months after meeting someone). He sadly chosen her over his children and said he wonā€™t see them until she can too because she is now part of their life. Itā€™s pretty heartbreaking. When he FaceTime them she was there too. Itā€™s just a horrible horrible situation.

A 12 year relationship went out the window with 3 kids 3 months later wasnā€™t expecting to see someone and he loves my kids like theyā€™re his own

I say as long as that other woman (step mom) or will be one day is good to your babies then thatā€™s just one more person to love them. Thatā€™s all I ever cared about with all of the women my ex was withā€¦.there was a few! As long as that woman was good to my daughter and treated her like her own then his life wasnā€™t my concern. Kids grow up and see things for what they really are and she doesnā€™t choose to speak to him now (sheā€™s 18) but hasnā€™t talked to him since probably middle school. I let her make her own mind up about who he was. Not that your ex is that way Iā€™m just saying long as the step parents are good to the child thatā€™s all I ever really cared about!

Iā€™d say 3 months is not long enough for them to meet her. Iā€™m a child to a single father and he would usually wait at least 6 months before my brother and I would meet the person he was with.

People need to understand that time isnā€™t everything. Really understand it. Deeply. Your lessons with that person have been learned so the chapter has closed out. It is all a matter of duality, cause and effect. Your feelings do not define the situation, nor does the situation define your feelings. It is possible to connect with someone deeper within two months than 3 months, 4 months, 5months, a year. Time means nothing when it come to connection.

If heā€™s a good dad he wonā€™t bring anyone around the kids that isnā€™t safe. So thatā€™s up to you to know. But donā€™t worry about the rest. It might sting, but honestly itā€™s over so let it shift to good coparenting and leave the rest alone.

If you 2 are split up then its not something to be concerned about when it comes to him. Everyone and every couple are uniquely different. Be happy he is willing to co-parent and ask you first. She may end up his wife, you dont know that. She could be a positive, caring, loving, wonderful role model for your kiddos. Dont ponder and ask ā€œwhat ifā€¦ā€ cause nothing is perfect in this imperfect world. Good luck sweetie.

Yeaā€¦ I think your instincts are right but take it as a blessing in disguise, cuz theyā€™ll prolly continue to behave that way and tht relationship prolly wonā€™t last long eitherā€¦ Considering having kids is a serious relationship and it didnā€™t stop themā€¦I wouldnā€™t want my kids all up in the middle of tht messā€¦ Iā€™ve learned this lesson the hard way and my kids suffered for it in the end. Donā€™t think itā€™s a great idea to introduce kids to partners tht soonā€¦ People can pretend theyā€™re ok for longer than thatā€¦and itā€™s really hard for you to get to know who a person genuinely is in such a short amount of timeā€¦let alone be so seriousā€¦ Iā€™d respectfully decline that moveā€¦

With kids involved I believe it should be something you wait on. Regardless on how serious they are now, it could quickly switch because they are still learning things about each other! As to how soon he found her after you guys broke up? It shouldnā€™t and doesnā€™t matter. You canā€™t help how you feel about someone, despite the time frame.

100% cheated. It was the same with my ex. Was seeing some sketchy shit and he claimed I had nothing to worry about and that heā€™d never date her only to find out he cheated on me with her. Tried to blame me for a while that I was cheating yet, he cheated on me. Hes still with her

First: there is no time frame, whenever the person is ready to start dating again. Second: your split from him, does it matter if he did cheat with her? Even if he did, it doesnā€™t change the outcome. Though if he says it has been two months, it has been two months. You will drive yourself crazy if you speculate it all.
Third: it is no ones place to say what is serious or not except the two people involved. My husband and I began dating and within a month started trying for children. We were married 9 months later and have been married for 9 years in Dec with 3 kids.
Donā€™t worry what he does. If he wants to introduce the kids then make peace with it. He is an equal to you as a parent and entitled to decide who his kids meet (as long as they are not put in danger). Same goes for you. You never know what your future holds and you donā€™t want him to interfere with you moving on.

I ended a two year relationship and then just happen to meet someone like days or a week later.

Now we are engaged and been together almost a year.

So it is totally possible coincidence.

And theyā€™re his kids too. He should be responsible enough to keep their best interest in mind.

Maybe there should be rules on love and hurt but there really isnā€™t. For your kids except it and give them your approval to make their own opinions on his new love. They need to know your going to be ok with it so they can be. Move on, lifeā€™s short.

my daughters dad & I broke up after 5 years and babygirl was 3 months oldā€¦ she is 6 now and he has had multiple as in at least 6-8 girls introduced to her sinceā€¦ none of them are still around and my daughter still asks about the women he used to be with and he tells my daughter to have me meet up with them and check .

So I donā€™t believe 6 months is even a long enough time to be together. Especially if he is introducing the new woman in a bad way . Talking about being married to them and planning stuff with new girl.
If they could pass it off as friends and ā€œthis is my woman friend ā€œ for a little bit til they are seriously seriousā€¦ just my suggestion

It literally doesnā€™t matter. You guys ate not together anymore. He is allowed to be with/feel how ever he wants with someone new. Sorry but there is nothing you can do about it. And it will do nothing but hurt to wonder. Let it go.

I think she more concerned about kids ā€¦Me personally l think thats to soon l would wait at least 6 months an when you talk to him dont bring up past cheating nothing its about kids

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I say for any new relationship, there should be a set time before allowing the kids to meet the new SO.

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I dont know when my ex left me he said he wasnā€™t talking with the girl he was dating, but I dont think thatā€™s true. He introduce our kids as soon as he could that b.
But 3 months I think is waaay too soon. Maybe he thinks his relationship is serious and hope itā€™s true and heā€™s happy. But if itā€™s not, I donā€™t think kids should be involved on those kind of situations, talk to him and maybe convince him to wait a little bit more. Or in the last case you could ask him to introduce her to you before the kids, if he thinks sheā€™s there for the long run you need to meet each other since your kids will be around her too.

I was single for more than a year before I introduce my kids to my now husband.

Ehhā€¦ worst thing for kids is to see men or women come and go in their lives. Sucked when my mom had us living with every man she dated and then they broke up and we had to leave our homeā€¦and school sometimesā€¦over and overā€¦I didnt finish 1 grade in the same house or school until 5th gradeā€¦and thatā€™s because she died the year before

So yeah, I would say dont meet kids unless you are very seriousā€¦and some people know sooner than later in some relationships of its ā€œthe oneā€ā€¦Iā€™m married for the first time I my life and things moved pretty quickly with my man.

My husband has two children. I met him and met his kids after a month. He had just gotten divorced after being with her for 10 years. We have now been together for 8 years.

I donā€™t think that long enough to meet the kids they should date longer before she meets the kids

If we think this person you donā€™t know (do a background check) or the father is a threat to the well being of your children unless youā€™re married you have full custody! Even if he signed the birth certificate and that said if youā€™re married who ever had the child Has custody. Iā€™m pretty sure 2 months after seeing mommy and daddy together now some random girl he hasnt even had long enough know wants to jump right in and play step mommy? I will chose my kids everytime and if I had those messages or recorded call Iā€™d certainly deny custody! Itā€™ll turn those poor babies upside down! Daddy leaving is bad enough now new woman? Okkk. Trust your girl sweetheart! I stand with you!!!

The subject at hand is when is the appropriate time frame for bringing someone around your child. Your feelings are valid as you are only human. However, you guys are no longer together. Your feelings on his dating life or who he is with are irrelevant and vice versa. decisions are made based upon the childā€™s best interest now. You stick to facts and remove all feelings from the equation. He waited 2 months to want to bring her around which is great. He doesnā€™t have to introduce her as a girlfriend but rather a friend. Children do not know the difference at that age. My partner met my kids about 3 months after we began dating. They knew him as a friend. Later when I was comfortable with how the relationship was going then I explained he was my boyfriend. Your childā€™s father is not bringing random girls around her it seems. He seems aware of how to handle the situation. As long as he is a good father and she treats your daughter well, thatā€™s all that should matter. Be careful of what you say around your child in regards of their father. Despite what happened between you guys, she doesnā€™t need to know any of that. Your job as parents is to now create a positive, stable, and supportive environment for your child. All the rest let go of

Well my now husband and I were together 2 months before I met his daughter :face_with_raised_eyebrow: now we are married going on 8 years of marriage and 10 years together.

It sucks. Its painful. But new relationships happen. Dont waste time trying to make sense of it or feel like a victim.
Be accepting and set the tone for amicable co parenting. Youā€™ll eventually find someone again too.

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Me and my partner agree that if we break up, our kids wonā€™t be meeting a new partner until weā€™ve been together for AT LEAST 6 months and that we have to meet them before the kids do. We donā€™t want people to be in and out of our kids lives.

Everyone is different but men tend to move on quicker.

I introduced my husband to my kids 3 weeks later. My ex secretly beat me so he had no choices cuz he agreed to let the kids live with me.

Everyone has a different timeline for moving on regardless of how long the previous relationship was. A family member of mine was married 12 years and found someone about a month after the divorce was finalized.
If heā€™s a good father just leave the rest alone it isnā€™t worth it

Thereā€™s no reasonable amount of time. It varies. When i separated from my exhusband we both dated pretty quickly because our marriage was over long before we officially ended it. It was just taking that final leap that we avoided for a long time

Oh, trust me, he cheated! They always line up the next one before they ditch the one who stuck by them through it all!

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So what, hes moved onā€¦ it makes no difference what he did now. Hes gone and with someone else. Its time for you to do the same. But id wait on the introduction with the kidsā€¦ cuz if its serious you need to meet her tooā€¦ so maybe youll be able to ask questions but avoid questions about when him and her met. Youre not there for you at all youre there for your children and establishing rules and safety.

It dosent really matter. When youre ready go for it You cant control what he does

If he marry her ok but girlfriend no if he wants to visit them kids ok got to be careful.
If they donā€™t want to marry u they donā€™t love you.
Kids is the concern now nothing else.

My ex husband and I were separated for about a week before he got with his 2nd wife. Within the month, they were pregnant. I guess it all just depends on the person.

I waited 3 months but I had been separated for 2 yrs. I think setting clear boundaries when it comes to your children is vital.

If he will at all honor your wishes I would suggest to him that the children are already dealing with the heartache and confusion of their family broken into pieces with yā€™allā€™s split. Itā€™s one thing if you adults want to be with other people - but the kids are still reeling. I would suggest that until either of you have been with a new partner solidly for over a year that no introductions be made. The kids donā€™t want or need to know the new love interest, they just need their own parents loving and paying attention to them.
So many times mommy and daddy end up finding new girlfriends or boyfriends and the kids get to lose the new people that they get bonded to when the new relationships flop.

It might be. We were pretty sure we would end up married after the first week.

It doesnā€™t matter. Let it go. You guys arenā€™t together anymore. Work on co parenting. You will go insane over thinking the past.

I think it depends more on the kids being ready for all this.

My ex and I say 6 months for meeting the kids and I agree. Idk just seems like itā€™s good enough to leave the honeymoon phase and figure each other out enough to know if theyā€™re a good enough person to meet the kids.

Well yall were ONLY boyfriend and girlfriend no matter the Kidsā€¦ That shit changes day to day no matter how many years. You let him be the boyfriend Not a more responsible Maleā€¦So now you have to deal with a man-child. Get use to it his bed buddies will be a dime a dozen.

Girl same, only we were together for 14+years and he was with an ex friend of mine 10 days later. But he wasnā€™t cheatingšŸ¤”

My ex had a gf while we were together so not sure about time frames. Lol

My ex husband and I broke up and he moved in with a woman right away :roll_eyes:

Least you were toldā€¦ but yeah its too soon

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My ex got in a relationship with a person within a week of us breaking up. Moved her in with him a month later. The only thing Iā€™d do differently is make him wait 6 months to introduce my son to her. She made several inappropriate comments like she would unalive herself if the relationship didnā€™t work and also specified during one of their convos about if one of them ever cheated she ā€œknew how to use a gunā€. She said that comment in front of my son. I made it extremely clear that if another comment like that was made I would take him to court.

He is infatuated with ā€œnewness.ā€

Everyone is different and even the reason for your breakup changes the dynamic

Does it really matter. There are no rules on time frames.

You can ask him to wait, but unless itā€™s documented in court papers he can do what he wants.

You gotta meet her too, so you know who your kids are around

Itā€™s possible they actually just have a really good connection

Stop being bitter. Wish him happinessā€¦ Cause kids deserve seeing a happy dad even if thats not with you.

As soon as you feel ready to emotionally commit

Same boat, youā€™re probably right

Thatā€™s for the person in the relationship to determine.

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If you werenā€™t married, anytime you want.

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I donā€™t think thereā€™s a time frame for how serious a relationship can become

My rule of thumb his partner has to meet me first

My husband proposed officially 6 months after we met and he told me within 30 days he wanted to marry me. I think most times people are broken up before its official so how long it takes it move on really depends on the person. My stepson was 4 months old when I met him. But my husband had 50/50 so no drama and everything went good.

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Itā€™s different for everyone. I feel itā€™s a bit soon, but we also donā€™t have a say when our kids are introduced. My 12 year old has had 4 ā€œstepmomsā€ that never never made it to the alter. Iā€™ve held her crying about why the current ā€œstepmomā€ is no longer there. It sucks, but I donā€™t have a say in it.

It wouldnā€™t matter. Only thing that matters is if heā€™s a good father to the kiddos. You can move on whenever you think youā€™re ready. There really isnā€™t a time limit to move on. You do it when you feel like youā€™re ready.

as soon as it feels right

Really all that matters is that the children know their parents love them, and the new people who join your life need to be caring, respectful people who put your children before themselves. I hope the girl he is with, can be good to your children.
I am friends with my ex husbandā€™s girlfriend, I respect her, she respects me, and she is nice to my kid. Thatā€™s all I need

Yeah wow thatā€™s way too soon. Sounds like heā€™s trying to get over you so chances are it isnā€™t going to work out, either way I wouldnā€™t feel comfortable having him introduce your kids to her

Iā€™d slap him but thatā€™s just me 3 months too soon if itā€™s 6 months and itā€™s serious then yes introduce but 2 months like seriously yā€™all

If he didnā€™t wanna marry you in those 6 years he wasnā€™t in love with you ever

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When he starts dating someone is HIS business. I personally wouldnā€™t allow my kids to meet her until theyā€™d been together for like 6 ish months at minimumā€¦

Let them figure each other out before my kids get involved because if itā€™s short lived, then thatā€™s a whole awkward experience my kids didnā€™t need to deal with and no female 2 months in is gonna start to try being step mom to the kids of a man she barely knows.

Everyone is different. Some people are more serious early on than most. I for one am serious off the get go because Iā€™m not trying to waste time on someone. My boyfriend met my daughter a month in and be together technically 2 years in March. Itā€™s really honestly his choice to introduce them since you guys are split. Just because he may have ā€œcheatedā€ on you does not mean he really did just because heā€™s serious with someone now. Life is to short to waste time and quite frankly when having kids involved I couldnā€™t just date someone and never have my kids around. I do not want to waste 6 months to a year with someone just for them to meet my kids and then them just not like kids and leave. Iā€™d rather know sooner rather than later.

All that matters is he is a good dad to those kids and respects your choices and you respect his.

You have to let him move on, mama. Dont hold on to assumptions or accusations. That wont be good for your kids.
I cant even begin to imagine how much this must hurt. The breakup is still fresh and like it or not you must still have some sort of feelings for him. Itā€™s just human nature.
But just let him move on. Let your kids see him start over. You will start over too.
One day, your kids will be starting over from various things and it will help them to have a positive example of starting over and moving on.
Dont hold on to those negative feelings. Unless youā€™ve got proof that shes abusive or dangerous, itā€™s only going to hurt your kids if you try to keep him from introducing this woman (or future women) to them.
I know it hurts, girl, and Iā€™m sorry. But for your own peace, and the healthy emotional growth of your childrenā€¦just let it go

Too soon to meet the kids.