Why is my 7-year-old no longer being independent?

My 7 year old is all of sudden not being independent with anything and I’m exhausted! She used to be so independent and I’ve noticed over the past 10ish months that her behavior has regressed. She wants help with getting dressed, showering, won’t do her homework unless I’m right next to her, doesn’t want to go to bed with one of us…very simple things she should be by herself. I can’t get anything done around the house because it feels like she’s asking for help 24/7. Has anyone else experienced thisNow, I do not mind helping her nor expect her to do everything independently, she’s 7. I’ve just noticed this regression is just not like her.

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She’s 7, make more time for her, read to her, bond with her every second you get. That’s what she’s yearning for.

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She is needing attention. You need to slow down she is not fully ready to be independent. Start by letting her do big girl things. helping you to make cookies. Let her put the silver wear away,let her help by recycling things. Make sure to praise her . She still needs your attention and blessing. Make her feel needed by you and her dad.

Seems like she’s just wanting more attention or doing these things with you gives her more time with you. My daughter is 6 and she does this sometimes.

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I’m exp this now but I heard it’s common amongst kids when you have a new baby. My son is 7 months and my 4.5yo has slowly decided she can’t even put on her shoes.

She may just need more attention from you and that’s the only way she knows how to get it. Spend more time with her not with helping her but actual quality time with her

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Seems like she may want some quality time. Try a girls night and giving her a lil demo before she does something. So she has her independence but she also gets to bond with you more. 🫶🏾

check people around you and her… be sure they’re people you trust. this is a insecurity issue. something is causing this.

Maybe she just wants time with her mum?

Mom check in on her school, hopefully she not being bully or pick on. Make sure she’s not being left alone with anybody that would harm her or take advantage of her innocent.

She just wants that one on one time. Maybe set up a day once a week where its just you two . Another idea is movie night or watch a series together.

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I think k she may be craving some 1:1 time. And maybe talk to her about how she’s been feeling lately. It could be she is feeling very insecure, or can’t express that she is feeling insecure? Or articulate it in a way. She maybe stressed about something but by acting this way she is releasing some of the strees, however it’s not solving the root of the issue so it continues in a weird loop

Has anything changes in the home? New people around, arguing, pregnancy, new relationships, move, new school, separation , divorce etc not even just inside main home but close family or friends ? If not def have a convo w dr about it

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Has there been any major changes?
New baby? New job? Different work hours? Death in the family? Divorce? Someone she was close with moved? You guys moved?
Big changes like can set off regression particularly at that age…Which is normal and she’ll adjust back to being independent in her own time.

If there’s been no big changes you can think of then it’s time to start looking at more serious causes like bullying or struggling at school.

What’s changed in the last ten months that you can think of! Take her out to a little brunch and let her talk be open so she knows she can come to you for anything! But it’s better to act quickly to see what’s going on
My 8 year old is going through something similar so we going through therapy and come to find out they think he’s going through some anxiety.

Sounds like someone done something to her you need to ask her if she wa to to talk with you she could be afraid.

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Something’s up mama
She needs you and she’s letting you know
She probably doesn’t understand why this is happening either but check in on her physical and emotional health
And be there
Don’t do the tough love thing this time
You don’t know what’s causing it now but in 10 years you will wish you didn’t approach with tough love if you do now

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She needs more one on one attention normal. Hold her hand hug her more go for walks play with her etc.

Regression is normal. Maybe she had too much independence before and now you gotta find a middle ground. Or maybe it’s just a phase.

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just maybe, sit her down & really talk to her & really listen

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Pls go with her to doctor …something is bothering her , perhaps she can’t defend herself

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Regression can be perfectly normal in children right before big changes occur. For example around this age, whilst there’s usually a jump in independence, there can also be a jump in forward thinking so over thinking about school next year, over thinking friendships, over thinking home circumstances and what might happen. Complex thought and forward thinking can be quite intimidating so wanting that closer attachment wouldn’t be a huge concern, it may just mean spending that quality time and encouraging that independence. Like having them sit at the dinner table to do homework and chatting about it whilst you tend to making dinner.
Regression can also indicate stress, anxiety or a serious problem as well but it doesn’t necessarily mean that something terrible is happening based solely on a change of behaviour. Either way, it’s really important when something isn’t right to keep those lines of communication open to investigate what might be happening here. Ask questions like what was the best part of your day today and what was the worst part. You can then hone in from those open questions to get more information. Open questions will keep things more relaxed but if something peaks your worry don’t be afraid to just outright ask…did something happen that you don’t like?
My 11yo is currently going through an anxious period and there’s been sudden behaviour changes but through constantly talking we have figured out that she’s worried about school next year because her father and I won’t be as involved as it’s high school. She’s worried about the new responsibilities that she thought she wouldn’t get any help with and feeling like she has to suddenly be a big girl. (She has an older sister who’s very independent but normal circumstances for a teen). So ive had to keep chatting with her and explaining that although things will change, it doesn’t happen over night and that her father and I are there every step of the way to help and there will also be new adults in the school that we can go meet who can also help out when ever she wants to make contact with them. We then discussed the exciting parts of getting older and a new school. It hasn’t solved anything suddenly but it does seem to be helping her adjust to the big thoughts and feelings that come with big change.

Is there a new baby? Any traumatic or stressful events in your life?

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I think sometimes it’s them wanting that one on one. They know they can do it but remember they go back to that time when parents used to always do it - it’s the love they get from it. The feeling of care of extra helping.

Have some movie nights or outings with her. Tell her extra times you love her, random hugs not just at bed time. Tell her she is beautiful. Say come here mum will help you unexpectedly to them then eventually give her an item to put on herself.
Don’t feel like it’s hard for you, she will see it and be even more upset that you don’t have the time for it.,

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Talk to her. Go for a walk or wash the dishes so it’s not scary face to face. Tell her you love her and she can tell you anything and you won’t get mad with her, but you have noticed this change in her and you are worried that something is going on that is upsetting her. Then actually listen to what she has to say. Hugs may be necessary.

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How’s school going? Is something going on she’s not telling you? Could be a number of things xx

Please stop saying it’s normal…somethings going on and momma needs to calmly gain more trust in her to get her to reveal what’s bothering her. Could be a number of things…bullying…exclusion of activities…maybe she hears parents argue and doesn’t realize what’s going on…maybe has an unpleasant teacher…could even be just 1 kid bothering her and making her feel insecure…but mom needs to find out and get her back on track…because it can really hurt a child’s mind and way of thinking for a lifetime. I went through that as a child and I know these things happen :confused:

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She’s just become aware that she’s not the centre of the universe is a very normal progression from baby to childhood, some have tantrums for attention some very clingy. Reassurance is all you can do really

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Take her to. Dr she could be fighting depression she could be bullied and made fun of at school there are all kinds of reasons

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Hate to even say this. Make sure
shes not being molested. I found out to late and we went alot of trauma.

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She may be being bullied or molested. If you are right there, she feels safe. Be there and try to encourage her to talk about how she feels

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My 10 year old is going thru a regression too~ hormonal shifts and mental load of aging is tough on them

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Something’s going on? Have you asked your child if anyone is hurting her?

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Has she had any significant changes recently? New baby, school, parents separated etc? Is she possibly being bullied?

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  1. Any chance in her environment? Moving , family or friends moving away , parents separation , new baby , changes in her routine

  2. Are spending quality time with her? Maybe she just wants/ needs more attention

  3. Have you talk to her teachers ? How is she doing at school ?

  4. Ask her if someone is bullying her at school

5.Give her words of encouragement and a little price now and then to let her know that she is doing a great job .

  1. Can be a sign of her being molested

  2. Talking to her pediatrician will not hurt

Also , if she is around other kids and someone is doing this stuff for them she might be just a little jealous ( not in a bad way )

I’m a babysitter and if I do something for one of the kids I have to it for all of them , for example I babysat a girl who was 3 when I started watching her I Tim she was 6, she knew how to do everything but she was a little possessive about me ( she practically lived with me ) if she saw me feeding other kid , even a toddler or a baby she asked me to feed her , if I tickle the baby she wanted me to do it for her …. Etc :blush::wink:

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Have you had a baby recently? Otherwise, it could be bullying or some kind of abuse going on.

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You may want to take her to her pediatrician there may be something going on.

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From a social work perspective I’d say its concerning. Talk with in si.ple terms. It can be several things from just needing extra love an attention because she is realizing the world’s a scary place or serious as I. Someone may be hurting her. Children do regress at times but it sounds like she is scared and wants you right there with her. You are where she feels safest. Hold her tight. Encourage her to be independent but don’t push. If it gers worse I’d suggest a child therapist one who specializes in play therapy.

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When my daughter is like this I have her help with the things I need to get done, aure it takes a bit longer but she’s usually looking for connection.

I bought her a kid safe knife set, she helps with dinner, we do cleaning parties where we turn on music and work together with cleaning

I agree I would find out what’s bothering her

Seeking one on one. Growing up is fast and maybe she’s not ready either. Story time at bed is such a bonding experience. Let them know you see them struggling and want to help

Talk with her about it. Set aside specific time just for her. My daughter helps me cook. She’s 6. Extremely independent but still asks for help on trivial things when she needs down time and just wants to relax. Now she just tells me she needs chill time, grabs everything she needs and makes a spot with her tablet in the same room I’m in and that to her is us doing something together

Mama if something has changed you need to gain her trust finding out what’s happening. Maybe she just needs your unconditional touch. Holding her telling her how much you love her and how proud of her you are. Just maybe she’ll open up and feel more secure within herself. My Grandson was diagnosed on the Spectrum at age 7 and what used to be a free spirited boy became a clingy introverted boy. Good luck :pray:t3:

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Could she maybe having issues at school? Bullying maybe? It sounds like your safe place, the one person that makes her feel safe and loved, the person she can go to where she knows she’ll be loved and protected. My son got like this around 7-8 and I finally got him to talk to me about how there was a kid at school that had been picking on him

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My son suffered a similar process at just 7 years old, at the time of my second daughter’s birth, then he returned to normal. If you have doubts, take him to the specialist to see what is happening and how it can be improved.

Does she have younger siblings or around younger children? It can also be, ( I also have a 7 yr old son) that they are noticing that they are not needing you as much but still want that need/want connection they had and are not quite ready to be fully independent but want to be independent so it’s also a very confusing time for them, and that’s where the need and want might be coming from.

It’s normal for older children to realize they are growing up and growing apart from their parents. Some children embrace this while others fear it and begin wanting to have the same nurturing relationship as before. This can trigger regression like behavior. Basically, it’s just her wanting to be your baby girl as long as she can because a part of her knows it’s not going be very long before she’s an adult and can no longer get that extra time and attention from her parents anymore.
Just give her the time and attention she wants. She will be happier now and eventually outgrow it and you won’t regret not giving it to her when she’s older

You specified over the last ten months. What has changed in her life to change her?

I’m assuming you only have one child :joy:

Coming from unfortunate experience, I would talk to her and ask her if anyone is doing anything to her or making her feel weird or yucky? Children regress for many different reasons but reading your post sounded like what happened with us when something unthinkable happened. Sending hugs.

She realizes she gets more of your attention when she needs help….kids will get attention anyway they have too!!! They do not care if it’s good attention or bad attention. She’s old enough to put too and too together helpless gets attention. Shoot some adult women still play that garbage I’d find a way to empower her so she’s not one of “those” women.

Talk to her. As Pamela Harris is saying maybe bullying at school

I have a 7 almost 8 year old daughter and she’s been doing the same. Honestly I just give her that extra attention, most of the time. I know it’s a lot sometimes, and we feel crowded and overwhelmed. But this is how I look at it. Especially since she’s an only child. She’ll only be little and want my attention for so long. Then she won’t anymore. So I cherish those times and eat them up. But I also encourage her to do certain things like brush her own hair or put in her coat. Little things, to encourage the independence, again, but nothing to overwhelm. It’s hard being a kid and having big kid responsibilities. They get like us and say fuck this. I don’t wanna do that.