I want to marry my SO. We do not live together due to our personal wishes, but he is over every weekend and on big breaks/holidays. We have talked about every major life decision you can think of. We have created a budget and long term goals together. Future plans arent made without consulting each other. Marriage has been talked about extensively but when i express wanting to move forward sooner rather than later, he says “theres no rush. We have forever.” I dont understand this mindset if you already know you want to spend your life with your partner. How would you feel in this situation?
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You might want to try living together for a couples of years before getting married.
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Maybe because y’all seem to not be ready to live together he doesn’t see it a good thing to go ahead and rush into a marriage. Depending on his reasoning as to why he doesn’t want to live together he could be living a double life which is causing him to not want to get married but stay engaged. Could it be possible he can’t afford to provide for you? I personally would feel like there’s someone else or he’s having second thoughts on the engagement if it happened to me, especially if y’all already talked about the serious things. That’s just me tho lol
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I’ve been engaged for 10 years, and we have no plans to get married any time soon. We did plan in the beginning but children came first and I seriously don’t want a wedding anymore. I want to legally be husband and wife eventually but without the stress and expense of a wedding.
You say there are personal reasons you don’t live together… if you get married would you move in together? Could those personal reasons be a factor in prolonging the wedding? Are both of you ready to live together long term?
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I wouldn’t think about marriage until you’re living together. I know you guys are together alot but it’s true when they say you don’t really know someone until you live together. It is a big difference. You don’t have your own space to go back to, your spaces become combined into 1 and everything in your life does too. A lot like marriage.
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Men typically want to make sure they can financially provide for their wife and future family. If he feels like he cannot provide you with the life he thinks you deserve then he may be hesitant to move forward.
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Why wouldn’t yous want to live together
I kinda get both sides.
On one hand I’m like why wait
But on the other hand why rush? If you love each other and are committed you don’t need a ring and some paperwork to prove that
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How old are you. Honestly he is right. What is the rush.
Some people don’t feel a piece of paper from the government matters much in a relationship.
He also maybe could have underlying trauma that has deterred him from desiring marriage.
Or he’s just unfortunately not all that into it yet?
He doesn’t want to marry you
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Dump him! Extricate yourself. The question is why are you waiting?
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He’s stringing you along.Give a dead line.Doesn’t happen,move on
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You sound desperate…cow, milk, free…
If you are having sex with him already, then why marry you.
You definitely should live together first.
I understand personal beliefs and such but let me just say you NEED to live with him for a while. Living with someone will show you a whole new side of them. Things are always easier when you get a break from each other. But when you’re together 24/7 how will you all interact then? It’s a whole new world, I promise.
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Maybe he feels comfortable, and he likes his space.
Maybe he waves to wait until he has money or he’s nervous cuz yall already have issues
Don’t know to you ask. But i wouldn’t wait around forever
Does he think you expect to live together once married? Are these things you have discussed. If you do get married will you continue living the same way or expect to live together? Maybe that’s what he’s not rushing
You need to live together before you’re married! Imagine getting married and then finding out he’s TERRIBLY messy, or gross or you’re driving each other crazy all the time.
Weekend visits aren’t enough.
Tell him you need to move forwards because it’s upsetting for you, and you need him to commit to forever. But seriously. Live together for at least a year before getting engaged
I agree. You have forever.
And your not even living together. I think marriage talk should be when yall at least live together for a few months
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Live together and u will realize u don’t want to marry him. He’s stalling bc he’s living his own life like he’s single. If he wanted to he would. There wouldn’t have to be any pressure.
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First and foremost, every relationship is different and every person/couple has their own believes and ways of doing things.
For me, personally, I wouldn’t marry someone without living with them first because I feel like you can’t really know someone without living with them and seeing how they are and who they are until you have done so through the ins and outs of daily life. That’s what let’s you see the good, the bad and everything in between.
But honestly, none of us can answer this question for you. We can give you a million different possibilities, but only your partner can give you their reason.
In this situation though, I would feel like my partner is feeding be bullshit… a whole lot of talk and no action to back it up… but that would also depend on how long you two have been together - which you didn’t state.
My husband and I had all the deep conversations about common interests, goals and the future very early in our relationship because we were both in our 30s, previously divorced and over the games that come with dating these days.
So if you two are in your 20s and have been dating for 6 months, relax.
If you two are in your 40s and have been dating for 10 years, he’s stringing it along.
I personally think you should try living together first. While it’s great that you have talked about these things, it really doesn’t mean much without action behind them. Things change when you live together. Something easier and some harder. It’s important to know how you would handle certain situations together (under the same roof) before you get married. This is just my opinion and what has worked for me. My husband and I have been together 8 years and have 3 kids.
My 1st question is how old are you guys?
He should just ask him what’s holding him back. Maybe he doesn’t feel like you guys know each other well enough. Maybe he wants to live together first (a good idea). Maybe he just isn’t ready for a big commitment like that. The cost of a wedding could be a factor. He could have some kind of secret (bad credit, criminao charges) and isnt ready to tell you. Or, he may have someone else and doesn’t plan to marry you at all.
Do you ever go to his place? Does he stay overnight on the weekends or just visits? Maybe he already has a family somewhere else.
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I don’t think I fully understood this until I got married. Even though times are different now a days, it’s a huge commitment and responsibility to take a wife, as it is to take a husband. If you’re truly marrying for the right reasons. Men want to be able to provide. That’s means providing physically, financially and emotionally. It’s a big and important role. It’s scary to take on. I always knew marriage was a huge deal and a huge commitment because I believe I vow to that person before God, FOREVER, no matter what. That’s heavy. Sometimes the other person will act a lil crazy, sometimes the other person may be stressed etc. y’all may not always feel “in love” but you’ll always love that person, treat them accordingly.
There are so many reasons, age, how long yall have been together, how soon yall got engaged, how long have you been engaged, career, finances etc. This is literally only a question HE can answer. So ask him. If yall can’t have this convo about why you want to move forward and he doesn’t, it’s a good thing yall aren’t already married. Don’t be scared to dig dipper and get a real answer. Because, forever doesn’t exist!
More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Why fix something that’s not broken?
I think there needs to be more information. The next step is moving in together. Is the reason y’all don’t move in together a religious one? If y’all are waiting for marriage to be intimate you can do so and still live together. I personally would never marry someone without living with them first. What if he is horrible to live with? How old are you? I got married young and have been with my husband almost 14 years so I will not be the one to say young marriages don’t last but what if he has some hidden nasty habits? I’d also dig deeper and find out why he isn’t ready. How long have y’all been together. If your end goal is marriage I’d want to make a plan because you need to make sure your goals are on the same timeline
I was with my ex 6 years, we had a child together and he still wasn’t ready for forever. Met my husband and knew within 5 weeks he was my person and we got married. Some guys want forever without “committing” to marriage.
Lots of missing context. How old are you both, how long have you known each other, outside of spending weekends how involved are you in each other’s lives?
I want to say men talk what ever you want to hear lol but based solely on what you’ve shared how can anyone answer this definitively?
I see a lot of people telling you to live with him first. If that’s not your core belief don’t do it. Studies suggest that those who don’t live together first actually have longer marriages. If he can’t move on, maybe you should.
He isn’t in a rush bc he may not actually want to get married. If he isn’t giving a time frame or anything, he may not want to get married.
Sit him down and ask for a real reason. Is he scared? Is he saving? Is he afraid of divorce? What else is going through his head.
When a man knows, he plans and makes moves for marriage. My son is 22. His gf is 20. They just got an apartment and has made it very clear he plans to marry her. He’s never talked like that about anyone else.
So, sit him down and get to the bottom of it. If he can’t be honest, you may need to rethink the relationship.
You don’t live together so what’s the point in married life to live separately?
Girl, because he doesn’t want to. If he wanted to he would. There is never a perfect time to “plan a wedding”. Life throws challenges at you all the time… there is never a “perfect” time. If he keeps waiting until he’s ready, he’s never going to be ready. Time to start putting a deadline on things… life is too short to wait around. You deserve to find someone who is sure about you.
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I hate when people say we have forever errr no you don’t!!! You don’t know what’s around the corner anything could happen, time is unknown to how much one person has in their life that’s for certain
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He doesn’t want to marry you. If he did he would have already asked you.
Oh sure Action speak louder than words.
I have 3 children and have been with the man who fathers those 3 children for THIRTEEN years, and we arent married and I dont plan to marry him ever in my life. Hes asked. Nope. Thanks. Im good.
He’s probably married to someone else 
The phrase of the man wants too he would! Why would men want to marry when a women offers everything as if they where tied! His already settled likes it this way. when you find your soul mate you wouldn’t be questioning anything bet if you broke this off or put space between you c then how he acts and pursues!
If he wanted to, he would.
Plain and simple.
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