My ex and I were together for three years. Unfortunately, we broke up in September. He ended up on a dating site and met the lady he’s with now. So they have been together since the end of December. When I moved out of our home, she moved in. They recently moved out of our rental and moved into a house of there own. She’s a nice lady but has started a lot of drama. Posting things on social directed towards me, she’s tried calling/ texting me. Both my ex and she are trying to force a relationship with me, which I don’t want a relationship with her currently as they haven’t been together very long and got together immediately after we broke up. She and he have made some “ interesting” comments saying there going to take my son away from me and raise him together. My ex has an alcohol addiction that now, after meetings, this lady has gotten out of hand. He has seen our son 9/29 days he’s had scheduled. We are going to court come January… I’m wondering everyone’s opinions on this. He will not meet me unless she is there. Our son is eight months old now, and I’ve tried explaining to him that it’s not in the best interest of our son to be around someone I don’t know, and he doesn’t know, and my ex hasn’t known very long. Currently, I’m not having my ex around our son now that I know how bad his addiction has gotten ( his girlfriend has told me )
Your sons well being comes first. I think you are doing the right thing for him. I would be keeping him to myself where I know he’s safe too.
With a child that young, I agree that it might not be in his best interest to be around essentially a stranger.
What are you going to court for in January?
keep a journal and document every time he misses visits and if he shows up drunk dont let the baby visit and document that too,it would help if you had an outsider there when he comes and
Baby is too young. Trust your gut mom
His alcohol addiction (if he actually has one) is something different entirely.
But as a gf to a man who had two children when i met him, with an over controlling woman (who hated me because he wouldnt go back to her).
Who kept her children away from him out of spite “for the children’s protection” when there was no need.
I was pushed out because I was a “stranger”. And it hurt, I am a good person.
6.5 years later, I’m still here, living on my own with my bf living on his own, because she refused to let me be a part of their lives, and the kids are emotionally damaged because of all the things done “for the protection of the kids”.
My advise to you…
Don’t leap to conclusions, do mediation , try and see past your pain and see her for who she really is.
Who and what your ex is really offering or can offer your child. If he is really an addict, strict visitation and assessment.
Please for your boys sake, don’t be rash. But DO safe guard his welfare.
I wish you the best and hope it all works out .
U need to keep every text and try not to go back and forth with them especially if they are causing trouble it looks better on U not to react also when U go to court your ex can get a blood test and it shows just how much alcohol his drinking def bring your concerns up about his addiction
Girl follow ur gut. If she is already bashing you over the internet and trying to play mommy even though she a complete stranger. That is a big fat no. That’s a huge red flag. Also his alcohol addiction could put the child in a dangerous situation.
Document EVERYTHING from missed/late pickup/drop off times, to every threat, to every petty little thing they do nomatter how small.
YOU are your babies VOICE when hes that small. That baby doesn’t need all that chaos in his life. Clearly his dad needs to get it together.
You are not overreacting at all imo
Tell, them both to sod off,
Well, I am going to disagree a little. Your job, as your child’s mother, is to go out of your way to ensure they have a loving relationship with their father. Your court documents should stipulate visitations. While your ex is “dating” any new friends need not be involved in meetings, exchanges, calls, etc. If, and when, the dating becomes more serious the new partner could be included in legal documents…and, at that point, I would interested in a comfortable relationship with her…it’s in the best interest of your child that you and she work together …or your child will be stuck in the middle.
Make sure to document everything and use it against them in court and maybe ask for supervised visitation before letting them be alone god forbid they steal your son to raise him
My daughter’s dad was cheating on me 7 months after our Briar was born. Not only that, but he was methed out. I stayed with him, KNOWING he was, for an additional 4 months, thinking he would change… when he didn’t, I finally got the courage to leave, and eventually he wanted to see Briar.
Knowing I would sh**, he brought his mistress to MY house anyway, and sat her down on MY couch, and visited for hours. (Bc I wouldn’t allow them alone with my daughter) I almost blew a gasket!! That was the ULTIMATE sign of disrespect to me. But she has always been good to my daughter. So I had to be the bigger person and put my hatred for her aside. I still have nothing for her, 3 years later… but I choose to get along with her bc my daughter loves her. It’s weird.
But I hope your situation gets easier for you and I pray for your strength to get through this!!
Keep him safe hun don’t let him have contact till you have been to family court they will steer you in the right direction. This situation is not easy but don’t feel pressured into something your not happy with.x
The gf doesnt bother me as such. The alcohol addiction deffinately would be my red flag and signal he shouldnt have baby unsupervised until he sorts himself out and prove he can stay sober.
Sounds like you’re a little bitter he has a new girl. Block them on social media. Eliminates that problem.
She sounds like she has mental problems if she’s nice then not nice. I would try and get sole/full custody of your son, even if it’s just temporary until they work out their issues.
I would confirm his addiction (which puts your son in danger) and if he wants to see his son it would be supervised until he proves he is fit. Eight month old babies require work and attention. I also do not believe the new girlfriend should be involved. He needs to know his son and be able to care for him alone before he puts that responsibility off on a woman who might be gone tomorrow. You also deserve to know who is taking care of your child. He may be comfortable leaving a stranger in charge of his child but as a mother you know better.
I wouldn’t say NEVER because that’s his father , regardless of who he is with , sometimes just being hurt can cause us mothers to not want them to be around the new woman because we feel as tho she will take our spot , be we will always be the MOTHER regardless of who comes in and out of the fathers life. I would give it time , and he needs to understand that u dont feel safe with the child being left alone with him drunk and with a woman you dont know. But it sounds like you arnt trying to know her, but in order for the child and father to have a relationship you might have to suck in your pride and get to know this woman because she might be around for a long time. The father needs to make some serious changes in order to be in the child life though.
So they’ve only been together a month and are claiming they are going to take your son and raise him, while your ex makes little effort to even see him? I’d go to court in January and make this known. But my vote is never, but that’s not realistic since he’s your ex’s child too. If they do end up staying together, not before 6 months. No child should be meeting new partners before then. It’s too confusing to them to have people in and out of their lives.
Bring all proof you have of his few visitations and what proof you have of his problem with alcohol to show you feel he would not be safe in his fathers care and ask for supervised visitation with the restriction that only HE can attend and NOT the girlfriend.
DOCUMENT! KEEP AND PRINT OUT MESSAGES AS PROOF IN COURT of them telling you that they are going to take him away. Dont verbally attack him or start an argument.
Get help to legalize child support and visitation. Stay away from them otherwise
Yea deff sounds like a hell no
You sound very emotional, on one hand you complain he doesn’t see the child when he’s scheduled and then you say he wants custody! So , maybe you’re emotional because there is a new woman. Why would she confess his drinking problem to you? Not wise , sounds like drama and you need to remove them from your FB. Accept what it is, you cant force relationships, whether between you and Dad or Dad and baby . Good Luck
I can appreciate her reaching out to try and communicate, however trying to FORCE it and the threats of taking him when his father has yet to hold up his end of the custody agreement I’d say hell no. When you go back to court request SUPERVISED visits with just your child and the father. Take all the proof you can (screenshots) of them bashing and taking jabs at you on social media
Nope notbright now tell him after a year if they still together u can look at introducing but he has to be sober my bf is a recovering alcoholic and has two kids with a previous women who had drug and alcohol and abuse and neglect issues. Her kids now have sever attachment issues and have to go to trauma therapy and see a behavioralist (based on ministry doctors and test since they got them taken away and my bf was still in addiction to alcohol at the time and had to get clean to see them.) he’s been clean and is in the process of getting full custody of them while living with me and our son who is 10months. It’s not a good idea even if they are young to start introducing people cuz it’s not fair to them. Kids attach easily and putting there emotional well being online isn’t fair.
If she’s know his condition is bad she should look at helping him through it not enabling and be respectful u wait a year or close to it and u meet the child’s parent have coffee and let them introduce and talk about to what capacity she will be involved.
I would wait until they’ve been together at least 6 months before letting her meet your soon. In the meantime, try to get to know her. It’s a crappy situation and I understand not wanting to have a relationship with her but if she does end up being in this for the long haul you will have to learn to work with her. In court I would definitely make it known about your ex’s addiction and try to go for sole custody until he can prove he’s straightened everything out. Good luck girl
You’re doing the right thing he’s tripping. And clearly emotionally unstable.
I was in a similar situation 24 years ago. Basically, the judge said that during my ex’s visits he could do whatever he wanted with our daughter. He had a gf for like 2 weeks when he introduced her to our child, saying they were getting married. Sometimes, he would pick our daughter up and drop her off to a babysitter! He had 1 visit each week. The judges (in my county at least) are really for the mom having the child. He’d have to prove that you were unfit for them to take your child. If he was a stellar dad, he might get joint custody.
You don’t get to decide that. You don’t HAVE to talk to her, but you don’t get to decide if she’s around your son. So… That being said, it may be better if you try to make nice bc it’s not actually up to you
If you do not have solid physical proof that his addiction is the reason you are keeping your son from him then the judge will side with your ex. It kinda sounds as if you are a little jealous/mad and using the baby to get your way. They will not take text messages as proof it will be considered hearsay he said/ he said bullcrap.
Experienced the same thing with my husband. Right down to them meeting on a dating app and then saying they were going to take my son. I told him I didn’t want my son around her until I met her AND knew her. He went behind my back and done it several times and as soon as I found out I cut him off to supervised visits at my home. Simply because I didn’t know this woman, her temper or her ability to care for a child. The way she started drama showed me she was immature and I just didn’t want that around my child.
I think you could be my double, because I could have written this.
Keep your child safe until you get a court order!! And I still ask for supervised visit after being told they will “take” him and raise him as their own… NO NO MaMa RED FLAGS!!
Until you have an order in place, don’t deny him parenting time, it will be held against you. Suck it up & supervise the visits if you have to. When you go to court, you want clean hands!
Document everything. Communicate only through text/email.
does absolutely NOBODY realize this post says the girlfriend has been around since the END of December, it isn’t even the END of december yet therefore this post is at least a year old!! hope all worked out for mom and dad both, its important for both parents to be in a childs life reguardless to who the other person is with, and yes there are ALOT of bitter baby momma’s out there, BUT a healthy co-parent relationship IS possible IF you want it to be, DON’T be THAT mom!
Document everything. Save texts, save, save save, I can’t stress that enough.
Wrong atmosphere for the child
Yea, nah he wouldn’t have my child. Especially with the baby being so young and he is an alcoholic. Document everything… Every little thing.
It’s so sad that our system doesnt look at the best interests of the children. With the number of people that we hear about in the news preying on children and being unkind because they didnt want a partner that had children (but wanted to be with someone that had children) it’s really unfortunate for the child(ren) involved. If there is a parent with a concern about another individual involved in their childs life, there should me no judge that can say otherwise. It is ridiculous and disgusting that they’re ok with ruining children to stand by “the book”. Not every situation is the same and they all shouldn’t be treated like they are.
Date 6 months before even asking for them to be around the kids… Children don’t need to meet all your damn hook ups…
Hang up when they phone. Block them being able to post on the internet, any mail, throw ii into the garbage bin. In other words, IGNORE all communication with them. I feel you already know this, but can’t bring yourself to put the suggestions into place, * there will be no peace for you until you do…
Not a good idea. An infant can’t tell you if something is going on as far as abuse or neglect and by the time you see the baby again after a visit, it’s already too late… This woman is already lashing out at you and what better way to hurt a woman than to hurt her kids. Nope. Nope. Nope. I’m sure, at this point in your life, you don’t really need to cop a murder charge, so to avoid all that, bring up your extremely valid concerns for your baby’s safety and wellbeing at your court date.
I was in a similar situation though we’d been apart for a few years.
He met a woman on a dating app and within a few weeks he’s pushing me to meet her and she’s messing me to meet her, I caved and she spent the whole time wanting dirt on him and even mentioned wanting her ex.
Within a week she dumped him but ex didn’t want her back so now they are married.
I have a rule my kids aren’t to be left alone with her she’s not very stable and can’t manage her own kids without loose the plot.
It really doesn’t help he’s told me so much bad stuff about her.
Your bub is so young and their relationship is so new that I’d be holding off and if he’s got addiction issues then it would be a hard no
Just keep you and your baby safe. I wouldn’t want someone who he hasnt known long seeing my son either. Maybe she’s controlling him and making him worse? Can only hope your ex accepts help and stop drinking so he can have a relationship with his son. I hope everything works out for you x
Document, document, document. If he truly has an ongoing addiction, it’s in the best interest of the child to not be unsupervised with him. This is assuming there aren’t legitimately two sides to this story.
Hire yourself a family lawyer and watch your back.
A judge can order for the dad to have random alcohol screenings while the child is in his custody.
Why not try to make it work ? If shes trying then you should… you dont have yo be bffs but it makes holidays and special events much easier
As soon as someone threatens to take your child you send their ass to court for a restraining order and order of no contact.
Addiction trumps all. Deal breaker. Go see an attorney
If the new gf is on social media threatening custody of your child then NO you don’t owe her time with your child. If his father is in the middle of a crisis caused by addiction then he dowsnt need to be either. Hopefully things work out in court in the best possible way for the child
Sounds very toxic to me. I hope the judge will notice what is best for your baby! Please always keep your texts and everything, even Facebook posts and comments.
Get a journal and document everything. Missed visitation. Screenshot nasty texts or social media posts. Video drama, intoxication or arguments. Do this in case he tries for custody
I’m the meantime, don’t let him take the child, but maybe set up visitation with his mom or someone you can trust to care for your son.
Stick to your mama instincts especially with how young your son is and totally dependant on people who clearly aren’t adaquate enough to even take care of themselves.
if I were you I’d allow no contact until court. Clearly they are both off their heads!
keep baby safe
Let it happen what goes around comes around he will do the same to her all you can do is be there for your son and the emotional crap that will come with his dad’s alcohols addction that’s what worrires me the most move on darl let it be let them have time with your son play nice be nice he sounds like a man that will bring himself undone…
Stick to your guns
Document everything and do all you can to legally protect your child. Request supervised visits with just him until he get his life together.
Leave him and his crazy girlfriend alone ,I would not have this Bitch around my child and he sounds a lot unstable not very responsible
I put in my child custody case his girl couldnt be there.
You’re doing the right thing I would be doing the same thing.
What is best for the child? Take away hurt feelings and drama. Put the bs to the side at some point you and he will have relationships. Can you successfully co parent with him and do what is best for your child together? That’s the conversation you need to have!
If he chooses not to come without her, that is on him. Get a PO against her, problem solved.
If his girlfriend can’t respect you then she doesn’t need to be around your son!!
The silliness about meeting her is irrelevant. Of course you don’t need to be pals with her. But equally Its not up to you who is there during his time with the child unless they are addicts (?which he is) or sex offenders. He has however got a deteriorating addiction. And misses 60% of visits. That’s all that’s important.
Let it go. You pay too much attention to an EX.
If you’re not married in most states Mom has full custody. The judge wont take him away from you just like that. Document everything and print it for court. Plus him only showing up for 9 visits in 8 months doesn’t look good for him at all. If you’re breastfeeding I also doubt he’ll get over night visits, especially since he drinks.
Request supervised visits at a center he has to pay out of his pocket for, and no weekend visits until hes cleared rehab and passed random screenings.
I know exactly how you feel
Legal counsel typically recommends working in the other parent having to be in a relationship with said woman for 12 months before the child can be left alone with them and/or spend the night with the woman present. That being said… what you write into these orders, he can then do the same to you. So just be cautious. But, umm, 2 months… and after immediately moving on like that, amongst all the other red flags you mentioned, I’d say HELL no!!! I’d say at least 6 months unless you and the father agree upon otherwise beforehand. And DOCUMENT all the concerns and keep any/all proof that you can!!
She is jelious of you
Let the courts decide
To be completely honest, if you have a court order for your ex to be seeing your son…you don’t have much of a say in who your son sees when he is with his dad. If she isn’t a threat, I don’t believe there is anything you can do. I can understand that will be so frustrating, but it’s true. So my suggestion would to you all need to sit down like adults and work through all this drama, and try to create a healthy relationship between the four of you. I know that will be extremely uncomfortable at first, but I think that is the only thing that will make this tolerable for you. Because she will probably be involved with your son whether you like it or not.