Why doesn't my son listen when his dad is around?

Ok so my son’s father and I are super wonderful co-parents. We get along magnificently and he supports all of my parenting decisions. The only problem is when my son’s father comes over to visit my child goes absolutely ape sh%t and refuses to complete any task requested of him. Spelling words, reading, manners, everything goes completely out the window!!! I’m a pretty patient and devoted mother, my son’s father sees me struggle when he comes by and tries his best to support me and encourages our son to obey but our son still refuses to comply… why is this??? We are separated and have not lived together in nearly 7 yrs. Our son is almost 8. We see therapists and are involved in family group therapy sessions as well. His progress has been remarkable and grades have improved tremendously. Still our problem is when his father visits. Suggestions?


separate learning time with dad time. He associates dad with good times. Let him.


as far as “coming over”. Let dad take him for these visits….so you are not involved. If you’re separated (IE: done) there’s no reason for YOUR presence with them being together.

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I would give dad and son some time together without you.

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My ex and I co-parent amazingly as well. I have a SO and he has an SO. We all 4 hang out. Get along. Spend bunches of time together. We are in fact, raising 6 kids together. Y’all need to sit down and put rules down. It seems as tho you are both enabling this behavior. You both need to make him do what he is told.

Definitely seperate the 2 … let dad and son have fun…you do you time… this is how it worked with my ex and i… ge never had overnight visits just 2 to 4 hours on Sunday so it would be daddy daughter time ge also didnt do the disciplining I did that unless it was something that was in their moment…

No suggestions, but I have to give you a pat on the back for doing so much to ensure your baby has the best life possible. Even tho you’re no longer together, you’re coparenting and working together. That takes a lot! Not only that, but you’re going to counseling & therapy. Momma, you guys are doing it right! Huge thumbs up from me! Keep working together! As long as your child sees you as a united team, everything will work out fine. You’ll figure it out.

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Because he isnt with dad as often as you he is turning on showing off. While it might not be the best or proper behaviour its his way of getting the extra attention from dad. Dad need to be a little firmer about his behaviour when there. He may benefit from fun time with each of you individually. dad should not always be the “fun” parent and you the enforcer with homework/ chores.
Most importantly congratulations on being able to effectively co parent I couldn’t.

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Just be consistent and have consequences when he isn’t listening. Get to his level and in a firm voice, tell him what he is doing wrong, and put him in time out. Also explain why the behavior isnr exceptional. 8 minutes, 1 minute per age. Have dad do this too. Create a reward system…like maybe a coin for every time he does a good act, listens, and does a chore. Coins can get him into a treasure box or something of the sort. I fell ya mama. Stay strong!

he wants his dads attention so he’s acting out in the wrong way to get his attention maybe have do some one on one time as well I do agree with that and let him see dad can be the bad guy at times when he acts up maybe he just doing it bc he sees u guys together so he’s hopen y’all will get back together but just talk to ur son and tell him look we can’t do these things ect just talk and have his dad explain when he there he gets his full attention he dosnt have to act that way my son dose it alot and we get on to him and if he don’t mind me his dad gets that dad voice and he shapes up bc he sees o I can’t do this he calm. Down pretty fast