Why do guys stop trying once they get the girl?

We have been married 21years.
Yes through growing up, children, life in general those gestures get fewer and far between But it should never be gone. But you also need to learn your partner’s language and he needs to understand yours.
My husband is not the romatic & flowers type guy. He shows his love through providing for all our needs, builds me anything I want or ask for, on occasion brings me my favorite candybar amd drink home from the gas station but most noticeable is the way he cares for my safety. He takes my hand for curbs and steps, warns me of holes and trip hazards.
Not everyone wants or needs flowers and overly romantic gestures, it’s mostly the small things.
But if your partner’s love language is dates & gifts then you needs to show your partner love in their love language sometimes too, or they will start to question it like this.

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We don’t always have consistent date nights, but after 16 years together the little gestures are still present. He gets me my favorite candy bar on a whim, will get me coffee and breakfast or surprise me with my favorite pizza on pizza night. I love these things he does, but I love even more that he shows me affection. Kissing me constantly, telling me I’m beautiful, whistling at me in public. I wouldn’t trade it for the world :heart:

My husband still “dates” me after 10 years and 4 kids. Don’t settle for less

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Married 12 years together 15 and we still
Leave each other notes and have date nights. Don’t settle for anything leas

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I been with my man 10 years and we’ve never expected that sorta stuff from each other….we are still in love just as much and content. However, he did used to make me coffee every morn and bring it to me in bed …kinda miss that haha. But if there’s an obvious regress of affection just ask him- he may be so comfortable wit you he forgets these things too. Goes both ways though.

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Depends on the person. Every one has a different love language. Although, I think dates nights are essential for relationships.

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I mean, it really just depends on the person. Almost everyone thou, tries in the beginning then some, just stop. Cause they don’t think they have to anymore… They don’t have anything they’re trying to impress or win over… They already did that 🤷 communicate with him. Communication… Is always key. No one, is a reader. He can’t read your mind. Tell him what you want. That you want that romance back. But, you also need to try. You also need to do those kinda things for him too 🤷 not just a one way street

We’ve been together 8 years and married for 5. We still do things like this. They may not be grand but a letter here or there, some candy I found at the store that’s his favorite. Etc

Yes! Try and have date night once a month where u go out even if it just to dinner. Once a week is a spend with eachother evening.

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My husband took me on romantic meals out just to chippy or pizza place. Sat in car with music on just the 2 of us. Untill I lost him 2.5 years ago. Do it all again. X

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Some view it that way and some are just consistent in a relationship. Find a consistent one. They’re there.

It’s the small things that mean they care not the grand gestures… I’d take the small things he doesn’t even know he does over him going and buying me flowers that won’t last a week. He does buy me flowers on our anniversary and stuff but he shows he cares when he comes home from work tired but still helps me to bath our kids and put them to bed and then he will make me a cup of tea before he gets in the shower. Plus he puts up with my ocd everything has to be perfect behaviour 24/7….

Only if you still date, chase, surprise him too :slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face:

I think there’s two categories of people: those who view romantic gestures as a means to an end (a way to gain favor from someone) and those who view romantic gestures as an expression of emotion (a way to show love).

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They don’t all stop. :woman_shrugging: 16 years and counting. You have to vocalize your needs. Not everyone realized they’re doing it. :heart:

My husband and I made it a notion that we would not get like that. We haven’t been together no 16 years but 3 years. He still buys me a gas station rose everytime he goes in one, he still calls me “ my baby” it’s the cutest. We still have a healthy adult relationship. You have to keep it going.

Everyone has a different view on love language

Together almost 4 years and brought me home these from Russell Stover store along with chocolate covered strawberries. My two favorite things. In return I got him a pair of hunting pants. We do this quite often.

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Yeah it definitely stops. I been with mine 21 years and we’re like roommates now

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It’s a two way street though :woman_shrugging: Girls should do things for guys too.

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That’s because you need to find yourself a real man :upside_down_face:

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Most of them feel like since they have the person they don’t gotta try anymore. This is also women too, not just guys, the issue is they get complacent.

The guy chases the woman till “SHE” catches him.

People, male and female both, get comfortable in a relationship and tend to relax and not try as hard. Think really hard and you’ve probably stopped doing some things for him that you used to do too. Talk to him, try to surprise him some and he may think of it more.

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Because men are made to be conquerors once they conquer getting you the job is done in their mind …doesn’t make it right though.

I think it could just depend on the guy. I definitely agree it goes both ways tho. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and he still comes home with a surprise for me from time to time whether it’s dinner on a night that the kids are hectic and I don’t wanna cook or he gets me a pop from the store on his way home. It’s honestly the little things. Sometimes you don’t need jewelry or flowers to show love sometimes the little things like them trying to find convenience for you is literally a game changer. And like I said I agree it goes both ways and I wash and lay out his work clothes and pack his lunch. We do go on dates but when you have kids and a lot going on most of the time it’s better to just buy snacks from the dollar store and watch a movie at home once the kids are in bed and just have a chill night in together. That also is a better plan if your spouse works overtime a lot and is usually tired. We put more energy into going out as a family with our kids and staying home for date night.

I promise you tho, the right relationship it’s a 2 way street and a good man will put the effort in with you.

I dont think it’s a matter of giving up. Maybe the relationship has progressed to where there are bigger and more important things to consider futurwise. More than just flowers and edible arrangements.
Have you spoke with your partner about your feelings at all?

Maybe reevaluate the good qualities (or bad) and see if this is what you’re looking for. I sont really see it as all men just give up

I guess we ladies think guys think about romantic stuff… if we complaining we nagging :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

Would it honestly kill you guys to just think and take her out without her knowledge about it… we :heart: this…

I think people tend to get comfortable in their relationships after awhile.

Does he put gas in your car and check your oil, air in the tires, ask if youve eaten or need something from the store if hes going? When he sleeps does he instinctively pull you closer or has to keep a hand/foot/leg on you at all times? Does he take your hand in public? Does he or would he stand up for you in a crisis? These things are how men show they care/love you/its real. Men that simply buy you things and surprise you with gifts are usually self serving and shallow. Men dont think about flowers, they think about oil changes. They think about being your hero and keeping you safe when they deeply care for you. If you need flowers, TELL HIM. “Baby i absolutely LOVE flowers, AND I love knowing you see them at the store and think of me, please dont ever stop, it makes me so happy!”
Problem solved.
Also suggest the date night rule, weekly or biweekly. Make it a priority. If YOURE romantic he will be more inclined to remember to be romantic :heart: love always morphs with time into something much deeper than flowers. But we can STILL love flowers!!

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Talk with each other figure out each other’s love languages, if he love language is physical make sure his love needs are being met (not just with the deed, physical can mean cuddling, back rubs, and showing you care physically) and if your love language is gifts make sure you know that going in, if your love language is time tell him that, if you don’t feel he’s meeting your needs let him know, and yes if you tell him he will get things or do things because he cares about you he’s showing you that he does cause he’s getting you what you asked for it doesn’t matter whether or not you asked him to get you that thing he just hears a need or a problem and solves that need or problem if you don’t voice it he thinks everything is fine when in your head it’s not fine and you sit and let it fester until it all boils over and the relationships dead

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Not “all” guys mine is pretty damn awesome

I want to know exactly cause my fiancee is the same way

Not all guys do. Takes two though. You gotta do the same. DATE even after you’re already together

I’ve been with my man 5years… married for 4… we have a 3.5year old… and he still showers with me with love… not always with gifts but small acts and words expressed… I also show him I love him in the same form. We are a partnership and don’t expect anything from each other…

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Because you don’t require him to.

Rephrase this question. Why does my guy stop trying…

Martin Connolly ahahaha