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QUESTION:
"I work full time my s/o stays home with our daughter. When I get home he expects me to care for her alone he doesn’t help me during the night ( she’s an infant so I get up every two hours) so when I get up for work I am exhausted he doesn’t help me on weekends either because he “needs a break” I just feel so alone and overwhelmed am I wrong for feeling like when I get home it should be 50/50? Like you’ve had a long day and so have I so let’s help each other??"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Every day should be 50/50."
"It’s so funny how when a man is a stay-at-home mom the working wife still has to be a mother but when the tables are turned and he is the one working he just gets to come home and do nothing. Not fair"
"You’re a single mom with a roommate. If he can’t do overnights, the bulk of the home, etc then he needs to work. The working parent should offer help and give a day for the SAH, sure, but the SAH needs to pull their weight."
"Tell him to get a job and put daughter in daycare if he can’t help."
"Every couple needs to negotiate this. You both need to sit down and separately write out what you can do (physically and emotionally) and what you need someone else to do. The overnight feedings are tough, but temporary. Stay at home parents need breaks, too. Hire a part-time babysitter or housekeeper to do some of the work so both of you can rest."
"He should help but no more than a stay-at-home Mom is expected to help when Dad comes home. There should be no double standard. You both work, just one of you leaves the home to work."
"Tell him you have to work so he will have to help with some night duty or get a job on a different shift of that is how it will be and put the baby in daycare. He needs to help one way or another."
"You should be partners and you should both have responsibilities regarding the baby. Taking turns at night, allowing one or the other to get a real break from their day. I get daycare is expensive but if he’s not helping during the night or on weekends it’s not fair and you are not going to sustain this. Talk to him about this."
"I’ll be honest just cause u have a job does not mean you get to clock out, stay-at-home parent or working parent. Raising a baby is hard no matter what. He shouldn’t have u doing it all on your own like that he doesn't get to clock out of work. I’m a stay-at-home parent and when the husband gets home he does as he pleases and I get my breaks in-between. You have ur right to feel that way but he has no right to clock out."
"I worked one shift and hubby worked different shift and we both helped equally with everything with 3 kids and the household. No excuses for his behavior"
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