They should be able to wash themselves by 3-4 years old. Just put the soap on the rag or whatever for them and let them do it. Kids are smarter and more capable than most parents give them credit for.
He is WRONG & pouring cold water on her is WRONG it’s cruel, and it’s abusive……they still need help!!!
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Maybe washing her body at 4 yeah but not her hair! And im sorry but pouring cold water over her head is child abuse and ur daughter should NOT allow that kind of crap! Wow
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That is cruel and should be reported…my 9 year old I help, she does the big stuff then I go in and do the harder stuff and make sure she has scrubbed all the other stuff, especially her neck and elbows. Now my 8 year old I dont have to help, I always ask did you wash x, y, and z and she says I know mom, I did. Now my 5 year old never wants to bathe, he is always tired or hungry or bored or he wants to play, I help him, I am trying for him to start washing himself. I mean why is it so hard to help kids no matter how old they are, just like isnt that being a good parent. I mean I would rather help then someone say my daughters neck is crusty. Just me though.
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She is 4…she is still learning things, and still wont have really any memory from this age when she is older. 4 yrs of age, still pretty much a toddler. This age they still cannot control or kno what to do with their emotions. This is sad and i would consider it abuse. Instead of pouring cold water on her head, why doesnt he help her… This could seriously do some emotional damage
My kids have been washing themselves since 3 with my supervision and instruction. By age 4 they knew what to do and didn’t need my supervision.
I just now started letting my 7 year old do it on her own. Every kid is probably different but I personally think 4 Is too young
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My 4yr old washes her body in the shower and I do her hair. I still help my 8 & 9yr with their hair when it’s needed.
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My daughter is 4 and I can leave her to her play with her bath toys and watch her Netflix shows on her tablet (sits on the counter). When she’s ready to get out I wash her hair and she washes her body🤷🏻♀️ I definitely wouldn’t expect her to bathe herself and wash her hair without me in there. I don’t expect her to be able to do that for a couple more years at least
He sounds lazy. Let’s be real. If he is seriously taking no effort to teach her how to do it and just punishes her. He’s being abusive.
My daughter can wash herself and she’s 3. However, she’s not thorough about it. She has long curly hair that she just uses basic soap.
My 8 year old still needs help every now and again. I try to teach them the steps repeatedly. I think you should follow your intuition!!
The point I’m making is that if she needs help then he should help. I think he is being cruel.
Plus not all children develop at the same rate.
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I know now why he’s a former son in law lol
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As for the cold water I’d get a bucket of ice water and pour it over him and say “How do you like it” your daughter should be throat punching him every time he does it. The little one is only 4. Some people shouldn’t have babies /kids if they’re going to rush and skip the childhood part and make them act older than they are. That’s a huge expectation of a 4yr old. If your daughter has mentioned it to you she is aware it feels wrong and shouldn’t be happening and if he hasn’t stopped doing it after been told the trash needs to be put on the kerb.
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Uh. Wtf. Every kid is different and punishing her by pouring cold water on her isn’t right
Report him and document those things
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Horrible bastard ! 
Im with you about 6 to 8 years old and sometimes even longer for others 
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Dump some cold water on him. Asshole. She should be learning to bathe herself yes but my son will be 7 and still needs to make sure it’s done properly lol.
6 I still help and 7 I let them fly! 4 Is way way to little to properly wash scalp and harder areas.
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The thing is that she is NOT your daughter and you should respect that , you raised your kids so let them raise theirs .
The cold water is cruel and unnecessary, just help her until she can wash her hair by herself
He sure has a problem , what father pours cold water on a 4 year old head … He is meant to wash her hair … WOULDNT WONT HIM AROUND MY CHILDREN … no trust …
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No way lol 4 is too young!
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Wait. What?!?
He pours cold water on her??? Like, what the actual fck?!?
My son is 7. I let him wash himself, but I always do his hair 
. I have 23 & 18 yr old girls also. I’m pretty sure I definitely washed their hair at that age.
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That’s awful. My daughter just turned 6 and has been washing her own body for a couple years now. But she needs help with her hair because it’s long and she can’t reach it all
My daughter didn’t do everything on her own until she was 7 or 8. Mainly her hair because it’s long. A child should not be punished because they didn’t wash their hair. He doesn’t need to be around that baby. Please don’t just let this go. That is not okay behavior towards a child or anyone!
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My daughter is 19 and she still wants me to wash her hair. She said she don’t do it right 
but 4 is to young. I would said maybe 10 and up
I think they need help with their hair until there 10 maybe and then I think you should still wash it for her really good at least once a month. You no a good scalp treatment.
Teacher her how to do it, that way she won’t get the “cold water” which I am sure he wouldn’t do? 
Some one should pour cold water on him everytime he attempts to reproduce!
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I taught all of my kids to bathed themselves age 5 but I helped their hair to be scrub and rinse off all of the shampoo and conditioner really good til 8-9 depend. My kids all have thick hair so it is hard to get it really clean especially with sweaty, smelly, and been going swimming a lot so I didn’t want their head have a lot of issues. Normally I do the hair really good and they bathed themselves I just reminded them make sure you do every part of body to be washed and scrub or will have skin sickness. They did great.
Pouring cold water on her is a red flag…
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4 is way to young they can get the water to cold or way too hot. I think 9-10 4th graders should be able to. But each child is different. Like many said, a lot still help them to wash hair, it’s difficult. Wow. Some people just don’t get it.
That’s abuse and that’s so terrible
My youngest son is 9 and still go in to help wash his hair but he does everything else… But I’m never far away just because accidents happen and I’d rather be safe than sorry so I stand right outside the door
I have a 16 year old… for the most part she does her own hair but she will ask me to wash her hair. Both my children have been washing their own hair since 6/7 years old
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Poor baby - she deserves better 
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She should be in the process of being taught to wash her body by herself. But I wouldn’t expect her to do a decent job on her hair till she’s 8. 10 if she has long hair. Daddy should be told pointedly he has no business around his daughter if he has no more sense than that. If he’s going to be abusive, leave him.
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What the f! I wouldn’t let her go back, he’s revolting.
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That’s so sad 110 percent that’s child abuse 
poor baby . My son is turning 8 in June he just started bathing / showering on his own but still asks me to help wash his hair most days .
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My daughter is 4 1/2 & I still bathe her. She now wants to scrub her own body with a washcloth, but I usually wash her a body a 2nd time & I wash her hair.
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My mum used to get my head with the towel and scruff it up to dry it. I do this to my daughter
My 5 & 6 year old want to bathe themselves but they don’t have the capability yet. It’s just a fact that kids are too young until they at least get to about 8 or so and then you may have to help with things then as well. What he does to her is child abuse and cruel. She’s 4, she doesn’t have the knowledge and capability
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When he is taking a shower get a giant bucket fill it up with ice water and dump it on him and be like I SAID WASH YOUR ASSHOLE ALL THE WAY THIS TIME!!! YA MUSTY BITCH
A 4 year old can barely dress themselves, asking or making them wash their hair is not ideal. I can’t imagine pouring cold water on my kid because he didn’t and doesn’t know how to properly wash his own hair. 
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Idk when my son was a baby I knew water was the best thing for his little scalp, I don’t really use products in my boys hair and he’s 5.5.
I think our oils are the best things for us x
My youngest daughter is nearly 12 and I still call out to check on her. She didn’t bath herself until she was 7-8
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Cruel … no that’s abusive
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My almost 6 yr old wants to bath himself, but I wash his hair and back/butt. No way at 4 did I allow them to bathe themselves!
If this moron poured cold water on my 4 year old, he would need a dentist. Yes she still needs help especially with the hair washing, rinsing, conditioning. The rest they can do with a wash cloth.
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So he’s abusing her. Pouring cold water on her because she can’t meet his demands. It’s not even hard to foresee this child will be the victim of emotional and psychological abuse at the hands of this man. . We all have an obligation to protect the children we know are being mistreated. This needs to be reported.
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Someone needs to pour cold water on him while he’s bathing!
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The f did I just read?! That’s abuse right there! My eldest daughter is 6 and she’s just barely learning to wash her hair by herself and I’d NEVER pour cold water or punish a child for not knowing how to do something yet. He needs to be reported cause God knows what else he does to her when she isn’t doing something he expects from her
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I feel like the approach is def wrong & mean to require the 4 year old to act as if they understand fully the concept of bathing & the actual motions of going through it 
….My 3 year old (almost 4) WANTS to bathe himself & can get the large parts done lol there may be shampoo only on half his head & only half washed out but he knows the general idea. However, I literally let him do it & then I go back over jokingly like “oh no you missed some Oreo right here on your face or we better make sure there’s not any poop on your butt crack” - he laughs & that’s our routine. My oldest son is 11, he 100% bathes alone & usually half ass lol he will get out & I can tell literally half of his hair was “washed”. If that’s the case then I tell him to jump back in & make sure he really washes his hair & butt 
…my oldest would bathe pretty independently around the age of 8. He could def wash himself/body & would only ask for my help making sure he shampooed all of his hair & to help him rinse it out since he’s never liked water on/near his eyes.
My daughters are 7 and 6 and I still help them wash their hair. They can handle everything else but I make sure their hair is clean 
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My son is 6 and I am still needing to help him do certain things, wash his hair and back. But I have taught my son since about 2 that his private areas are only to be touched by him so in that sense he does it all on his own. Really just helping to ensure he is washing himself properly. My daughter is 3 and I think when she’s 6 it will be the same, hair and back. But only ones parent would really know if their child is ready to do any task on their own
I’d say when they are capable of fully taking care of them self and able to properly wash themselves and they’re indicating that they want more privacy and show they want to bathe themselves.
Are they able to get enough soap in their hair
Are they able to get all the soap out of their hair
Do they know how to wash their whole body
Do they know how to run a bath or shower and how to drain the tub?
I’d still always check on them (for an older child that wants privacy I’d knock on the door and ask how it’s going)
For a 4 year old I’d make sure I’m nearby always and that you run the bath so it won’t be too cold or hot and so they don’t accidentally overfill the tub. Also a 4 year old probably still needs help and a reminder to wash their full body.
I don’t have children of my own, but I’ve worked with children as well as I have a niece and nephews. I know my nephews who are 6 and 9 still need reminders to wash their body and not just play. The 6 year old is more concerned for his privacy over the 9 year old so it really depends on the child!
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At about 7 but my middle son is nearly 10 and I still have to wash his hair because he just doesn’t do it right sounds like he’s just being an arsehole
He needs to go to jail
Tf. He sounds like a jerk! (Nicest term I can type without Facebook getting upset)
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That sounds super abusive… that’s disgusting and of anything will set her back
I’m sorry but the pouring water on her!that just wouldn’t work for me!! Your daughter needs to get a grip on this no telling what else he does to her!! Sounds like he is punishing the little girl because he’s mad at the mom!!!
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My daughter wanted help with washing her hair until age 10! Why would I say no. She stopped asking eventually.
Pouring cold water over her as punishment is child abuse and my kid wouldn’t be allowed near someone like that
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That actually sounds like grounds for removing ger from his care at all…how disgusting. My 4 year definitely still needs help.
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My 10 yr old grandson still needs help from time to time
Especially with his hair…that poor baby girl…what is her dad thinking…Smh
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6 is the youngest. 4 is too young to do it properly.
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If he did that to my 4 year old granddaughter, I’d take the frying pan to him! That’s abuse! He is talking rubbish- and is a piece of rubbish. This will not be isolated abuse he perpetrates.
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4 years is old is definitely too young to be expecting a child to clean themselves!! The cold water thing, I would say, is abuse!! So so cruel! That poor child 
that is just going to scare her and make her want to avoid washing altogether!
When a child is showing signs of wanting more privacy, that’s when i’d consider letting them bathe by themselves, but I wouldn’t expect that until around 8-9 years old, possibly even older!
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My daughter is 6 and I still help her wash her hair and body in the shower. …
Pouring cold water on that little girl is torture . Poor baby
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My son is 5 and I tell him where to wash and help with his hair. My 3 yr old is a little more independent but I always make sure she knows how to wash and help with her hair
She 3 still, still a baby. That’s child abuse. Where’s her mother?!? Cause I’ll be damned if my daughters dad is fling that.
About age 7-8. Mine would take a shower alone but I always rinsed their hair again.
That’s mean. 6-8 for mine even then we would send them back because they forgot to use soap!
That’s horrible my daughter is 10 next month and she still needs help washing her hair. How absolutely cruel 
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My daughter is 15 with really thick hair and still can’t do it properly on her own if she does do it some shampoo gets missed and gives her really bad skin on her head. Obviously she baths her self as done for years but yea her hair is still a problem but is for me takes me ages to wash it and get it all out so i can totally understand it is really hard for her x
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4 is fine to wash themselves with guidence, my girls both had really long hair so they were like 7 for that. Depends on the child I guess.
6-7 is when my 3 girls started showering without my help! They’re now 11, 10 & 9! My son who is almost 4 still needs/wants mommys help so i will continue to do so until i feel hes ready or he simply tells me he no longer needs my help! But pouring cold water on them would never cross my mind! He sounds bitter! That, in my book, is child abuse!
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And WHAT DIFFERENCE does it make???
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would like to do the same to him! grrr
That is child abuse!!! 
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Like…… wash with guidance I can see… ideally she does it herself with someone present to make sure she is doing it ok. It sounds like he may still be present. I can say I got water poured on me when I refused to wash my hair, but it was water from the tub so it’s the same temp of the water I was in. I can’t say I advise it bc I am not fond of those memories……
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my daughter turned 11 last year and has only just started wanting her own privacy. my boy is 7 and he still has mummy help bath him.
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Thers no way in hell that I wod allow this to happen to my 4 yr old …he wod of been told once not to do it again n if he did he wod be out the door 
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If she can, let her. Just keep checking on her. To me, independence is amazing at that age, don’t hinder her from being Miss Independent.
As for the cold water; heck no. I would offer to help her, if she declines, just tell her you’re going to be right there to help, if she needs!
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Child abuse. Throwing cold water on her because she won’t wash her own hair…
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I have a 7 & a 3 yr old. my 7 yr washes herself, but I still wash her hair since she hasn’t gotten the hang of it yet. What that man is doing is Child Abuse especially to a 4yr old, someone needs to tell him how much damage he’s causing to her self esteem. I wouldn’t ever do that to my girls, I wouldn’t ever Let that happen.
The momma needs to stand up for her child even when it’s against the father! If he’s a Former son in law, she needs to keep her daughter from dad until he stops that cruel act! You have every right too look out for your daughter & granddaughter.
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Goooh what a prick. Does he expect her to know how she is meant to do grown up things, without being shown how to do it. Someone go pour hot water on his head. Grrr. What he is doing is child abuse. It most likely will get worse. I’d report the prick
My daughter started about 5,6 but I also helped her with her hair as its thick and has always been very long passed her bum.
Why is he bathing her in the first place?
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My almost 6 year old has been washing himself for the past year, he only has help with hair washing and NOT with cold water. I agree that the little one can be washing herself with supervision but the cold water is just cruel.
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That’s abusive… protect your grandchild…prolly abusive to your daughter also.
What an idiot! Child avoid! Probably about 8 or 10 I would say
That’s not right at all like horrible b*****d. It takes them as much time as they need my 4 year old would try but just playing about but I wouldn’t expect him to do it properly at this age by himself!! He clearly just can’t be annoyed to help his daughter!!
That’s all good and well but the cold water part is very very cruel!!!
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Carnt help wit age of bath my baby is 18mo but cold water on her cuz won’t wash hair IS CHILD ABUSE N Jst cruel dispicable n vile that poor girl all cuz she carnt do her own hair Proppa / or struggles SHE F£KIN 4 YEARS OLD NOT 10 YEARS OLD !!
Can we wait until he’s in the shower and dump a whole bucket of ice water on him? My niece and nephews were around 6 or 7 when they showered on their own with someone checking to make sure they actually washed and 9 or 10 when we stopped checking… and by checking I mean ask if they used soap, shampoo, and conditioner… my son is 5 and if it’s not a rushed shower then I put the shampoo/conditioner on his head and he scrubs it in and I put the body wash on his sponge and he scrubs his own body… all with supervision and guidance of where he missed
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Sounds like he dont need a child
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They can start washing themselves with assistance, help with hair and making sure they are being taught to do everything properly, but not completely on their own. Jeeez
That age is quite young they need help and the throwing cold water on her is dam right cruel and abuse especially that age! you should show him this because maybe reading some these comment he’ll realise what piece shit he is for doing that to his daughter! My son 7 he showers by himself he still has trouble getting all the shampoo out his hair so sometimes we have go back and I help get the rest out I wouldn’t ever dream turn the shower cold to punish him that’s is disgusting behaviour that bloke don’t seem grown up to have a child.
There is no way 4 year old girls can wash their own hair on their own
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What a douche bag… like really!?..I’d be throwing cold water on him every time he took a shower if that was my child
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That’s sad, she will remember that all her life…so cruel…
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When I was pregnant I taught my 5 year old to wash himself. I still need to make sure he cleans himself properly but he does everything by himself.
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If taught Please Properly 4 is fine. My grandson is 5 and takes one by himself. My son taught him and checks on him while in there to make sure he does it right.