First of all, thank you for keeping this anonymous. Iāll do my best to be ādiscreetā My s/o and I have been together almost 2 years, lived together for 1. I wanted a Godly foundation followed by all of the other āgood stuffā About a month of living together he left to stay with a family member and proceed to go to work (he works on the road for long periods) when he came back, Iād never go through his phone, but, my intuition kept nagging at me. I yelled at it and said NO! Iām NOT going through his phone!! Thatās a breach of trust!! The nag was persistent. I HAD to. Literally, a voice, telling me to look. I finally caved 
and I found deleted photos from his ex, and her thanking him. ā¦ so, I did the right thing, and confronted him. He did visit her, and told me it was wrong to delete the evidence. Recently we got into an argument because he spent 3 weeks on the road with his female Co worker, and barely spoke to me the entire time he was away. He also had an ex gf messaging him that he mentioned in one of the few times we actually talked. He caught me today going through his phone and insists Iām crazy. We donāt have anything because I canāt trust him, abd heās done nothing wrong or to prove I canāt trust him. 
I am already upset that when heās gone he puts 0 effort into nurturing our relationship. He has an incredibly ugly past of cheating, and I have an incredibly ugly past of being cheated on. I truly just want him to be soft hearted, hold my hands, and ask what I needā¦ what can we do to make this better and go from there. Instead, he told me that if I wasnāt going to trust him, he was going to make it worse for me??? Why would a person deserve more pain? I came unto this relationship confident, and trusting him, knowing I battle with personal insecurity from time to time, but, Iād expect my s/o to try and help me through it as a team. I honestly just want him to love harder, strongerā¦ I wasnāt trying to sabotage our relationshipā¦ I was listening to my guidance in the past, but, idk, I guess Iām having a hard time knowing he tried hiding from me in the past, and, heās quite fond of every woman, and seems to not appreciate my goodness. I can put me down for days, I need lifted up. How crazy am I for going through his phone? How crazy is he for hiding from me in the past? 
sure, leaving is easy, staying together is hard? Will we ever get passed this? 
Do I owe him an apology?