Iv been with my husband 9 years… we have 3 kiddos together. The last 5ish months iv been feeling really off with our relationship… I finally brought it to his attention and things blew up he got extremely mad. I just don’t know what to do. I feel a massive disconnect from him. Idk if it’s something to do with me… iv been dealing with trying to "find myself " Vs just being a wife and mom. I feel I never got to do things for myself before having kids getting married I love my family more than anything but idk what to do here. With the disconnect from him & being around him feels so uncomfortable anymore he’s a really Good dad and husband I just don’t understand what is going on with myself & him & I. Please give me advice
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Why would I feel disconnected from my husband?
Low libido from hormones?
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Get hormones checked
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Communication get ur hormones checked 
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How about a date night? Go out to dinner then some music, dance, just hang…enjoy each other’s company with no children.
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You probably do need to find yourself, get a hobby like painting, crochet, crafts, fishing ect then evaluate who you are. Sometimes relationships drift or change because we ourselves are different from when we started.
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Red flags to why your husband is go mad after you said it to him. Would it not be more normal to sit down talk and see how to move forward
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Please have a professional consult! You could be in depression and not even know it! If he cares and I’m sure he does he will support you in this
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I’m in the same boat girl.
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Get him to the dr. Short fuse/change in personality can be a health issue. Has he ever had a brain injury? Cogn issues can come many yrs later. He may not even realize it sometimes
If you feel like something is off, it is.
When mine started acting this way, I found out it was because he was living a double life…. Never would have known but my gut and intuition were SCREAMING at me and that is what was causing the “disconnected” feeling from him. Like my subconscious was trying to protect me from further damage…
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I know that feeling of disconnect and it’s super uncomfortable! Whenever I feel that with my husband, like you did, I expressed that I felt that disconnect and I told him what I needed. I needed attention, a date night, need to be romanticized… it’s not only his fault or only your fault, it’s 50/50 so see what he needs from you and tell him what you need from him. What things did you guys used to do together when you started dating? Plan a date night. Take a vacation without kids if possible, even if it’s just staying at an Airbnb for a weekend somewhere outside of your home. You can reignite the spark!! Don’t let it be the beginning of the end. Time to put some work in! 
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Have your hormones checked hun. Also, put your husband in f-n check for making you feel bad. Stand your ground because that’s not okay & he literally made the situation worse… rude
Honestly go through his phone. When this happened to me there was someone else.
Be prepared for anything praying for you and your family
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Is it possible you could just be falling out of love with him? I know nothing about any of that really lol. Like what others are saying etc but I figured I’d give a different question lol
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Slam him against the wall and take control. Find u n him the way u did 9 years ago
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The way things get to feeling that way is when the husband works and come home and everything gets handed to him, now you got things going innorder in your home but now you are exhausted, overwhelmed and extremely alone evenbif you have your children around you feel tired, and unappreciated, thats how men make you feel if you dont put a stop to it. Make time to yourself during the day, have date nights with him as much as you can during the week evennif its putting the kids tonsleep at 7pm lol and having drink with him at home and some yummy desert, go out with your friends during the week and come home relaxed, do something besides give up on him and your family. You chose him, now make things right both of you have to get on the same boat to make things work
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I may not be married but I get this feeling. You are trying to find who YOU are without just being a mom and wife. That is what is disconnecting you. YOU feel off and just want to find yourself and it’s making it to where you think subconsciously who am I without HIM? Can I do this myself and be myself and not care what anyone thinks. Sometimes you just need a youcation, maybe just a day or two without him or the kids. You know who you are as a mother and a wife but who are you as an individual?
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Not " Just a wife and mother". Grow yourself by taking babble online ( foreign language). Yoga class on TV, learn to make bread. Date time with your husband. You have to find ways to fill you back up. Before you get out of bed count five blessings you have . God bless you
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“You finally brought it to his attention- and THEN he got extremely mad”
Seems if he too, wasn’t feeling the same disconnect, and only reacted with anger, instead of compassion, or understanding- my gut feeling says his anger defence, is hiding something?
Or- communication was lost a long time ago, and you’re both just doing what you THINK you should both do, and the love, understanding and compassion fades, you go into survival mode-for the kids mostly-
Maybe get into counseling asap- and the love will blossom again- or you’ll both have new directions in life…
It’s the uncertainty that confuses people
Hopefully you find the connection that was lost from years of trying to be the best parents 
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I noticed when I am depressed or sad for a while I disconnect from my husband. What’s the old say “you can’t love others if don’t love your self” and you can’t take of others if you don’t take care of your self.
I notice when I start feeling better, my husband and I get along better and I am more attracted to him. We have been married 8.5 years now, together for 11.5
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Ask him if he is happy being in the relationship if not then go from there
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He might have gotten mad because he might feel the same way and mad/sad you feel the same way and things are going to change.
or that he failed you and is more mad at himself.
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Been there. After 39 years I can tell you it was worth the struggle. I remembered my Non telling me to picture who I could see myself with in my old age. How I wanted my family to be when I was older. It’s definitely time for you and your husband to start dating again and go back to what brought you together. Things get to comfortable as time goes by. Just like everything in life, a relationship takes work. Don’t give up. It can be magical again
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Do the two of you do date days/nights? Do you go on vacations and getaways? If not, you’ve probably fallen into a rut. Or could you possibly be mad at him? All these things can make you feel like you don’t love him anymore. But before you do something drastic, like leaving him, ask yourself if you can picture your life without him and how you would feel if you saw him with someone else. You probably just need to reconnect.
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It couldn’t hurt to talk through how you’re feeling with a professional… Did he blow up because he’s happy in the marriage and doesn’t understand? Sometimes we need some mental health time because the issues are internal.
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The fact that you said he got so mad when you brought this up to him is a little telling. You probably feel disconnected bc you can’t talk to him about a lot of things without him getting angry. If he got mad and blew up about something like that I can’t help but think he has a short fuse and probably responds with anger about a lot of other things. You also might feel this way bc you are discovering things about yourself more everyday and realizing that they don’t align with him anymore. I hate to say this but maybe you have outgrown your marriage. People are probably going to come with pitchforks at me for saying that but whatever. Some times people do just simply outgrow their marriage and realize that who they are now is no longer compatible with the person they are with and that is totally ok and doesn’t make you the bad guy. I will say that before you go running straight for the divorce papers to try and see if yall can reconnect and save the marriage. Whether that be counseling, a romantic vacation, whatever it is if he will cooperate and agree to do it for the sake of saving yalls marriage give it a try. I understand marriages don’t workout sometimes but I do believe that there should be some effort into trying to make it work before just calling it quits.
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Start making a date night once a week. Go away from all and everything you know. Talk only about each other…dreams wants what’s worry ing you and what you want your future together. People get caught up in family kids work but at the end of life there is only the 2 of you. Take time now so that’s what happens.
I honestly think this is normal. You’re in such a routine it just gets old after a while. Try and do a date night or a weekend without the kids !
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Ok he’s dealing with something. My husband was the same way. Turned out it was stress and health. He was dealing with it mentally why he always got angry or easily frustrated and disconnected. Medically he was worried. Ended up being type 2 diabetic. We slowly moved into our own spaces mentally for a while. I searched for healing and I wrapped myself around the kids and make the efforts to reconnect my family. I would ask him to do things as a family. I would make the effort to rekindle the love. I would make sacrifices to make it all about my husband and kids. Where my own feelings would sometimes be invalid. But over all my feelings were just as important. He wasn’t up to seeing a therapist. So that was out if the question. I started asking him how he is. How he’s feeling. And connect from there. I would engage conversations, I would ask my husband what’s wrong hoping for a response. It took years to get the flow of communication but it’s helped immensely. Communication is key.
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Listen sis, you will get through this! Realationships have many seasons, some are wonderful and some are not great, but when we marry it’s forever so you have to come up with ways to make it better.
Sounds like you are needing a girls trip or at the very least a spa day. Maybe even a change of hair color to add some spice to your life.
Take your husband on a date. Something that he will enjoy like go cart racing or top golf for example. To see him in his element should be to love him like you used to. Ask him random questions about his past before you and tell him more about yours like your most embarrassing moment while in elementary school… Reconnect. Maybe find a good home church if you don’t have one. I wish you all the best!!
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Sometimes we all have rough times. We always set at a table and talk about it. If that doesn’t work get counseling 
Blimey why is everyone blaming the husband .love try to find a hobby maybe where u get to go out one night a week with friends or even go rnd friends house don’t give up on hubby just yet .you say he’s a good man I should think he’s really hurt you saying how you feel .I think us woman go through this at some stage .good luck love wish u all the best either way what you decide to do xx
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It’s not him. It’s you. You don’t have to do this stuff that you “think” you need to do. “Finding” yourself…you have…it’s being a mom and a wife.
I personally don’t want to go anywhere else but home with my family to be the best mom and fiance and one day the amazing wife. You choose your path to be with him.
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Therapy. Seek some professional assistance with this. Seems like there’s probably some underlying issues here. The last thing you want to do is ruin your whole marriage and family life while you figure this out. Include your husband so he’s well aware of what’s going on.
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You need to give the doctor a visit and get your hormones checked out love.
Consider how you would feel if he had a long term illness and you had to stay home day and night to give him total care and just get the Carers allowance of a couple of hundred euro every week.and couldn’t go out to work or meet other people There is nothing bad that couldn’t be a lot worse
It’s important to know who you are as a woman apart from being a mom, wife, worker in your field. Ask him to do this with you. It may threaten him.
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Therapy is wonderful
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Talk to a professional about your feelings!
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Love comes in cycles. My husband and I were best friends first. I sometimes, am so glad when he goes to work, but get very anxious if he isn’t home on time. Having the friendship is what gets you through those cycles. It gets alot better after the kids grow up, believe me
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After years of marriage, if you aren’t actively connecting, you will become disconnected. You need alone time; you need to build your relationship daily. In finding yourself, you may have realized you were just going through the motions. It doesn’t mean you love him less; you just realize you need more from the relationship than you’re getting, and that needs to be communicated. How did you approach the subject? Did you just flat out tell him you’re disconnected? Did you offer solutions? My husband approached me yesterday with things but not in an accusing way, more of a "hey this is what I’m feeling, how are you feeling about this, what can we do to fix it etc " That’s what you need to do. If you just tell him you’re disconnected without a solution or reason, he may feel as if you are simply done with the relationship, which could cause an angry reaction. Although he should consider your feelings as well and help you come to a solution or plan of action, his anger could be based on how you confronted the issue.
Start by figuring out why you’re disconnected, is it lack of time together, unresolved issues, or something else. Go from there.
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Therapy. You need to check with a therapist. You’re obviously going through a stage in your relationship where things seem off to you. If he’s a good husband and father, then I would say that the problem is one inside you. Maybe you married young. Maybe you need to go back to school. Maybe you should join a church and get involved in their activities. It could be boredom and church involvement could be the answer.
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Ok being a mom and wife isn’t your whole identity and the people on here making you feel bad for not believing that need a reality check. They do take up
Most of your time when they are little but that doesn’t mean you stop being a person in your own right. Talk it out with your husband let him know you are going through some things spice your relationship up if you need to but losing yourself in the day to day happens a lot to so many women talk to a counselor find something you’re passing about it’s ok to not be ok sometimes. You just can’t live there. There’s help and a lot of information out there be strong. Your just entering a new stage in life and transition can be hard
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Relationships take work to stay connected. Take date nights, weekends away, or even a few minutes a day to just be with each other. Text each other thru the day. Physical touch… Whether its holding hands, back rubs or cuddles. Are all good ways to reconnect and stay connected.
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It sounds like he needs to treat you as a woman. As more than just a wife and mother. Date night. Working to reconnect as a couple. Talking more. Getting dolled up for each other again. Making time for you to do these things.
ReGain through Better Health has been great for couples counseling for us. It’ll help to communicate with s third party validating you both, but clearing the way for even better communication.
It’s normal depending on your kids ages m schedules take some me time do old hobbies breath n do date nights with hubby reconnect
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I’m kinda feeling same here we are fine .but thinking it’s me being age I am and menopause or not spending time together he works 3rd shift and I work 1st only see each other all day Saturday and sundays
If you guy’s can’t talk right now bc he does not want to understand then sit down & write him a letter .Then go from there. Everything this world is going thru right now and everyone handles stress different. Good luck hun. Maybe you guys need alone time away from it all.
Sound like burnout, you really need time for just you, i’am no expert, don’t know how you Gon do it.
Him getting mad is 
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Individual therapy and couple therapy, help get you both on track. His reactions are probably based in fear. Assure him you love him and want to be with him forever, you just need some help getting the train back on solid tracks!
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Do he loves bf for you
Make date nights or doing things together. Even small things help
Get evaluated for depression
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I’ve been married 26 years. As we developed ourselves, sometimes there was conflict. Growth is good. Keep in mind fighting and being annoyed by each is normal. As long as in the end you can compromise and respect each other, the hard times will pass.
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A few things here (I’m numbering to keep my thoughts in order).
- First I’m going to say that I 100% understand this feeling. Nothing I say here is meant to be any type of shaming. Just a different perspective.
- I would definitely suggest some self reflection. It’s time to ask yourself some hard questions and really consider the answers. For me…sometimes…I’ve found this feeling is actually more related to the “duty” side of being a wife/mom and not enough of the enjoyment aspects.
Too much cooking/cleaning/managing…not enough quality time together as a couple or as a family and I get a bit resentful and feel a little lost in my role as mom/wife. This also causes a feeling of disconnect with my husband and even my kids.
The solution is to do enjoyable things together. If he’s into gaming…play a game with him (even if he has to teach you). Ask him to keep you company while you cook. If you’ve got something you enjoy doing invite him to try it too. - It’s ok to feel like you need to find yourself outside of just being a wife and mom, but it takes balance Are you just a wife? Of course Not.
But you are a wife.
You have to find yourself while still being a wife and mom and being present in those roles.
I can’t “turn off” being a mom or a wife to be something else. I have to find a way to be myself, wife, and mom all at the same time. - These types of conversations are hard for everyone. Especially if you approach them in an accusatory type of way. I try to stear clear of statements like “you make me…” Or “you don’t do…and it makes me…”
These phrasings tend to provoke defensiveness. They do for my husband.
They do for me.
They do for my kids.
And instead go for “hey…I’ve been missing you and feeling a little lonely lately …can we do xyz…and get some quality time together”
It opens the conversation up in a much gentler manner. It’s not accusatory to provoke feelings of defensiveness.
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When I felt like this my other half at the time was cheating 
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You sound like the start of a mid life crisis tbh. Maybe get into therapy and find the root of the problem. But like someone said above my husband is my bestist friend. Though we may be busy AF, got 2 girls and all that entails of a teen & 7yr old, remodeling the house…I still love him to the moon & back. We talk every night and cuddle even if it’s just an hour, get in as much sex as possible and communicate.
It’s a day to day thing with me. I because of previous relationships do not know how to accept love, in all forms. He cooks for me, likes physical touch. So when I feel disconnected a back rub can be annoying lol. At the end of the day I know I will shake that feeling and he is my person. So start having those uncomfortable talks with him about these feelings so you don’t feel like they need to be disregarded from now on to not start a fight. We had to use a therapist to help us learn how to communicate at one point.
Kids on top of that, is hard. You two need a weekend away, no kids. Just to reconnect. Remember why you got married and added to your crew. Show them the marriage you hope they will expect for themselves. Prayers and positive vibes your way 
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You guys probably forgot to be a couple racist your focus is on the kids . You guys should spend time together, go on dates , maybe a weekend away just the both of you.
About finding your self , if your kids are school age try to do some stuff when you are alone , go to the gym , to the mall with a friend, study something you like , get a new hair color and style etc
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Have a girls nite one day a wk and one nite a wk date nite to reconnect to him
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Do you ever think that maybe while you are “finding yourself” your husband feels that you are distancing yourself from him? Maybe that’s why he’s mad, cuz you did it without realizing and now you want HIM to fix what you did? It’s one thing to work on yourself, but it’s entirely another to neglect your marriage while doing that. Just talk to him.
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First get into therapy to help yourself find you and figure out if this is what you truly want. Idk what you mean by blew up and he was mad, without enough info we can’t really know what that’s about.
He needs to take care of yourself start doing for yourself
I meant to say you need to start taking care of yourself start doing other things that’s going to make you happier
When couples are together for awhile you become comfortable and just tend to be relaxed in the process. Yous need to start over, go on date nights, make time for each other with no kids, find that spark again. If worse comes to worse yous can always separate to find each other again if it’s there.
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Sounds like hes cheating
Couples therapy/family counseling for a start
its not a bad thing…it means you are starting to be your own person…dont be afraid of it…it doesnt mean youve fallen out of love though. Just go have coffee shop meals/coffee with girl friends you want to spend time with and join a group…if anything happens to your hubby you wont feel so out on a limb. Go on journey’s with a friend…get into gardening,hobbies and maybe do some charity work…start feeling strong about the changes in you…at least you have more to talk about with hubby when you get together …marriage can become lacking newness due to routines…if he keeps getting angry over an in-depth conversation you ask him where’s this anger coming from?..if he continues the attitude then maybe you need to decide what you’d like to do about it.
He should be listening to what you say and support you as you find who you are. It’s completely normal to feel this way after giving so much as a wife and mom. We tend to just forget about ourselves.
Are you going thru menopause??? That happened to me when I started menopause. Luckily I got thru it.