My mother and I are always on and off on talking to each other. Mostly because I stop talking to her when I’ve had enough. My husband thinks that this time I really should stop altogether. She makes me feel worthless. I keep running back to her cause she is my mom… I know I’m supposed to respect myself and all that but I guess I just feel like I’m alone in this world sometimes and I want my mom again.
Some background story:
My mother remarried when I was 12. My step father was… not the greatest. He seemed sweet at first but turned out to be a perv and he was only nice to me cause he was preying on me. He was very strict and mean to my little brother. My little brother doesn’t know anything about it. Well when I was 18, I could not stand it anymore and told my mom. Even called an attorneys office cause I was lost on what I needed to do. They told me to call the cops. I never did cause my mom kicked her husband out of his own house. 3 months later she moved him back in because “money is tight”. I have never actually forgiven her for that I guess.
I couldnt stand the house with that husband of hers so I moved out at age 18 and lived with many different people. (My ex, my bestie, my God mother) i moved back in in the beginning of 2015 due to money issues. My mom was being very controlling over the fact that I still kept staying out late. I only did that to avoid her husband but I never had the heart to remind her of “her nightmare”. In 2016, I move out again and cut ties with her because she basically tried to shame ME for seducing her husband. Told me not to see my bf (my hubby now) and I needed to stop being a whore.
She doesn’t try and get in contact with me till the beginning of 2017. Almost a year.
She then tells me how I was adopted. Idk why she told me that so late I was already 21 years old. But I guess that was a way of her letting go of me. I was devastated but everything made more sense now. She saw me as a girl seducing her man, not her daughter going through a horrible incident.
But because I felt so lonely in this world, I try and patch things up with her. Even with her husband. Now fast forward, I’ve gotten married last year and had a beautiful baby girl. My mom has been a good grandma. My baby girl is 8mo and I still have a bit of extra weight on me. Recently, her husband made a comment on how “I’m still young so my husband still wants me even though I look a mess, but when I get older he will leave me. So I need to lose weight”. My mother of all people told me that story and agreed with her husband. Now I know I gained some weight but I am 5’4 and 165lbs. I personally prefer myself with some weight on me and so does my husband. I am so tired of them judging me as if they’re perfect… I am afraid they’ll shame my daughter once she is older. They already comment negatively on her weight… (my 8mo daughter weighs 24lbs but the doctor sees no problem cause she is above average on height, as well) I am so so so tired of the judgements and having to come up with excuses or reasons all the time of why I’m such a “mess”. Theres more to this story but I know this is a long post so I skipped some details.
I guess what my question is, do I continue on? So my daughter can see her gma? Or do I just say bye to all the negativity they bring? If I do, how do I go about it? I just don’t want any more stress…
Sorry if my story is too long and I rambled on… and thank you for reading…!
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Ok don’t take offense to this but I didnt read the whole thing… My mother told me this and her mother before and hers before that… Just because I gave birth to you dont mean I gotta like you. I gotta love you but I aint gotta like you.
Just because some one is blood does not mean you have to be near them. Or put your self around them when all they do is cause you pain…
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Cut out toxic people so your daughter isnt harmed by it and you arent harmed more
Even if its the woman that raised you
Because thats a bitch that you and your family dont need to be around
I really hope your not saying you leave your daughter alone with your mom when she is still with her husband! And if I was in that situation i would not allow my daughter at their home ever! Idek that I would be able to trust my mom with my kid if my mom done that! I would probably cut ties for good but you seem very unsure so maybe offer your mom only to come to your place if she wants to be involved and if not then she can kick rocks! If she wouldn’t protect you I wouldn’t put faith in her protecting your daughter!
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Let them go. She’s your mom,regardless if you were adopted, and she blamed you for something a grown man did to you as a child. Then moved him back in and is still with him and defending him. He’s obviously still into you or trying to make you remember what he did by talking about your body that way. He’s probably still wanting to be with you sexually and is upset you don’t “look as good” as he’d like. I would not let either of them around your daughter or any child. He’s a perv and she’s an enabler. He would abuse your daughter and she’d cover it up. Would tell you he won’t be around when she has her but wouldn’t stick to that. Just tell you that and hide the fact he is.
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That negativity isn’t something you or your little girl need. My 2 cousins on my dad’s side are overweight. I was pretty tall for my age and looked older than I was. (about 12 at the time, we were living in the same town as them with my father and my parents divorce) anyways, they would also get jealous because anytime we would go swimming the life gaurds (only a couple years older than me) would stare and me. (My cousins were probably about 17 and 20 or so at the time.) They would always make me wear t-shirts and make snide comments about my appearance to make themselves feel better and I’ve had self esteem issues about the way I look. Even though I know I didn’t do anything wrong just the comments about my appearance and the name calling hurt. I’m 21 now and still trying to get over those issues. It might not be the same instance, but speaking to children about how they look, especially if they have issues with confidence (even though you little one is young) it could effect them on the long run.
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They sound TOXIC… I wouldn’t let my child around them at all. Family or not! Better to cut ties now while she is young enough to not remember.
My husband’s Aunt hasn’t seen our daughter since she was a few months old because of how she is and we have no regrets. Less drama! No plans to let her back around either because we don’t want our daughter to think that kind of behavior is acceptable.
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u have to do what’s right to protect u and ur daughter as well as any other kids u have…just because she’s a good grandma doesn’t change who she is as a person or the way she is choosing to live her life.
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You should have cut ties with your mother from the moment she let that pervert back into her life, it’s ok to be alone (without family) if they’re toxic,which in this case they sound very toxic and honestly like horrible human beings. Get away before your daughter is negatively affected, that man should be in jail not in your life.
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She may end up negatively impacting your daughter or saying things to her as she has done to you. She may also talk bad about you to your daughter later on in life. If I were you, id listen to your husband & cut ties before things get worse. You need to stand up for yourself, your child, and your husband and let your mom live in her own negative toxic world while you create a beautiful, magical, wonderful life for YOUR FAMILY❤ Sending love, light, & prayers momma!
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Let her go, she’s with a pedo, isn’t that enough l, especially now that you have a baby girl. I can’t believe it’s optional at this point in your life. You have a responsibility and obligation to do it for your daughter. Your mom didn’t do it for you and that’s a shame. You didn’t deserve what happened to you.
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I would be so done, and I most certainly wouldn’t expose my baby to that perv.
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First of all I rarely comment but I’ll say this, your mom is in need of help. If she’s still with perv husband you absolutely should not allow your daughter to have any contact with them, if he’s a pedophile he should be prosecuted. For that reason alone maybe cutting ties is the way. However you may benefit from getting some counseling that is all a lot to deal with. Hugs to you, I’m so sorry. We just can’t pick our family and sometimes it sucks, but you don’t have to subject yourself to abuse any longer and I wouldn’t.
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My question is if he preyed on you what makes you think he wont do the same to your daughter? That thought alone would be enough to make me cut ties. Sorry if thats too blunt… just my thoughts
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this bitch would be done. go find your real mom.
Don’t put your child what you went through. History repeats itself. I cut my mother off seven years ago made the mistake of letting her back in people like that don’t change. You don’t owe your mother anything if all she brings to the table is negativity. Plus the fact that she chose a predator over her child, is disgusting. Just be done…you will feel a million pounds lift off of you.
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Maybe in this situation, you need some professinal help. This isnt easy as you just learned you was adopted, have no family for support and the one person u think you had has to bring you down to make herself feel amd look better. I understand you want opinions but get professional ones…we can only give emotional advice. Please seek counselling
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Leave Allow your self your husband an your daughter some peace of mind. Praying for you.
Please get your family away from your mother and that man. Never allow them around you or your daughter again! You will be a million times better off without your mother and a man like that around your baby. If you really are adopted find and try to connect with your birth family hopefully they are healthy good people.
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I really like your story I wish I could tell you something but hate to say any thing because it is your mom
Leave. I walked away from my parents, it hurts at first but after a while it feels so much better to be away from them.
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If they’re toxic to you, they will also eventually be to your child. Free yourself, protect your peace and your child. You all deserve better. God bless.
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That is toxic. And he’ll prey on your baby next. Girl, let em go. Maybe bond with mother in law, sis in law, cousin? Go and don’t look back.
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Definitely cut it off with her not only would I be worried about then shaming my child. But if he was a pervert towards you Im sure he will not mind being one to your daughter. And if she sees you as a girl seducing her husband instead of her child then she will see your daughter the exact same way. Protect your baby and yourself momma.
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Oh honey that’s so hard I mean this woman is supposed to love and protect you but doesn’t know what you obviously know when you became a mother. When you become a mother you do everything to protect your babies. If she reaches out to be a grandma then I would let her to an extent but at the same time what kind of grandma is she truly. I know it’s hard but start with avoiding her and when it’s just you tell her you love your daughter more than yourself and although you want her to be your mother she clearly resents you and doesn’t deserve your love anymore and walk away proud that you are a better mother Bec of this.
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Oh hon please get away from them and take your family with you. They are way too toxic and you guys don’t deserve that. My mom was the same way and I haven’t spoken to her in a long time. I have a strong for both her and my father. Please get yourself and your family away quickly.
Cut the cord, live your life, concentrate on making your little family happy. Your Mom had her chance and always put herself first, that won’t change. Don’t let her toxicity effect your child
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Cut them the hell off. Mother or not- adopted or not- thats some serious shit and you could expose your daughter to disgusting step dads habits since he seems to like em young.
Shame in your mother for staying with something so vile!! Money is not a reason to do that, idc what the situstion is. Theyre judging you bc they believe they still have some kind of control on you- and patching it up like nothing ever happened confirms it in their minds. Focus on the family you have now- and forget about their toxic bs.
Just cut ties and move on if he did it to you he will do it to ur daughter
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I hope you are seeing my comments I suggest you to move on mama !!! Move on let her be let her be with that nasty man that she is with and always has believed not to say it’s your mama but Carma alway takes care of things one day … live your life be happy we only live once and if you mom hasn’t change and treats you bad and all she does is hurt you then sorry to say cuz I would have said it screw her really and be happy 
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They can only shame your daughter if you allow it. Go attempt to locate your biological mom. Leave her and him alone. She’s probably not going to look at your daughter as her granddaughter if she doesn’t except you as her daughter.
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Do you really want your daughter aroubd her and a man like that. Dont take that chance with your daughter. Cut ties. It aint worth it
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Honey, let them both go.
She’s never going to apologize. She’s never going to take up for you.
And that degenerate has no business around or near your daughter. If you think he won’t touch her, you’re mistaken. I’m rather surprised your husband didn’t put his fot down on that.
If she wants to see her, she needs therapy. Lots of it and she has to divorce him.
You’re not her doormat.
*If you are adopted, I pray your bio family would treat you better. You don’t deserve what you’re going thru.
If you are adopyed, I’m curious how she adopted you as a single mom. Something smells fishy with that claim.
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I feel like if she is toxic to you although she is your daughters gma, she is toxic for her as well. It just spreads from one and on and on. You deserve people who respect you and your relationship and your child. And the disrespect isnt okay especially from your mom, even If you are adopted. That is not a reason nor excuse for her to be able to treat you like crap. I got for get rid of the drama and baggage and put it in your passed and have a better brighter future without her and her husband. Good luck love.
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First that sorry bastard should be in jail. And your mom too if she condons her husband. Keep your baby away from both. It’s obvious their sick…
I’d cut ties. It may hurt at first but you’ll have peace in the long run. I wouldn’t honor your mother with a relationship with your daughter. Plus I wouldn’t want her near that pervert. Don’t subject yourself to such emotional and verbal abuse. RUN
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That’s toxic. If they cna be toxic to tou they eventually will be toxic to tour daughter to, as hard as it may be leave… Leave the negativity behind!
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What you should be most worried about is the man doing something sexual to your daughter hello and I’m pretty sure he could still go to jail for doing that to you
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Fuck that kick them both to the curb. Your daughter doesnt need that negativity in her life. They could also try and turn your daughter against you and your husband. Get away from them before she starts picking up on their behavior towards you.
I’m sorry but common sense if what u said about her husband being a pervert is true and she didn’t do nothing but turn it around on u then y the fuck would u want ur daughter around them sick people if what u said is true I think ALL IF U NEED SERIOUS FUCKING HELP 4REAL MENTAL HELP PSYCHIATRIST will make good money off ur freaking family
Bye! You don’t deserve that. They can fuck right off
I really hope you do not allow that nasty man around your baby!!!
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I’d cut ties, and this is coming from someone that was in somewhat the same situation (moms creepy BF/husband). My mom died when I was 21 and I’d give anything to have her back but your situation is toxic. Life is too short to put yourself (and your baby girl) through that stress. PLEASE do not leave your girl alone with him. I hate to say that but he was eyeing you when you were 12 so who knows where his thoughts could lead 
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Cut the ties but just be done you don’t need to do or say anything…and move on.
And how and what kind of mother r u if u have to ask should I have my daughter around a pervert pedo that supp did things at u so I can’t believe u seriously asked if u should have ur kid around a pedo pervert u really need some help and parenting classes ASAP… PLEASE 4THE SAKE OF UR KID GET SOME SERIOUS SERIOUS HELP 4UR CHILD UR HUSBAND AND URSELF PLEASE THANK U
Definitely cut ties if she acts like that. Not only cut ties for yourself but for your child. What if he went for her next?. I know how you feel in a way. My mother had a bf and when I was in middle school he tried a few times to touch me inappropriately and when she finally found out when I told someone she didn’t fully believe me and it took almost 2 years I wanna say for her to actually believe me. I’m sorry you went through that. So I hope you cut ties
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Pretty much same story, here. If you are going to cut ties, you have to do it. And take the heartache. Or have a relationship that will always keep you stressed. Always battling. Because those feelings don’t go away, ever.
It just gets easier with focusing on YOUR family.
Good luck. 
Ok so I’ll be the only one to say it then… why would you EVER, FOR ANY REASON, hang around a man who raped and molested you at all, ever, none the less move back in with him??? If he raped you your whole life went the hell would your baby daughter not be next the 1st chance he gets??? My mother is toxic and she also didn’t protect or fully believe me when I was molested too so I can understand when you say you want to fix your relationship but this is a whole different damn level! Your mother moved the man back in and blamed you! So what relationship??? And btw I don’t speak to my mother and have not for years and my life is 100% better because of it! No doubt, no questions! Also, you need therapy and counseling. They need to help you learn to value yourself and how to mourn the relationship you had with that woman. And im sorry but your #1 job now is to protect that baby you made! What kind of mother would even consider ever, under any circumstances, allow her daughter around her rapist!?! Idgaf! Nope! Never! So as long as she is going to protect and defend the rapist instead of the victim, then sorry ANY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER IS A NO GO!!!
Neither one of them are biological grandparents, let the toxic go! Prayers…
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Ummm ba bye!!! Toxic is toxic… Why would you want her around you or your daughter like that? And especially that husband of hers!!! I honestly would have walked & stayed gone in the 1st place. Your story is absolutely HORRIBLE! It doesn’t matter who it is that treats you like that, it is not ok! & even worse because it is your mom! Screw them!! Be happy in your own family, without them.
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Drop her like she’s hot. She’s toxic your family would be so much happier without her.
Be done with them and you don’t see to explain yourself. If he has done it to you chances are he will do it to your daughter. Keep your distance.
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You let them go. Once all that mess in your life is out things will become so much better for you and your family
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No! I wouldn’t even consider having your mother in your life or your daughter’s life. Why put yourself through the stress? Why allow your stepfather a chance to do ANYTHING to your daughter?
Don’t risk it. I would cut all ties IMMEDIATELY and never look back.
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Wait , her hubby is the perv from when you were young??? Confront that fucker in front of your mom and husband and never go near him again!!! Love makes a family not blood or guilt or obligation. This has toxicity written all over it. Let your mom see the baby only if that perv isn’t around . Surround yourself only with people who build you up not break you down!!! Your husband is absolutely right.
Cut the toxicity before it destroys you.
I would cut ties. Please don’t ever leave your baby alone with either one of them.
Your stepfather is reason enough to cut ties. Try to find your biological mother.
Let it go now. Easier now than later. Sorry, they suck.
If her husband was preying on you as a child yes you should stay away from them for your daughters safety. You don’t want or need that S.O.B. preying on your daughter too.