I have custody of my fourteen year old niece. She is a good student. She’s not like other kids her age. But lately she seems to think she’s entitled to iPhones etc. she always seems to “forget” to do her daily chores then expects to go hang out with a friend. In the past I have allowed her to do so but now I have noticed that she is “forgetting” to do her chores a lot more often now. Maybe she’s really just testing the waters. If I don’t allow her to do something she wants to do - I get the guilt trip or she starts saying she wishes she was never born- wishes she lived somewhere else. Etc. any advice about handling this situation would be great!! Thanks.
21 Likes
Sounds like a typical 14 year old. You’re the adult. She’s the child. Put your foot down. You’re her guardian not her friend.
14 Likes
Sounds like a teen. Stick to your guns do not back down. You’ve already compromised now it’s her turn
3 Likes
She’s just at that bratty age lol. Tell her if she keeps acting entitled she wont get anything. And that chores need to be done before she gets to go out with friends. Stand your ground.
Normal teenager. Put your foot down.
3 Likes
Stay firm make her do her chores… .my 11 year old does the same thing it’s aggravating and all but it teaches them they can do as they plz as long as they do what’s expected of them
First of all, God Bless you for taking her on❤ I agree that she is a typical teen trying to see what she can get away with. Just dont back down, be consistent!
1 Like
if you have custody of her. you have every right to do whatever you feel best.
How’d you get custody of my 14 year old? Try taking her phone so she does chores faster to get it back and she stomps, hits and kicks things, pulls her hair and says she has the worst life ever and everyone hates her. But if she has the phone when doing chores, it takes her 6 hours (literally) to wash the dinner dishes.
I believe she has found the manipulation button!
2 Likes
Very very typical.
I have a 14 year old as well. Shes a good girl too…but not perfect.
1st… Pick your battles
2nd… Make sure she never disrespects you
3rd…Hang tight…you got a few years of crazy left.
Just remember…she is normal. Teenagers are hard to raise…but remeber back to being a teen…its the greatest and hardest times of life.
5 Likes
Follow rules or no privileges. It is very simple. don’t give in. kids are supposed to hate us at that age lol
1 Like
Tell her she does her chores gets privileges. Dont do chores get privileges and dont get phone take things away till chores are done. Stick to ur guns. She being typical teenager. Show her ur the boss
She’s pushing her boundaries…i have custody of my nephew and niece and trust me I’m going thru the same thing
Spoken like a true teenager… put your foot down they don’t like it but life matches on
1 Like
“I wish I was never born” and entitlement could be a manifestation of trauma she endured before being placed with you. If putting your foot down and having rules and consequences doesn’t work you might consider a therapist to get to the root cause of what’s going on. Otherwise it wi only get worse.
Sounds about right…just remember you’re the parent not the friend. I promise in the long run it will be ok. Kids need boundaries
1 Like
Don’t fall for that attitude. Tell her to get over it. Just like our parents told us.
2 Likes
Ahh thats so normal. Typical teen. Just wait for the I hate you, this isn’t fair, you dont love me.
Just remember, that kiddo loves and respects you. She just has crazy hormones and peer pressure going on. A d a whole new change in life.
It will pass. Lol dont you remember being a teen?? Hell I feel so sorry for what I put my mom through. Ugh
3 Likes
Little missy is doing a guilt trip on you.
1 Like
She is definitely testing your limits. I wouldn’t give in she wants to live somewhere else … be my guest the door is open 
2 Likes
Change the WiFi password, get one of those cellphone service jammer thingies, or just take away some privileges.
It’s normal teenage behavior but stay strong and stand your ground
Not doing chores and trying to play guilt card means not mature enough for phone in my opinion. Stand your ground
2 Likes
My kid tells me she’s gonna cut herself, whenever I do something she doesn’t like… IE. Clean your room =I’m gonna cut myself. No Chromebook tonight- I’m gonna cut myself. Leave your backpack downstairs- I’m gonna cut myself. Quit taking my shit- I’m gonna cut myself. You get the idea. She’s been to court and ticketed twice now for truancy, lies consistently about everything, blatantly smokes pot in my house after being told numerous times not to, then posts pics of herself on FB doing it… I’m at a loss. She has no regard whatsoever for what I say or any of my rules, punishment doesn’t matter and she blames her depression on me. Tells me that when (not if, when) she kills herself, it’ll be my fault… Shes 16. It could be worse with your kid, is what I’m trying to say
Ugh good luck my 14 year old won’t lift a finger
Be consistent! You can’t be ok with things one time and not the next. In my experience (16 and 14 year old boys currently) teenagers live by the saying “give them and inch and they’ll take a mile”.
2 Likes
Don’t let her learn to use her past as a crutch or excuse to get what she wants. That’s a hard habit to break once acquired and gets you nowhere but heartache… Be the “Momma” she needs right now and firm up to save her enduring harder lessons later in life.
Shes testing you dont fall for it
Ya stick to telling her no and ground her if she keeps foegetting to do her chores you keep giving in she gonna walk all over you and it will get worse and worse.
Tell her that she can’t have a phone cause she can’t handle the responsibilities that she currently has.
1 Like
And all people will tell me is, someday she’ll realize what an ass she’s being. Gotta be honest, doesn’t help me the least bit now. I work 2 jobs to support myself n my 3 kids n I’m going fucking crazy…
Any 14 year old is guna be like that…but dont let her walk all over you put your foot down bout things
I was that teen,I went as far as telling my mom that I wanted a new Mom and she should’ve given me up.
I’m a grandmother helping my son raise his 13 yr old daughter it’s starting with her but stand your ground be the boss she will love you in the end.i told her been there done that .
Teenager the closest you will come to the powerful manipulations of a psychopath on hard dope. Bless you and may you have the strength to love her enough to say no and still love her when you want to shoot her at the same time. Mom it’s the best job in the world 
I was that girl, don’t let her push you. Stand firm. That’s what she needs. You’re aren’t supposed to be her friend, you’re there to make sure she grows into a strong, independent, responsible, kind adult. You got this! Now I’m gonna need someone to remind me this is 12 years when the first of my 3 girls is 14
Take her phone until she does her chores, then she gets it back and can go see her friends
Stay the course! Hold your ground!
She is sending you on guilt trip.
Kids are smart creatures who like getting what they want, doing what they want and no rules. Sadly the caretaker is given the task of making good choices for them until 18 by law. So it will test you it’s something I’d do again for mine but so so glad mine are old enough now they appreciate me. They still like to me though… #ilovebeingamommy
She isn’t forgetting to do them,she’s just not doing them.
1 Like
Let her know that she assigned to you and you to her. When a child is mad we are doing our jobs as parents. Hold your ground. Welcome to teenagers;-)
1 Like
Shes just being a 14yr old she needs to know if doesnt do her chores there are consequences like it or not I can tell you sometimes it gets worse before it gets better hang in there it’ll all work out it did for me
I feel like there is more going on then just a bad attitude just my opinion especially since she’s saying she wish she was never born I mean I never said that but I thought about it a lot as a teenager and still even now just saying you might want to get that checked out but other than that I would totally stand your ground and not given to her obviously you might have to take the phone away and start forcing her to do her chores more and not allow her to go hang out with friends until she’s done with her chores but I’d go get her evaluated and make sure that she doesn’t have depression I’d also like to add that may be just talking to her and general could help a lot maybe she’ll open up to you and you could ask her why she keeps forgetting to do her chores etc most teenagers hate doing chores anyways LOL so that’s probably the reason but I talked to her and see if you can find anything out and possibly help in any way just my opinion though
Put a to do list in her room or whenever she is and put you on tell her I forget too maybe if you remember I’ll remember it works both ways 
1 Like
It’s the age. My daughter “forgets” to do chores too. And shes moody. Shes a great kid but not immune to the teenage years sadly
Dont let those rules slide. Explain to her once the chores are done, then you may go out. Saying she wishes she’d never been born is to manipulate your feelings. To control the outcome of getting what she wants.
Sounds like a typical teenager, be patient.
2 Likes
If she’s normal when she gets her way and all the sudden turns depressed when she doesn’t get her way then I’d say she’s def trying to manipulate you…
4 Likes
My daughter is 14 and sometimes does the same thing
Stand your ground but reassure her she is wanted but can’t play this card everytime as she wants adult things so she needs to be doing her chores
I heard once that if your kids tell you that you’re ruining their life, it means you’re doing it right!
2 Likes
Ok. Maybe I am going to the odd man out here BUT my daughter (12) had been acting out. Anger outbursts for the smallest things. She was wanted all those things too. She stopped eating, was losing weight. Trouble sleeping as well. I had found letters she wrote to me about suicide. One night I’d had enough. I took her to a crisis center. They admitted her to a hospital for 5 days. It has made all the difference. She was severely depressed! I thought she was just being spoiled or testing waters. I thought at the most maybe an eating disorder starting. She had lost her cognitive ability to eat and sleep. It was heartbreaking. Listen to YOUR gut mom. My girl has 100% if not higher in all classes except math. Girls their age want to be perfect. It’s too much sometimes especially if there is a past trauma. You can pm me if you’d like.b
4 Likes
When I was 14, I was like this. Constantly on my phone or hanging out with friends, refusing to do chores, even sneaking out and everything. Want to know what my parents did when they finally got fed up with it? They whooped my butt! And when they found out about my sneaking out, they taught me a lesson by calling my brother in law (he’s a sheriff in our county!) & told him what was going on and he came and got me, took me back home and had a very long talk with me about why I shouldn’t do certain things and that the consequences would be worse if I continued and that not everyone will let you off as easily as he let me off that night.
You can bet your butt I started listening & stopped sneaking out and everything else. I’m 17 now & honestly, I’m very thankful for them giving my ass a whopping and doing what they did because only god knows where I’d be right now if they wouldn’t have.
You got to set boundaries with children yours or not
1 Like
Stick to your guns she’s only saying those things to upset you and get her way when she says she wishes she was never born you just look at her and say well I’m sure glad you were
1 Like
Find her something to do to occupy her time maybe she can get a job or something or volunteer at a hospital
1 Like
I think that’s normal let her be mad at you bc she has a good life with u. She knows that she is testing u and u need to stand firm! U can do this! let her be mad she WILL get over it.
2 Likes
Remind her your her parent now and ground her butt, no phone, no going anywhere, till chores are done!
1 Like
Sounds like you are doing a great job raising and taking care of her because she sounds exactly like every other 14 year old I know (and I too have a 14 year old daughter as well as a 17 and 13 year old boys)!!!
My advice… for a girl, *Be patient
- don’t flip out on her because will flip out right back at you
*treat her and talk to her the same way you would like to be treated and talked to
*Calmly and logically explain to her your position on whatever is going on.
*Set up specific consequences and stick with them.
1 Like
Girl that is typical teenage behavior don’t let her guilt trip you because she knows that trick works. She needs to understand that if she wants to do something then there are things that she needs to do… it helps them to be responsible and realize there are rewards and consequences for their actions
1 Like
Reverse phsycology. When she saus she wishes she could move somewhere else start packing her bags. We did this and she started crying and straightened right up. They dont know what they got until they think they are gunna lose it.
She knows what to say to make you give in. No child is entitled to iphones, etc. That is EARNED! Don’t give in!
1 Like
You have to stick to your guns because if she acts like that in adulthood, no one would take her seriously.
She’s being a kid testing the waters. Keep doing what you’re doing, mama and she’ll get it
Stand your ground! I was a brat as a teenager to my mom. Would say the same things. She will get over it dont feel bad. I feel bad as an adult on how i treated my mom as a teen.
2 Likes
Crack down on that. Now. She wants entitlements… She can earn them.
My biological son is 15 and does the same. It’s normal. Just be consistent, let her know what will happen if she doesn’t get her chores done or whatever the issue is and follow through.
When she says things to make you feel bad, just say “I know this makes you feel upset, but when you make bad choices you get bad consequences. Make good choices next time and you’ll get the good things that you want.”
1 Like
Hahahaha omg. 14. Thats a fun age…its literally just testing waters. Just keep on her. She must do her chores before she goes out. If she doesnt wants to do them…then she doesnt go out and her phone is taken away. Period. I did that as a teenager…im sure we all did at some point. She will get over it lol. Does she get allowence?? Maybe do that, it might enxourage her to get those chores done lol. Then…if she wants an iphone, she can save up and pay half 
Her reaction when not getting her way is normal; it’s called manipulation. Set the boundaries and sit her down and clearly explain what you expect out of her and what the consequences are when she doesn’t follow the rules. As my daddy always said to us when we would say “that’s not fair”; life isn’t fair you need to get used to it now before I send you out into the world. Do not change the rules, kids do much better when they know what to expect time and time again.