Me and my husband have been together for 8 years married 3 years… we have 3 kids together. I love him with all I am but I feel like since we had kids things has changed alot we fight more and we dont do as much anymore together he would rather not go anywhere with the kids. my question is is this normal? he will always say that he misses me misses the way I was when we got together… I have changed is that normal as well???
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Yes having kids changes things
People change but being a father shouldnt.He dont like going anywhere with kids??? Thats weird.Maybe if he acted like a dad on the outside yous would grow closer together.He needs to step up and be a good dad and maybe you can be more like you use to be, whatever he means by that.
Of course it’s normal, it’s gone from just the 2 of you, and being able to go do things spontaneously, to having kids that look to you for everything.
It’s bloody draining.
Try and make time for date night.
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Yes, people are always growing and changing. It happens
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Seems like the kids are a burden for him, you are a family and need to do things together as well as make time for date nights.
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He seems stressed. Have more date nights without the kids. In my honest opinion I don’t think anyone can have a successful marriage unless they spend some alone time to remember why they fell in love in the first place. Kids can really complicate a relationship. Take some time for him & your marriage.
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Yes this is very normal. Having children changes things
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Leave him… I mean he’s sitting there telling you that he misses the way you were before you had your children together wow that was very nice of him to say… leave him
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You have kids now of course you changed. He hasn’t changed. He needs to grow up
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Maybe he’s depressed? Not wanting to do things is a sign, I think you guys might benefit from some therapy, not necessarily seeing a professional, maybe start with hiring a sitter and having a date night, just you two, for some alone time. Try to get him to open up about how he truly feels.
Well yeah it’s normal. 8 years ago you weren’t a mom. You’re not the same woman you were then.
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Things do change once you have kids I’m going on my third pregnancy due in November and my kids are 2 (tomorrow is her birthday) and 3 (his birthday is November) so they are pretty close in age but they are also having a lot of fits lately that it is hard to take them out anywhere because no matter what you do they have a tantrum! It’s their age! It does get better! We mostly take the kids somewhere where they can be interactive like at a pool, park or somewhere hands on
I am going through the same thing… boyfriend of 8 years, just had our rainbow baby In February after struggling with infertility the whole time we have been together… he misses me and how things used to be… unfortunately having kids changes things… more so for woman than men… I’m still trying to find the perfect balance of becoming a new mom and catering to him who is used to being my one and only… it’s hard but just like anything worth having it’s hard work… I’m hoping we can get through this hard time… I keep feeling guilty but it’s not my fault… I still love him more so than before it’s just hard having a new baby and going through PP as well… looking for any advice
It’s hard for men as well. Becoming a dad, and providing for small humans is hard on them just as much as it is the mom, except they suck at basic communication skills. They feel.all the same emotions but deal with them completely different. They say something and it usually means something else. He probably wants some time alone with you. I highly doubt he NEVER wants to go anywhere with the kids. I can see him not always wanting them there so he can be with just you once in a while…I feel that way too and my kids are my world, but I dont want then around me 24/7. Lol. I sometimes want just him and I…and my hubs feels the same once in a while. That’s normal. This situation is 150% normal. We all grow and change all the time. We all go through things mentally and physically all the time. He may be feeling like he is losing part of him and is missing it a little, and that is ok. Find a babysitter and go out on the town like you guys use to. Talk to him about how he is feeling and tell him how your feeling. Make a plan to have a special date night once or twice a month. Its important to remember who you are aside from the children. Individually and as a couple.
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Yes! It will get better as they get older! Communicate
He might actually mean that he misses the old you but it probably means that he also just misses when it was the two of you and all of the things you could do without the worry of your children.
Start doing things together when you can! If you can get a babysitter make a date night and talk about everything! It’s a lot of hard work but through communication and trust you can get through anything. It’s normal! Times change, it’s all about finding ways to reconnect together. Good luck!
You guys need some time alone to do things you did before you became parents. That is important in a relationship and he is missing that undivided attention. See if you can go on a weekly date night. Something as simple as grabbing a milkshake without the kids. Get dressed up. He’s communicating with you his needs. Hear him out.
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Having kids changes everything. Either you grow through it together or one person will grow out of the stagnant one. Usually the wife grows out of the husband because he refuses to move forward and adapt.
But you do need time to yourselves sometimes. That is a must, and it takes way more effort and planning to make it happen.
Normal! Marriage is work & kids make it harder. Maybe he is overwhelmed with all the work & stress kids bring and how relentless it is. Sometimes it DOES take so much effort to leave the house with the kids it’s just not worth it!
You will not be able to be spontaneous for about 18 years.
Sympathize with his feelings & set up date nights or other times without the kids. It’s not only nice but necessary to have alone time with just you two.
How about starting Latin dance classes? Do something fun & a little scary as a couple—ride roller coasters, start a fitness program, get a hotel room for a night & role play, get mani-pedis or couples therapeutic massage, plan an exotic (or just fun) trip together even if you have to save for a decade to make it happen IRL. Have a new non-parenting goal that just the two of you share.
If that doesn’t improve the situation, go to marriage counseling, and have him screened for depression and anxiety (and anything else that could be affecting his mood).
And tell him caring for kids is less time-consuming (though no less intense!) as the kids get older & more independent. And one day before you know it you will be empty nesters able to do whatever you want (within budget😉).