Why do I struggle so much with insecurities? I feel like I’m not being a good enough mom, partner, friend, employee etc. I get insecure about little things and I’m sitting here crying to myself asking myself why I feel this way. I’m in therapy, on meds and listen to uplifting podcasts but I still feel so insecure. Why can’t I just not care and think highly of myself? Why do I get jealous so easily? I’m just so tired of it.
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Bc you need to talk to a therapist and not Facebook
You’re doing everything right, but maybe you need to up your therapy sessions and meds dosages. Both take a while to kick in and you have to do the work to change your default settings. Is this recent, like post-partum depression or a long-standing problem?
There’s a sort of workbook called “I’m Awesome! Here’s Why” you may want to try. Do you have an “I am brave, smart, capable, a good mom, an awesome wife, an excellent employee…etc.” mantra you say to yourself every time you look in the mirror? Post the text at every mirror and say it aloud.
Also, cut yourself some slack because it’s impossible to be excellent at everything all at once. Something has to give. You’re juggling a lot and it’s OK to just be okay at being a wife, mom, friend, employee. Not everything at home or work has to be a “10”. Skip gourmet food or complex or time-consuming recipes.
My faves were heated Goya black bean soup over 90-second basmati brown rice packs. Dinner in 5 minutes. Throw chopped spinach & shredded carrots or zucchini in jarred tomato sauce for more nutrition. You can hide a lot of vegetables in spaghetti sauce!
Buy pie shells (frozen or refrigerated), mix chopped onions, a pack of frozen mixed vegetables (and any veggie leftovers you have around) with condensed, undiluted cream of chicken, mushroom, celery or tomato soup and a protein (cooked chopped chicken, turkey, hamburger, or tofu) and top with instant mashed potatoes and Parmesan cheese. Bake 2 pies 30-45 minutes and you have a healthy complete dinner.
Delegate! Offload whatever you can, let people help you and grow your “village” of folks who can help you. Do child development students want some real-world training helping entertain your child/children? Is your significant other doing their fair share of childcare and housework? Do you have family who can take over some tasks? Can a neighbor pick up your groceries when they get theirs in exchange for some brownies or buying themselves a treat on your dime?
Team with other families to trade nights when you cook (or buy pre-made) for everyone? For example: Joe makes burgers & salad for everyone Monday, Tuesday Mary makes chicken tacos for everyone, Wednesday Hal makes chili and cornbread, Thursday you make pulled pork sandwiches and coleslaw, and Friday you all hang at someone’s house for pizza and a movie.
Car pool to and from daycare or school with other parents. Delegate and simplify at work.
Understand that no mom is doing well unless she is super rich with a phalanx of helpers to do everything for her. Nobody is perfect, no matter what you see on the surface. Turn off social media. Most people’s lives are messy and falling apart behind a pretty facade. It took 9 months to grow a child in your body. Accept in some ways it will never be the same, and allow 9-18 months to get back into better shape if you want. If others are doing perfect now they’re due for a psychotic break or a meltdown soon. Don’t be hard on yourself. Tacos fall apart easily and everyone loves them.
Celebrate every little victory. Do your shoes match? High five! Is your hair combed? Winner! Did the kiddos eat? Mom of the year!! Did you kiss your significant other today? Total bonus!
Jettison everything you don’t need to do. I stopped letting my nails grow long & stopped painting them. Stop dyeing your hair unless it gives you pleasure and pampering time alone. Simplify your makeup routine or don’t wear any. Make simple meals, take advantage of pre-prepped stuff at the grocery store. Create a good-enough repetitive wardrobe that you don’t have to think about what to wear, and a repetitive schedule so you don’t have to think as much—it just becomes habit in muscle memory.
Prioritize sleep by any means possible. You are enough and more. Keep working on believing that. 