I have no advice just wanted to let you know that you are a great friend💚
9 Likes
I was in this same situation. I held off telling a very close friend of mine and she found out when she over heard someone talking about that we know. She was so upset with me for keeping it from her (her son was born at 23 weeks and passed 10 days after) and I was so upset for her I didn’t want to say anything to her. She was upset that I didn’t tell her and kept it. She was still very happy for me and there were lots of hugs and happiness
Big hugs! I have been in your shoes but also in your friend’s. Just sit her down and tell her. Don’t hide it because then it will make it worse when she finds out, don’t let her find out from someone else. Understand that she may be sad, but I’m sure she will be happy for a bundle of love for you. Prayers for both of you and lots of love 
4 Likes
Try drinking non-alcoholic eggnog. If you like it, of course. ( Plains is the best brand, Ive found). Watch the fireworks displays. Enjoy any card games or whatever. Tell her you new years resolution is not drinking alcohol for now. It puts weight on you. Youd not be lying. Then after 3rd month, you can let her know. She will be sad but she has to learn to asjust. The world is not going to stop, just for her. A good friend will be happy for you.
1 Like
Just be honest and tell her. Maybe talk to her before hand. Let her know you wanted her to hear it from her not anyone else.
Congratulations…I’d tell your friend that you are expecting another child…and ask her if she would be the baby’s God Mother…
9 Likes
You need to tell her face to face. And tell her that you love her so much and want her to hear it from you and you.
I am not sure I would mention her miscarriage.
Because when it was fresh for me the emotional pain was debilitating.
1 Like
Other side of this… I lost my baby … My best friend was afraid at the time to tell me… It hurt more that she didn’t tell me… I was apart of her pregnancy … And her baby .It brought me so much Joy to be able to do that… Be honest and tell her… Let her cry she probably may… But also let her enjoy your baby … It’s a great gift to share with her…
4 Likes
You sound like a very caring friend but I would tell her in advice beforehand and not in a group
2 Likes
Coming from someone that struggled with infertility for years, I was more hurt that I heard from others or that someone didnt feel they could talk to me. Just talk to her openly and honestly one on one and let her know your news. You do not have to bring up her current loss but just let her know that you wanted to take her feelings into consideration and that you love her so much you wanted her to hear it from you and nobody else. Im sure deep down she may have some hurt not against you but bc of her loss but she will be happy for you and will love you and your bundle of joy. Congratulations!
2 Likes
Your a very good friend for being so sensitive and careful with the situation. I think you have 2 options tell her now, or wait until you are a little further along yourself.
Honestly just tread lightly at first and see how she responds gland go from their she could be very excited or be excited but hurting inside if she’s truly is your friend she will probably try to hide her pain just give her love and reassurances that you will need her love and support and that she needs your love and support and that you are both in this together for both the good and the bad and this baby would love to have an auntie like her 
My sister in law,got pregnant for my nephew (he will be 2)and she told me(I’ve lost 2 babies)and,all I could say is,I’m beyond excited for you.I would tell her a few days after nye
When my daughter passed I baby sat all the time it was the only thing that helped me get threw honestly 
children’s love and laughter cures so much and just the way they fill you with distractions …. I lost my first baby girl she was 6 months but a year later I have a healthy happy baby girls and now I have three extremely healthy happy babies after I was told I wouldn’t be able to have anymore children hold on and just be loving and careing like you are
2 Likes
My husband and I have been trying, and have had 3 miscarriages. It will probably make her sad, which is understandable. But she will still be happy for you. Just have her over and tell her.
First off you’re clearly an amazing friend ! As someone who struggles with fertility , it’s still such a beautiful experience to be there for friends and loved ones. Like someone else suggested ask her to be God mom . It will be such a special thing for her and you as well good luck
Tell her just like you told us. Not on NYE but privately, and make she doesn’t hear from the grapevine first. Invite her to fender reveals and showers, but express her there is no pressure to attend. There is no pressure to see the newborn at first.
I wouldn’t tell her at New Years! She just lost a baby. She is hurting. She wants to enjoy New Years, not hear about baby news when she just lost hers. I would wait.
From someone who has been where your friend is - it is more hurtful to not be told than to be told. I had a close “friend” who did the same to me during our struggle and after 20 years of friendship it really was worse that I was the only one who was not told. Include her in everything if you can. Don’t exclude her from a gender reveal or a baby shower. But also respect that she may not want to attend these things. She may be upset at first but that’s something she has to work through. In my personal experience it hurts more when your specifically excluded because of the journey you are facing
3 Likes
Can you pull her aside and tell her now so she has time to digest by NYE? It will hurt her more if you hide it from her and its going to take her time to digest so telling her right on NYE could impact her night. Tell her as soon as you can and just be gentle and empathetic to her situation.
3 Likes
Be gentle when telling her but maybe tell her and ask her to be the god mother given the circumstances
2 Likes
Tell her before the party, privately. Let her deal with the news before you are suppose to be celebrating the new year
1 Like
U can only hide it for so long. Be truthful, maybe make her the Godmother? I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck and Congratulations
I would see if you can see her before and tell her with just you and her. Tell her as gently as possible and how you feel about her and how much you love her. I have had infertility issues my entire life and was blessed with a miracle baby after 9 years. I’ve been in her shoes minus the loss. Just be gentle, loving, and the friend that you are.
2 Likes
Also I love the godmother idea. This will mean the world to her.
1 Like
In 2012 we were adopting a baby girl. After 3 months we were forced to give her back (long story that worked out the way it should). They she went back my best friend who is married to my hubby’s cousin found out she was pregnant. She was so scared to tell me. The day after our daughter left my father called her and asked if I could escape to her town for respite. They said yes. My friend did not want to tell me but her hubby said she needed to or he would. I was so happy for them. I would never want my grief to take away from someone else’s joy. That child will be 10 this year and we have a special bond that can never be broken.
5 Likes
What a caring friend you are! Ask her to be the baby’s godmother.
4 Likes
Tell her now" just like you have told us "
1 Like
Tell her before the party and be kind and gentle about it. Ask her to be the godmother as well.
5 Likes
When we were struggling to have children, my 16 year old unmarried sister had twins. It was really rough was back in the day when single young girls did not get pregnant.
Perhaps, if okay with husband, share this pregnancy & baby with her fully.
Bring her to appointments, ask her opinion on names, decorating nursery, throw a small shower together, have her at the birth, let her help as much as she wants when baby is here.
You certainly can’t replace her child, not would you try, but you could bring joy to her by sharing your child & giving both your best friend & your child a great gift. Then top it off with making her the child’s God Mother, if she accepts 
3 Likes
This happened to me. My husband and I had a loss. Then struggled with fertility for 7 years having to do fertility treatments and friend after friend would tell me they were pregnant. Some were nice about it some were not. I struggled emotionally with it all because of the loss and then having no luck and the luck we had twice we lost again.
Talk to her privately. Before you are supposed to see her. She will be distant but let her handle her emotions and give her space.!
Praying for her!
Congratulations, you should enjoy this blessing! Just be respectful of her and how she handles it.
1 Like
As someone who suffered fertility and pregnancy loss for years… she’s your friend … just pull her to the side and calmly tell her the truth. It did hurt when everyone around me was having babies … but I was always genuinely happy for them. I just wasn’t a fan of baby showers
You’re an amazing friend!
. Congratulations to you and your family.
3 Likes
FACE TO FACE!! Just be gentle, soft spoken, and open. Let her know that you feel her pain, and you don’t want her to be sad, but you don’t expect her to jump for joy at the moment. After our loss everyone was scared to even say the word baby around me. They treated me so different, and fragile (which I was at home with my hubs but not to anyone else) I had someone close to me and I mean CLOSE tell me over Snapchat she was expecting and said it as “Omg I’m pregnant!! I’m so excited. I didn’t want to tell you cause you’d cry and don’t understand the excitement cause you just lost yours” that was in 2017. It still hurts how she did it. Maybe do something special as in a few little treats and with a very sentimental card asking her to be the godmother. Let her know that in due time she will be an amazing mother! But until then, you’d like her to be a second mama to your babies? Everyone is different and only YOU know your friend and can talk to her how you need to. Good luck
2 Likes
If you’re not ready to tell anyone yet, just say it’s a new years resolution or you’re the designated driver.
I am the friend who struggles with fertility. Had a loss Nov. 2. I am still genuinely happy and love celebrating with my pregnant friends when they announce.
She may have a hard time interacting for awhile. I’d say just be a good friend, and ask how you can best be there for her.
I’ve had 7 losses.It’s hard, but being isolated and peoplebekng awkward was even harder
IF she is a good dear friend… She will be happy for you regardless. Yes it’ll sting. But it shouldn’t change your relationship. Be up front about how you feel and what’s going on… Honesty is the best way.
1 Like
Im interfile since 16 im 25 now have her involved in everything thats what my best friend does
I thought I had to hide my surprise too because my SIL struggled for years. But, her struggle isn’t yours. If she can’t be happy for you I’d question your friendship. You didn’t get pregnant to hurt her.
1 Like
Bottom line is you have to be kind but do what you have to for your happiness also. I had a friend i had to constantly consider her feelings to the point of not doing what was best for my self and my family.
Call her or message her ASAP and just tell her gently. That way she can decide if she can handle New Year’s and this news together or if she needs some time.
1 Like
I would ask her to be the godmother if y’all do that and include her in all your pregnancy appts. Let her know experience your joy with you.
6 Likes
She needs to know how tore up you are about this, not so much about her recent loss as much as your fear that you may resent your child if this news causes you to lose your dear friend, if she’s close to you emotionally she’ll sense your conflict and embrace, if she is still so raw from her miscarriage that she would throw your friendship under the bus then pain wins
1 Like
You’re a great friend for having her feelings as a priority 
2 Likes
Why not take her for coffee before the party (just you and her) and tell her so she has time to adjust, in place of just dumping it on her
4 Likes
Firstly, congratulations!
I am on the other side of a similar issue so here’s my two cents…
My sister found out she was pregnant on the exact day I found out I had miscarried. We were equal time along and I was wholly devastated. I am so happy for my sis and want to support her as much as poss, but it physically hurts me to see her going through all the experiences I should be sharing too. I’m happy to receive updates and things to know everything is going well, but I have distanced a little because it’s just too hard to see her growing and changing. If she had any issues or needed me, I’d be there in a second, but generally, seeing her feels like the constant reminded of what could have been.
I would suggest being open with her and allowing her to feel however she will, support her but don’t push and if she needs to step back a little, make no judgements and stay open to her whenever shes ready. It truly is difficult to be on the bad side of such a situation.
Good luck 
7 Likes
I’d sit her down one on one and tell her gently. Its better to hear it from you then someone else and let her know it may be hard for her but youd still like her support.
1 Like
Just be honest with her about it, because the last thing you want is for her to find out from someone else, that will hurt her because then she will think you don’t respect the Friendship enough to be honest with her!
You can always tell her your the dd for the night so the would cover that. But I am sorry for her loss
Ask her to be a part of EVERYTHING invite her to the sonogram, and maybe ask her to be the God mother. And tell her how your heart feels toward her:heart:. You seem so sweet and genuine 
1 Like
Tell her before you go visit
2 Likes
You aren’t drinking because you want your family to get home safely. Not a lie at all just leaving out having to tell her right now. Think about how to tell her, when it’s a good time tell her.
1 Like
This exact thing happend to me with my best friend I had fertility issues and hot pregnant lost baby at 9 weeks and a couple of weeks later she found out she was pregnant with her 3rd , I was more hurt she was scared to tell me, I love her and her kids and was so excited for her. I say tell her and involve her. Best of luck
1 Like
If she’s truly your friend, yes she maybe hurting but she will support you regardless
My partner and I got pregnant on our first try on our 1yr anniversary… while his best friend and wife had tried IVF I think 13 times?
And because of COVID I still hadn’t met them yet as they lived in another state but talked to them all the time on fb.
We were both terrified to tell them. More so me because I hadn’t met them and I wanted for them to like me because my partner is abit of a hermit and doesn’t have a lot of friends, so the ones he does have are his family too so it was super important to me that they liked me… and we had just done this, obviously not thinking it could happen on the first try.
So the day came where his best friend ask us if we were thinking about kids… and we just decided to suck it up and tell them
And surprisingly they were pregnant with twins, but they said regardless if they were pregnant or not, we were idiots because they would have been so happy for us because our story is different to theirs.
And now we have combined, 3 beautiful babies- 
Tell her mama. This is your happy news. You’re not trying to hurt anyone.
I completely get this. A few days before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, my sister, my beat friend and I were having a conversation about kids. They both wanted one so bad and I didn’t. I was just fine with my 7 year old. I had 2 miscarriages at that point so in my heart I was done. Well… I was actually pregnant during that conversation. I was so scared to tell them. I eventually did and they was so happy for me. Everybody isn’t the same but you gotta go in with confidence and a whole Lotta love
1 Like
I’d honestly have a conversation with her . Like just you and her . Let her know you love her and will be there for her , and if she needs to take time away from you for a bit to collect her feelings and process it …. She can . I know she will be happy for you , but her own loss will crush her . Take her out to dinner , or bring her a self care gift . But make sure you tell her face to face , just y’all two . She will appreciate that , I know I did .
3 Likes
This happened with me and my best friend she was trying with no luck, and I was actively trying NOT to fall pregnant… I burst into tears thinking she would hate me but she didn’t she was there for me regardless… things ended with needing a termination and she was still there holding my hand keeping me calm, holding back my hair when I spewed… a true friend would be there for you regardless just be honest and gentle
4 Likes
I was the one who’d had a miscarriage in this story. I was so sad that my friend felt she couldn’t tell me. I was so happy for her (even though I cried later that night). I would tell her and trust that she’ll be happy for you. After all, she’s your friend.
4 Likes
I had the opposite friend after my miscarriage she never asked how I felt. Though she was pregnant before me she never checked to see how I was at any point but made sure she sent me everything from every visit. Not even a week after my loss she sent me a video from her ultrasound.
My sister and my cousin are going through infertility and two of our cousins are expecting. It could have been brought up in a different way, my heart hurts for them both. Be kind, have a one on one with her and do let her know how you feel…and if she needs time to adjust let her. Let her reach out to you for updates, don’t just send them. You sound like an amazing friend!
1 Like
I went through a loss in August. I have distanced myself from expecting friends, as it’s too hard for me to hear about what I should be going through. Your friend may be the same, give her time if thats the case. The only expecting friend I speak to is someone who went through years of fertility issues and has not ONCE rubbed it in my face, and only ever brings up her baby when I ask her about it. However I’m sure that’s also difficult for some people to do. I think take her out 1 on 1 to tell her, if she cancels tonight don’t be mad, if she distances, be understanding. Losing a child is one of the worst feelings, and it is so hard seeing people go through it with no issues. Fingers crossed she can come back and enjoy that special little baby with you soon.
3 Likes
Tell her your on antibiotics so can’t drink
1 Like
So this exact thing happened to me as well. My very best friend got married after I had my first baby. They started trying immediately to get pregnant- but she was diagnosed with PCOS & they couldn’t get pregnant. They started looking into adoption or surrogacy. I was actually planning on being her surrogate if they chose that path. They instead came very close to adopting a baby boy- the mother changed her mind after he was born. They were devastated. That same week- I going out I was pregnant with my second baby. I was so heartbroken for her. I was terrified to tell her about my pregnancy. Not because I thought she would be mad or hateful- but for the same reasons you stated above- I loved her so much & didn’t want to add to any of her heartache. I didn’t want to make her feel like I was rubbing my fertility in her face. I was so distraught over it. Her sister is also my very best friend- she ended up telling her for me. Right after- I was asked by her sister to give her space while she processed it bc no one really knew how she would react.
A few days later- She asked me to come over so I did. She didn’t say anything when I got there, just took my hand & led me to her room where she had a little bag on her bed. She pulled something out of the bag & turned to show it to me- it was a newborn onesie she bought for this baby I was so scared to tell her about. She just smiled & said she was so excited for me & that she loved me very much. I broke down & cried. We both hugged & cried for a long time.
She was there at the hospital when he was born. That baby is 6 now- she is still very present in our lives & the kids know her as aunt pookie lol.
I also want to add another very very incredible factor to this happy ending- two years after I had the baby- she found out she was pregnant with a little girl. I was given the honor of being her godmother & she is our little miracle girl. She also had a second little one- a boy - a year ago. She was told she could never have children back then- but now she has two. 
I know it’s hard, and I know the exact feeling you are feeling. It helped to have someone else- close to both of us - tell her. It gave her time to come to me when she felt comfortable to & gave her space to process it before reacting. There’s so many emotions in this kind of situation.
I had to share my story here bc it is so much like yours. I hope you have a very similar ending! 
sending you lots of hugs & lots of love honey!
4 Likes
I unfortunately was on the other end and got told on Christmas in front of a group of people… of course I was happy for them but it really upset me and I had just started my period so was even more emotional and ended up crying in front of everyone. She knew exactly why I was crying but still had the audacity to ask my why also in front of everyone… it was humiliating. With that being said I would just maybe try to make it personal and just the two of you in case she does get upset… best of luck!
2 Likes
Privately tell her. Let her be upset ask her what she needs and if she wants to be part of your milestones. Let her know that she can come to you anytime for a shoulder to lean on. Let her distance herself if she needs, don’t hold it against her.
1 Like
I think if you two are truly the best of friends she will be happy for you. Talk it out. Express how you’re concerned about her and how she REALLY feels and go from there.
1 Like
Tell her one on one, have a private moment and just talk to her before the night gets on and before you start to drink. Don’t make an excuse as to why you can’t drink, honesty is always best. Let her know how you feel and any concerns, she will appreciate how you handle it. Congratulations to you and your family, how you have worded this post just goes to show how much your friend means to you. Beautiful, all the best to you and your friend.
3 Likes
I went through this after my son was born 8 years ago. If she gets upset she’s not upset because your pregnant she’s mourning the loss of her pregnancy but she is still happy for you no matter what. Ask her how she feels and what her thoughts are. Remind her you will always be her shoulder to lean on.
3 Likes
Thank you so much for being considerate of her loss.
I have lost a few babies and my best friend stopped talking to me about her pregnancy which hurts more. Honestly just tell her. I’m hurt for me and my husband but excited for her and her fiancé. It can go both ways.
1 Like
Just tell her like you would any other person, don’t make it a thing. Depending on her personality it could be more awkward if you make it about her infertility instead of the happy news.
1 Like
Okay so I’ve been on the receiving end of this. A couple times. And it’s better to just put on the big girl panties and rip the bandaid off. She’ll be happy for you. Her grief will be there but it isn’t because of you. She might distance herself. But definitely do this before the part because you do NOT want her feeling cornered or like she can’t show her emotions in a crowd because she WILL ask what’s up with you.
Tell her asap and in private. She will be happy for you…but sure it will be bittersweet.
Tell her now. Mabey ask her how’d she feel about becoming a God mother!
(considering, you’d like her to be one)
3 Likes
Idea 
Why don’t you let her name your new baby? To have her develop some sort of maternal connection to your baby ? And Turn it all into something positive. just an idea
4 Likes
I wouldn’t tell her yet, I would just say I’m not drinking due to some medication I’m taking at the moment.
2 Likes
Tell her and ask if she wants to be the god mother of the baby if that’s what you both want
6 Likes
I would wait as long as possible to tell her, since her loss is so recent. As far as New Years, tell her your stomach has been acting up & you’re worried alcohol will cause you to run to the bathroom… or make mocktails.
5 Likes
Yes tell her!
As someone who has had many losses 13 to be exact and I’m a mum of soon to be 5.
My friend lied to me I asked her flat out in my own home if she was pregnant and she said No she was 20 weeks. She didn’t want to hurt my feelings but I can tell you I was so excited for her and her family as I knew she also struggled with fertility and I was so disappointed that she thought she had to lie I would have loved to have been there with her on her journey.
4 Likes
I’ve lost a few and was hurt when my BFF didn’t tell me about her beauty when I was going through my loss… I was happy for them either way just big sad they tiptoed around me… but thats me.
2 Likes
Tell her before the party so she has time to process it all.
7 Likes
Tell her before the party. I’ve been on both ends. Feelings of her loss and happiness for you will be a rush which is why you shouldn’t wait. Also consider if her spouse/significant other is there it his loss also so he may not be able to handle the emotions in front of a crowd.
4 Likes
Just tell her. And then give her space to feel however she is going to feel. She’ll feel guilty for being jealous and hurt, but she’ll be so excited for you. It is going to bring her hurt to the front, but she’d be more hurt if you don’t tell her and she finds out.
4 Likes
Tell her straight away, I promise, there will be tears, but she will be your strongest support through this pregnancy and you will be hers for her journey also! My best friend went through multiple losses whilst I was pregnant, I was her rock. She was mine when I lost my first daughter at 17 weeks. One of her losses happened to be 17 weeks also. I needed her more than anything and was nothing but happy for her as she was for me.
If you delay this, it will break her, I know I’d have been hurt if my best friend held something so huge, I know she’s hurting
4 Likes
#1) Do not lie!
#2) If she’s as good of a friend to you as you are to her, she will understand and let it be a blessing.
Good lucK!
2 Likes
Just be honest with her. Tell her one on one and help her to look into things like adoption if fertility doesn’t work for her. You need not worry if she’s a true friend she will be delighted at your news x
You’re a good friend and she’s lucky to have someone in her life who truly considers her feelings.
9 Likes
Tell her ur on antibiotics and can’t drink lol or kindly hint around to her that you MIGHT be pregnant but you do t know yet.
People feel left out when they aren’t told and tip toed around. It may be hard for sure certain moments and thoughts but she will be happy for you and glad you didn’t stop sharing or talking with her
2 Likes
tell her however you like, I just want to add, YOUR A LOVELY FRIEND, she will be happy for you, xxxx
5 Likes
Tell her after the Party ffs
Are you that much of an alcoholic that you are expected to drink on NYE ?
Don’t take a chance on ruining your BFFs good time and party just so you can feel better
Tell her afterwards and that will give her all the time she needs to process YOUR good fortune
Congratulations on the new Baby
Happy New Years
3 Likes
Just tell her what you wrote hete! Tell her you love her and everything you wrote here.
1 Like
Tell her before or after, I wouldn’t tell her AT the party. Infertility is so hard but that won’t mean she won’t be happy for you. She may hurt but give her the respect of telling her and let her know that you know this is hard and you will give her as much room as she needs. I was so happy for my friends when they were expecting even though I was sad and hurt and I wanted to support them. Give her the benefit of the doubt
Tell her. You can’t hide your joy.
I had a friend who lost her little girl to cancer-I never told her I was pregnant (didn’t see her for a while) and at her wake she looked at me in total surprise and said “omg why didn’t you tell me”?! She was happy for me even though she was going through her very own torture.
1 Like
Make a quick onesie or find a onesie that will include her. A gender neutral. Make her like an aunt to your baby. Include her through the journey and let her hold baby and be apart of baby’s life. Tell her before party so she has time to process it all.
1 Like
Honesty; just tell her !
Did you just find out today? Don’t tell her today. Can’t it wait a few more. Just tell her you have a slight headache and feel queasy so would rather not drink tonight.
1 Like
As someone who lost my first pregnancy in October, shell be happy for you. Itll hurt a little, but she’ll be happy for you if she’s really your friend.