This is child abuse and I’m wondering why the mom hasn’t straight up gone OFF on the bastard! 4 is WAY too young. My daughter is turning 7 this year and for about 3 years now she washes herself (less supervision about it in the last year) BUT I or her dad ALWAYS do her hair. She has asked a few times to do it herself and we helped and supervised that but she couldn’t get it all the way. I’m so sad for this little girl to have to endure such abuse.
That’s probably one of the reasons he is “Former” what other cruel things did he do…
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Let them be kids in todays world cherish these moments, I do hair and can’t believe the amount of kids that come in with cradle cap bc they can’t get the shampoo out themselves .
What a nasty Daddy, I would say around 8 xxx
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If he pours cold water on her at 4 for not washing her hair…could you imagine what he would do if something major happened.
Bless this babies heart its gonna have a rough life…
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My kids were about 5 when they were able to shower themselves
Horrible using the cold water! My kids are 10 and 12, I still help with the hair washing only to make sure it’s rinsed properly, he sounds a tad mean!
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Yes, that’s cruel. Sounds like he’s a jerk.
Depends on the child but somewhere between 6-10
My 5 year old Baths herself for a while now. She started at around Age 3/4 cant remember exactly
Hope he dont have custody of the child lord. Cold water thats not right at all. My daughter is 9 and still cant get all the shampoo out of her hair.
He’s vile, she’s still learning and way to young to wash her own hair bless her, he needs reporting
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That’s abusive. I can only imagine what other things he does. This should be taken care of sooner than later. A 4 year old should not be able to wash their own hair.
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Yea no wonder he’s “former” i’d divorce his abusive ass too. An almost 4 year old CANNOT bathe properly. Idiot. I would not let my kid around him.
My kids started doing g everything themselves around 4 but with some supervision, by 5 they had it down and didn’t need supervision anymore
That’s cruel very cruel
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My daughter 6 can’t even wash her own hair so so cruel
4 is too young for sure.
So he admits he neglects his daughters needs and abuses her when she doesn’t do it herself. my 6 year old bathes herself but I still need to check that she has rinsed her hair properly
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Gosh, that’s horrible. Prayers for him and family
That poor kid! My 3.5 yo can, but needs supervision, but he does know how to wash, still doesn’t like his hair washed lol we don’t stress it. They’re kids lol he needs to seriously lighten the f up she must be traumatized
She still needs help and guidance.
A few of my daughters were fully capable of washing their own hair properly and bathing themselves by 4 years old. I didn’t check on them either because they were confident in themselves and enjoyed the independence. As for the cold water thing, my daughters would have seen that as dad playing with them. They prefer cold baths after being in this Florida humidity all day.
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If my husband did that to my child that would be end of story
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My 5 and 6 year old bath themselves, but I do my 5 year olds hair while my 6 year old is very independent so he likes to wash his own hair
My daughter is 4 and shes good at washing her own body but me or dad ALWAYS wash her hair. At 4 she’s just not got it down yet… shoot even my 10 year old doesn’t have it down some days 
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She is too young,horrible thing to do to her
Someone should pour cold water on him. I can barely wash my own ass and I’m 35.
My daughter is 8 and I occasionally still have to wash her hair and she asks if I can wash her back since she can’t reach it, she is also a bit of a lazy showerer though my 6 year old does a better job at showering alone than her lol
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She is 4. Your daughter should have a talk with him. He needs supervised visits
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My son is almost 8 and showers by himself. I just help with water temperature
I still wash my 5 year olds hair. Mostly bc he doesn’t like water in his face & second, I don’t feel he gets his body/hair clean enough. He does his body but I am in there making sure he gets all his body parts. This dude sounds cruel & id tell that “man” about himself. If mom knows this she needs to be correcting him. Disgusting behavior
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My daughter will be 9 this year and I still wash her hair. She has super super thick curly hair and there’s no way she can properly wash and rinse her hair on her own. Now my nieces that are the same age have thin straight hair and wash and rinse their hair on their own just fine.
My daughter is 5 and bathes herself since she was 3. I run the bath and put in the bubbles… and usually wash her hair first then I step out but leave the door open so I can hear her. If I don’t wash her hair it won’t get done, as she seems to have some aversion to doing it herself.
Every child is different my soon to be 8 knows now to but just doesn’t do it well on the other my 5 year is different he does a good job
He is abusive. Being in a warm bath then having cold water dumped on her is just mean. Let her bathe then call for help rinsing. With warm water.
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She should be doing it alone. He should not be dumping cold water on her (I assume that’s the 4 yr old story telling you this). Sounds like he’s trying to be get her to be self sufficient and he sucks at it.
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My two older boys who are 4 and 5 I started letting them wash their own privets and body almost a year ago and I’m starting to show and teach them how to wash their hair so that way when they start wanting to shower/bath alone they’ll know how to properly
My kids are 5 and 6 and they shower by themselves. I help them wash their hair once or twice a week.
My son is 7 and I still wash his hair because he hates getting water in his face. He washes his own body unless he’s taking a quick bath like before school or something. Sometimes over the weekend if we don’t have plans, he won’t wash himself and just play in the tub and he’ll say mom this is an enjoyment bath, I’m doing this for me lmao. But your ex son in law sounds like a total jerk and I would be furious in yours or your daughters situation. 4 still seems like a baby to me.
She still needs that direction…
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You can start teaching them to do it on their own at that age but the cold water thing is just cruel
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I taught all mine by age four. They took baths and I taught them how to clean themselves until age four. Then by age 7 they were old enough to stand up and take a shower so I showed them how to do that too.
I don’t think a kid with long hair really washes it properly until nine or ten. What he’s doing is abuse irrespective of age. I’d expect a child to start washing their own hair at 6-8 and then get checked for suds. If she’s only three I wouldn’t expect her to be washing herself let alone her hair.
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That’s sounds like child abuse. Seriously being in a warm bath and having cold water thrown over u would be traumatizing. And no 3 soon to be 4 is too young in my opinion to do it properly
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My daughter is 3 1/2. She washes her own body but I still wash her hair
My six year old son has washed himself entirely and with supervision on his hair since the age of 4.
My daughter is 5 I taught her when she turned 4 to wash herself and hair I still supervise but overall does a good job
He sounds like an abusive moron, is he trying to ensure she grows up having issues? … She’s not old enough at 4
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Each child is different.
Please be firm and direct with this boy about throwing cold water at your grandchild. It’s cruel. And all parents / adults around her have a duty to keep her happy and safe at all times 
It depends on the child. I have a 10yo who o still supervise in the shower because she doesn’t get all her hair washed & she doesn’t rinse throughly. She has coordination issues though. Throwing cold water on your granddaughter is child abuse. Please keep record & turn her in.
No way. She is still so small. What a way to torment a child who isn’t even ready for that type of milestone.
That poor child will have PTSD from this.
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Well he is a monster! That is definitely child abuse and it needs to Stop! She’s Not old enough to wash and rinse her hair properly and still needs supervision!
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Our kids did but we overlooked how they did. Damn by 4 my kids were showering. Sounds like the dad just like my husband are trying to teach the kids to be dependent. We definitely don’t need that in the world 
That’s awful!! I helped my kids until they said they didn’t need my help anymore which was around 7/8! 4 is far to young!
That poor baby! 4 is not old enough ! He is mean!!!
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Mine has been washing her own body since 6. Shes been washing her own hair since 8. I check her hair before she gets out to make sure it’s rinsed. She also asks me to check her hair. I think it really just depends on the child.
that’s too little and he’s an @ hole!!
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My daughter at age 4 could wash herself just needed help with her hair. I would sit in the hall and fold laundry. So I could still keep and eye on her. Even now at 11 years old I’ll knock on the bathroom and make sure she’s ok if she’s taking forever.
She could get her hair good around 5 1/2 but she had fine thin blond hair super easy to get.
My daughter is 7 and I wash her hair. She does everything else. That is cruel and I agree, child abuse.
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Each Child is going to be different.
At 4…I would encourage the child to do as much as they can for themselves but i wouldn’t expect them to do everything for themselves.
My youngest (also 4) has super curly hair which is pretty long. We have to use regular shampoo and conditioner on his hair. So, we still wash his hair for him.
My oldest…has super straight hair and it’s fairly short. He uses kids tear free shampoo…he has mostly been washing his own hair since he was 4, we just made sure he had all the shampoo out.
The only time cold water has ever been used with either kid…is my oldest put shampoo in his hair…played…ran the hot water out completely and still had shampoo in his hair. Obviously shampoo needed to be rinsed out. And we told him next time he needed to make sure he rinsed his hair before he started playing so that he still had hot water left.
That was a natural consequence though rather than one we gave to punish him.
Dad is absolutely being cruel and with that mindset i would absolutely be concerned about what other “discipline” techniques
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My daughters been pretty independent since 3-4 in the shower, I’ll help with putting shampoo and conditioner in but she’s always been the one to scrub and I’m there to help rinse… she’s now 7
Unless we are In a rush to get showers done then I’ll do it all
I believe it is determined totally by how well you’re trained your child. Some 4-year olds are exceptionally mature (well trained) and some are NOT. Don’t have expectations of your child unless you’ve done the training…patient training.
Sounds like somebody ought to rig up a bucket of ice water over his bedroom door so when he stumbles out he will be WOKE up.
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put cold water on him in the shower. Show him how it feels
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Lady you need to smack your son upside the head. He maybe an adult but he is still yours better yet do to him as he does to her. My 4 can’t wash her hair but she washes her body.
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I let my 7yr old do most of her shower & she does wash everything but she misses spots in her hair entirely so I go over her hair to be safe.
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That’s 100% cruel. I’d turn him in to cps honestly, and I don’t say that lightly because I really really dislike that whole organization but something should be done about this. I can’t imagine what other crazy punishments he will soon be giving this poor baby over small stuff.
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I was still helping my sis in law till she was like 10! (I’ve been in her life since she was 1) hair is so hard to wash even washing my own hair is hard!
Omg this is awful! I’d be telling him if he does that to her again you’d report him!
4 is too young to washing their own hair my 9 year old still gets out with suds in her hair.
This has really knocked me sick him doing that to her sorry
I shower my kids who are 5, 6, 8 then they take baths. 4 is too young she could slip, hurt herself, children can drown in an inch of water. That’s absolutely terrible what he’s doing to that little girl
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My daughter is 5. Yes I’ll let her wash her self but I am there with her. For me, my daughter doesn’t wash her self fully, like she misses spots. So I like to go over her body throughly afterwards. I absolutely don’t feel comfortable enough to leave her in the bath alone. Also it depends on the child on when they will be able to actually wash them selves throughly. But 4 years old is way to young. About 6-8 I have to agree with you on
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She should be able to wash her body but hair is hard and she still needs help. I still help my 7 year old, i had my mom checking my hair after until around 10.
My son has been washing himself for a while he’s five now I let him start about three. I sit in the bathroom and I guided him but hes been doing it on his own he showers on his own etc. It’s good to let them learn he’s always been independent. Show him something and boom he’s got it. He even makes sandwiches he’s been helping crack eggs since he was two. You will be surprised what your kids can do if you let them.
My son is 3 1/2, and he has problems washing his body, let alone his hair! And I don’t see it changing anytime soon!
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He obviously doesn’t know much about children! Seven or eight is the minimum.
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My daughter is 5 and is just now starting to do everything herself but she still needs help rinsing her hair. I would never even think about dumping cold water on her as punishment for not washing her hair! That’s cruel!
4?! She’s a baby still. I wash my 10 year olds hair… hair is difficult to wash sometimes.
What he is doing is called child abuse.
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Mine are 7&5 an both do most things independently and ask for help if needed more so the youngest
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My four year old must be quite independent because she rarely asks me to help her AND she gets the soap out of her here as well as asking if I can help. That gives me a couple of extra minutes to fold laundry while I’m the laundry room (right next to the bathroom)
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My Granddaughter Is 5 She Still Likes Her Uncle Phil To Wash Her Hair She Says He Makes it SHINY LOL 
My daughter who is 5, showers now and washes herself but still needs help with getting all the shampoo etc out of her hair. But I’m always there when she does to make sure she’s okay etc.
I wouldn’t allow harsh punishment on my daughter either. I’d do something about it. Pouring cold water over her is very dangerous!
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Obviously the child does not have a functioning mother. If she does, someone make that loser aware of the weird behavior. Involve children’s health services. That male person is messing with a child.
We started guided baths around 4 but I still had to help with hair washing for a few yrs.
The SIL dousing her with cold water is unacceptable.
That’s horrible! My child started at 6 and she 8 now. But even at 6 I would watch her do it and help if needed
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my oldest is 7 and has just started showering himself . I try to go up and check but if I can’t at that moment then the next shower I go up and give him a big scrub
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That’s awful. My daughter is 8 and she still needs help washing her hair.
I still help wash both my kids hair…my son is 6 and my daughter is 8 (she has a big, thick head of hair to wash) they wash themselves, but I think 4 is a bit young to be doing that on her own…
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My daughters are 5 & 6. I still bathe them. (My son is only 2, so obviously he doesn’t do it himself either).
But I absolutely consider pouring cold water on her to be abuse.
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I taught my daughter how to wash her body on her own. Especially her private areas. We are currently going through an ugly custody battle where he grandpa has been accused of sexually abusing her aunts as children and so from an early age we started teaching her vagina butt etc and taught her how to clean herself to try and limit people touching her there. I’m still right there and help her rinse off to make sure no soap stays on her. She’s 4 almost 5 but I definitely still wash her hair
That’s child abuse what kind of person is he .
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He has some major issues. That is flat abuse. Each kid is different but 4 is still to young.
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I wash their hair still but I allow them to wash their bodies at 3-4 yrs of age. We also switch from baths to showers around that time. I’ve had eight kids to raise. They should begin learning independence prior to entering Kindergarten.
Thats neglect and i would be calling the social if someone did that to anyone in my family! My 6 year old boy has just started washing his hair this week and my8 year old girl still needs help due yo long hair!
He sounds controlling and abusive. I hope your daughter has enough backbone to stand up to the POS. She should make a report of it just to be safe bc if he/it escalates and something should happen her parenting will come into question too.
She is still to young, I did until they were 6 or 7 yrs old. Then still check on them.