Basically, my husband and I have a baby he’s 6 months old. We got round to his parent’s house every Sunday for lunch, as soon as we walk through the door my husband takes the baby and hands him over to them, if I ask for him back he’ll say to me they need to get a hold, which I understand everyone wants to hold the baby. The baby is breastfed, and if the baby needs to be fed when I’m there, my husband will say we need to pick a night so my parents can call round as they didn’t get long enough to hold the baby today. Anytime we are in a family environment, he will make comments to me like my aunt needs a hold my cousin needs a hold my mum needs a hold, etc. I feel like I can’t relax for fear of offending anyone, and our baby has to be passed around like pass the parcel. It makes me so anxious going to family events because I feel the constant pressure to pass my baby around to make sure everyone has enough time holding him. I know they all love him, but my family doesn’t act this way. They let me lead, and I’ll willingly pass him over to family members and friends when he’s happy and content. Am I nasty for feeling like this? Do other families behave this way? I’m hoping for a different point of view. I’m beginning to wonder, have I maybe something with my mental health because I struggle with this pressure?
When with my husbands family, he gives our baby to them to be passed around the entire time: Advice?
My in laws always played passed the baby and as soon as he they got fussy I would take my kids to a whole other room away from everyone. They would calm down and just lay on the bed as happy as could be. Babies dont want to be passed like a football every time they are around family
Let him be a proud dad, relax ,in no time he’ll be wriggling out there arms anyway.Let your hubby show him off and enjoy the wee break while your there.xx the alternative is upsetting your husband, upsetting his family.Sounds like this is their normal while your family has there normal. xx
Nope… your baby should not be passed around
You’re mad because people love your baby?
To me you sound selfish and only about your family and friends. Your husband is a proud father and is proud to show his family his child. Why do you have something against his family? And not yours? Everyone loves the baby so why not let them love on the baby? Try to give some trust on your husband side. Your lucky that he is claiming the baby and loves his child. You are selfish and will make things difficult because of how you feel… Smh
If the baby is happy relax enjoy the break and allow his to be spoilt with love
It is his baby also. It’s not going to hurt the baby at all. I agree, jst try to work thru your emotions. I’m sure it’s not easy but there is no reason for anxiety. I’m sure as more babies come along this will pass. Baby needs to bond with it’s family also.
A little overbearing. Shoot I lived for the time when my infant could be held by others and I could enjoy myself at family gatherings. I mean, as long as it’s not just some fool off the streets.
It’s his baby too and he wants his family to get to spend time with him. It’s not like he’s handing the baby to strangers at a restaurant. This is your child’s family.
Post partum anxieties?
Hell no the baby shouldn’t be passed around it’s flu cold season 6 months old immune system not strong enough for that .
No you are RIGHT… No baby should be passed around like silverware or clothes… Put your foot down and explain your feelings to him… Not all energy is good energy ESPECIALLY family… Having a title or being related doesn’t make you the BEST choice or a requirement to hold my child.
Sounds like you have a little anxiety around his family, if you can just try to calm down. My family is the same way, use that time to relax and maybe take a nap while you can. Trust he or she is in good hands and with family. Everyone’s excited about the baby they all want a hold ya know.
I understand what your saying and get what you mean. It’s obvious your In-laws are going to want to have a cuddle though and I’m sure your hubby doesn’t mean to make you feel the way you’ve been feeling about it all. Maybe let them all just have there little cuddle and then ask for baby back. I’m sure they’d understand. But try to think of it as a positive too as in… you can sit yourself all the back on the sofa and babys not giving you a dead arm for 5 minutes lol xx
My family doesn’t act this way. A baby is held for a little while, everyone gets a child and mum usually gets the baby back or laid in the bouncy chair. My youngest is nearly 2 so doesn’t happen anymore
how is the baby taking it? If the baby needs more mom time, he should get it. Its your job to protect your baby, mama bear. This is your husband’s family. It is not your family of origin. Maybe you don’t trust these people 100%. I’m not assuming you have a mental health issue, but if you continue to be uncomfortable with this, it may help to get couple’s counseling to help you negotiate with your husband about this issue.
U need to chill. That child needs others in his life too. Create dome balance let the grandparents babysit. Live a little.
I wish I’d had my family to pass the baby around to, I felt like my baby missed out. My parents were long dead when I had my children😕. All thee family 1000’s of miles away
If this is your biggest problem in life, you really need to get a life. Grow tf up.
You both need chill time and need to talk about this. You might have social anxiety and are worried which is fine. You need to.put your food down when its feeding time but enjoy the break.
Also how is the baby managing being moved around. Do ask that with winter the family wash hands keep.sick people away and have their flu and whooping cough vax up to date.
I agree with him wanting to show him off but wtf you mean he’ll say we need to schedule a day because the family didnt get to hold him long enough?? On that, yes. Put your foot down. And God forbit the baby gets sick from all the passing around and more than likely kissing. The husband better have all those family members there to help with a sick baby.
Let’s hope none of you “perfect” mothers ever have a moment of self doubt the way you are being rude to this mom!!! God forbid somebody ask for advice they might get crucified by judgemental petty women like you!!
To the mom asking advice:
Don’t expect a bunch of do-gooder thirsty old crones to be supportive. You do what feels right to you with your baby. Our intuition is there for a reason so follow it. That doesn’t make you selfish it makes you a good mom.
People with rude comments should be deleted for this site. All I see is negative comments and name calling. Everyone feels different but there are ways to post your opinions without being a total asshole.
Did you express to him how this makes you feel. I understand about his parents. I think you guys need to talk about this matter.
Well, in this germ filled world, and the lack of basic hygiene skills, id be nervous too! Lol. Seriously tho, it’s your baby, you have a right to say no. For the continuing health of your child, if dad can’t understand, well, then he needs a kick in the ass.
No I don’t let people hold my babied right away oh fuking well my kid my rules period. No one else is going to insure ur kids health and safety like u so
after reading the comments i was shocked that not many have experienced the same. w/ that being said im not exactly sure of an answer for you. i was literally the exact same way. i hated going anywhere, or even having company bc of that. but i can say it eventually gets better as they get older. 
if you need to talk to anyone you could always inbox me.
Before any can handle a baby, they should wash their hands. Squeak up.
I’d be pissed. Your the momma bear you are feeling the babies stress. It’s not just your feeling you feel the baby and you are attached. This is what makes us good mothers. Listen to tgat little feeling. Babies be passed around around not health. I understand allowing the baby to be held but you have to make sure that uneasy feeling isnt present. I say family should understand especially your husband. The 1st yr of a childs life is so important for bonding. Passing around a baby…could make baby feel as if he is falling baby can feel other ppl energys and soaks up right up. Momma you clean that energy from baby. Maybe have baby passed back every 20 min or every so many ppl idk just set boundaries daddy will have to get used it. You’re a team now. And every team needs a leader momma.
Your baby your rules imo. Flu season - I’m considering not going to Thanksgiving or Christmas over here bc my preemie is 2 months old on oxygen
I’m not being mean or being negative but I’m wondering if you have some separation anxiety. It is normal for a family to want to hold a new baby, it helps with bonding and also helps the baby learn to be away from mommy a little bit. The baby needs to learn social skills as well and cannot do so if attached to mom and the perfect place to start that is with family. As long as your baby is not in danger (and being exposed to some family germs is ok btw.) then I think this is something you need to work on or get some help with. If you feel better following your baby around, that’s ok too.
You are doing great new momma! It’s all a learning process for every single new mom and you are doing a great job!!! That baby is loved and that’s the best thing you can hope for. 
Maybe I’m reading this wrong but it sounds like the baby isn’t always happy and content with the passing around. At that point it needs to stop. When the baby isn’t alright with it it isn’t alright. The baby is not a toy or parcel to pass around. Have a talk with him about them just visiting the baby without all the holding. The constant passing around also takes away the baby’s autonomy and sets up a belief that they can’t say no if they don’t want to be touched by family.
Yes, that’s his baby too, but it is your job to care for and protect your baby as you see fit. And, it sounds like something is setting off your protective instincts. Trust yourself. You know what’s best for your baby.
This feeling is a natural protective instinct. You are not crazy nor selfish. At 6 months old your babys immune system doesn’t have the ability to fight off illness like an older immunized child. The breastfeeding helps with that to a degree. I understand you don’t want to rock the boat and his family loves the baby and everyone wants their turn. But you’re the momma and you know what is best for your baby trust yourself. With that said being a grandmother I understand your in laws wanting time with the baby. Maybe use that to your advantage😊. Plan a night out with your husband once every couple of weeks or once a month. Pump so baby can be fed by Grandma and let the grandparents keep the baby. It’s a win win. You get a chance to relax a bit, and Grandparents get one on one time. Just a thought!
Nothing wrong with your mental health…but I do feel it’s ok for them to pass the baby around. Unless they are sick or something. You seem to be stressing yourself out unnecessarily. Relax. Let them hold him till he’s hungry…dont sweat it mamma!
We as mothers often find ourselves over protective. We also view our own mothers as the matriarch and feel complete safe handing over our babies to them because let’s face it we didn’t die. Your husband feels the same about his family and should be given the same courtesy your family receives. I think maybe your feeling like they are taking undue privileges with your child but don’t notice it when it’s your own family because you feel so comfortable with them. Baby should have bonding time with both sides of the family and you as the wife married in, meaning (to some extent ) you need to be a little more observant of their traditions as well. Just a thought:).
I would feel Nervous because of germs and people being not so gentle with babies. If I were you I’d just say it in front of everyone about how the baby isn’t a ball. And go around putting hand sanitizer on people’s hands. I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving my baby to everyone in the room. But it is nice to have people there to say here hold the baby so I can eat. 
just make sure when you want your baby back to go pick him up from whoever is holding him and say ok my turn. Let them know you’re in charge. Always. You call the shots. It will get easier when the baby isn’t so small anymore. And can say no I want to stay with mom or dad. or no not you! Lol 
I think as a new Mom, you have every right to be protective…I raised 2 girls & have 2 Grandsons now. Women have an instinct, follow your instincts. Your baby will be little for such a short time, they grow up so fast that the nurturing you give is like no other. Everyone should respect your wishes…this precious time with your baby is so important to their growth from now on…
Hnd ko ya mag pasugot. Anu mtyag ya sa bata gamit, na pasa pasahan 
Tracy Marie
Everybody wanting a turn to hold the baby at a family function is normal in my family and it’s how we all grew up BUT I was trained from an early age to be considerate and if the baby gets fussy or is full on wailing not to try to console the baby myself but to immediately bring it back to it’s mom sometimes if mom knows it’s feeding time she’ll come up to me with a bottle and ask if I want to feed the baby other times she just takes the baby… diaper changes as well I’ll offer to do it but if she says no that’s ok I don’t insist cuz that’s possibly her nice way of saying give me my baby back! I totally understand and have always respected the mom’s wishes. So maybe they aren’t checking in with you enough? Maybe if your the one that hands them the baby just say let me know if he or she gets fussy I may need to feed her…
Your family follows your lead, his family is following his lead. Y’all have an equal claim on your baby. He’s not only yours hun. Relax, his family has just as much right to bond with the baby as yours. I understand being a nervous first time mom, you’ll get the hang of it. Mostly sounds like a control issue.
My sister I don’t know you… But what keeps coming to mind is how all of this is playing into narcissism. This control issue on your husbands part to have your child passed like a trophy is the beginning of how he has the first say in your lives. Please address this now while your family is still young. Otherwise you’re going to be in over your head on a lifelong journey of disappointment and the loss of your identity and that if your child. Sending prayers
Your lucky your kid has his father’s family in his life! My kids never knew dads family members. Didn’t have people wanting to love and hold them accept for my family which is very small. Let go of the reins a little. Be glad your baby has all these people to love him.
I loved showing my baby off and getting a break at the same time. I would just announce out load “wash your hands and no kissing on the mouth” and the baby is yours. Grab a glass of wine, relax, mingle and pump and dump…(bring some good breast milk with you). Sounds like you have anxiety which is fine but I would relax. The more love the better. Everything will be ok 
I’m on the fence. I don’t see anything wrong with family members holding the baby. They must wash their hands first. But something is making you uncomfortable about it and your feelings shouldn’t be ignored. You should explore what the true underlying issue is. Is there any underlying tension or animosity between you and your in-laws? Do you know them all very well? Maybe you’re like I was. I wanted my baby with me, point blank. Maybe it’s simply the passing around that bothers you or that you feel like you can’t hold your baby when his family is present. Idk…there is a reason it’s bothering you. Get to the bottom of it to see if you can resolve it. My family wasn’t like this. I never felt pressured to pass the babies around to ensure everyone got a chance to hold them. Maybe ask your husband why he thinks it’s important for everyone to hold the baby. Are there any family tensions that he’s trying to accommodate for with the baby? Like sibling rivalry? Maybe he wants to ensure his family loves his children just as much as they love the children of his siblings. It almost sounds like he’s pushing the baby on them instead of them asking to hold him. I’m just throwing ideas out there.
No, you need to talk with him
I really enjoy this group but some people in this group are just plain ignorant and rude and judgmental
You know they love him, EVERYONE loves differently, they are not harming the baby. You have to understand everyone feels and does things differently, just cause your family does not " behave" or “act” that way ( which i don’t see an harm in it) YOU have to make sure your baby is fed and content before he starts getting passed around to family members. If you feel he needs to be fed, you can openly walk over and say it is time for his feeding , he will be back after he is fed and burped. You’re making mountain out of a small hill in your mind & that is why you have anxiety, your need to control has a hold of you. You create your anxiety by overthinking , you need to teach yourself how to relax and observe. If you cannot help yourself with it, seek a therapist, they work wonders, I have seen one for 2 years & it helped immensely. Wish you well.
Maybe he is thinking you need a break and in his mind he is helping you? Or for example in our family, they take the baby from you as to say you need to relax and take a break we got him. Even so much as to will tell you take a nap, or go eat he is in good hands???
You are a first time mother with typical anxieties. Remember, it’s his baby, too. You need to sit down with him when you have time to really talk it out. Both of your opinions matter. Does being passed around upset baby? When baby needs to nurse, go to a room alone, when you return to family, hand off to daddy. If you have some alone time with baby during the visit you will probably feel better. If anyone in the family is sick, baby shouldn’t be there, at least you and hubby should agree before arriving not to pass baby around. Good luck.
Honey you’re fine, its your husband that needs a reality check! Suppose they don’t want to hold the baby?? Why is he forcing someone to hold the baby?? He needs to stop, speak up moma, you got this!!
Rejoice you both have family, many new Mothers and Fathers don’t. Family bonds with your child is important. They are your backup. Don’t burn any bridges they can be hard to build up again.
Would it make you feel better if they ignored the baby? And you? Cause that’s another scenario they could do…Appreciate all families, it’s not always about what we want and how we feel, go with the flow. You’ll be happier.
Ok you are.that.childs.mother and it is.your.perogitive who holds.your.baby when and how theres really no.need.to be.picking.up.holding.all the time.you.can say.i.dont want.him spoiled hed content.in his chair.swing.or.just.in your arms what.if the child.begins to.spit.up.from all.this.passing around.you.dont.like it speak up if they want to act.like children say.im afraid.this.visit is done in going.home.leave it at.that.goodbye!!! Good.luck
But are they harming the baby in any way? Would you prefer it if they didn’t hold the baby at all? Maybe I’m missing something
It’s nice you’ve got family that’s bothered!
It sounds like you have an issue with the baby getting attention from someone other than you maybe? Be thankful that the child has family and so many people that want to be around. Some of us didn’t have that and never will.
It takes a village!!!
That would make me so mad. Your the mother, speak up about how you feel. Doesn’t matter who gets offended, that’s your baby, not there’s.
So agree. I used to hate going to in-laws when my son was young fir the same reason. And when he was 7 he got diabetes and they couldn’t understand he was on a strict eating schedule. So frustrating
I wouldnt allow him to take the child as soon as i hit the door sorry they would hsve to until im in the door and settled with my child only then would i allow each person a cuddle
My daughter is 7 months and when we go to family gatherings i tell them not to bother me bc it’s their turn to take care of her. I don’t see change or feed her. I just relax and enjoy the time being there. Maybe you should do the same. You know when it’s her feeding time so just go and take her away from them and after just give her back.
Your lucky you have a loving supportive family to cuddle him you may need there help one day babysitting him try relax my grandson gets passed around a bit too
You are fortunate you have such a loving family. My in laws couldn’t be bothered with my children.
No, you are completely right. And your husband should be backing you up.
It’s your baby your not crazy… You take the lead an you make the decision on who holds him an when.
There are two scenarios that make a difference. The first is that as soon as they get to your in-laws house they take the baby and start passing around and when he’s fussing and crying and unhappy they keep trying to comfort and content him without you being consulted. The other is them wanting to spend time with him and following your husband’s lead trying to give you a break and when your son’s crying and fussy they bringing back to you. if your case is the first instance where no matter if your son is upset or if he’s tired or irritable they keep hanging on to him then you might need to step up and mention your issues to your husband and tell him that you don’t appreciate being left out and not being consulted as to your son’s needs. If the case is the second of the two scenarios then just relax it will be okay. They’ll be days when you’ll give your eyeteeth for a break. That’s when you’ll miss them holding him non-stop. Lol. The best thing that you could possibly do is find a tactful way to bring the subject up to your husband and let him know that you’re uncomfortable with it. I’ve never met a spouse yet it’s been a mind reader. I’ve known lots of marriages that have ended from lack of communication though.
It’s not you it’s them! They are acting crazy. The baby isn’t a toy. Your husband needs to get a grip. Tell him the next time it happens you AND your baby will be skipping the next event
I understand how she feels and I would be the same way. I don’t believe the baby needs to be handed off like a football to every family member. What if one of them is sick? The baby doesn’t need to be in close contact with that person, or the people that live with the sick person. I believe it should be up to the Mom. She needs to talk to her husband and make him understand how she feels/her anxiety, and he needs to really try to understand her feelings. I know the child is his too, but they’re supposed to be a partnership and have each other’s backs, no matter what.
Your the mom you set the rules.
That child is being exposed to a lot of germs. 6 months is too young for all that passing.
My kids were held like that, played outside and ate dirt…healthiest adults ever and my 10 grandkids…the same thing…now 2 great grandkids and all are healthy. Let nature’s immune system work and you won’t regret it…save your anxiety for when he’s a teenager. One afternoon a week isn’t that long…think of it as a break from the kid and if he needs to eat …pump ahead and they can feed him! Your making a mountain out of a mole hill…RELAX!
Wow. Is this all there is to complain about?
It’s apparent the child is loved. Let it happen. They’re not around you that much and there’s kids out there that could only dream of such love.
Unfortunately you’re 6mths to late to complain. If you had spoke up the first or second time, your feelings would’ve been understood & respected. Complaining now will only make you look like you’re a b*tch of a wife & mother. However… When he starts crawling or walking you can squeeze in the “new” rules 
Girl dont listen to these people its your child not a toy your the babys mama n u want him happy n safe and not passed around like a prize u have every right to feel this way your family is a good example of how it should be you wait to see if mom Is comfortable with you holding baby your a good momma:sparkling_heart: