Hey y’all, I need some advice. My husband and I have a 1 year old together. He had 2 other children (5 year old boy and a younger girl). We just won custody of our 5 year old boy last week against his mother. They both were in a really bad abusive and neglectful situation, and we’ve got to go back to court at a later date for the little girl. He has been fed and fed a bunch of lies about his father and myself (his mother hates my guts, because she’s still “in love” with my husband.) and now he really believes we hate him and that every time he gets hurt, through clumsiness or otherwise, he immediately cries that his daddy hurt him and that his daddy pushed him, etc. His mother said he was diagnosed with ODD, ADD, ADHD, and a slew of other things that the Pediatrician we swapped him to said he doesn’t have at all. He’d been doped up to the point of slobbering at the wall 24/7 until we got him. She sent him to a mental institution because she “can’t deal with him”. But my main question is what can we do? We are at a loss because he swears we hate him and he won’t budge on it. We have showed nothing but love and patience and kindness to the point where, if you were an outsider looking in, it would make you nauseous. We have done everything, and I’m concerned this may be fixed with… More inpatient therapy. Please help me! I’ll even take harsh criticism at this point…
Therapy and keep showing him love and support
He needs to be put into therapy ASAP… He needs individual counseling and y’all need family counseling… All y’all can do is show him no matter what y’all love him and will always be there… Hopefully with time he will see he’s loved and wanted…
Time… the more you push the more he will pull! Trying a counsellor might help but he might go completely blank with them too. 5 is a hard age to start with… seriously just time, extra loving attention without making others feel bad. Fun loving positive environment, he will latch on to someone even if it is not you… again leading to time!!!
Love love love. Acceptance and understanding. Allowing him to feel safe and accepted is so important. Be there for him especially in those difficult moments.
Couseling would help (not necessarily inpatient, i wouldn’t go that far, then he may feel like you’re trying to get rid of him) and continue to show him love. Take him out for activities like swimming or a day at the park. It’ll take quite a while, but dont give up
I dont know the situation but there is two sides to every story a cpl years ago my soon to be ex husband and his gf took my kids from me and lied to court saying all kinds of bs i had to hire lawyers took 6 mos and i got my babies back and i have had them since…my point is for some reason ( not saying you…could be idk) these new girlfriends think that we ( the actual mothers) know more about our child than we do and that it is ok to get involved and that we still want our exes back…your best bet is to stay out of it fr dont get involved between your man and the baby momma…nothing pisses us off more than some girlfriend that thinks she has any right to get in middle of it…im gonna tell you now my exes gf almost got throat punched a cpl times for thinking she can put herself in the middle…now she doesnt say a word and lets us…the parents take care of everything…and thats how it should be the girlfriends have no place being involved in anything…
Stability. The most important thing you can do for the little boy is provide him a safe, loving, and stable home. He is going through a lot of changes and doesn’t understand. He is going to have to learn to trust you and feel confident that he is loved and will be well taken care of.
Counseling and don’t give up on him. That’s what he’s expecting and he’s pushing y’all away. Keep showing him unconditional love, attention and affection and eventually he’ll realize not everyone leaves. But right now that’s exactly what he believes. Counseling IS NOT AN OVERNIGHT FIX but with time and work it can really change your life. You and your husband should start seeing someone as well and a lot of programs offer so much if you’re open to it. Family therapy, individual, group therapy, classes, and being involved with these services can get you ALL KINDS of other help too. Do your research and find a GOOD place with a good reputation, look for the BEST place around you. And if you don’t mesh right with a therapist you can let them go and try someone new, a lot of ppl don’t know that.
Love, consistency, and time are going to be key. Couseling couls help as well. Just love him unconditionally and in time he will start to see that. Hang in there.
No matter what the corse you choose the main thing is to remain constance giving unconditional love and that means following thu with any behavior modified ( punishment) or sport teams ect . It takes alot of time . I have walked in somewhat similar shoes and my nephew, now my son calls me mom and he is grown but still calls as a good son should and he and his sister are my heart. I never EVER said a negative word abt his birth mom or dad ( bit my tongue alot) and it paid off . I have always been honest based on age and emotional maturity. Treat him how you would want your child treated.
Keep consistently loving him.he needs that love.in time he. Will feel secure and be able to trust.
Schools have psychotherapists that would work with him & you. Check into it.
Take him to doctors and start from the beginning. get things straight what wrong with him. And go from there on what advice doctor give u But keep on giving the little boys love u r doing a great job
Family counseling or solo counseling. Make sure they know what his situations have been and they have access to any and all prior medical records so that he can deal with his problems and learnt that he makes mistakes and that it’s not really anyone’s fault and that he can trust you guys
Just keep being consistent. Show him love and boundaries too. Get him therapy, outpatient therapy, he’s only 5 and he’s been severely abused by his mother and it’s going to take time for him to trust you, especially since she’s been feeding him with the opposite information. I seriously hope that you get custody of this little girl ASAP because I can’t even begin to imagine what she’s going through.
I’m at a complete loss as to how you get a 5 year old diagnosed with all of that AND drugged. What kind of irresponsible doctor was seeing this kid??
Try to get in him therapy. Just keep loving him. Im sorry. Such a tough situation.
I would say family therapy would be the way to go
Keep showing him love, sometimes it will and can take years to recover from this type of the abuse. Don’t buy his love, the boy still needs boundaries
Love him and show him that you love him. He will see the difference.
I recently read an article about a couple who fostered a girl who had a pretty bad life before them, she was defiant and hard and had been passed around from foster home to foster home because no one could deal with her. The parents just kept pouring all of their love and devotion into her and eventually she can around and is a normal functioning woman. Sometimes it just takes a whole lot of time and patience